Jeff sniffed, not believing his ears. “Part time works for you?"
"Sure, until I can convince you to choose me."
He chuckled. “Maybe I should flip a coin or something. Heads or tails."
Kurt pressed his burgeoning cock into Jeff's thigh. “Someday you'll have to choose—my head versus her piece of tail. But not today. Today, just let me love you.” He ran his hands over Jeff's chest.
"It's almost four,” Jeff protested.
"Which gives me an hour. Lay there, and let me make love to you. I can show you selfless, unconditional love."
"You think so?” He smiled, delighted at the prospect.
"I know so.” Kurt nodded slowly, a smooth smile crossing his face. “Lay back, lover. This time is all about you."
"Mmm,” he groaned, and did as instructed.
* * * *
It was an unconventional situation, and one Jeff knew couldn't last. One or two nights a week when Lana worked late, he went to Kurt's apartment for the most mind-blowing sex he'd ever experienced. The man knew a thousand ways to aid the coupling of two males, and Jeff delighted in learning them all. Sundays, when Lana worked all day, he spent the whole day with Kurt. They had time to do more than fuck—they cooked together, or watched a game on TV. It was casual, sensual, and some of the best times Jeff ever had.
His time with Lana improved by his happier disposition. She stayed busy enough that she was usually tired when she got home. Quick sex, a couple times a week, had her feeling like they were back on track. She didn't seem to notice if Jeff came or not. As long as he pleased her, she was satisfied. Sometimes he'd think about Kurt while making love with Lana, and just because he knew she hated it, he'd pull out and climax all over her stomach. It was the little bits of happiness that got him through their time together.
Occasionally she let him screw her ass in the shower, and he made a point of being forceful and rough as he did it. Later, he blamed it on the throes of passion, and she forgave him. Those nights, he fell asleep a happy man.
He knew it couldn't last, but he refused to face that fact until he was forced to. Something would happen to shift the tides, and he'd be required to choose. Deep down, Jeff knew what the choice would be. He'd worked too hard for Birdwell Development to throw it all away. He and Lana would be married, and spend weekends teaching their children to play croquet.
Kurt—well, Kurt was a survivor. He'd find a man worthy of his loyalty and all the other delightful traits he had to offer, and they'd be happy together. That man just wasn't him, and Kurt would eventually face that fact. Jeff wasn't gay.
* * * *
A month later, Jeff was in the hallway by his office, filing some reports. He had one eye on the break room door. Kurt made a habit of stopping in the office after work, ostensibly getting a drink of water from the break room. When Jeff sought him out and gave a small nod from across the room, they knew a rendezvous was possible that night. It was a system that worked well for both of them, and Jeff was comfortable in their routine.
He spotted Kurt come in and his heart fluttered. The man looked sexier than should be legal after working outside all day. Jeff was thrilled that Lana had to work late. He was anxious to get to the apartment and have his way with his gorgeous hunk of man-meat.
"That guy is totally hot,” Cindy told him wistfully. “Too bad, I heard he's gay."
"No kidding?” Jeff replied nervously, looking at her quickly. “I never heard that."
"He doesn't hide it. I guess everyone knows."
"Really?” Jeff felt suddenly uncomfortable. He wanted to file the last of the reports he held and shut down his computer to leave.
"It's no big deal.” Cindy shrugged, handing him a notebook.
"What's no big deal?” Sara, the receptionist, joined them.
"I told Jeff that hunky construction guy—Kurt—is gay."
"Oh, yeah.” Sara nodded. “Too bad. He's hot."
Jeff chuckled. “You two are horrible. Isn't it the construction workers who're supposed to be ogling the women? Here you are, ogling the construction worker."
"You can say that, because you're engaged,” Sara replied. “We're still looking."
"You should still be looking, too,” Cindy said under her breath, and both women laughed.
"Watch it, or you won't be invited to our engagement party on Friday.” Jeff smiled. He knew how they felt about Lana. She was still as rude to them as ever, and he suspected that would never change.
"Tough luck, buddy, we're already invited. Mr. Birdwell invited everyone in the office—” Cindy said.
Sara added, “Plus a couple hundred more people. I know, I sent out the invitations. It's going to be a real shindig. Country Club and everything."
"Two hundred more?” He winced. He knew the Birdwells were going all out, but that was crazy. It was an engagement party, for crissakes. He couldn't imagine what the guest list for the wedding might look like.
"Get used to it,” Sara commented. “The Birdwells do everything in a big way. That's what you have to look forward to."
"I know.” He sighed with resignation. Kurt stepped back in the office after getting his drink and glanced Jeff's way. Jeff nodded ever-so-slightly, and the other man offered the tiniest hint of a smile before walking out.
"Too damn bad,” Cindy muttered, watching the sculpted, blue-jeaned ass walk away. “Hate to see him go, but love to watch him leave."
Jeff laughed and shoved the notebook back at her. “You said he's gay, remember? Move along."
"A girl can dream, can't she?” She gave a wicked grin and added, “When you first started, we thought you might be gay."
"What?” Jeff almost hollered. “Why the devil would you think that?"
Sara smiled. “You're so neat and clean. Your hair is always just so. You've got to admit, you have that metro-sexual thing going for you."
"I like to be neat, that makes me gay?” he protested.
"Nah, we learned differently when you started dating Lana. No gay man would subject himself to that torture."
The roar of Kurt's motorcycle zooming past the window caught their attention. Cindy looked at the window and added wistfully, “Especially when there are better things out there."
"No kidding.” Sara glanced at the window, then back at Jeff. “Being gay is no big deal, you know. Tons of people are."
"I know.” Jeff filed the last report and closed the cabinet. “It's no big deal."
"Did I ever tell you my sister's friend Lenny is gay?” Cindy said to Sara, and Jeff took that moment to escape. He slipped into his cubicle, shut down his computer, and straightened his desk. He had some place to go, and had heard enough talk about being gay. Personally, he didn't know any gay people. That was his story, and he was sticking to it.
* * * *
Kurt greeted him with open arms, and they fell into bed doing very little talking for the first hour together. When they were both sated and exhausted, they lay sprawled on the bed, limbs intertwined, speaking quietly.
"I can't believe you're having an engagement party. Am I invited to the festivities?” Kurt teased. Jeff knew he was only half joking. It was becoming a sore subject.
"Please don't come. I couldn't stand seeing you there. I'd want to drag you into the bushes for a quickie."
"Oh! But then people might discover you're—how shall I put this? I know how much you hate the ‘G’ word. Let's just say, not straight."
"Don't.” Jeff pulled one of Kurt's hands to his mouth and kissed the knuckles. “I don't want to get into this tonight."
"You never want to get into it.” Kurt rolled on his side to face him. “Tell me why you're so scared of being labeled ‘gay'."
"I'm not scared,” he scoffed, but Kurt squeezed his face with one hand.
"Tell me. There's nothing that's going to shock or surprise me. Just let it out."
Jeff didn't speak.
"Was it something about that college relationship? You said it didn't feel quite right."
; "No, that wasn't it. But it's true—the guy I was with in college, well, that whole thing never felt right."
"Did you ever stop to think that perhaps it was the man who wasn't right for you, not the being gay part?"
Jeff sighed, staring at the ceiling. “I don't know. I guess not. This other thing happened in high school. I've really never talked about it."
"I'm a good listener,” was all Kurt said.
Jeff glanced at him, then back at the ceiling. “I was a senior. I'd never been interested in girls—I dated a few for appearances, I guess. Went to proms and all that. But in the last semester of my senior year, a new kid moved in. Jeremy Buddig.” He took a shuddering breath.
"What happened with Jeremy?” Kurt prodded softly.
"I felt something instantly, but it was hard knowing what to do, you know?"
Kurt nodded, and Jeff realized he did know. He was one of the few people who would understand. “He was a junior, but we had a couple of the same classes. I offered to help him with homework, so we started spending lots of time together. One night we were studying and he touched my hand. I remember looking at him, surprised, you know. We were just inches apart. I don't know who kissed who, but we kissed. Pretty soon we were jacking each other off. It was scary ... incredible ... thrilling. I don't know how else to explain it."
"I understand."
"You do, don't you?” He looked into his eyes, and Kurt smiled.
"What happened?"
"We made out like that for a few weeks, and finally made plans to go all the way. His folks were going to be gone one Saturday night, and we got condoms, lube, the works. We were just getting to the good part.” Jeff chuckled bitterly. “I had my cock halfway in his ass, when his old man walks in. He starts yelling, Jeremy starts crying and screaming that I raped him."
"You have got to be fucking kidding me,” Kurt said with disbelief.
He shook his head sadly. “Nope. His old man really let me have it. Jeremy was on the football team, so no way he was queer. He was going to be the team's star player that next fall. I was some sick, perverted fuck, preying on his kid. He called my old man and sent me packing, with a warning if I ever came near his kid again, he'd kill me."
"Oh, my God. What did your father do?"
"Before or after he beat the shit out of me? Before, he yelled at me for about an hour. After, he grounded me until graduation. Wanted to make sure I didn't have the chance to meet up with any other fags and perform perverted acts against nature."
Kurt groaned and pulled Jeff into his arms. “Oh, my God.” He repeated. “No wonder you're fighting it so bad. Your father was a homophobic asshole."
"Maybe just a little,” Jeff agreed.
"So, what happened?"
"Nothing. I kept my head down, finished school, and applied to college two hundred miles away. They were happy to see me go. When I graduated, they sent a check. I talk to my mom regularly, but not to him very often. He's sick now, so it's hard to stay mad at him. But I don't see them much."
"What did your mom think about it?"
"She was a good wife. She let her husband make all the decisions. Deep down, I don't think she cared one way or the other, but she always stood by him."
Kurt cradled him gently, kissing the top of his head. “I'm so sorry. I can't imagine a family like that."
Jeff smiled up at him. “How about you? What's your family think about your—lifestyle?"
"About the fact that I'm gay, Jeff? That's what I am—gay."
"Stop it.” Jeff closed his eyes.
Kurt nuzzled him again. “They put a ‘Hot Fireman of San Antonio’ calendar in my Christmas stocking last year. They're cool with it."
"You're fucking kidding me."
"Nope!” He grinned. “I have a married sister and brother, and they each have a pack of kids. They all think I'm a cool uncle. It's fun spending time with them, that's the one thing I miss about Texas.” His doorbell sounded. “Who the hell is that? Maybe I won't answer it. I'm not finished with you yet.” He kissed Jeff's neck, and the bell sounded twice more.
"Sounds like an impatient Girl Scout selling cookies."
Kurt stood and grabbed a towel, tossing it around his waist. “If it is, I'll make her sorry she rang my bell."
"Put some clothes on!” Jeff called after him, laughing.
"No way! I'm coming right back to bed. I told you, I'm not finished with you yet."
Jeff lay back, smiling. It felt good to have someone to talk to. Really talk, about serious things. He and Lana hadn't discussed anything but wedding plans for a month.
"Where is he?” A female screech came from the living room.
Jeff gasped. “What the fuck?” He sat up quickly.
"I know he's here. I saw his car!” Lana stomped into the bedroom and came face to face with him, reaching for his pants. “You god-damned son-of-a-bitch!” She swung her purse and whacked him in the side of the head.
Chapter Five
"Lana, I can explain!” Jeff fended off her crazed attack.
"Explain what? Two naked men in an apartment? Am I supposed to believe you were playing poker?"
"Maybe strip poker,” Kurt said, stepping up behind her.
She whirled to face him, her finger shaking angrily in his face. “Don't you dare speak to me! You're the cause of all this. I want you out of here! You can either quit, or I'll see that you're fired. Either way, I want you gone by Friday."
"You didn't hire me,” Kurt replied coolly.
"But I can damn sure see that you're fired! So you can go quietly, or I can spread the word that you got caught fucking the wrong man, and make your life hell. Your choice."
"Seems like that might make your life hell, Mizz Birdwell. See, I've never hidden the fact that I'm gay. You're the one who can't seem to satisfy her man."
"Kurt!” Jeff interjected, his stomach a bundle of nerves. This was not going to end well. It couldn't.
"It's the truth!” The other man told him. With a flick of his wrist, he dropped the towel which covered his groin and he was naked before them. “See, Mizz Birdwell, this is what Jeff wants. A cock, and a man who knows how to use it."
"Not much of a cock!” she spouted back angrily. “Christ, I can barely see it!” She turned to face Jeff. “I can buy a strap-on bigger than that and fuck you with it, if that's what you want. But you are not leaving me for this pathetic, hammer-wielding faggot. I've got too much invested in you, Jeffrey Roberts. Now put your god-damned clothes on. You're coming home with me."
She spun back around to Kurt. “And you, you sick, fucking cock-sucker, stay out of our way. Don't give notice, just get the hell out of town. I never want to see you again."
"We don't take orders from you, you frigid bitch.” Kurt replied, but Jeff began dressing quickly. “Jeff, stop. You don't have to do what she says. You're in control of your own life. Be a man."
"He is a man. He's my man. I promise you, if you don't do as I say, my father will see that you never work in this town again. Maybe the state. Maybe the tri-state area, you freak."
"Lana, stop.” Jeff slid into his loafers. “I'm going with you. Just leave him alone."
Kurt stepped in front of him. “Jeff, no. Don't do this."
Jeff's heart sank. He knew this day would come. He'd never imagined it like this, but somehow he knew it would end messily. “I'm sorry,” he said softly. “I've got to go."
"No, you've got to pull your balls out of her hand and stand up for yourself. Think about what you want for a change, not what she wants, not what is expected of you."
He shrugged. “It's all decided. Everything's arranged."
"No, it's not! You have a choice, Jeff. The coin is in your hands. Flip it. Heads or tails."
Lana grabbed Jeff's arm and shoved him toward the front door. He glanced back at Kurt helplessly. “I'm sorry."
"Heads or tails, Jeff!” Kurt yelled at him, tears streaming down his face.
The door closed between them.
*
* * *
Memories of high school flooded back to him as Lana berated him half the night. She was right; he could have messed up their lives by his foolish behavior. He'd been thinking only of himself. By the next morning, it'd been drilled into his head—she was right, and he was wrong.
He went to work dejectedly. The joy had been stripped from him, and it felt like drudgery putting one foot in front of another. He barely had a moment alone. She drove him to work and drove him home again.
He heard Kurt quit his job, and wondered when he might get a chance to talk to him. He had to find a way to explain. Lana, possibly suspecting as much, made sure he wasn't alone for the rest of the week.
Friday night, they prepared for their engagement party, and he barely dredged up the energy to change clothes. She finally faced him, hands on hips, and snarled, “You'd damn well better snap out of it. You've been fucking mopey all week long, and I've had it. My parents invited over two hundred people tonight, and they want to see ‘happy'. So put a smile on your god-damned face, and fucking get happy."
"Yes, dear,” he replied meekly, wondering if he'd ever be truly happy again.
She drove them to the Country Club, where they greeted their guests and sipped cocktails before dinner. It was a warm fall evening, and the party filtered out into the courtyard.
Lana didn't allow him out of her sight, but when he found a group of his coworkers and stopped to talk to them, she sauntered over to some of her parents’ friends. Jeff grinned for the first time that night, realizing he'd finally found sanctuary. If he stayed with Cindy and Sara, Lana would keep a safe distance. She wouldn't waste her evening chatting with ‘the help'.
"That's the first smile I've seen from you all week,” Cindy nudged his arm.
"It's been a shitty week,” he agreed.
A waiter walked by with a tray of champagne-filled glasses, and Jeff grabbed one. As an afterthought, he grabbed two, and held them both.
Sara laughed. “A two-fisted drinker! This might be a fun night after all."
"Sure,” he gulped one drink. “Watch Jeff get drunk and do something stupid."
"I hear he already did.” Cindy sipped her drink, watching him over the rim.
Phaze Fantasies, Vol. III Page 17