I cringed at the thought of Seth being alone with Asher but knew there was a worse possibility. Something I had tried to ignore since he was three months old.
“Go pack a bag. There’s no way I’m leaving y’all here,” he said, pulling me from my frightening thoughts.
I grabbed my cell phone and called Mom first. I filled her in about Seth’s surprise visit and the court ordered paternity test. She was upset but said the decision was all up to me. I told her Levi and I got back together, and we were going to stay with him for a few days- just in case Seth tried to pull a stunt. Levi motioned for me to give him the phone, so I passed it over. He talked to my mom for a few minutes then asked to speak to my dad. He kissed me on the cheek and whispered, “I’m going to step outside for a bit.”
He stepped out of the door, closing it behind him. I thought it was strange that he wanted to talk to my dad without me around, but I let it go. I had enough on my mind already.
I went to my room and quickly packed a bag for us. When I came back out, Levi was in the kitchen getting bottles and baby food together. He handed back my phone but didn’t say anything about his secret conversation with my dad, and neither did I.
With our stuff together, he went into my room to get Asher. I was amazed that through all of that, he’d never woken up. Levi snuggled him to his chest and made sure he was covered with a blanket before we left the apartment, just like a good daddy would.
It was late when we pulled up to Levi’s house. Asher woke up crying when I got him out of his car seat. He cried big tears as we rushed inside. Levi went straight to the kitchen and made him a bottle as I settled him in my lap on the couch and tried to calm him. When the bottle was ready, Asher took it and drifted off to sleep. I put him on my shoulder and patted his back. I glanced over at Levi. He was staring intently at Asher with a look of uncertainty in his eyes. His eyes met mine, and I knew he had it all figured out.
He took a deep breath. “The night of the party, was that near the same time you and Seth slept together?” he asked hesitantly.
“It was the next week,” I whispered.
“Baby, I’ve seen that guy and now I’ve seen Seth. I don’t think Asher is his son.”
I buried my face in my hands as the tears began their descent. Levi didn’t speak, just rubbed my back until my sobs subsided. I dried my face on my sleeve and spoke, my voice sounding hoarse. “When Asher was born, he had a little bit of light colored hair, but when I saw those bright blue eyes, it made me wonder. I held out hope that he was Seth’s but by the time Asher was three months old, I knew he wasn’t. His hair is so blond it’s almost white, just like JT’s hair. I just didn’t want to admit that my son’s father is a monster. How could something so sweet and perfect come from someone like him? What if Asher grows up-”
Levi reached over and put his fingers against my lips to stop me from finishing that sentence. “Don’t say that out loud. Don’t even think it. We’re going to pray for him every day, and we’re going to trust God to protect him. He’s going to grow up to be a good man that loves the Lord,” he said as tears shimmered in his eyes. “Say it, Katie. He’s going to grow up...”
I finished the rest of the sentence along with him. “To be a good man that loves the Lord.”
I snuggled Asher closer to me, repeating the sentence to myself. I wanted to believe it and knew that I had to give my fear and worries to God and rely on Him.
Levi reached over and stroked my cheek. “So, you’re going to go ahead with the test?”
“Yes, but we need to be ready. When Seth learns that he’s not the father, he’s going to explode.”
Levi stiffened beside me. “He’s not going to hurt you or Asher. I won’t let him.”
I took his hand in mine and squeezed. “I know that, but he’s not the worst one we have to worry about. What do you think JT is going to do when he finds out Asher isn’t Seth’s? Do you think he’ll try to be in his life?” I asked, my voice becoming increasingly frantic.
“Baby, he isn’t going to come near y’all. He’d have to admit that he’s a rapist. I don’t think he’ll take that chance, do you?”
I shook my head but wasn’t really convinced. I knew how JT felt about me and once he found out we had a son, I was afraid he’d never leave us alone.
“Levi, will you pray for us?” I asked, looking up into his loving eyes.
He smiled warmly, wrapped his arms around us both, and said a prayer for our protection and peace for whatever lay ahead. When he was done, he kissed Asher on the head. “I love him with all my heart and will fight for him until I take my last breath.”
I knew every word he’d spoken was true. I gave him a kiss and rested in his warm arms for a moment. I was exhausted both emotionally and physically. “I’m so tired.” I yawned as soon as the words left my mouth.
“You go get ready for bed. I’ll watch him.”
I grabbed my bag and made my way to Levi’s room. I changed into pajamas, washed my face and brushed my teeth. My hair was a mess, but I was too tired to even care. I shuffled back into the living room so Levi could have his turn, but he had fallen asleep with Asher snuggled on his chest. My heart melted at the sight.
This was something too sweet to forget, so I crept over to my purse, grabbed my phone and snapped a picture. I leaned over to gently pick up Asher but when he felt him move, Levi tightened his hold and opened his eyes. He saw me and relaxed. “Sorry, I thought he was falling.”
Overwhelmed at his reaction, I smiled and kissed him gently on the lips. “Thank you for loving us.”
He gave me a sleepy smile. “Thank you for letting me.”
I snuggled Asher close as Levi led me to his bedroom. “You can sleep in here. I’ll take the guest bed. Just let me get changed.” He dug out a pair of pajama pants from the drawer and went into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.
I suddenly remembered we hadn’t packed Asher’s playpen for him to sleep in. I waited for Levi to come out of the bathroom and when he did, I tried not to stare at his broad chest but failed miserably. I knew there was something I needed to tell him but my mind went blank at the sight of all those muscles. What was it? Oh, yeah, the playpen.
“We forgot his playpen,” I said and managed to keep my eyes above his neck. I pulled back the covers and climbed up into bed with Asher.
“How are you going to keep him from rolling off?” I pointed at the pillow. “Uh, no, I’ve got a better idea but considering how you were just checking me out, I better put a shirt on for it. I can’t be tempting you with my body,” he said, gesturing to his chest.
As he turned to get a t-shirt from the drawer, I threw the pillow at him, hitting him in the head. He let out an “oomph” but continued to put his shirt on. I laughed so hard it shook the bed and jostled Asher. I cleared my throat, stifling my giggles.
He picked up the pillow and tossed it in the air, giving me a sly grin. I ducked down and covered Asher with my body, waiting for the pillow to hit me, but it never did. I looked up and watched as he turned out the light and climbed into bed with us, tucking the pillow behind his head.
“That was wrong,” I said, settling down into my spot.
He reached over and gently tugged my hair. “Nah, you deserved it.”
He leaned over Asher and gave him a kiss before doing the same to me. I closed my eyes feeling more relaxed than I had in a long time. I had just started to drift off when I heard him whisper my name.
“Hmm,” I replied drowsily, not opening my eyes.
“Do you think you’ll want more kids?”
Shocked at his question, I was suddenly wide awake and couldn’t stop the image of a beautiful dark-haired, blue-eyed baby from filling my mind. I took a deep breath. “Honestly, I never thought I’d get to be married or have another baby but now...” I said but stopped, not sure if I should go on.
“But now?” he urged me to continue.
“But now that I’ve met you, I have hope again,” I whispered.<
br />
He became quiet, and I wondered what he was thinking. He didn’t make me wait long. “How many more do you want?”
I smiled, even though I knew he couldn’t see it in the dark. “As many as you’ll give me.”
He chuckled softly. “I love that answer.”
I lay there quietly, caught up in my hopes and dreams. I wanted to touch him, to just feel him and know that this was real. I reached a hand over the top of his pillow and slowly ran my fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp. He let out a small groan, reached up and caught my hand. “That’s not a very good idea,” he whispered.
I pulled my hand away confused. “Why not?”
“Uh...it’s just not,” he answered in a strained voice.
“Oh, okay,” I replied before it dawned on me why it bothered him. “Oh! I’m so sorry, Levi. I just wanted to touch you,” I said and cringed.
He chuckled. “I know, but just not like that, okay?”
I would have to file that away as something he liked for a time, if it ever came, when I might be interested in that sort of thing. “Okay,” I replied and slid my foot over until I found his. “Is this all right?”
He laughed, shaking the whole bed. “That’s fine.”
I said a silent prayer of thanks as I remembered Levi’s promise. I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep feeling safe next to him in his bed.
***
I woke up to the sound of Asher giggling. I rolled over and squinted at the harsh light of the lamp. “What time is it?” I croaked out.
“It’s a little before six. This little stinker gets up early.”
I groaned, rubbing a hand down my face. I got up and stumbled to the bathroom to have a few minutes of privacy. I brushed my teeth and splashed some water on my face before returning to bed. I looked at my happy baby boy as I settled back down and noticed something was different.
“Did you change his clothes?”
Levi smiled sheepishly. “Yeah. He got kind of messy with his bottle this morning.”
I cocked my eyebrow at him. “You already gave him a bottle?”
He chuckled. “Yes, and I changed his diaper too.”
I smiled, bless his sweet heart. “You didn’t have to do that. You could have woken me up.”
“Nah, you were tired. Plus, I haven’t gotten to spend much time alone with him. You just don’t know how right it felt to wake up with his little hands on my face. When I opened my eyes he was grinning at me and I promise you, he called me Daddy.”
I shrugged my shoulders. “He loves you and maybe this time he knew what he was saying,” I replied.
He smiled at me. “Oh, he knew. He wasn’t babbling this time. It was just that one word.”
“And how do you feel about that?” I asked hesitantly.
“In my heart he’s already my son, so if he calls me Daddy then he must be feeling it too,” he said, his voice sounding thick with emotion.
His words blew me away. Tears of joy rolled down my cheeks as I leaned over and wrapped my arms around the two people I loved more than life itself.
We stayed in bed playing with Asher for a while before I scooped him up. “Come on, little man. Let’s go make your daddy some coffee and let him get ready for work.”
When Levi came into the kitchen a little later, I had Asher on my hip and breakfast almost ready. I had his coffee waiting for him on the counter. He came up behind me, wrapping his arms around us. “You’re going to spoil me. You know that, right?”
I looked back at him and reached up to touch his hair. It was still damp from his shower. “I plan on it.”
He kissed the top of my head and took Asher from me. They sat down at the table while I dished up breakfast. I wasn’t sure if Asher could have eggs yet, so I decided to feed him oatmeal instead.
As I fed him a bite, I grumbled, “I need to buy a book or look on the Internet to learn what he can and can’t eat yet. That’s terrible, isn’t it? I should know this stuff.”
Levi took the spoon from me and gave Asher a bite. “Hey, it’s fine. You weren’t ready to be a mother before, but now you are. We’ll do whatever we have to do to learn. I’ll ask my mom some stuff this afternoon since she’s working the front counter.”
Crap! I felt even worse at the reminder. Kathy had been filling in for me since I’d brought Asher home, and I hated to be a burden. “I’m sorry. I hope she doesn’t mind covering for me again. What about her writing? I know she has articles to get done.”
He shook his head. “She loves helping. Besides, I think she gets lonely in that house by herself, and you know she can write anytime.”
I took a deep breath, steadying myself for a conversation I didn’t want to have. “Levi, I don’t really want to go back to work anytime soon. I’ve already missed so much time with Asher. I really just want to be with him. I’ve got some money saved, so I’ll be okay for a while.”
“Baby, I’ve already started looking for someone to replace you. I knew you were just working there to have something to do with your time, and obviously you’ve got plenty to do now taking care of Ash.”
Relief flooded me, and I felt silly about not telling him sooner. I’d been struggling with this decision since I’d come back to Jackson. I hadn’t wanted to disappoint him, but I should have known better. He truly just wanted me to be happy, no matter what. We finished our breakfast and cleaned up the kitchen. It was still early, so I decided to shower before Levi left for work. There was no telling when I’d get to once he was gone. He followed me into the bedroom before shooing me away as he settled Asher onto the bed for some play time.
I caught a glimpse of my hair in the bathroom mirror and cringed. It was an absolute mess. “You seriously let me walk around all this time with my hair like this?”
He laughed. “What? I kind of liked it like that.”
I rolled my eyes. “Please promise me you’ll tell me from now on when I look like a hot mess.”
He laughed even louder. “You never look like a hot mess. Plus, I really thought your hair looked kind of wild and sexy.”
I laughed and shook my head. “I’m closing the door now. Say goodbye to the sexy hair.”
I closed the door and heard him speaking to Asher. “Your momma is so hot.”
Eeeww! I cracked the door open so I could see him. “That’s gross. Don’t tell him stuff like that.”
He winked and leaned down, whispering something in Asher’s ear. I laughed and closed the door again. I love my silly man.
When I was finished, I took Asher back and walked Levi to the door. He leaned down and gave him a kiss on the cheek before pulling me in for a long passionate one. I was breathless when his lips left mine.
“Keep your phone with you, and call me if you need anything,” he said, looking a little worried.
“We’ll be fine.”
“I know. Just make yourself at home and do whatever you want here. I’ll see you this afternoon.”
He left and I looked at Asher. “How about we play all day, sweet boy,” I said and he giggled. I took that as a yes, and we did exactly that.
Chapter Twenty-Six
I decided that after the paternity test on Wednesday, Asher and I would go back to staying at the apartment. I loved being at Levi’s house, but I didn’t want Asher to get used to staying there, and if I was being honest with myself, neither did I. Levi wasn’t happy about it but said he understood. I knew he just wanted us to be safe, and he felt that we were the safest with him.
On Wednesday morning, we got up early and got ready to face the day. Levi packed the diaper bag and we were ready to go by nine. I felt nervous on the ride to the hospital, even though I was pretty certain how the test would turn out.
As we made our way down the long empty hallway, fear tried to overtake me. I recited Isaiah 41:13 to myself, “For I am the Lord your God, the One who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Don’t be afraid, I am helping you”. I felt the fear fade away as we continued down the hall
. I held my beautiful son on my hip and Levi’s hand in mine. We were a united front with the Lord guiding our way.
We turned a corner and found the lab’s entrance. I gave my name to the receptionist. She checked it off a list and told us to have a seat. Levi led us to a row of chairs against the wall. He sat down next to me, putting my bags in the chair next to him. I held Asher in my lap facing me, where he was content to play with my necklace. He was babbling and trying to get it into his mouth when the door opened. I looked up as Seth walk in. Startled, I sucked in a breath. I felt my heart rate increasing as I glanced over at Levi. His eyes tracked to Seth before cutting to mine. “I didn’t know he’d be here at the same time. I should have figured he’d do it just to upset me, though,” I whispered. Levi nodded his head in agreement.
Seth walked straight to the desk without noticing us. I prayed that God would make us invisible to him. Asher let out a loud giggle and Seth turned at the sound. He saw us and smiled. It looked like a genuine smile, but I knew better. I looked down; I couldn’t bring myself to smile back. He finished up at the desk and came to sit in the empty chair beside me.
“I’m glad you showed up,” he said, ignoring Levi.
Asher turned his head towards his voice, and Seth smiled as he studied his face. “This is Asher, huh? He looks like you.”
I held him closer to my chest, rubbing his back. He giggled and said, “Momma.”
“Well, at least he knows who his momma is,” he said snidely.
I felt Levi’s leg tense against mine, but he didn’t say anything. Give us strength Lord, I prayed.
Seth’s face turned to one of disgust. “I still can’t believe you hid him all this time.”
“I did what I thought was best for my son,” I replied in a calm voice.
“He’s my son too. Now, let me hold him,” he said firmly and reached for him, but Levi beat him to it. He took Asher and stood him up in his lap.
I looked into Seth’s eyes as I spoke, “Not yet. He doesn’t know you well enough and he might get upset.”
Katie's Glimpse (The Glimpse Series) Page 21