by E. M. Foner
“Are you sure this is part of our training?” the man asked, wiping some sweat off his face with his sleeve before accepting the box.
“It’s all for the benefit of humanity,” the next recruit in line told him, then grunted when the box was passed to her. “It’s in our oath.”
“Looking good,” Joe encouraged them. He leaned into the large cargo container that was welded to the stern of Kevin’s four-man scout and did a quick count of the remaining boxes. “The mule bots I rented from the Little Apple Merchants Association can float eight of these at a go, so they’re keeping right up with you.”
“Why were you in such a hurry to get these books unloaded?” Judith asked, setting the heavy box down at the top of the ramp and giving it a push. It slid down to the bottom, where two more recruits picked it up and loaded it into a mule bot’s suspensor field. “The benefit book fair doesn’t start until the day after tomorrow.”
“If the books are still here when Kelly gets home she’ll never let them leave,” Joe explained, then turned to the newcomer. “Hello, Jeeves. Paul is around the other side with Kevin helping to unload some of the kiddie rides we brought in for Libbyland.”
“Did your daughter return with him or is she hiding on Earth?”
“You’re the one who gave her the expense account,” Joe replied, familiar with the Stryx’s complaints about Dorothy’s use of the company programmable cred. “Can you take a look at the new equipment and let Paul know if we’ll have to break it down to move it to the Physics Ride? I know the corridors are wide enough but some of the doors aren’t.”
“Don’t worry about that,” Jeeves told him. “I can take the rides out into the core one at a time and then bring them in through one of the service shafts in the spokes.”
The Stryx floated off to find Paul and Kevin and to inquire after Dorothy. He found her watching the men utilizing the crane on Mac’s Bone’s alien-built wrecker to unload a carousel featuring dolphins as mounts. Some of the marine mammals were painted in their natural colors, such that they might have just leapt from the ocean, while others were decorated in psychedelic pinks and oranges in concentric rings and swirls.
“Hello, Dorothy. Did you have a good time shopping on—”
“Holo spam,” the girl cried and threw a wrench at her boss.
“Very funny,” Jeeves said, catching the tool in his pincer. “However, the purpose of interactive marketing holograms is to encourage economic activity, which is the last thing you need. Are you prepared to explain your purchases on Earth, or do you need more time to make up the reasons?”
“I wouldn’t abuse my company cred. Everything I bought has a business purpose, and taking a few wholesalers to lunch scored us a ton of free fabric samples.”
“Fabric samples are free by definition,” Jeeves thundered. “That’s what makes them samples.”
“Oh well, I’ll know that for next time. Hi, Mom,” the girl said, turning away to greet the ambassador. “You’re home early.”
“I heard that you were back and I thought I’d take a peek at the bookstore inventory your grandmother acquired for our sale. Where are the books?”
“We brought them, but wait,” Dorothy added, grabbing her mother’s arm. “You have to see the material I got for my dress.”
Kelly fought against the impulse to break away and start looking through the books as soon as possible. But Dorothy had been putting off her formal wedding until she could design the wedding dress to end all wedding dresses, after which her mother hoped the girl would get down to business and deliver a grandchild.
“I bought bolts of silk Mikado, mousselline, chiffon and charmeuse because I want to experiment with how they drape and move—for our new bridal line,” she added, in the direction of her boss.
“How convenient for you,” Jeeves muttered.
“Kevin! Where did you store all of my silk?”
“I’ll bring it out,” her husband called back. “Those bolts are pretty heavy.”
“And lace,” the girl continued, ignoring the Stryx’s theatrical groan. “I bought miles and miles of lace.”
Dorothy made her mother feel the texture of every fabric sample and give her opinion on each type of lace, a drawn out process during which Jeeves got bored with waiting and moved away to help Paul and Kevin unload the kiddie rides. Eventually Joe came around the side of the ship behind Kelly and gave his daughter the thumbs-up.
“But you don’t want to listen to all of this, and you’ll see the dress while I’m working on it,” Dorothy concluded suddenly. “Grandma sends her love.”
“And the books?” her mother asked.
“Oh, they’re all in the number three container around the other side.”
Kelly walked around Kevin’s ship as quickly as dignity would permit and was greeted by the sight of twenty exhausted recruits sitting on the deck while Thomas lectured them about aerobic conditioning.
“You’re home from work early for a Friday, Kel,” Joe greeted her. “You just missed getting stuck unloading a lot of heavy boxes.”
“I submitted my weekly report early,” the ambassador replied reflexively. “Where are the books my mother sent us?”
“I rented a bunch of mule bots and the trainees helped load them. The last one just left for the park deck where Donna arranged to set up the book fair. We’ve been at it for hours.”
“You already moved all of the books from two second-hand bookstores?”
“They pack really well,” Joe replied. “I guess one store was all paperbacks because the boxes were lighter. There were only around two hundred of those, and I’d estimate about fifty paperbacks in each, so ten thousand overall. Then there were another three hundred boxes of mixed paperbacks and hardcovers. Does that sound right?”
“All of them? There’s not a single box left?”
“Don’t forget that we’re all going to help with the setup tomorrow,” Joe said, starting to feel a little badly about having outfoxed his wife. “You’ll get a chance to buy whatever you want before the general public gets in. It’s for a good cause.”
Dorothy passed in front of them with her arms full of lace, walking rapidly towards the ice harvester with Jeeves floating alongside.
“You could at least pretend that you had a business plan to start a bridal line for SBJ Fashions,” the Stryx complained. “You don’t even make an effort anymore.”
“That’s because I know I could never fool you. Besides, you’re coming out way ahead of the game. You know that if I had stayed on the station I would have insisted on spending a lot of money on a special event for the launch of our basic ballroom shoe. How did we do?”
“The first batch sold out in four days, and the stores gave customers enough rain checks to account for the next two shipments coming from Chintoo,” Jeeves admitted grudgingly. “We’re getting great data back from the buyers who chose not to disable the reporting function, and you’ll be pleased to know that practically every woman who bought a pair has at least tried the maximum height setting.”
“I knew it! You said that I was making it way too high, but what does a floating robot know about heels? I can’t wait to check my mom’s data. I made her promise to wear the shoes for all of her official events and I’ll bet that she cranked them up herself.”
“Do you remember the embedded nano snap switches I insisted on?”
“Sure. You said there had to be a way of proving if anybody reprogrammed the heels and then hurt themselves, for liability reasons. Wait a minute,” Dorothy said, breaking into a wide grin. “Do you mean that my mom went above the maximum height? I’ll never let her hear the end of it.”
“Actually, she went below the lower limit,” Jeeves replied gleefully. “I checked the programming remotely, and whoever broke the encryption covered their tracks so well that it had to be another Stryx.”
“Libby! Did you hack into my mom’s shoes?”
“Welcome back, Dorothy,” the station librarian replied smoothly. “I
’m afraid that the information you have requested is confidential. Did you have a pleasant trip?”
“We spent most of the week with my grandma,” the girl replied, knowing she wouldn’t get any further by complaining. “She doesn’t move around much anymore, but she’s still interested in business, and she handled all the arrangements to ship the entire inventory of two out-of-business second-hand bookstores up to the elevator hub for us. She even made up a list of fabric wholesalers in the city who were interested in meeting with me.”
“For lunch on my creds,” Jeeves interjected glumly.
“And the president’s office set up meetings for us with a librarian and a carnival guy,” Dorothy continued unperturbed. “They both jumped at the opportunity to move their stuff off Earth and join Flower.”
“I thought that might happen,” Libby said. “Did your husband enjoy the trip?”
“He’s not my husband until we have the wedding.”
“You seem to have forgotten a certain affidavit which I submitted to the Frunge honor court myself,” Jeeves said. “In accordance with the treaty EarthCent signed with the tunnel network, alien marriage certificates—”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” the girl insisted, stalking up the ramp of the ice harvester and heading for her sewing room. “Instead of making up stories you could do something useful like fetch my silk. It’s heavy.”
“Silk is light. The fabric bolts are heavy because you bought so much of it.” Nevertheless, Jeeves spun about on his axis and began floating away to retrieve his designer’s purchases before coming to a sudden stop. “Did you just use my patented change-of-subject technique on me?”
“Is she claiming not to be married again, Jeeves?” Samuel asked, coming out of his bedroom. He turned to his sister. “You know he’s the one who registered Ailia’s affidavit.”
“Welcome back, Dorothy,” she said in a fair imitation of her little brother’s voice. “I really missed seeing you for three weeks.”
“You went somewhere? I’ve been so busy with school, work and the committee—”
“But I see you had time to get engaged,” Dorothy said, staring pointedly at her brother’s left hand.
“What?” Samuel turned bright red. “It’s just a couple’s ring. Vivian gave it to me for our visit to the Vergallian deck because she doesn’t trust them or something.” He tried to tug the ring back over his knuckle without success. “It won’t come off.”
“That’s how they’re supposed to work,” Dorothy taunted him. “I’ll bet Vivian bought one of those memory metal ones from the Verlocks. You’ll need a bolt cutter to get it off, and that’s only if you’re willing to take the finger at the knuckle and then have the Farling glue it back on for you.”
“Your husband’s dog is about to get into trouble,” Samuel retorted, pointing at Alexander, who had slipped into the ice harvester and begun eating out of his sire’s bowl.
“Please don’t tease each other,” Kelly said, stepping off the ramp into the living area just in time to avoid getting knocked down by Beowulf, who could hear another dog eating from his bowl from all the way across Mac’s Bones. Alexander leapt straight into the air as if he had been startled, and then collapsed unmoving to the deck.
“Nine,” Samuel rated the younger dog’s performance.
“Ten,” Dorothy contradicted him.
“If you’re going to play dead, you should stop chewing,” Jeeves pointed out to the young Cayl hound.
Beowulf sniffed his prone offspring, shook his head, and thumped his tail on the deck six times. Alexander rose and performed a lazy downward dog stretch in lieu of bowing.
“I’m glad I caught you both at home,” Kelly said. “Aisha invited us all to dinner at seven, and since we have a few hours, I thought it would be fun if you helped me rearrange my books to make room…”
“I’ve got a committee meeting, Mom,” Samuel said, sidling around the couch towards the exit. “Libby said that Flower has approved all of the business cases we submitted so far, but Lizant just pinged me to say that we still have a backlog to work through.”
“How about you, Dorothy?”
“Jeeves will kill me if I don’t get cracking on my dress—I mean, our new bridal line,” the girl said, backing towards her sewing room. “Isn’t that right, Jeeves? Jeeves?”
“I just remembered that I promised to help Paul with something,” the Stryx replied from the top of the ramp before shooting off at high speed.
The loud “pop” caused by the air rushing in to occupy the vacuum he left behind gave Dorothy the distraction she needed to slip into her sewing room and trigger the door lock. Kelly smiled to herself at having successfully emptied the room so she could work on her manuscript without distractions, and decided to treat herself to a quick massage session in her Love-U chair before getting back to the final chapter of EarthCent For Humans. She fell asleep almost immediately.
Jeeves found Paul in the section of Mac’s Bones adjacent to where Herl was reconditioning Drazen carnival rides. The men were standing in front of a circle of eight brightly painted little cars, all connected to each other. A central arrangement of arms attached to linkages between the cars.
“So why do they have steering wheels?” Paul was asking Kevin.
“Morton, the guy who owned all of these rides, said this one is safe for toddlers. You paint two concentric circles on the deck at the limits of the steering, and then the kids feel like they’re actually driving between the lines.”
“And if they never touch the steering wheel?”
“They’ll go in a perfect circle. We’ve got the same ride with fire engines, which are two-seaters, but they’re longer so there are only six of them.”
“Circular motion seems to be the theme with these rides,” Herl observed. “I like the color scheme on this one, but I can’t make out what the mounts are supposed to be.”
“Bees,” Joe said. “They don’t actually grow to this size on Earth, and it’s a little scarier for the youngest kids because they bob up and down as they go in a circle.”
“And the one with the balloon-shaped fiberglass constructions over the baskets?”
“Gondolas. The idea is for the kids to play like they’re going up in a hot air balloon. I think the hub on that one tilts as it goes around.”
“Morton threw in some fiberglass biplanes we can swap out for the bees,” Kevin told them. “Dorothy and I actually tried the ride with the giant teacups that turn slowly as the whole plate goes in a circle. We each took our own cup, but it would work for a parent and a child.”
“Nothing that goes in a straight line, even for a little while?” Herl asked.
“He had a whole bunch of kiddie trains, some that ran on tracks, some on tires, but those are all being packed up for Flower, along with the adult rides. I couldn’t tell him anything about the colony ship’s height limits, so he’s not sure which Ferris wheel to bring, or if there would be room for a rollercoaster. I told him he had a few months yet.”
“Here’s what you missed while you were gone,” Paul said, handing the younger man a heavily dog-eared paperback. “I have it half-memorized already just from looking things up for Samuel’s student committee.”
“Dollnick Colony Ships For Humans,” Kevin read the title. “The Galactic Free Press doesn’t miss a business opportunity, do they? How’s the ambassador’s book coming along?”
“Kelly’s been working on it every night, and I suspect she sneaks some writing in at the embassy as well,” Joe said. “The bits she let me read were very good, but I’m not sure that she’s sticking with the formula.”
“That’s not so surprising, given the difficulty we all have in getting a handle on EarthCent,” Herl observed. “By accepting your ambassadors on the stations, the Stryx have established EarthCent as the default government for humanity, but it’s unclear to us how many of your people actually see EarthCent as representing them.”
“Other than the people livi
ng on Stryx stations, most humans are barely aware that EarthCent exists,” Joe said. “I’m surprised your reports don’t show that.”
“We don’t really expend any resources spying on you anymore,” the Drazen intelligence head admitted. “Perhaps the idea floated by Krylneth has merit after all.”
“Who?” Paul asked.
“The head of Verlock intelligence on the station,” Joe said. “I’ve met him with Kelly at a few receptions. Fast talker for a Verlock.”
“He suggested that tunnel network members pool our intelligence gathering efforts to a certain extent,” Herl continued. “While we would all continue to focus our best efforts on our traditional competition, we could realize significant cost savings by splitting the remaining load among us.”
“I’m not in EarthCent Intelligence or anything,” Kevin cautioned the Drazen. “Are you supposed to be talking about this stuff in front of me?”
“It’s all been reported on the Grenouthian network already,” Herl said. “I suspect one of their interns was indiscrete in a bar. But the thought just occurred to me that a berth on Flower could be the ideal cover for a spy looking to keep an eye on your activities.”
“I’ll warn Clive,” Joe said. “Most of the business schemes coming out of Samuel’s committee involve taking aliens on board.”
“Exactly,” the Drazen said. “It’s an excellent opportunity for you to enhance your revenue.”
“You mean we should charge the other species for allowing their spies on Flower?”
“I don’t see why not. It’s typical for intelligence agencies to subsidize costs for their casual agents employed in cover jobs on alien worlds, but in this case you’ll actually be providing transportation to all of your targets of interest. What do you think?”
“I just checked with Flower and she wants a cut of the action and a free ride for Dollnick agents if she can convince any to join her,” Jeeves announced, and then added, “It didn’t make any sense to let you waste your time discussing it if she wasn’t going to go along.”
Nineteen