I reached over, put my hand over his and squeezed. “I’ll be praying for you, JT,” I said, meaning it with all my heart.
I watched as his cocky grin fell. This time when I stood up, he didn’t try to stop me and I walked away. I found my way outside and climbed into Seth’s jeep. I didn’t care if he got angry at me for leaving the party. I’d had enough.
Seth came out twenty minutes later but didn’t mention JT, so I figured he didn’t tell him what I had said.
He dropped me off at home with a sweet kiss goodnight and started back to his jeep. As he stopped to open the door, he called out over his shoulder. “Katie, I love you, but don’t tell my friends that you’ll be praying for them.”
He climbed on in, started his jeep, and pulled away, leaving me alone on the porch with my thoughts. So JT had told him. Oh well, I’m not ashamed, and I’m not going to stop praying for JT- or for Seth.
***
Our two month anniversary came three weeks later, and Seth wouldn’t tell me what he had planned. He said it was a surprise. He showed up at my door with a bouquet of pink roses.
“Where are you guys headed tonight?” Mom asked as she dug under the kitchen sink for a vase.
He winked at me and replied, “I’m taking Katie to dinner and then we’ll probably see a movie. She won’t be out too late, I promise.”
Liar!! We never went to the movies anymore. I only hoped it wasn’t another Friday night at JT’s house. I didn’t know if I could handle close contact with him again. He acted even worse towards me ever since that prayer incident. His staring had become constant, and he had even made a lewd comment about my breasts when Seth was out of ear shot. I grew more concerned as each day passed.
We said our goodbyes to my parents and were out the door. I got in the jeep, and as soon as he was in his seat, I turned to him.
“So where are we really going?” I asked, praying it was really out to dinner.
He chuckled, aware of my concern. “You’ll see.”
We backed out of the driveway and started down the road. I watched out the window, trying to figure out where we were going. I was nervous but excited to find out what he had planned. After a few minutes, we turned a corner and I recognized the street.
“Are we going to your house?”
Seth shot me a wide-eyed grin. I laughed but still wondered what he was up to. We pulled into his driveway and he pushed the button that controlled the garage door. As it opened, I noticed it was empty. Where are his parents’ cars? Alarms began sounding in my head, but I told myself it was okay. Seth knew my boundaries and respected me. He had been trying to do more things than hold my hand and kiss me, but had always accepted it when I said no.
He turned off the jeep and turned to look at me. “My mom and stepdad are out of town tonight, so we have the whole house to ourselves.”
I felt myself blush and lowered my head. “Uh, I don’t think this is a good idea,” I said softly.
He placed his finger under my chin, bringing my face up even with his. “You trust me don’t you, Katie?
I tried to convince myself I was just being silly. Seth wouldn’t make me do anything. Sure, he’d hurt me that one time but he apologized for it and hadn’t done it again.
“Of course,” I replied, sliding out of the jeep.
“That’s my girl,” I heard him say before I closed the door.
He led me through the house and out onto the back deck. I gasped when I saw the white twinkling lights in the bushes and along the deck rails. My heart swelled. He had done all this for me.
“Oh Seth, it’s beautiful.”
“It’s not nearly as beautiful as you.”
He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to him. He kissed me deeply, and I was breathless as we finally pulled apart.
He sat me down at the patio table and hurried inside. It was cold, but he had switched on the outside heaters. Warm air blew all around me, making the atmosphere almost cozy. He returned with a take-out bag from the Mexican restaurant we’d eaten at on our first date. I laughed when he pulled out my food. It was the same thing I’d ordered that night, and I was impressed that he remembered. Seth knew how to make me feel important and loved.
We ate our meal and made casual conversation. When we were finished, it was only eight and my curfew wasn’t until eleven. I wondered what else he had planned for me.
He led me inside to the living room and we sat down on the couch. He reached behind a pillow producing a small box wrapped in pink paper with silver and pink ribbons tied in a bow.
“I got you a present. I wanted you to know how much I love you and how happy I am that we’re together.”
I knew my smile couldn’t have gotten any bigger. I tore off the paper and opened the box, gasping when I saw what it contained. Inside was a silver necklace with a heart pendant outlined in diamonds.
“Oh Seth, this is gorgeous but it’s too much.”
“Nothing is ever too much for you,” he said, lifting the necklace from the box. I scooped up my hair and turned. He fastened the clasp at the back of my neck, letting his fingers glide down my spine to my waist. Chill bumps erupted all over my body, and I sucked in a deep breath as my heart took off in a gallop in my chest. I turned around to face him and threw my arms around his neck. He held me close, his lips finding mine again. As we pulled apart he murmured, “I love you so much.”
“I love you too, Seth,” I replied shyly.
My smile fell as a sudden thought crossed my mind. He noticed the change. “What’s wrong?”
I looked down at my lap. “I didn’t get you a gift,” I admitted sadly.
He lifted my chin. “Babe, it’s okay. You don’t have to buy me anything. I’m sure there are other things you could give me.”
I smiled, leaned over and gave him a chaste kiss. He chuckled and shook his head before taking my hand and pulling me to my feet. “Let me show you around the house,” he said, his eyes sparkling.
He proceeded to lead me on a tour of his whole house, though it was more like a small mansion. I knew his stepdad worked as a dentist, but I had no idea there was so much money to be made in teeth. Seth’s family was obviously well off, but he’d never mentioned it. I didn’t care one way or the other; it was none of my business.
He stopped at a door at the end of the upstairs hallway. As he swung it open, I knew instantly this was his room. Football memorabilia hung on the walls, and his jersey was framed above his bed.
I whistled as I took it all in. “Boy, you really do love football, huh?”
He smiled and shrugged his shoulders before moving to his bed, sprawling out across it. He looked at me expectantly and patted the spot next to him.
“Come lay down beside me,” he said, his voice sounding low and in a tone I’d never heard him use before.
My feet felt frozen to the floor as I twisted my hands in front of me. A smile slowly spread across his face as he rose from the bed and stalked over to me. He freed my hands from their tangle and laced his fingers through mine. His intense gaze never wavered as he walked backwards, leading me to his bed.
“See, that’s not so bad, is it?” He said, as I laid down on his bed, turning to face him. My cheeks flamed and he let out a small chuckle. “You. Are. So. Sweet.” He whispered, a kiss peppered between each word.
His warm breath on my face and the closeness of our bodies made my stomach churn a bit. I didn’t feel very sweet at the moment. I felt nervous and a little afraid. The voice in my head was screaming at me to get up and get out of there, but the message was obviously not getting through to my arms and legs as I continued to lay there. He stroked my face and ran his hand into my hair at the back of my neck. It felt wonderful, but I knew I couldn’t let this go much further. He leaned in, kissing me tenderly as his hand made its way down my neck to my shoulder and across to my arm. His hand became bolder, but before I could swat it away, he released my lips and asked softly, “Katie, do you really love me?”
I co
cked my head, confused by his question. “What? Of course I do, Seth. Why would you ask me that?”
He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly before he spoke, “I know you said you wanted to remain a virgin but if you really loved me, you would want to share yourself with me. I love you and want to show you how much.”
It felt like all the air had been sucked from my lungs as a cold chill ran down my spine. My brain refused to find any words as I laid there, mouth agape, so he asked me again, “Katie, do you love me or not?”
As my brain finally processed his question, I spoke from my heart. “I..I love you very much. I have never felt this way about anyone, but I thought you understood that I wanted to wait until marriage to have sex.”
He cupped my face, staring into my eyes. “I can’t wait anymore. I’m going crazy here. I need to be with you that way. I have told you over and over that I love you. You are who I want to be with forever. Please let me make love to you. Please give me this part of you, and then I’ll know you love me as much as I love you.”
A tear rolled down my cheek, and I shook my head. “I do love you, but I can’t give you want you want. I’m sorry.”
He released my face, and with a look of complete surrender simply said, “I understand.” He sat up and added, “Come on, I better get you home.”
With wide eyes and a sick feeling in my gut, I sat up and clutched his arm tightly. “Wh-why are you taking me home? My curfew is still two hours away,” I stammered, trying to hold back the flood of tears threatening to break free.
He pried my hand from his arm before sliding off the bed and moving to the door. “I don’t want you here, Katie. We’re over. You don’t love me enough, and I know that now.”
I stood and swayed, weak-kneed as the shock of his words took hold. My voice was barely a whisper as I tried to clarify what he had said. “What? That’s it? I won’t have sex with you, so now it’s over?”
He simply nodded his head, his green eyes never leaving my face. His expression remained cool, as if none of this mattered to him. I could no longer hold back the rush of emotion as it swept over me, and I began to sob. He continued to stare at me, seemingly unmoved by the outpouring of my heart. What happened to the Seth that said he loved me, and gave me a beautiful necklace only a short time ago? This had been the best two months of my life. I couldn’t let Seth go. I loved him. The conversation I’d had with JT flashed through my mind- he’d been right. Seth wouldn’t stick around if I continued to make him wait. If I wanted to keep him, I had to do whatever it took, but was it worth that?
“Seth...” I began but he stepped in front of me and reaching up with both hands, unclasped my necklace. I gasped and stumbled back onto the bed. He held his hand out, dropping the necklace to the floor with a thud, and I lost it. I sobbed harder and wrapped myself into a ball, my knees against my chest.
“Please don’t do this. Don’t break my heart,” I choked out through my tears, my voice muffled by my knees.
“Do you love me, Katie?” I heard him ask for the third and what I knew would be the final time.
I looked up into his cold face and slowly nodded my head.
“Then take off your clothes,” he demanded.
I closed my eyes and thought of my promise to God that I was about to break. I knew this wasn’t right, but I loved Seth and this was what he wanted. I slowly undressed, unable to suppress the shake in my hands as he stood over me, watching my every move. After I was stripped bare, I curled myself into a ball once again, my face turned away from Seth. I couldn’t bear to look at him. The sobs had stopped but silent tears continued to fall. He swept my hair over my shoulder and clasped the necklace on me once again. The presence of it around my neck felt like a disgrace to me now.
He kissed the top of my head and whispered, “Look at me.” I turned to him, meeting his gaze. “I love you. You don’t know how much this means to me.” I couldn’t speak. All I could do was cry.
That night, on our two month anniversary, Seth showed me how much he loved me, and it was the worst night of my life.
Seth had held my hand the whole way home and told me how much he loved me, how special the night was and how now, I was completely his. I had to swallow down the bile that had crept up my throat. My head was spinning, and I was in pain. In my wildest dreams, I never thought my first time would leave me feeling like this. I had always imagined it would be a beautiful thing I shared with my husband on our wedding night. I was tainted now. I ruined everything by giving into Seth but even after everything he said and did, I still loved him. He owned my heart and now, he owned my body too. He would use me anyway he wanted. This I was sure of. I couldn’t lose him though- he was all I had.
When he dropped me off at home a few minutes before curfew, I was in panic mode. I quietly crept into the house and was surprised to see that it was dark. My parents had not waited up for me. I shook my head in disgust as I thought of the blind trust they had in me. If they only knew their sweet, innocent daughter was gone and was never coming back. I barely made it to my room before the tears started again. I pushed my face into my pillow so they wouldn’t hear my sobs. I finally got it under control and changed into my pajamas. I went to the bathroom and washed my face. As I looked in the mirror, I knew I had to get it together. I had to put a happy smile back on my face to fool my parents, Seth and maybe even myself. I crawled under the covers feeling drained and worn down. I closed my eyes, wanting to pray, but was afraid God wouldn’t hear my prayers now that I had broken my promise to Him. I wasn’t worthy anymore, so instead, I went to sleep with a broken heart and tattered soul.
Chapter Seven
Seth called me the next day at five. I really didn’t want to speak to him. I didn’t know what to say after what had happened the night before, but I answered the call. It was a short conversation.
“I’m coming to pick you up at six. Be ready,” he ordered.
“Uh, okay. Where are we going?” I asked hesitantly.
“We’re going to hang with some of my friends tonight.”
“Seth, I really wanted to stay home tonight.” I said and held my breath. The silence that followed was deafening.
“Well, you’re going, so I’ll see you at six,” he growled out before hanging up on me.
Why is he mad at me? I’d given him what he wanted. I felt a little uneasy but got ready anyway. I went downstairs with a fake smile plastered on my face.
“Mom, Seth will be here in a few minutes. We’re going to hang out with his friends. I won’t be out late,” I said, attempting to keep my voice steady and not betray my illusion of happiness.
“Okay, have a good time,” she said, giving me a kiss on the cheek.
I fought off the urge to vomit. She trusted me and after what I’d done, I was disgusted with myself.
Seth arrived right at six and knocked on the door. He charmed my parents, as usual, and for the first time, I saw it for what it really was- an act.
He didn’t open the jeep door for me as he usually did. He just got in on his side and stared at me as I continued to stand by the door.
“Get in, Katie,” he said, rolling his eyes.
I got in and put on my seat belt. We headed down the road with the radio blaring. It was too loud, so I reached over to turn it down. He swatted my hand away hard. “Don’t touch my radio,” he barked.
I pulled my stinging hand back and stared at the side of his face. “What’s wrong? Are you mad at me about something?”
He reached over, taking my still stinging hand, and rubbed his thumb over the redness. “No. I’m not mad at you. I love you, but you need to grow up and drop this innocent act. We both know you’re not innocent anymore.”
I snatched my hand away, shocked that he said that to me. I felt tears as they stung my eyes and looked out the window so he wouldn’t see them fall.
“Don’t cry, babe. I just want you to be the person I know you can be, for me.”
What’s so wrong with me? I like me,
or I did anyway.
I dried my face, and took a deep breath, preparing myself for a discussion he was not going to like. “Seth, I feel really guilty about last night,” I whispered and held my breath waiting for his reply.
“Katie, you have nothing to feel guilty about. We love each other and that’s what two people do when they are in love.”
“Just because we love each other, doesn’t make it right and you know it,” I said, trying to keep my voice calm since he was already upset with me.
He ran his hand through his hair- his sign of frustration. “Look, I’ll give you a little while to deal with these issues you’re having about sex but after that, I don’t want to hear another word about it. You’ll have no more hesitations like last night. You got it?”
“Yeah. I got it,” I replied, swallowing hard. I knew there was no turning back now.
***
We ended up at JT’s house again, but it was only his date and us. I didn’t like the situation at all. He started a movie, and we all sat on the couch. I chose the end so I wouldn’t have to sit next to him.
I couldn’t pay attention to the movie because I was so tense. Seth wrapped his arm around me, pulled me close and tried to kiss me passionately. I didn’t want to kiss him like that in front of other people. That was gross, especially with JT around staring at me like I was a piece of meat. Seth exhaled a deep breath before getting up to go to the bathroom. I was left alone with JT and his date. She’d obviously been drinking or something, because she seemed drowsy. He scooted closer to me and tucked my hair behind my ear. I cringed as his finger lingered on my neck. Of all the times for me to wear my hair down- it had to be around him.
“I love your hair like this. It’s much prettier than in that boring ponytail you wear all the time. Oh, by the way, how are you feeling? Seth told me about last night. I see you took my advice after all,” he said, his usual smirk in place.
Katie's Glimpse (The Glimpse Series) Page 6