“Sure, I'm happy to help.”
Lola had disappeared into the back room after our little discussion, so I didn't even get to say goodbye to her. Jennifer noticed this and offered to get her for me.
“No, no that's OK. I think Lola is sick of looking at me now,” I said, trying to keep the bitterness out of my voice.
Jennifer batted me playfully.
“Don't be silly! I don't know how anyone could get tired of looking at you!” She said. Before I left she shoved a piece of paper into my hand and hugged me again. When I got outside and looked at it I saw that she had scribbled down her cell phone number.
I tossed it in the trash. I was done with girls for the moment.
Lola
The shoot went just as well as everyone had expected. Apart from a few tantrums from the models that were soon subdued and a tantrum or two from Jennifer which weren't subdued quite so easily, it was smooth sailing. Everyone kept saying what a genius I was. It was nice, really.
Tim even gave me a huge bunch of flowers to congratulate me on doing so well.
“It's a miracle,” he said to me, when we got a second alone, “Jennifer's totally changed her mind about you. I'm really going to miss you around the office when you're working from home.”
I gave him a hug for being so sweet to me.
“Thank you so much, that's so sweet. You really shouldn't have. How did you know that I love tulips? Anyway you won't have to miss me, I'll still be around on Fridays. But thanks for being so sweet to me. Not just today, but always. You're a great friend, Tim,” I said and I could see that he was tearing up. It felt good to have someone be so proud of my achievement. In fact, it made me want to cry but I held it in. Today had been emotional.
I left the studio early even though Jennifer kept insisting that we should all go out for drinks to celebrate a job well done. I just wasn't in the mood, but I passed it off as being not quite recovered from my illness. My acting wasn't terribly convincing but my excuse was accepted and I was allowed to leave.
Even after all that, the walk home seemed long and lonely. The sun had just begun to set and the sky was filled with a million colors -bright oranges, warm pinks and a variety of beautiful coral shades. Maybe that could be the inspiration for our next shoot. Instead of Biker Chic we could have Sunset Chic. That idea wasn't have bad. Maybe all this hadn't been a fluke after all.
The flowers felt heavy in my hands as I dragged my heels along the pavement. I was so used to wearing high heels now but even I had to admit that a full day running around in them was too much.
Vince had been such a jerk to me and screwed me around so much. I knew that it wouldn't work from the start but I was still dumb enough to get invested and hope that he would change. That had been a waste of time. Men never changed, no matter how much you wanted them to. You either had to find that rare diamond in the rough who treated you well and was OK to look at or you had to do what most of my friends did and settle. Whatever happened, you could not bank on them changing. It just wasn't realistic for most men. It wasn't fair anyway. I was sure that Vince would prefer if I was a little sweeter and a lot less argumentative, but it didn't matter what he preferred. I was what I was and he was what he was and neither of us would ever change. That meant that neither of us would ever fit together perfectly as I had so desperately wanted and that I just needed to give up on that pathetic dream and settle.
Suddenly, a voice came from behind me. It was a male voice, almost breathless, and it was calling out to me. I spun around hopefully but my hopes were dashed when I saw it was Josh, the model, running towards me.
“Lola, Lola wait!” he said. I would have expected a male model to be a lot fitter but running seemed to really knock the wind out of his sails. I waited patiently and when he finally caught up with me I let him take a minute to catch his breath.
“Are you OK?” I asked. He was wheezing quite a bit. The last thing I needed was for him to have an asthma attack on my watch. I just wasn't equipped to deal with that now. Josh stood up straight. He was wearing his normal clothes again, just a plain t-shirt and jeans. They were a stark contrast to the weird leather BDSM style gear that he had been wearing for the shoot. The only sign that the shoot had taken place at all were the awkwardly placed tattoo transfers that ran up and down his arms. Vince really had made a mess of them.
“Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks Lola. I just get a bit tired when I run like that,” he smiled at me. His smile was big and goofy. He reminded me of a better looking version of my little brother, “Someone told me that you were walking home alone and I just wanted to make sure that you got back safe. Mind if I walk with you?”
I couldn't remember the last time that someone had cared if I got home safe. I was touched so I agreed.
“That's very sweet of you, Josh. Of course you can walk me home.”
Josh seemed to be ridiculously pleased at my answer. He didn't even mind walking slowly so that I could keep up with him in my heels. It was nice.
We talked about the shoot for a while. The poor kid was worried that he had messed it up.
“I've never been on a motorcycle before and I kept sitting weird on it. The director just kept yelling and yelling. Your boss didn't look happy either,” he said sadly. Jennifer never looked happy, so he wasn't in much trouble there.
“Don't be silly. Photographers always yell and Jennifer always looks like she just smelled some shit. If they were really unhappy with you they would have fired you on the spot. Trust me, I've seen it happen,” I said, shaking my head at the memory of the poor models who had taken Jennifer's rage on previous shoots.
“Yeah...well that Vince guy really didn't seem to like me,” he said. He glanced at me as if he was hoping that I would dismiss that idea just as quickly as I had dismissed the others. There was no denying it though. Vince had been too much of a prick to even think about it.
“Yeah well, Vince is difficult. I don't think he likes anyone,” I said, kicking a stray pebble on the pavement. Josh nodded.
“Yeah, he seems that way...but he likes you a lot,” he said. The poor kid must have been a little bit confused. It had been a long day for him, so maybe he was too tired to think straight. All he had seen was Vince and I arguing and calling each other names. How on earth could anyone interpret that as Vince being infatuated with me.
“I don't think so, sweetie. I don't know about you but most guys don't act like total dickheads when they like someone,” I said, “And he was being an absolute dickhead.”
“Hmm,” said Josh, “I don't know. I think some guys do act like jerks around girls they like. It's that old high school thing or picking on the girl you like most. It's stupid, but a lot of guys seem to just naturally do it.”
He waited for me to respond and when I didn't, he went on.
“I really think he was into you. Even when he was annoyed he couldn't keep his eyes off of you,” he said, “To tell you the truth, I was going to ask you out but I was afraid that he might fire me. Or kick my ass. Or fire me and then kick my ass. You're really cool Lola, but it just wasn't worth the risk.”
I looked around me. Could what he was saying really be true? Of course it could. Even when Vince was angry he was a total horn dog. He'd probably been staring at my tits and my ass the whole time and thinking about how he could get me into bed this time. Well he couldn't. He never would again.
I promised myself that and I meant it this time.
“Well Vince isn't around now. So you can ask me out if you want and no one's gonna fire you or kick your ass. Or fire you and then kick your ass. Or anything else like that,” I joked. Josh looked at me doubtfully.
“If I asked you, would you say yes?” he said, raising one eyebrow. I thought about it. He was a really nice guy and obviously very handsome. He had money from modeling and I knew he would treat me well. Even so, I couldn't.
I shook my head.
“No, I guess not. Sorry Josh, but I see you as more of a little brother type,” I said. Jos
h took the rejection graciously enough for a guy. Most of them got all offended when I said no to them but he just grinned at me.
“Damn, I saw that rejection coming a mile off. Never mind. I guess I'm just destined to be single forever,” he said.
“You and me both,” I said, “Why don't you just go after one of the models that you shot with. They're pretty girls.”
He shrugged.
“Tried that. They all say the same thing that you say. They really like me but they see me as more of a friend or a brother type. I just seem to give off that kinda vibe. Maybe I should get some real tattoos and a motorcycle. Girls seem to prefer bad boys these days,” he said. The idea of poor, sweet Josh putting himself through all that just to get a date made me giggle. If he couldn't get laid then what chance did mere mortals like me have?
“Hey, you shouldn't generalize. Not all girls go for that bad boy thing. I don't,” I said. It was Josh's turn to laugh at me now, “Hey, what are you laughing at? I'm serious. I like nice, clean cut guys with good table manners.”
“Seriously? So Vince counts as a nice clean cut guy with good table manners? Bullshit, you love bad boys. You love Vince.”
I felt my skin burning. Vince had been one exception and that was finished now. I would only go for good, college educated guys who didn't mind introducing me to their parents. I argued with Josh because I hated that he was right.
“I love Vince? Are you fucking crazy? He's just an unpleasant man that I had to do a photo shoot for. There's nothing between us, never was, there never will be. We probably won't even see each other again,” I said. Jesus. I had always heard that models were dumb but Josh was pretty sharp if he was able to pick up on the energy between me and Vince. Either that or we were both so obvious that everyone was able to pick up on it. I hoped and hoped that wasn't the case. The last thing that I needed was for Jennifer to grill me about my relationship with him.
“Are you kidding me?” persisted Josh, “You guys have ridiculous chemistry. I felt so awkward in the middle of it. It was obvious that he wanted to tear off all your clothes and go to town. I don't blame him, but jeez, he could have reeled it in a little. Are you seriously telling me that you two haven't slept together?”
I sighed. I didn't want to tell him but Josh was so easy to talk to that I couldn't help opening up to him.
“We did sleep together.”
I was planning on leaving it at that, but once I started to speak I couldn't seem to stop. I went on and on, telling him everything. I told him about the collision and what happened afterwards in my car. I told him about the night I got drunk and fell asleep on his bed. I told him about the morning after, when we had sex again. I told him about our meeting, and Sophie, and every little detail that I could remember. By the end I had tears in my eyes. No one had ever heard the full story before. It had just stayed as painful memories that floated around in my head up until this point. Every so often I would relive one and feel like crying again, though I could always hold back the tears. Explaining it all in one go forced me to go through all of it again. Every emotion, every feeling hit me at once and I could no longer manage to keep it together.
We had just reached my house when I started crying. Josh pulled me into a big bear hug. When he pulled away, he looked at me and smiled.
“It will all work out, Lola. This kind of stuff always does.”
He really was the little, naive brother that I needed. Even if the only place where things were going to work out would be his imaginary world, I appreciated it all the same.
Chapter Seven
Vince
It was time to get over Lola. It was long overdue but it was only now that I was realizing how much I'd let her change me. I'd started to long for the days when beautiful women were mere forms of entertainment for me. I could fuck one girl in the morning and fuck another in the afternoon and no one would feel bad about it. I wasn't done with girls. That was bullshit. I was young and attractive and knew how to talk a girl's panties off without any problems. There were plenty of girls in the world who were less complicated than Lola. Millions of them, probably. Almost all of them would be willing to sleep with me. I wasn't done with girls. I was done with drama.
Picking up a new girl would be the key to getting over Lola and getting my mojo back. Then I would be back to my old self again. No commitments, no drama, no problems.
I hated that I even had to get over her in the first place. That wasn't me. I had never allowed myself to become invested in anyone and now the one time I had, everything had gone to shit. I needed to take that as a lesson learned and never repeat the mistake ever again. I just had to get back to my old self. I considered telling Brett about my plans but then I decided that I wouldn't bother. I didn't need him making fun of me for getting my heart broken or something stupid like that. It wasn't broken anyway. I certainly didn't need a wing man. So I decided to work solo. My best work was always done on my own.
When I finally decided to get off my ass and go out it was the Monday night after the shoot. Weekdays weren't exactly the busiest times in the clubs and bars that I frequented, but that was all right. I tried to think of it like a video game. I just happened to be playing the game on hard mode. I don't know why, but the only bar that I was drawn to was The Ruby Lounge, where I had gone with Lola that one night. It wasn't because of her. I had just always like their fancy beers and the female bartenders were usually pretty. At least, that was what I told myself. Maybe if I scored there tonight I would stop associating it with her and thinking about how she had kissed me in the alleyway every time I rode past.
I showed up a little after nine and was disappointed, but not surprised, to see that the place was basically dead. It wasn't completely empty, but it certainly wasn't as busy as I had seen it get on weekends. Luckily, the few customers who were there were all female. They all turned around when I walked in. Judging by the way that they were looking at me, this had been a slow night for them too. All of them were hoping that the one guy in the bar would talk to them. They were good looking too, each one hot in her own unique way. Most of them could have been swimsuit models if they wanted to be. In the past I would have called it a perfect set up, but I found that tonight I didn't really care. I was in no hurry so I strolled past them all to the bar and ordered one of those French beers from that Tom guy. He looked pleased to see me. He obviously remembered that I tipped big. People always remembered that.
“Oh, hey Vince! Good to see you,” he said, putting my beer down on the counter. I took a drink before I spoke to him.
“Nice to see you too buddy. How's it going?” I asked. Though I didn't really give a shit about his answer, he went into detail. I somehow doubted that he had much social interaction outside of work, so I let him yap on without interruption.
“Eh, OK. They're talking about promoting me to bar manager, so that's pretty cool. Also, I was really worried because my vision kept getting blurry at random times and I thought I might have something really bad like eye cancer, but it turned out that I just need to clean my reading glasses more often,” I paused to take a breath, “Are you meeting Lola?”
I shook my head.
“Don't even mention that girl to me,” I said. Tom took this as an invitation to talk shit about Lola, giving me all the information that I really did not want.
“Jesus, I know. She's terrible, right? Even after that fancy date that I took her on she was a total cold fish. I let her get dessert and everything, but I got nothing from her. She barely let me kiss her, for fuck's sake. I was totally in the friend zone, even after spending all that money,” he sighed, obviously not reading my angry facial expression, “Then one night she shows up to my apartment and says she wants to fuck. So I say yeah, why not? And the bitch chickens out before we can go through with it and tells me that we should just be friends. I mean, what the fuck? How frigid can you get? She's just a no good cock tease who likes attention. You're right not to hang out with her anymore. She'd probably end up friend z
oning you before you got anywhere too.”
Tom would have kept going if I let him, but I didn't. I looked around to make sure that security wasn't watching before grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and pulling him towards me. It wasn't difficult even though he resisted. I was much bigger and much, much stronger than him. That puny mother fucker didn't stand a chance. He gave out a little squeak of terror and cowered before me. “Listen you skinny little prick. I'm not your fucking friend. I'm not here to listen to you talk about your shitty life and offer sympathy because you can't get any pussy,” I said, my face inches from his. I heard a few gasps from the other bar patrons, but I didn't care. I wasn't finished yet, “But I'll tell you something. I am really not here to let you talk shit about Lola. It's not fuckin happening, OK? Lola is a good girl. She's not frigid and she's not a bitch. She's just too good for you. Got it? If I was a girl I wouldn't wanna fuck you either. Buy some deodorant and hit the gym and then maybe things will work out better for you. But don't ever call her names like that in front of me again. You understand me?”
Tom nodded quickly, still struggling to get out of my grip.
“Good. Cos if I hear you say one bad thing about her ever again I will end you, right? I will fucking end you buddy. Understand?”
Tom nodded some more, desperate now.
“Yeah, I understand. I'm sorry. Just let me go, OK? Please?” I did what he asked because he looked as if he might start crying if I didn't. It was a pathetic display, but it made me feel good to have defended Lola's honor. Even if she hadn't been there to see me do it. I meant what I said too. That girl drove me crazy but I would never talk about her that way. Tom was obviously just pissed that he hadn't got his dick wet. If I got laid as rarely as he did I'd probably be a dickhead too.
Sweetest Sin: Bad Boy Bundle Page 55