by Delilah Hunt
That memory, twisted at it was, had relieved him of any desire for sex. Thoughts of Larke, the things he’d heard and witnessed from childhood until now, coupled with everyone’s expectations of him, caused Chase to lie in bed with his arm around her soft waist, seeking calm from the one person who could give it.
When morning arrived and Larke was fast asleep, he’d forced himself to climb out of the bed, however. He hadn’t wanted to crowd her space or make her feel awkward in the morning with him still there.
On the way inside the building, Chase muttered a curse as he caught sight of McNair talking to John Delway, another member he’d grown up with. The two men grew quiet as he walked by. Chase narrowed his gaze at McNair, still pissed about the incident in the bar. Didn’t matter if his thinking was hypocritical and unfair, or that the two of them had been raised with the same teachings.
“Hey Hudson,” McNair called out, after catching up to him. “I saw you turn onto Glencove Boulevard last night. What’s up, man? Did you go over to the dark side to start some shit?”
Delway snickered beside them at the idea of Chase visiting the predominately black and Hispanic area. Of course, the idiot would find it funny. His father thought all sorts of crime was funny and was, in fact, serving a fifteen-year prison term for robbing a convenience store and beating the Muslim owner.
Chase cocked his head and grinned. He’d seen McNair’s car not too far behind his as he’d turned off in the direction of Larke’s apartment building. Chase thought about asking the man if he’d been on a late run to Spicy n’ Fine Taco Restaurant, where he’d seen McNair’s car parked a couple of weeks ago. He thought better of it, for now. Wasn’t like the asshole would admit to it anyway.
“Awe,” Chase groaned, planting a look of exaggerated sympathy on his face. “Were you up all night crying cause I made you feel left out? Did you wanna tag along?”
“Hmm. Funny, man. Real funny.”
Chase stared at him, smirking as McNair’s finger scratched the bump on his off-centered nose, snorted then walked away. Chase watched him go. The man was all talk, and Chase had proven that after their one and only encounter as teenagers. McNair had cracked jokes and taunted him in front of others, doling out reasons why his mother had taken off, leaving him behind. Before McNair knew what had hit him, Chase had him pinned to the ground, pummeling his face until the other teen was screaming with a broken nose and bleeding all over the ground. It had taken two older AR members to tear Chase off him.
He continued down the hallway inside the building and entered Trevor’s office. The stench of cigarette smoke hit his nostrils. Typical. Although it had only been a week since he last saw his stepfather, Chase was shocked to see the older man’s thinner appearance. He hadn’t lost a ton of weight but the few pounds he’d lost was very noticeable. His hair, which was slicked back into a long ponytail, seemed lankier than usual. Chase shrugged. It was anyone’s guess what Trevor was smoking, snorting or even injecting in addition to his nicotine addiction.
“Just the man I wanted to see,” Trevor said, swiveling side to side in his chair. “Everything went fine like I said it would?”
“Yep,” Chase answered. The trip to Jacksonville had gone uneventful, as well as getting the liquor into the right hands on the ship. Last time. Chase gritted his teeth while eyeing the older man. “So, what’s up? I’m guessing you didn’t want to meet with me to talk about the trip.”
Trevor laughed, the sound came out as ugly as a knife scraping against glass. “Right you are. We need to talk business. But first…” Trevor popped open a new package of cigarette. “Want one?”
Chase shook his head. “Nope. You keep offering, but nothing’s change. I don’t smoke.”
“Sorry.” Trevor let out a breath. “I tell you what. You’re right not to smoke this shit. It kills. Trust me.”
Chase raised his brows. Was he trying to tell him something important? Maybe the sudden weight loss, the cough that sounded like he was about to vomit up a lung were signs of illness. Chase gave a mental shrug. “You okay?”
“Truth?” Trevor blew smoke out the side of his mouth. He kicked one leg up on the table. “I’m dying. Docs are telling me I only have a couple of months left.” He snorted and chuckled low. “What the fuck do they know, right?”
Chase stared blankly at the only man he’d known as a father. He’d never felt love for Trevor and doubted his stepdad felt any for him. But damn, he should feel something. Sadness. Pity. This was a person he’d known since he was three years old. Chase gave himself a few seconds to muster up emotion. Nothing. He forced a note of concern into his voice. “Is it cancer?”
Trevor nodded. “Lungs are covered with tumors.”
“What about chemo?” Chase asked, with genuine interest.
“Won’t help. I already asked. Cancer’s spread too far.” Trevor ground the butt of the cigarette in the ashtray. “We’re soldiers, right? Coming from a long line of genetically superior beings. I’m just a number, man. One of many. I ain’t afraid of death so long as I know what we’re doing here will continue––making the good ol’ U.S of A as it should be. Like our ancestors wanted it to be before those yanks stuck their noses in where it never belonged. I’m heading to Heaven, boy. That sweet afterlife, reserved for our kind. Nothing tainted by goddamn Jews and their liberal multicultural media brainwashing. No siree. Ain’t no place in Heaven for––”
Chase growled in frustration, cutting off Trevor’s rant. “And while you’re in this non-Jew Heaven, what about AR? What happens now?”
“New leadership. I’m looking at it, ain’t I? Your great gramps was a direct descendant of one of the bravest soldiers that fought for the Confederacy. Your granddad Joe used his own money to buy up most of this land after that coal mine went out of business. He provided a place for those of us brave enough to step away from all the bullshit media telling us being around coloreds and immigrants is a good thing. That it’s cool. Fuck no. We both know I was always just a filler. It’s your time to step up, Chase. I know you’re loyal to seeing our people take control once again. That’s why we need you to take the helm and lead. Show those motherfuckers out there what real nationalism is about.”
Chase knew this was coming. Hell, hadn’t he been waiting on this for years? He schooled his features, not sure how to react. The only word his mind could form was Larke. How loyal was he, if hours ago he’d been in bed with a girl who was everything he was supposed to hate?
Trevor spoke of legacy, heritage, and loyalty. But Chase felt divided. The loyalty he once thought was hundred percent centered on his racist beliefs, was now leaning toward the vision of brown beauty, who had curled up against him last night. Smiling.
Her lips full and juicy, reflecting a heritage he should revile, had whispered in his ear, caressed his skin. Tenderly kissing his symbols of hate as if they were bruises. Horrible bruises she wanted to help him heal. Chase pinched his forehead and asked, “When do you want to exchange leadership?”
Trevor shrugged. “Well, it ain’t like I’m keeling over tonight. We got some time to sort it all out. Not like I gotta worry about you not stepping up.”
Chase nodded. He also understood everything Trevor said and didn’t say. Him stepping up or taking over as leader of AR wasn’t really a choice. It was pretty much a guarantee, because as he and every other kid who grew up in Lee’s Fortress understood–Antebellum Resistance was bigger than them. This was about securing the right future. Their personal goals and feelings didn’t count for shit.
Trevor lit up another cigarette and leaned back in his chair. Chase groaned silently as his stepdad regarded him with a smirk while shaking his head. He knew what was coming. And not surprisingly, the older man switched to his favorite topic. Women.
“You still ain’t got yourself a girl?” Trevor asked this question every couple of weeks. “I ain’t talking ‘bout some random bitch to screw. A proper girl. You know, the kind you wanna settle down with. Knock up and start having som
e young’uns.”
Chase chuckled despite his annoyance. If Trevor knew the kind of girl he was thinking about fucking all the time, the man would drop dead from a heart attack long before cancer took him out. He shook his head and relaxed in his chair. “Nope. I damn sure ain’t in a rush to attach myself to one girl, much less be anyone’s daddy.”
Trevor grunted. “Meh, you ain’t too wrong there. Sometimes kids turn out to be the biggest disappointment. Take the son I had before I met your no-good mother. Biggest piece of shit ever.” He lit up another cigarette and propped one elbow on the table, his eyes gleaming with amusement. “I tell you what. Couple of years ago–you were just a kid then–I got a letter from my…” He made air quotes. “Son. Brainwashed garbage is what he is. Begging me to renounce my racist ways and come out to California to meet him and his Jap wife. Pathetic fool even got her pregnant. Wanted me to meet his little mongrels.” He made a sound of disgust. “Can you believe that shit?”
Chase curled his lips and said what he knew the man expected to hear. What any white supremacist would say to another who was dealing with race mixing within their own family. “Sorry you had to deal with that, man. Must have been real tough.” He knew it wasn’t much of a response, but damn. It was the best he could muster.
Trevor nodded, obviously pleased with Chase’s response. “That’s life. At least I got one son who won’t pull some race mixing shit like that. Your gramps and I raised you with sense.”
Chase had stopped listening. All he could focus on was getting away. Far from Lee’s Fortress, where he didn’t have to see Trevor’s face or hear his hacking cough ever again. But that wouldn’t happen. The only refuge he had was the small house he’d bought a year ago, over an hour’s drive away.
Sitting upright, Chase cleared his throat, suddenly bolstered by the thought of leaving. “Listen. I’m gonna be out of town for a couple of days. Don’t bother to call my phone or email me. I’m not checking any of that stuff. Need some days to relax.”
Trevor chuckled and held up his hand. “You’re going away with a bitch. Yeah. Yeah. I got it. You won’t hear me calling. Said what I had to, anyway. We’re done here.”
Chase nodded. One thing was to be said for Trevor. The man was good at reading between the lines and despised awkward small talk as much as he did. Chase stood. He made it halfway out the door when Trevor called out. “Hey, Chase. Remember what I said. Stop messing around with them sluts and get yourself a good woman. A real dedicated female with enough pride who’ll give you what you need.”
Chase tightened his fist around the handle of the door, fighting the urge to rip it off and shove it down Trevor’s corroding throat. Grinding his teeth, he said nothing, only issuing a single, curt nod. Now his dick was expected to be on AR duty, breeding precious white babies.
He powered down the hallway and out of the building. Life was a teasing bitch. If he wasn’t so frustrated, he would’ve laughed; because the sad thing was, a month ago he would’ve given serious thought to Trevor’s words.
Seated inside his truck, Chase clasped his hands together. He struggled to maintain his calm. Always so much damn pressure. He drew in a deep breath and reached for his phone. There was a missed call from Larke, followed by a message.
Saw your note. No prob. Hope I didn’t hog the bed last night!
The tension began to drain from his body. Chase smiled. His conversation with Trevor was now a distant memory. You did, he wrote back. But I liked it. Can I call u?
Not now. I have a friend over.
Who?
Why do you want to know?
Chase stared at the phone. His smile vanished. Was Larke teasing him or was she serious? He’d never made a habit of texting anyone unless it was something real important.
He didn’t get the chance to reply, before another message came through. Chase. Are you scowling?
He was. She knew him. I was joking with you. I’m sorry if it didn’t come across well. She inserted a smiley face at the end of her apology.
Good. But he still wanted to know who she was with. Anger crept into him. It had better not be that asshole who he’d seen her with inside the bowling alley. The one who’d slapped her ass. His scowl deepened as he asked again. Who’s with u?
Riva. My only friend. Apart from you. But Chase are you still scowling?
Relief made him grin. Yeah. Real nasty too. You wouldn’t wanna see it.
I knew it! Forgive me?
Maybe.
Maybe? I want you to say yes.
Okay. Yes. Only if you let me see you again today.
Of course. I want to see you too.
His chest felt tight again. Where?
Same park. In an hour. Near the duck pond.
Chase held the phone inside his hand. Two things suddenly occurred to him. He’d actually texted a girl and could’ve continued doing so if they hadn’t just agreed to meet. And, he was still parked outside the main building, smiling like he’d won the lottery.
9
“I can’t believe you’re rushing me out.”
“I’m not,” Larke lied. “I’m only telling you I have to go.”
Riva gave her a sideways glance and slanted her lips. “Well, yeah I see that. But why did you go to the bathroom and put on makeup?”
“It’s only eye makeup. Not even a lot.” She hoped it wasn’t too much.
“Aha. So, you admit it. Who is he? I know it’s not Kevin because I saw him the other day and he was confused as to why you didn’t want a second date.”
Oh, Lord. Larke rolled her eyes. “Seriously? Did he think I liked having him grope me inside a bowling alley?”
Riva shrugged. “I told him that. Whatever. Forget Kevin. When I came back from the bathroom I caught you grinning and texting. Tell me who it is. Another writer? Where’d you meet him and why are you being so secretive?”
She dabbed her lips with lip gloss and laughed. Riva was fishing for info. But Larke was smarter than that, she wasn’t going to slip and talk about Chase. Her friend wouldn’t understand. No one would. To be honest she didn’t even want to try and explain her feelings for Chase to anyone only to be judged and told she was insane.
“You’re imagining things. I was messaging my dad. He has a new phone and was trying out some of the messaging features. Just being silly.” The worst lie in the history of lies.
“Liar,” Riva muttered. “I’ll let you off this time. I get it. Anyways. We’ll catch up soon and then you’re gonna tell me all about this mystery man.” She grabbed up her handbag and threw Larke a teasing glance from the doorway. “Have fun and I hope he’s good looking.”
“Thanks,” Larke said, trying hard to contain the excitement bubbling inside her.
On the way to the park, her skin tingled and the butterflies inside her stomach did somersaults each time she thought about last night. Chase’s kisses. She could still feel his mouth on hers, hot, scorching her with the intensity of his lips. How she’d nervously climbed into the bed, fully aware he would join her.
First time being so close to a man. That had been awkward, but oh so wonderful once he’d lain beside her and stroked her face. Somewhere deep inside, Larke knew she should feel guilty and bad for allowing Chase into her heart. She couldn’t. No one was perfect, and he was not a horrible person.
Last night, after seeing the way he’d hung his head after questioning him about his beliefs, Larke knew any sane person would say he deserved the shame he obviously felt. Still, it wasn’t something she’d taken pleasure in witnessing. Not at all. If anything, his behavior had further proven to her that he was no beast. Beneath the hardened exterior and hate, was a person with real feelings and emotions that went far beyond race. That was something she couldn’t and would not ignore.
Once she’d reached the park and found a spot near the pond, Larke exited her car. She smoothed her skirt, gave her braids a quick pat although they were held back in a brightly colored wrap, tied from the back to the front with an off-center
ed bow. By the time she arrived at the pond, her entire body was rippling with anticipation. Chase had made it there before her and was seated with his bare arms stretched across the back of a bench. Larke glanced around making sure there weren’t too many people. She didn’t wish for anyone to feel uncomfortable. Thankfully, they were alone.
Her cheeks heated the moment he looked her way and rose to greet her. She drew in a deep breath, battling the mounting urgency to squeeze her legs together and quell the pulsating need building between her thighs.
“Hey.” His voice, deep and gruff made her breath catch.
“You beat me here.”
“Thought I’d impress you by showing up early.”
Larke laughed softly, drawn in by the way his blue eyes appeared more vivid than before. “You impress me. But not because you arrived here before me.” She settled next to him. “You said in your note that you had to meet with someone this morning. Did it go well?”
“Yeah, it was my stepfather.” He gazed at her and rubbed the bottom of his chin. “I found out he’s dying of cancer. Only has a couple of months to live.”
Larke searched her mind for the right thing to say. What did one say to the news that a horrible racist was dying? She sighed. Racist bastard or not, he probably meant something to Chase, so she forced herself to say, “I’m sorry. Is he suffering a lot?”
Chase chuckled without humor. “He’s got lung cancer and still smoking like five packs a day. It’s sick.”
The lack of emotion in his voice confused her. “Won’t you miss your stepfather when he dies? I remember you mentioned him to me when we were kids.”
His eyes went cold. “When you clip a fingernail, do you ever miss it? I mean it was a part of you for a while, right?”
Ouch. Larke kept her tone neutral. “Isn’t this different? He’s a human being. He helped raised you, didn’t he?”
“Yeah, that’s true. But your thinking is wrong. He didn’t raise me out of the goodness of his heart after my mother left. Trevor was all about getting in good with my grandfather. He practically moved right in after my father died when I was three. He used my mother to get himself lined up in a good position to take over when my grandfather couldn’t handle the work anymore. Trevor wanted and needed my loyalty as I got older. Nothing more, nothing less.”