by Nikita Singh
Anyway, so that day, as you grinned stupidly at me, I read your letter, rushing through it, but also wanting to slow down and savour every single word. Once the tears started flowing down my face, it became harder to read. Seeing that, you came closer to me. You held me from behind and read the letter with me.
And then I was crying too much and couldn’t see at all, so you had to take over and read the rest of the letter to me while you held and comforted me. Thanks for that. You da best. Jk. But no, seriously, you rock. (Get it? Because you literally rocked me back and forth like a child to make me stop crying).
Okay, sorry. Just tryna keep it light.
I’m glad you came to me with the letter that day. After reading it, I definitely wouldn’t have had the patience and self-control to sit down and respond thoughtfully. I would’ve just run to you. You probably would have sent me back and asked me to write this to you first. Seriously, why am I doing this again? It’s almost 2018. Who writes letters?
To wrap this up, I want to make some promises to you that I intend to keep. I will always, always tell you when something goes wrong. I won’t suffer in silence. I won’t shut you out. I won’t keep things from you and be passive-aggressive. I might be aggressive sometimes, but when I am aggressive, please try to remember that that is what you wanted. This is literally what you asked for and I have written proof. So, I’ll tell you exactly how it is. You can count on that.
I promise that I will never run away. I will work with you to resolve any problems that come our way. I will fight for us. I won’t give up that easy again. I will have faith in us, I will trust that nothing can be big enough to break us. We are a team. We are together in this. I will always remember that.
I will trust you completely. Like I did when I was nineteen. For this part, I’m going to be extra cheesy and share with you this poem (don’t laugh) I wrote for you:
NINETEEN
It’s a privilege
to fall in love
again
as if we were nineteen
To love
without conditions
baggage or reservations
trust issues and toxic scepticism
To be nineteen again,
a little crazy,
a lot stupid,
with an open heart
To be with someone
who makes you forget
all that’s gone wrong
all that’s broken
To love someone
with all we have
to love again
as if we were nineteen
Because we broke it once, this time we’re being extra careful. That doesn’t mean that it’s fragile. It’s not fragile. If anything, we’re stronger than ever. We can overcome a lot, but if there was one good thing that came out of this past year of misery, it is the knowledge that what we have is precious. That we have to work on it every day, because it deserves our attention. After all is said and done, the love we share is the only thing we have that matters. And I promise you that I will always love you and cherish what we have.
So there, these are my promises to you. I’m promising you love, honesty, loyalty, fight, trust, compassion, care and so so much more love. I’m promising you a lifetime. I’m promising you all of me, for always.
Hugs, kisses and a whole lot of dirty stuff,
Nidhi
PS: How cheesy was I on a scale of 1 to 10?
*
My dearest Nidhi,
Finally. Thank you for that. I am keeping this in a safe place in case you forget any of this and try to pull one over me.
From this letter (whenever you stopped making jokes for two seconds and got serious) I can tell that you are still very wisdom-ous. Your wise-ness shines through. Love the poem (seriously) and also the general cheesiness of the letter was well received.
Let’s hug, kiss and do a whole lot of dirty stuff,
Abhay
Epilogue
Nidhi’s list of promises:
I will always give you an accurate estimate of how long it’s going to take me to get dressed. However, you must note that sometimes when I decide to do my hair, I genuinely do not know how long it might take. And it’s not a lie if I’m not in on it. It’s an inaccurate estimate. Not a lie.
I will try to remember dates. Please note that I’m saying try. I can’t promise that I’ll remember all dates, all the time. I realize that it makes you unhappy that I forgot that today is exactly one year since we got back together. Yes, it’s sweet that it matters to you and you care so much. But also, you have to know that just because dates don’t hold special meaning to me, doesn’t mean events don’t either. I’ll always remember the moments we shared on that day, but maybe not always remember the exact date. For you though, I will try.
I will always play the devil’s advocate. I will question things, and challenge your ideas, because we both thrive on that.
I will not watch Orange Is the New Black without you. I’m sorry that I did that one time. But I won’t watch a new episode without you, no matter how curious I get.
I will always share my Uber status with you. You probably shouldn’t worry so much, but yeah, okay, I’ll share my Uber status with you.
I won’t run away when we get engaged again for realz this time next week.
*
Abhay’s list of promises:
I will not, on purpose, touch your knees, because I know it tickles and you don’t like it. However, you must note that accidents happen, and oftentimes situations in life aren’t a hundred per cent under my control.
When we get engaged again next week, and you don’t run away this time, I promise to let the guards at the door go … and not hire them again for our wedding.
I promise to read first drafts of everything you write and give you my honest advice. Even when you write your first book, I promise to not spare your feelings and be brutally honest about what I think of your pages.
I also promise that afterwards, I’ll take you out for ice cream and make you feel better.
I promise to always make you laugh. No matter what the situation is. (Even if it’s a funeral, doesn’t matter. You’ll be the weirdo sniggering in the corner.)
I promise to always, always love you.
Acknowledgements
I’m going to do this in the sequence of actual quantitative help I’ve received for this book from the amazing people in my life. Anish Chandy (my agent and first reader) for giving the manuscript some very necessary hate, which freaked me out, and then made this a better book. Ananth Padmanabhan (CEO, HarperCollins) for coming up with the concept for Letters and swooping in whenever needed to save the day. Laura Duarte Marston (first non-publishing person to read Letters) for your overwhelmingly positive feedback and constant love and support in life in general. Nick Sheridan (second non-publishing person to read Letters) for your unique perspective, attention to detail and OCD tendencies that match mine. Nejla Asimovic (soul sister) for intense conversations about life and purpose; I’d be lying if I said Nidhi’s character isn’t at least partially inspired by you. Sandra-Meijer-Polak (best friend) and Yannick Meijer (best friend’s husband) for long brainstorming phone calls and being my family away from home, apart from being very cool people, of course. Prerna Gill (editor, HarperCollins) for your hard work on the manuscript and unlimited patience with missed deadlines.
Mother, father, brother, extended family, friends. You know your contribution; please feel free to claim credit accordingly. Big hugs.
About the Book
‘It feels like I’m on autopilot; I have no control over anything. The pain of losing you is so crippling that I can barely hold pieces of myself together. The slightest nudge could break me. But somehow my possessed brain knows what I need. It’s telling me to stick to my choice, to stay away from you, to open a Word document and bleed on paper, try to throw up all my jumbled thoughts in the farm of words, collect all disconnected facts, try to make sense of it all.’
&nb
sp; From the bestselling author of
Like a Love Song and Every Time It Rains,
a story of heartbreak and things left unsaid ..
About the Author
Nikita Singh is the bestselling author of ten novels, including Every Time It Rains and Like a Love Song. She is also a contributing writer to The Backbenchers series and the editor of two collections of short stories, 25 Strokes of Kindness and The Turning Point.
Born in Patna and raised in Indore, Nikita worked in the book publishing industry in New Delhi for a few years before moving to New York for her MFA in Creative Writing (Fiction) at The New School.
Nikita lives in Manhattan, where she does digital content and marketing for a solar energy company. You can find her on Twitter and Instagram (@singh_nikita) or on Facebook.
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First published in India by
HarperCollins Publishers in 2018
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Copyright © Nikita Singh 2018
P-ISBN: 978-93-5277-658-0
Epub Edition © February 2018 ISBN: 978-93-5277-659-7
This is a work of fiction and all characters and incidents described in this book are the product of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Nikita Singh asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.
All rights reserved under The Copyright Act, 1957. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this ebook on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins Publishers India.
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