After Ben

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After Ben Page 18

by Con Riley


  She opened another album. This one was much more recent. It amazed Theo how his dad had managed to take so many candid shots without being obvious. It was full of pictures of him and Ben—walking back up the dock, sitting in the kitchen shelling peas, warming their hands in front of the fire—average, everyday stuff. Considering that Ben had stopped coming to his parents’ home, apart from very rare occasions, years before, there were a lot of photos.

  In one of them, Ben’s expression was stern, making him look his age. His mom trailed a finger across the bottom of the photo, sounding uncertain—wary—as she said, “I think this is how I always saw him.” Theo stiffened, suddenly choked with angry words—years’ worth, fucking years’ worth of words. His dad squeezed his knee, silently asking him to stay calm.

  “But this is Ben, your Ben, right?” She turned the page. Ben’s eyes were merry, the creases at their corners feathering upward. “And here, also?” She flipped another page. Ben was turned toward Theo, who was engrossed in conversation. Ben’s expression was soft and loving, his eyes limpid.

  “He loved you too, Theo.”

  Theo nodded, then put his arm around his mom, tangling his fingers in the hair behind her ear.

  His voice was hoarse. “Yeah.”

  He slung his other arm around his dad.

  “Yeah, he did.”

  They looked through the rest of the photos together.

  When he spoke to Morgan later, he explained that the hardest thing for him was leaving all those photos at his parents’ house.

  MORGAN: You wanted to bring him home?

  THEO: Yeah.

  THEO: So much.

  MORGAN: Why didn’t you?

  THEO: Hanging on hurts more now than letting go.

  MORGAN: You need to say good-bye.

  THEO: I don’t know what I need anymore.

  MORGAN: That’s okay, Theo. I do.

  Chapter 13

  MAGGIE was on a mission.

  Theo recognized the signs: She was determined to talk to him about Morgan, ignoring all his attempts to keep their conversation professional.

  “Yes, yes, I heard you the first five times, Theo. You aren’t going to tell me anything because,” she made air quotes before adding, “there’s nothing to tell.”

  She walked around his desk, nudging at his chair with her knees until she wriggled herself between Theo and his paperwork. “Now, tell me everything.” Resisting Maggie was futile, Theo decided. Just as resisting Morgan was. He’d had a morning full of messages from the man.

  MORGAN: What are you doing now?

  MORGAN: And now?

  No detail seemed too boring. Theo was starting to wonder if Morgan actually ever went to work himself.

  MORGAN: I can work from bed. It’s very civilized. You should try it.

  MORGAN: So… what are you doing now?

  Between Morgan and Maggie, Theo’s day was completely unproductive. He left his phone on his desk, grabbed a folder of notes from a meeting, and took refuge in the archive room. Evan looked up, blinking, as he pushed the heavy door open. “Don’t mind me, Evan. I just need… um….” He looked around, then caught Evan’s smile and smiled back, shrugging. “I just need some peace.”

  Evan rolled his eyes, making space at the counter for Theo’s folder of papers. As they read in comfortable silence, Theo couldn’t help noticing that Evan was working on something that he could complete at his desk. For a moment, his old concerns about David Daly’s son lapped around his ankles. “Is everything all right, Evan?” He gestured toward his work. “Can’t you do that at your desk?” He would be surprised, and a little sad, if Joel had reverted to his previous intense attention.

  He watched as Evan reddened. The bright florescent light made his hair seem almost silver, and Theo was sitting close enough to notice that he had a faint spattering of freckles across the bridge of his nose. It was a shame, Theo thought, that there wasn’t a masculine word for pretty. Pink-faced Evan would suit it perfectly.

  When the blond smiled up at him, his expression was almost embarrassed. “I can’t seem to concentrate.” He colored up a little more.

  “Me either.”

  Evan’s eyes fell to Theo’s tie, then lifted again as he said, “Yeah, I can tell.” When Theo protested that he couldn’t see anything wrong with his choice of clothes, Evan sighed, shaking his head.

  “What are you doing tomorrow?” At Theo’s shrug, Evan added, “I’m helping out at Aiden’s store. You should come by and see me.” His fingers trailed up Theo’s tie as he shook his head, blond hair falling forward. “Maybe you could get your sight tested at the same time.”

  Theo’s laugh masked the sound of the door opening behind him. Evan’s heightened flush was the only indicator that they had company. As he turned, Theo noticed Joel standing in the doorway, smoothing an uncharacteristic frown into equally un-Joel-like blankness.

  “Evan, why don’t you go and use my desk? I won’t need it for a while.” Yeah, a little time with Joel might be a good idea, Theo figured, as Evan suddenly released his tie. The taller man looked away, jaw jutting, purposefully staring anywhere but at Evan.

  Once he was gone, Joel huffed out a breath. Theo bowed his head over his notes, giving him some space. Ben had been so similar. If he had shit on his mind, he’d puff and blow, no matter how many times Theo asked what was wrong. Sometimes he used to lose his temper with Ben, demanding to know what the fuck was up.

  “Maybe I’m enjoying being pissed, tesoro. It’s nothing personal.”

  Ben didn’t get that his moods colored Theo’s days, painting them dull gray when his face was lined with rare, stern disapproval. It was a family trait that he’d watched play out over and over whenever they went home. All of the de Luca brothers were loud and obvious when they were annoyed. Theo used to ask what their deal was, wanting to make things right, hating the sullen tension, followed by firework bursts of noisy temper.

  “Nothing. Something, maybe? Who knows? It’s not for you to worry about, baby. Some people shout, some people withdraw from conflict, others run right up to it. Maybe shouting is healthier?”

  So, Theo didn’t ask what was up with his taller intern. He made notes instead, while Joel crashed about, dropping boxes and slamming them back onto shelves. Eventually he settled on the stool next to Theo, sighing.

  “What were you talking to Evan about?”

  “I thought we already had the ‘private conversations stay private’ talk, Joel. You know how I feel about respecting confidentiality.”

  The kid looked so miserable.

  “Look, it was nothing. Apparently I still can’t dress myself.” Theo gestured at his tie.

  “What’s wrong with what you’re wearing?”

  “Exactly!” Theo laughed. Eventually Joel smiled too before apologizing while scrubbing at his face.

  “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

  Taking pity on him, Theo shared that he was going to get some expert fashion advice over the weekend. Joel shuddered in sympathy.

  “Maybe we’ll see you too, Joel. Evan might prefer helping someone his own age to shop.” They made tentative plans to meet around lunchtime, Joel making it clear that he would come if he didn’t have anything better to do. He didn’t fool Theo for a moment. Changing the subject, he spoke to Joel about work for a while. When he eventually finished his own notes, he headed back to his office, only to find Evan standing at the door, looking worried.

  “What’s up, Evan? Why aren’t you….” He stepped past the smaller man who hovered in his way, only to see Maggie slam his phone back down on his desk.

  “Maggie!”

  “Don’t worry, Theo. I won’t bother you about your love life anymore.” She skirted around his desk. “And don’t blame Evan. He just let me know that your phone was chiming non-stop. I was going to bring it to you.” She did her very best not to giggle, backing out of his office.

  As she shut the door behind her, Theo glanced at Morgan’s latest mess
age before groaning and resting his head on his desk.

  MORGAN: Come back to bed. I miss your dirty, dirty mouth.

  Maggie’s final comment rang in his ears.

  “No wonder you’ve been so happy lately.”

  THEO thought about happiness the next day as Evan draped ties that all looked pretty similar around his neck. His brother, Aiden, leaned against the dressing room door, practically filling the whole doorway, sucking the oxygen out of the small mirrored room. He exuded happiness every time he looked at his brother.

  Theo felt a little dizzy as he watched Aiden’s glossy, dark curls catch the light when he bent to retrieve a fallen tie, then fold it carefully, his huge—seriously, everything about the man was supersized—hands strangely graceful. Add in the way his catlike eyes tilted up at the corners when he smiled, and Theo almost found himself wishing he was a decade or so younger.

  Damn.

  He’d recognized Theo right away, striding across from his place behind the counter, extending his hand. Aiden had matured into a wide-shouldered, fine-looking man, his expression only marred by the ingrained furrows in his brow.

  “Mr. Anderson? How are you?” His grip was strong. Theo resisted the urge to rub the circulation back into his hand once it was released.

  “Please, it’s Theo, and I’m good, thanks.” He looked around the store. “Is—” Aiden interrupted him.

  “I’m sorry about my brother, Theo. He’s set aside a dressing room for you, and I’m guessing by your expression that isn’t a great thing.” Evan’s brother shrugged, then smiled, his whole face lighting up. “He’s been so excited all morning. I know you’ve done so much for him already.” He held up his palms. “Don’t try to deny it. I figured you didn’t have to give him the intern spot, but it’s been such a great experience for him after….” The big man swallowed, his face momentarily twisting.

  “Your dad would be very proud of him, Aiden. And proud of you too—look at this place!” Aiden gave him the grand tour, explaining how he’d started the business, on paper, as part of a college-course requirement. He sourced the clothing he sold from Europe and had moved on from a small online store he’d run from his dorm room to the store he owned today.

  “It’s taken every spare minute. Sometimes I’ve felt like I haven’t had enough time for Evan.”

  “He seems to be doing just fine, Aiden. You both do.” Theo couldn’t help thinking that their father would be pleased with how his boys had turned out.

  “Well, I’ve never seen Evan the way he’s been lately. He’s made some nice friends, and it’s great to see him going out sometimes instead of always keeping Mom company.” Theo wondered just how much Evan shared with his brother, then had his unasked question answered. “So, do you think this Joel dude will ever man up and ask him out? If he’s waiting for Evan to get his ass in gear, he’ll be waiting for fucking ever.”

  “Aiden!” Evan’s face flamed as he crossed the shop floor. He guided Theo toward the back of the store, where they spent a not-too-horrible hour together amassing a pile of shirts and ties.

  “All of these combinations coordinate, boss. You won’t even have to think about it when you get dressed.” Evan looked pleased with himself, then shook his head as his stomach rumbled loudly. “It’s time for my break. Do you want to come eat with me?”

  Theo said goodbye to Aiden, noticing his professionalism as pretty girls crowded around him. When the tall man looked at Theo and winked, Theo walked right into a rack of shirts.

  Evan’s laugh brought him back to the moment.

  “Oh my God, not you too? Everyone loves my brother.” He grabbed Theo’s sleeve, pulling him into the stream of shoppers heading toward the food court. “I just wish he had someone for himself.” Theo thought Evan’s expression was speculative.

  “He seems like a good man, Evan. Good looking too. But don’t even go there. He’s far too young for me, even if he was interested….” He stopped himself, deciding that no one needed to hear their boss lust after their probably straight big brother.

  “That’s bullshit. He’s twenty-six. What are you? Thirty-five? There’s nothing wrong with that.”

  “I’m forty-one, and there’s a lot wrong with that, but thanks. Most days I feel around a hundred. Come on, let’s eat.”

  They crossed the busy mall, heading for the food court. Theo looked ahead, wondering if Joel would be waiting. He’d turned out to be very patient—so much more so than Theo had been at the same age. But his patience was paying off, Theo figured. Evan seemed as interested in him now as Joel had been in the blond right from the start of their internship.

  Sometimes, Theo guessed, it was worth taking things slowly.

  He was scanning the faces of diners when his phone chimed. He’d ignored some messages while trying out clothes. He scrolled through them quickly.

  MORGAN: What the hell?

  MORGAN: It’s the weekend, Theo.

  MORGAN: You’re mine on the weekends.

  MORGAN: Don’t make me come and find you.

  Smiling, he looked up just in time to see Joel saying good-bye to another man. He focused on his taller intern’s face as the other guy headed over, brushing past Theo on his way toward the parking lot, exchanging a quick “Hey” with Evan. Theo stepped back, letting him through, vaguely aware of dark eyes and a deep crease between the man’s eyebrows as he concentrated on something he carried.

  Evan nudged Theo, saying, “Look! It’s Joel!” His surprise made Theo snort as he watched him hurry over to Joel’s table. Theo took his time, taking in the way that Joel pulled out a seat for Evan. The two men talked animatedly, leaning in toward each other.

  Theo messaged Morgan:

  THEO: Hmmm… decisions, decisions.

  THEO: I can spend some time with two hot boys who have love on their minds.

  THEO: Or I can spend time with you.

  MORGAN: Get your ass home.

  Theo drove quickly.

  DAYS passed in a haze of late-night online conversation and heated debate on the forum. Theo was sure that he accomplished his objectives at work; he just couldn’t recall any of them. He could recall pretty much every word Morgan shared. The man had led an interesting life.

  MORGAN: We traveled a lot.

  MORGAN: I guess I’ve never stopped.

  MORGAN: This is the longest I’ve ever lived in one city.

  Theo lay back in bed, imagining sun-weathered skin and luggage covered in flight stickers. Later, while watching CNN, he squinted at an international correspondent—one he’d admired for years, who won prizes for his footage from some of the world’s most dangerous destinations—and imagined he was Morgan.

  THEO: Who do you picture when you think of me?

  MORGAN: Papa Smurf.

  THEO: Do you have a camera in here somewhere?

  MORGAN: Yes, Theo. I watch you jerk off to smurf porn every night.

  Their conversations always seemed to end up with Theo in the same place—in his bed, rocking with laughter, trying to ignore the semi he perpetually had going on. Morgan wasn’t shy. He broached the subject with increasing frequency.

  MORGAN: Dude, while your description of Full Spectrum Leadership is fascinating, I am jerking off right now.

  He often gave Theo a play-by-play. The rights or wrongs of getting off to an Internet stranger’s commentary stopped seeming weird after the first few almost-guilty orgasms.

  MORGAN: You know I would get done a lot faster if you talked dirty to me again.

  MORGAN: Friends help friends get off.

  Stroking himself off became a pretty usual end to their evenings together. The other man could jump from debating oil-price manipulation to how much he liked having his balls sucked in a way that left Theo breathless, his head filled with images. Sometimes Morgan got done fast, then helped Theo out.

  MORGAN: I know what you’re doing right now.

  MORGAN: Listen, I’ll tell you how to do it right.

  MORGAN: Go grab one of those
ties your pretty boy E made you buy.

  Theo read Morgan’s instructions, half smiling, half groaning. Stroking himself to full hardness didn’t take too long when he had the world’s filthiest mouth at his disposal. He read as Morgan told him to kneel by the side of his bed. Why that instantly made Theo get a little harder, he couldn’t have explained. When Morgan told Theo to wrap the tie around the base of his dick, he shook his head.

  MORGAN: Loosely, Theo. I’m not into kinky shit.

  MORGAN: Unless it involves smurfs.

  Following Morgan’s instructions, he licked the stretch of skin between his thumb and finger.

  MORGAN: Get it good and wet.

  When he jacked himself, concentrating on the head of his cock, the tight, slick strip of skin he’d wetted caught repeatedly on the underside, making him shudder with pleasure so pure it almost hurt. It was, Theo thought afterward, intensely erotic.

  He read Morgan’s words, hearing them as an internal whisper.

  Keep going. Faster, Theo, faster. Now slow it down, babe. That’s right. Just like that. Yeah, just like that. Spit in your palm. Do it now, Theo. Right now. Spit in your palm and wrap yourself up good and tight. Keep your fist still, Theo. Are you close? Yeah? Fuck your fist. I want to think about your ass clenching and thrusting, fucking me. Are you there? Can you feel it in your balls? Rub them with the tie. Do it. Silk against your skin down there is magic, right? Coming? Pull the tie off, Theo. Pull it off your cock real slow.

  Theo braced against the side of the bed, grunting, spunk spattering onto a gray silk tie and the strip of cherry flooring between the rug and his bed. Collapsing, face turned sideways, Theo read Morgan’s last message.

  MORGAN: You’re welcome.

  He slept, smiling.

  THEO looked at the instructions spread across Maggie’s kitchen table.

  “You do realize that a tree house is meant to be, like, up in a tree, right?”

  Maggie’s husband, Mike, rolled his eyes. “Tell me about it, friend. What can I say? She’s all about the safety.” He tilted his head to one side, squinting before saying, “We could build a platform for it to stand on, and maybe make a rope ladder.”

 

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