“It’s okay.”
Now, that was Olivia’s voice.
“Just relax. It’s okay if you like it. You can enjoy touching. It’s human. We need it.”
“Okay,” I said.
Then Olivia went away and I just saw Devon. I was sad for a second but I remembered what she’d said and I just relaxed. I wasn’t less of a person because I found other people attractive. How she looked and felt was good. It wasn’t my ultimate. That was Olivia. No one felt like her but Devon was good too. I just didn’t feel anything beyond physical appreciation for her.
She was swaying her hips and I reached up, putting my hands on them, she looked behind her, pleased.
I smiled up and felt her skin under my fingers. It was smooth as silk. She was blessed with amazing hips and I liked feeling where they flared.
When she turned around again I let her touch my face and kiss my cheek.
“You’re cute,” she told me.
“So, are you,” I said.
“Well, thanks. I can tell you meant that.”
I was reaching in my pocket for money to pay her and I stopped and looked up at her. “Yeah, I did. This wasn’t what I expected and I was really freaked out about coming here tonight but now I feel good. Thanks.”
“Oh!” Her eyes got big and she grinned. “That’s so sweet. Your Olivia is lucky.”
She bent down and kissed me full on the mouth and I let her. It was weird but it wasn’t like I’d not kissed other people. Before…
She deepened the kiss a little. She was good. It was a nice kiss but that was all. When she pulled back I was bemused.
“Just thought I’d give you something to remember me by,” she said. “Good luck.”
I chuckled and held out a hundred dollars in twenties. She waved it off, pushing the money back at me.
“It’s on the house.”
“You sure?!”
I didn’t want her to go without getting paid.
“Yah, I’m sure. I didn’t give you the dance for money. I gave it because I liked you. I could tell from the stage that you were different.”
“Oh, well, thanks,” I chewed my lip. Different. I wasn't there to look at the girls but I’d appreciated her anyway.
“You too,” I threw out. “You’re different, I mean. In a good way.”
She smiled and gave me a little wave.
“Don’t get any more charming or I’ll be tempted to give you more than a kiss,” she said.
That was too much. The kiss had been unsolicited and uninvolved. I felt okay about that. I could tell that she really was offering and I felt bad. I was going to have to disappoint her.
“I’ll rein myself in then.”
That was all she needed.
“Goodbye, Avery,” she said.
“Bye,” I returned.
She left the booth and I waited for a minute or so until I got up and went looking for Skylar. I wanted to go home. Olivia might not be there but I could rest and wait for her. I needed to be touching her as soon as possible.
I was missing it, missing her.
Chapter 11
Olivia
The night was young and it was my last. I hadn’t planned on being naughty or anything like that but I knew beyond everything else that Natalie would be into watching me, in a friend-like capacity, so at least I could get drunk.
That’s not to say I had some delusions about her being over me romantically. Natalie was always honest about how hot she thought I was and how turned on she was when I was near her. If anything, I had only learned more about that since our break.
When we got in the car, I tucked myself inside her passenger seat. I secretly loved her car and missed it but I’d never confess that to her, it’d open up certain conversational avenues and expand on the awkwardness we already had.
“So, you’re free?” Natalie checked, staring over at me.
“For now,” I said, mischief and dread mixed onto my face so plainly that I could feel it showing.
“Let's go then,” she smiled. I felt her hand on my knee as she put the car in reverse and sped us out away from my house. Certain flashbacks of our first month together came flooding back.
I was quiet a second. Avery wasn’t here but still Nat’s hand on my leg gave me pause. Mostly I just knew, if Avery were here I wouldn’t allow it for fear of upsetting her. What kind of a woman was I?
I sat there silently, letting the hand lay where it was, without protest. Instead of speaking I looked out at the houses and the land. It wasn’t dark yet but it would be soon.
“I can’t believe she’s letting you go,” Nat teased.
“She’s not really,” I said. “I kinda convinced her.” I knew Avery. Avery didn’t want me to go. Avery didn’t want to go to the strip club. Avery wanted to stay in and indulge like we were prone to do. She wanted a normal night without stress and I understood her for that but this was an occasion and I would kick myself if I didn’t at least pretend to follow tradition now that we’d committed to this whole wedding spiel.
“I’ll bet,” Natalie laughed.
She moved her hand from my leg and took the turn onto the main road.
I would ask her where we were going if I didn’t already know that she wasn’t about to just tell me all her plans.
“Aren’t you gonna ask?” She smiled over at me.
“I don’t care,” I said, baiting her. She was easy to bait.
“Well, we have a tight schedule,” Natalie said. “You have plans.”
“Oh, do I?” I teased.
“You do,” she confirmed.
“And what about you?” I asked.
“I’m your guide,” she explained. “I’ll be the sober one. I’ll be your escort.”
“Aren’t escorts for fucking?” I teased. I tensed my hand into a fist and then flared my fingers in front of my face for her to see.
She let out a little gasp and I could tell she was already turned on. Perhaps there were things she forgot about me.
“They can be,” she said, lifting an eyebrow. “If you want that.”
“I can’t want that,” I smiled, reminding her. I was happy to get this part out of the way.
“I hadn’t planned that,” Nat said. Her face darkened.
“Oh, Nat…” I’d hurt her feelings.
“No, it’s- It’s fine,” she said, calming and coming back to herself.
“You do know I’m not going to just say yes to whatever it is you’re planning right?”
“We’ll see,” she said, cheering up a little bit. I could see it though, in her eyes, when she looked over at me. As much as she wanted to have fun and play, she was sad. I knew this week was probably tough on her. If our places were reversed, I’d be exactly the same way.
Nat was probably the only person who could get me to do something I was resisting but really wanted to do. An outing like this? Technically it was dangerous.
“Avery can’t really hold you responsible if I force you to do something,” Nat said.
“Natalie…” I was not about to hear something like that.
“Just sayin’,” Nat shrugged.
“Yeah, well. She will hold it against me so if you don’t want to be held responsible for me losing the love of my life you better adjust whatever it is you think you’re going to get me to do tonight.”
I’d established two things already. Number 1: Nat hadn’t planned on seducing me which was good. Number 2: we weren’t just going to some strip club for some boring sit-in.
If Nat had intended tonight to be tame she would never have split Avery and I up.
I had a hunch about all this before but now her comment had pretty much confirmed what I’d guessed.
“Loosen up, Livia. Avery’s not going to leave you. She loves you.”
“I’m just saying,” I said. “If you try to make me do anything. I will be the one taking the punishment later, not you.”
“And yet you came anyway,” Nat cockily teased. “Why am I not i
n the least bit surprised?”
“I trust you,” I reminded, raising an eyebrow. If she fucked up my life with Avery I would not want a thing to do with her. I think she knew that. I didn’t have to say it. It was in my stare.
I watched her take a gulp.
“Good,” she said.
She pulled the car into the parking lot of a pretty trashy strip mall.
There was a bar here. I knew of it. I’d played pool here with Natalie before. That night we’d had dirty sex in the filthy bathroom after flirting with each other relentlessly in front of two older men who would not leave us alone.
It was the first bar on yelp when I searched it. I immediately said no, and Nat immediately said: YES!
“Step one: drinks,” she explained. Parking the car and getting out.
I moved to get out too. Not knowing where we were liable to go, I’d worn a tight black cocktail dress and expensive heels. I was already regretting it though. A place like this was filled with locals, mostly men. I didn’t want dumb men hitting on me. Dumb men took the dress, and my body in that case, as some sort of signal. They thought makeup meant I wanted them. They thought a lot of things that made absolutely no fucking sense.
Once we got inside I only felt a little better.
Nat took my hand in hers and pulled me in, sensing my fear.
She’d reserved our old pool table for us.
“Poetic justice,” she said, taking the pool cue off the wall and handing it to me, along with the least used block of chalk. “Our first real date was here, so our last real breakup will be here.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked. She hadn’t even been drinking and she already sounded quite mad.
I’d been right about what she’d be wearing. She looked even more delicious than me. Her boobs were bigger and somehow her red dress was probably smaller. I found the science of her to be quite interesting as I mapped her formula and tried to retain it inside.
As she bent over to pull the balls into formation a man came up behind her and touched her hip while pushing over her.
“Sorry, darlin’,” he slurred, pretending to have tripped a bit and fell onto her. He did have a drink in his hand but he was certainly NOT sorry.
“Get your fucking cock off my girl!” I yelled, standing up straight and reproaching him loudly. There was music on, so it wasn’t some show, but I knew he heard me because his eyes locked with mine before they fell and noticed his placement.
Nat looked up at me and gave me a sort of breathless smile, amused by my loud flare of anger. The man still had her there and I knew what that position meant. He was touching her from behind with his crotch, he had to be. They were flush and her hands were on the edge of the table as if he was pushing her.
“Whoa! SORrrrrYYY,” the man teased, backing off with his hand up now and off of her. “Bartender!” He yelled. “Their drinks are on me!”
I sighed, already annoyed. I hated this fucking place. I loved what happened here that other day but I hated this fucking place and nothing like that could happen here again so I didn’t understand why we’d come back tonight.
I couldn’t thank the asshole because I hated him. His buying of our drinks would relieve his guilt completely. It was bullshit.
The way of the world pissed me off.
Nat took the triangular rack up from the table after she’d positioned the balls into their familiar little pyramid. We were quiet, going through motions. She viewed my mind racing and enjoyed it, took it in.
I lined my shot up and took it, breaking the formation like some well-practiced expert. I’d studied this sport, for a while, while I’d been dating her and trying to impress in different ways. I was good at it but not too good. That still didn't mean I liked what we were doing.
A few beers came over. Natalie took them both and brought them over to me.
“Your girl?” Nat tested, handing me one.
“Did you really drag me out here to make me watch every lucky asshole in town dry hump your perfect ass?” While I sipped, I openly surveyed her ample cleavage and wished Avery was with me to keep me from being an idiot tonight.
“No,” Nat smiled. She’d gotten pleasure from that assault of an exchange and that was probably all to do with my being witness to it and nothing more. “I brought you out here because we have history here and I wanted you to remember that before you went away.”
“I’m not dying Nat.”
“Yeah.. Well… May as well be.”
I’d been drinking my drink and I had to struggle to stop and breathe.
“Take it back,” I said. I hadn’t yelled or anything. It was a warning really. We’d have none of that tonight.
“Nah,” she shrugged defiantly, walking over and setting up her shot all sexily. Since I’d been nervous, I’d only managed to get two of my solid color balls in before failing. I looked around the room sheepishly and noticed the stares. This place was mostly filled with men and a lot of them were staring. We were bait here. We shouldn’t be here. Nat just had this thing about her, she liked to test the limits and see how far she could go.
It’s why I liked her but why we could never work. I needed safety. I needed someone to stop me from doing things like this. Knowing and understanding what I actually wanted to try, Natalie always encouraged the dark side of me, which wasn’t good.
Nat looked back at me, all cocky. She slid the cue through her fingers and stuck her tongue out suggestively before hitting the cue ball and causing a well-practiced jump-shot to occur. I looked to the table and watched as the ball hopped over another and hit the one she had intended it to hit. Effortless. Always. The white cue ball hopped and hit the green striped number 14, knocking it with exactly the amount of force it needed to cause it to go right into the corner pocket and rest.
At billiards, she was certainly better than me and she knew. I don’t know how she’d done it. She’d found, right away, something she could beat me in quick after we’d met. We hadn’t played much after our first time. I’d studied and studied but we hadn’t played. I guess this was the rematch I had once sort of begged for. Now that I had it, I already knew I was going to lose.
I blushed and laughed as tight anger invaded me. Her step-one was really to rile me.
I laughed to myself and tasted the shitty beer that now lined my throat.
“You are such a bitch,” I muttered, shaking my head as I used my stick as a pole for stability and drank my first beer down quick.
She wanted me drunk. Step one. I got that.
May as well speed things up. I could do with leaving this place.
“You’re the one who dumped me,” she reminded.
Nat moved about the table and I watched her calmly as I finished the remnants of my first glass and quickly moved on to number two.
I kept drinking and drinking.
Natalie went one-by-one and hit every single ball of hers into the pockets while I became a little fuzzy and tipsy and soon had to watch as she beat me without mercy in her one single turn.
“You drunk yet?” She asked, coming over to me and taking away my empty glass. I hadn’t noticed I’d just been holding it while I stared. She took my pool stick too and I watched her set them both up before coming back.
“Just tipsy,” I said truthfully. “I little tired.”
“It’s a good start,” she said, looking down on me and bringing my body to hers with a hand at my back just above the slight curve of my ass.
“Don’t do anything stupid,” I warned. She took my hand in hers. Before I knew it, we were dancing.
“Wouldn’t dream of it,” she said, surveying me in that dreamy calm way.
The song was lovely actually. I had to laugh. I was pissed but I loved her.
“Thanks for trying,” I said.
“You deserve good things,” she teased, knowing the reference was hilarious. The shitty bar where we were always guaranteed to be openly manhandled and sexually harassed should just not be thought of as good things.
But I loved her for this. “What do you think your girlfriend’s doing?” The twang of the guitar overhead and the knock of the other balls, and the cheers of the guys playing darts and watching sports, really made me notice how fuzzy and relaxed I’d already become. I should’ve eaten before going out. I wouldn’t last long this way but maybe that was a good thing. Nat would take care of me. She’d bring me home if I really wanted. I knew that.
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