“I’m sure if the cops are after him, they had to hurry.” Chanel grabbed her bowl and sat at the bed’s edge. “How they got all that stuff out of there so fast though…” She trailed off in thought.
I didn’t reply. It’s probably a faerie thing.
We were silent for a while, watching some repeat of America’s Funniest Home Videos. By the time I’d finished ice cream round two, I had a stomach ache, but mentally I was numb. Of course, that could’ve been from the brain freeze.
Dad called again right as we were falling asleep. I didn’t answer it, but I sent him a three-word text indicating I was crashing at Chanel’s for the night. He never replied.
The next morning, Chanel prepared for school while I lolled in bed. She didn’t mind, in fact she encouraged my staying away from the high school for a day or two. All she asked was that I was gone before her parents came home from some overnight thing at noon so she wouldn’t get questioned.
I lounged in her room, a bowl of Cheerios and a Tums for breakfast, watching the plasma. My face was all tight and papery-feeling from the aftermath of last night’s tears. Lea’s ridiculously brief message had left me with both hope and questions that haunted me, relentless.
Where would they go? I clicked the remote. Spongebob appeared on the television with his jellyfish net. Update when can. Does that mean when you feel like it? Or as in, soon as possible? I changed the channel. Miley Cyrus was performing on Disney.
I shifted my head towards the window. The sun shined vibrantly overhead, casting shadows across houses and green lawns with sprinklers going off. Do you care about me at all, Hayden O’Conner? Of course he did, but did he care enough to risk coming back? Would I if I was in his situation? I wondered if he was awake or asleep at this very moment, somewhere far, far away.
Flicking the TV off at a quarter to ten, I washed up in Chanel’s fancy glass shower and used the clothes she’d left for me to borrow (I’d basically sobbed and got ice cream all over mine). I was ready to go, but I didn’t know where to go. Worse, I still didn’t want to go home.
After making sure it was locked, I shut the front door. Crossing the sidewalk, I was putting an earring in when a shadow caught my eye. Glancing to the side, I startled, my earring jumping out of my hand. It danced across the pavement, rolling to a stop before a pair of pale bare feet.
“Clumsy, human.” The faerie bent down, pointy nails scooping my pearl earring off the ground. “Ungraceful… unlike most of the King’s choices.” She flashed a smile, one of her upper teeth missing.
I was glued to the sidewalk. It was one of Adrian’s followers, the walking skeleton with the dark, dripping hair from the V and V. She didn’t look as sallow in the sunlight, her eyes no longer bloodshot. However, the blood seemed to have traveled to her irises: they were no longer black, but red.
“Is he going to kill me?” I was so afraid that the question just came right out. My grip grew tighter on my purse, prepared for Adrian to pop up out of nowhere like last time. I wasn’t carrying bricks unfortunately, but all that makeup and homework for History had to weigh enough to knock someone out.
The faerie’s smile morphed. Now I was getting the wow-you’re-dumb look.
“Please, human,” she scuffed. “If he was going to kill you, he’d have done it already. And I’m not here to assassinate you. I’m here to give you this.” She lifted an arm and a folded piece of paper appeared between her fingers.
I hesitated. Was this some kind of trick? Was I supposed to reach for the note so she could chop my hand off or handcuff me to her so she could take me to the Shadow King?
“Pathetic.” Seeing that I wasn’t going to take it, she tossed the note at my feet.
Now I bent to pick it up. Keeping an eye on her while I unfolded it, the paper opened up with one word in the middle.
“North,” I read, eyebrows furrowing. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“Beats me.” Faerie had crossed her arms, glancing around the suburbs like she was bored… or was she watching something I couldn’t see? “I’m just the deliverer.”
I gave her previous comment consideration. Maybe she wasn’t here to attack me. Hoping it was true, I decided this was my chance to pry a little bit. “What does he want with me anyway? There are a ton of girls in LA, a lot of them prettier and way more gullible. Why me?”
Faerie looked back at me. The boredom had left her eyes. She shifted on her feet—something I do at times when I’m thinking. “I don’t know,” she whispered, clearly annoyed by that fact. “But there are rumors about you. Rumors that worry Adrian’s ladies like myself. They think he sees something… unique… about you.” Her pointed ears pulled back against her skull. “You’d better be in love with his son,” she growled.
“Uh, no worries. I am.” What was it to her who I loved? And what the heck, unique? What kind of unique? I was just a human to Adrian, a walking cheeseburger like Hayden had pointed out… right?
Her ears popped back up. “Good. Because Adrian’s off limits.”
“Uh, I have no interest in Adrian.”
“Not yet you don’t,” Faerie sighed. Her red eyes darted to the note in my hand. “Good luck deciphering that.”
“Yeah,” was all I could say before she turned away. Her footsteps moved down the drive, silent like the others’. As the breeze came up she turned into black dust, dissolving into the wind like sand.
*
Despite the morning’s startling events, I still drove to the nearest mall and bought coffee. Afterwards, I lounged around Barnes and Noble for nearly two hours, reading the first chapter of every teen novel with an appealing cover—except fantasy. For once, I avoided all fantasy and paranormal novels, thinking every time of Adrian. It made me edgy, the idea that I might be more than dinner to him. Maybe the dark faerie had just been bluffing, trying to scare me… then I thought about it and I knew she’d been too serious, too defensive to be joking.
I meandered around department stores after that. Sears, Macy’s, Nordstrom, Victoria Secret, then some of the boutique shops, always keeping a look out for unusual figures. I didn’t buy anything—I was just hoping to distract myself.
By three, thoughts of the faeries had been stashed away and Hayden took over again. I returned to the car and drove some more, trying to shut him out. One trip to the gas station later and I ended up at a little park near the ocean. It was pretty deserted this time of day, during the core of peoples’ work hours or rush to get home. There was an inlet that came through the park where I walked along the water’s edge, carrying my flip-flops by the straps. The water tickled my toes, cool to the touch. I was so lost. Lonely. I kept trying to convince myself it was going to be fine, I was strong enough to handle this…
I couldn’t. Not really, at least.
I kicked up some water, splashing an incoming tide. The power of heartbreak was more powerful than I’d predicted. It felt like I was bleeding from the chest out, and yet for the most painful wound anyone could ever endure there was no blood. It was extraordinary to think someone could open me up for surgery right now and discover everything working as it had before. I suddenly understood all those cracked and hemorrhaged heart icons on peoples’ Myspace profiles; I hadn’t believed it really felt like that. I never imagined it could be so agonizing to realize your beloved, your sweetheart, your “one” isn’t coming back.
But it was.
My foot struck the water harder. Stupid, Rose, I thought, clenching my jaw. You’re stronger than this. No boy should ever make a woman feel so awful! No man should be worth it if he makes you upset. Yet, I knew I still wanted to cry. Again! Because he couldn’t come back. There would be “WANTED” signs up soon, just like there were for his damn father. Hayden would be on the news along with the high school and FADE had seen him bleed black before throwing Derek across the room through a window. Coming back here would mean entering a danger zone, and they would catch him. He’d be an idiot to come back here.
No more tears, d
amn it. I dropped my flip-flops and ran.
I ran so hard the scraps of my heart seemed to stretch with every breath. My lungs screamed as they tried to keep up with my pulse, legs burning from the thighs down as water splashed onto Chanel’s clothes.
I collapsed on the sand some ways away, panting like a dog. Falling onto my back, I pressed my palms over my eyes. Don’t cry, I thought. Deep breaths. Don’t cry. I laid there for several minutes. Grasping control was difficult, but I eventually was well enough to sit up. Struggling to my sandy feet and trudging through the water, I started back down the beach. Retrieving my flops from the tide, I stared over the inlet, where the sun was starting to turn the water red. If only agony could wash away as easily as foam flip-flips…
*
I opened the front door slowly, expecting to hear dad come rampaging down the hall firing questions off like missiles, but there was nothing. Just sheer silence.
Stepping inside, I placed my flip-flops in the closet and set my purse against my bedroom door. I tiptoed to the kitchen to see if he was making dinner. The light above the stove was on but it, too, was deserted. I scanned the living room. The fact that the TV was off and the couch unoccupied was even more amazing.
Must be on his computer. I peeked over at his closed bedroom door. Or he’s avoiding me. Whichever, I crept over and slowly pushed it open.
The old man was sitting at his desk in the corner, holding a stack of… tiny papers? No, wait. Pictures. They were littering the whole tabletop, and he didn’t look up as I approached. Catching sight of the first photo on the desk corner, I forgot to breathe.
A pair of babies wrapped in blankets slept peacefully. They were so small, both newborns wearing tiny pink hats. It was a picture from the hospital, the very first mom had ever taken of her twins. My eyes drifted over the next photo, then the next. They were all pictures of me and Rachel. One of us when we were four, playing in the sandbox at the old house. Another with chocolate smeared across our faces on our fifth birthday. One featuring me with my hands in the air, Rachel holding my waist in the yard. I saw the fantasy ones I’d described to Hayden; we were wearing paper wings, riding big plastic ponies with sugar cones taped to the heads, imitations of horns.
My lips quivered as I stood behind dad’s chair. He tossed another to the table from the pile in his hands. Us in our princess dresses.
“Do you remember that?” he whispered. “That was the week Grandma Dini came to town and wanted to take you girls to the Nutcracker Ballet.”
I sniffled a second. Jeez, apparently I was just doomed to cry today. “You told her we’d be bored. And we ended up having the best night.” I tried to laugh.
“Yeah.” He dropped another one. We were holding hands on the beach in our neon bathing suits, hair blinding white in the sun. “What about this one?”
“In Washington. When mom suddenly decided we were taking a road trip because it was too hot that summer.” I dabbed at my eyes and exhaled. “That was where we stayed at the pretty hotel… you hit your head on the bottom of the pool and she tried to take you to the hospital because she thought you had a concussion.”
Dad snorted. “Yeah. Your mother was always an excessive worrier.” He turned his head towards the lamp light, the remains of tear lines on his cheeks made clear. His eyes were red, slightly puffy.
My heart shriveled. I’d only seen dad cry twice in my whole life, and that’d been after Rachel’s accident in the hospital, and then after the divorce. Never again or before.
Circling his chair, I sat down in his lap. I spun my arms around his neck, laying my cheek on his thick, apple-scented hair. He dropped the stack and wound his arms around me, squeezing tight. He sniffled, too, and we were silent a few minutes, gazing at the collection of memories.
Towards the top of the desk, I realized there were several shots of a smiling young woman. “You told me you burned all of those,” I whispered.
“Burned what?” Dad rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand.
“Mom’s photos.”
“Oh.” He blinked at them, embarrassed. “Well, I burnt most of them.”
“… The stupid thing is Friday.” I didn’t have to specify for him to know what the stupid thing was.
“Don’t go,” he growled. “You’ve got enough to deal with besides her effing wedding.”
I knew he was trying to help. I wished it was that simple. “Well, in the words of Kanye West: What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.”
He huffed a laugh. “You don’t really believe that, Rose.”
I swallowed. There was Hayden again. “No.” At least, I didn’t always believe it. Sometimes what doesn’t kill us turns our hearts to stone, or tears apart our souls. While we might learn from pain, it still left holes that didn’t always heal right.
Dad patted my back. “I’m sorry I yelled at you yesterday. I shouldn’t have.”
“Don’t apologize. It’s my fault. This whole thing is my fault. If he hadn’t have come to get me—”
“Derek would’ve broke your wrist,” Dad intervened roughly. “And then I’d have been the one that tossed him through a window.” His fingers brushed a picture of me from last year, sitting with Chanel at a Chinese restaurant in the city. We’d even worn kimonos just to stir up the customers. “Hayden protected you. Anyone who protects my daughter has my respect.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, swallowing tears. “Dad.”
“He’s a good boy, Rose. Whatever happened in Arizona, he was probably just trying to protect someone else. You’re right; he’s not the murder type. I shouldn’t have discouraged the two of you so harshly. I should trust your judgment more—”
“Dad,” I interrupted, firm. This topic was quickly becoming unbearable. “It doesn’t matter now. He’s gone… I went to his apartment. Everything’s gone.”
He brushed my hair back. “I know.”
I covered my eyes, not about to ask. He cradled me like a silly five-year-old, but in a way it helped. I hadn’t sat in my dad’s lap for eight years, and sometimes? Maybe that’s all a girl needs to do. Cry on her daddy’s lap. Act like a five-year-old.
Then build a bridge and get over it…
*
“Hi, mom.” I answered my cell after another stupid, hopeful glance at the caller ID. I didn’t hide my disappointment as I greeted her.
“Hi, honey,” she said, but her excitement died quickly. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
I raked my free hand through my hair, staring out the Carl’s Jr. window. A pack of skater boys from the high school were staring at me as they stood outside their truck. Everyone had been staring since I’d come back to school. It was incredibly distracting.
“Um, just having a hard week,” I replied (I’d practically begged dad not to tell her about what happened). “I’m fine. What’s up?”
“Well, I was hoping maybe you’d come stay tonight,” she asked, a little sheepish. “Since you won’t be in school tomorrow, I wanted you to come to my bachelorette party!”
I rolled my eyes, thankful she couldn’t see. “I met everyone at the shower, mom. And I’m done with parties.” I almost said: I’ll puke if you make me go to another damn wedding party of any kind.
“Oh come on, honey! It’s all us girls tonight! No men, no Lyle.”
A tall figure with curly brown hair caught my eye at that moment. I glanced over at the counter and felt my heart give a tiny familiar patter as Paul handed the cashier a ten dollar bill. After getting his change and moving aside to wait, our eyes met. He blushed and quickly looked away. Not even a smile, not another look. It sort of hurt. Even he seemed to be against me now…
A long sigh echoed through mom’s side of the phone. “Fine, how about this? Leave school a little early and we’ll have a mother-daughter afternoon.”
I about dropped my Dr. Pepper, ripping my eyes from Paul’s figure. “A—a what?”
“You know! A girls’ day out! Like what we used to do when you were little?”
�
�Um, are you… are you sure?” We hadn’t had a real girls’ day in years, mostly because mom was wrapped up in work and boyfriends and I’d started declining her offers. What was better: stay in school with staring students, or go shopping with my hair-brained mother?
“Come on. I’ll call the school right now and excuse you from your last classes,” she tempted. “And then maybe you’ll want to come to my bachelorette party… but you can’t bring that boyfriend of yours if you do. It’s girls only.”
My temper sped forth from the shock. “No worries there, mom,” I hissed.
“Why? Uh oh, did something happen?”
“Listen, I’ll make you a deal, ok?”
“Ok, shoot.”
“I’ll do the mother-daughter day. Just me and you. But you can’t make me go to your party and you don’t bring up Hayden. Period.”
“Oooh,” she cooed, like she understood. “Deal. Now what are you doing, are you eating? I’m hungry, so…”
“Yes,” I said, watching Paul from my peripheral vision. He left the restaurant with his lunch. No looking back. “I’m eating lunch at Carl’s Jr.”
“Yuck. We need to fix your eating habits, young lady. Do you know how much fat and calories are in fast food?”
Now she was testing my sanity. “Ok, rule three? Don’t tell me what to eat. I’m eighteen. I’ll eat raw lard if I want to.”
“Jeez, someone’s cranky. Alright, serious mother-daughter day in need!” She sounded like that would cure everything. “Alright. Finish eating lunch. I’m going to go make a salad. Get your butt over here!”
“I’m coming,” I said, then hung up. Looking down at my half-eaten burger, I decided I’d better not eat the rest of it if I was going shopping with mom. Not that I didn’t want it. I could’ve eaten it plus a whole other.
It’s just that I knew the second I caught her going into a lingerie store for her wedding night, I’d throw it all up.
23) Words Of Wisdom
It was amazing: the afternoon proceeded fairly well. Going out with mom was actually way better than being at school. She kept her promise and didn’t mention or even hint at Hayden’s name, she didn’t press the bachelorette party, and for once? I could actually stand her… though she was jittery everywhere we went.
A Taste of Silver Page 29