“Why don’t you and I run off somewhere together?” He grabbed my good hand while he spoke, hope in his voice. “We could do it, Vera. We could just run off to some other part of the galaxy and hide out somewhere.”
It actually wasn’t a bad plan. I stopped and thought about it.
“Roman, too?” I asked.
“Sure, whatever,” he said as if I’d asked if I could bring a pet.
“I’ll have to talk it over with him,” I said, surprised at my own words. I was supposed to be here to help save Denise! But that tick tock in my head just kept counting down. Nine days left. Was the mission even possible to complete in nine days?
“Ok,” Ian nodded, and then pulled me in to his chest for a fierce hug. “I just feel like we should stick together. Maybe if we stick together we can figure everything out.”
I hugged him back, and then tilted my head up to gently kiss him.
“Maybe we can.”
We held each other until my coffee went cold and I went to relieve Roman at the helm. He was sitting with his feet propped up on the console and a black look on his face. I realized as soon as I came in that he could probably have seen Ian and I from where he was sitting.
“Having fun playing kissing games with your new boyfriend?” he asked, acidly, as soon as I cleared the door.
“No,” I said, irritated.
“No, it wasn’t fun? I’ll tell him you said so.”
“Don’t be such a jerk, Roman!” I demanded, angry that he could turn our innocent conversation into something ridiculous. “He was offering to leave the planet with us to find somewhere safe together.”
“Together? You, Ian, and your pet guardian?” he spat, his face dark with anger. I could tell he’d been working himself up in here the whole time I was out there with Ian, and now he was letting it all loose.
“No!” I protested, “I just thought that it might not be a bad option when we only have nine days left to do the impossible.”
“So you went to Ian? What about me? I’m supposed to be your team mate in this! You said we were partners!” He was yelling now.
“We are partners,” I insisted, feeling the tears start to leak down the sides of my face.
“If we were a team, then you wouldn’t be slinking around my back making plans like I don’t even matter. But I see how it is, all the rich kids sticking together!” He launched himself onto his feet. I didn’t think he could stay sitting with so much anger inside.
“That’s not how it is, Roman. Ian just…”
“Don’t ‘Ian just’ me, I can’t take it from you anymore, Vera! If you don’t want me for a guardian, then just say so, because I’m sick of jumping through hoops for you.”
“Roman, of course I want you for a guardian!”
“No, you just want to use me like you use everyone else in your life. You don’t care about how I feel or what I might think about all this. You don’t even care about how I feel about you. You are such a Matsumoto!” He flung himself through the door, slamming it behind him.
I crumpled into the seat at the bridge, feeling like a fool in my shining evening dress with tears streaming down my face. After everything we’d been through, how could he treat me like this? I could still feel him raging in the channel, and with a burst of spite I turned it off. At least I could be free of that for a few hours. I don’t know how long I sat there sobbing into my hands, but eventually I heard the door open softly and Ian came in.
“I heard the fight,” he said awkwardly, “Do you want me to take the helm so you can get some rest?”
I nodded gratefully and stood. He took my hand and looked down at me with compassion in his blue eyes.
“Think about it, Vera. I could keep you safe just fine without him.”
I nodded again, managed a small smile for him and then fled to my stateroom. I know I cried myself to sleep, although I don’t know how long it took.
THE EX-PACIFIST: 33
I DREAMT THAT SOMETHING WAS wrong. My eyes were closed, but no matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t force them open. I could hear voices, but I couldn’t distinguish the words. They were fuzzy and unfamiliar. I could smell the acrid tang of blood in the air one moment, but the next moment there was nothing. I dreamt that I tossed and turned, desperate to wake, but unable to open my eyes. There was something important that I couldn’t forget, but I couldn’t remember what it was. The world felt like it was getting colder.
When I finally woke my head was spinning and a bright light burned into my eyes. Oh yeah. I had a bad headache didn’t I? I felt like I could hardly move. I was weak, like I hadn’t eaten in days. What was wrong with me? Had I caught some kind of virus?
I reached out through the link towards Roman and realized with a tingle of guilt that I had severed the connection. Oops. He must be going crazy wondering what had happened. I should get up and talk to him. I tried to move, but I was too tired. What time was it? I signaled my implant.
6:45 am Capricornian planetary time.
Oh. Maybe he wasn’t up yet. I’d just reconnect now before he noticed anything was wrong. I thought the command codes. Nothing. That’s funny. It was usually a simple thing. I tried again. Nothing. Starting to worry, I ran a diagnostic. The program was running fine. I was just out of range. In order to re-connect after the connection was severed I had to be within 100 meters of my guardian. Where could Roman be? It wasn’t like him to leave me when he was supposed to be on guard. I keyed the connection code again.
Searching….
I opened my eyes. Roman was going to hear about this from me. The light hurt and I threw a hand up over my eyes as I tried to blink away the pain. How did it get so bright in here? It was cold, too. Not cold like when I go elk hunting, but cold enough to make me uncomfortable. I levered myself up into a sitting position and looked around me.
I wasn’t on the yacht. That was what hit me first. My breathing sped up and I realized that the only sound I could hear was my own thudding heart. Gasping, I took a quick inventory. Hands, two, check. Feet, two, feel fine, check. Face intact. But there were electrodes and wires and pulsing fluid lines running from my body to a series of machines lined up like soldiers around my bed. They were pulsing and flickering silently. The sunny, posh interior of Ian’s yacht had vanished and had been replaced by a scene out of a science fiction novel.
Everything around me was made out of stainless steel ,from the hard bed or table, or whatever I was laying on to the floor, walls and ceiling. I was still wearing the turquoise evening dress, but it was rumpled and creased and it smelled like someone had been wearing it for a lot longer than just one night. My heart was beating faster, my breathing was heavier. I keyed my implant asking for the date.
June 22
June twenty-second? That was four days from now. I keyed it again to verify. The same date registered. My thudding heart was growing so loud I could hardly think. A heaviness filled my throat and I tried to control my breathing with little success. Where was I? Where was Roman? The date had triggered the horrible tick tock I kept feeling. If that date was accurate, and there was no reason not to trust my implant, then I had only six days left, including today, before Nigel showed up to blow us all to the great beyond.
That knowledge solidified something in me and I forced myself to breathe a little more slowly and look around. Was there a way out? There was a stainless steel door and one wall of the room was a window. A small security cam was stuck on the wall above the door, but there was no light under it to indicate that it was on. Somehow I didn’t think I was supposed to wake up here.
If that was true, then this might be my only chance to escape from wherever I was. I wasn’t restrained, and unless these monitors gave off an alarm, or those doors were locked, then this was the best time to try. Galvanized into action, I ripped the wires and tubes from my body. The wires were simple enough, but the tubes were stuck in with long needles, and it wasn’t fun trying to remove them. I hissed and gasped as each new needle left my
body, until finally I was free and clear, panting and holding onto the steel table for support. It really was cold in here.
My bare feet hit the cold floor and I ran, holding my dress up to keep it from tangling. I was at the door in a second flat, wrenching at the door release. It opened with a sucking sound that was more like the hatch on a ship than a door. I stumbled out into a long corridor. On either side, room after room stretched as far as I could see. The walls were windows, like in a mall, some were lit and some dark. Which direction? I seemed to be right in the middle, and I’d have to travel just as much corridor in either direction to find something other than this row of rooms.
On instinct I turned to my right and began to run, my bare feet slapping the floor with each step. It had a textured, rubbery surface like a warehouse or a ship’s deck. I was starting to get a bad feeling about that.
The first few rooms I passed were dark, but the next few contained a faint glow, like from the machines in the room I started in. I peered into one of them, but the light was too faint and I couldn’t make out anything.
Finally one room was so bright, that I could see it clearly. I sfroze, studying the scene behind the glass, one palm pressed against it. There were life support tanks - huge cylinders filled with yellow translucent gel and surrounded by lights and readouts. I strained to see what was in them. Inside each one was one individual form, the size of a baby or toddler, but horribly malformed. I felt my heart beating faster, felt the panic in me rising, the fear bubbling to my lips. I clamped a hand over my mouth to stifle a scream, as one dark silhouette, rotated slightly in the supporting gel. The creature’s eyes seemed to focus on me.
As panicked as I had been before, it was a hundred times worse now. My feet pounded through the passage as I sped up, trying to hold back the screams that were desperate to come out. My body felt electric with fear. Ice cold chills were pulsing at the base of my spine and my only instinct was to run as fast as I could in absolute terror.
I reached the end of the corridor and realized it was a dead end. The only thing there was a hatch. I reached for the hatch release and then saw the warning signs and the key code bar. I scanned the hatch, eyes flicking over the familiar words. No! I thought. No! No!
It was an air lock. A tiny porthole was in the center, and I jammed my face into it. All I could see was a field of black with flickering stars.
With a cry of frustration, I smacked at the hatch with my palms.
Roman, where are you! I screamed in my head, wishing for someone, anyone to be here with me.
It’s okay, I told myself, there’s still the other direction, you just have to go back the way you came from and try the other way.
I turned around, intending to do just that, when I heard the faint tapping sound to my left. I followed it to another wide window, this one dark and thick. I pushed my face until I was nose to the glass, and peered into the dark interior. Suddenly a shape rose in front of me, bringing its face level with mine. I bit back a scream before I realized who it was. It was Denise.
The glass was too thick to hear what she was saying, but by the way her mouth moved I could tell she was screaming something at me. I ran for the hatch to her room, trying to open it, but it was locked, requiring a password key. I ran back to where she was still screaming, smacking my palms against the window in frustration.
After all this time she was here! I’d found her, but there was nothing I could do. I had to find some way to free her and to escape from this place.
“Denise, hold on!” I called, even though I knew she couldn’t hear.
If only Roman was here, he would know what to do, I thought. But it was up to me. I tried to signal that I would be back, but I wasn’t sure if she could tell what I was saying. The tears streaming down her face increased my desperation. I wanted to rescue her from this place. Who even knew what they had done to her, or why she was here?
I had to find a way out. I spun on my heels and that’s when I saw them creeping towards me. There were four of them, clad from head to toe in black, their faces masked.
“I don’t know what you’re doing here, but this has to stop,” I said, boldly. “I am Vera Matsumoto and…”
It was going to be a great speech, but it ended when one of them shot me with a dart. I slumped forward, suddenly unable to speak, and the world went dark again.
* * *
I was on a cot, in one of the rooms with the big windows, but this one was different than the one I woke up in. For one thing, the cot had an actual mattress, although not much in the way of bedding. There was the same stainless steel door, the same small security cam, the same banks of medical instruments, although these were lined up against one wall, and thankfully not attached to me. Beside them was a toilet, also in a stainless steel finish
My head was ringing, but my bladder felt full. Some time must have elapsed since my foiled escape plan. I tried the door, knowing already that this time it would be locked. Not caring who might be watching, I took advantage of the stainless steel facilities. The toilet seat was frigid, but at least it was functional. A moment later I felt better, but even colder.
I tried the window again and then systematically explored the entire small room looking for a communication device or a way out. It did not take very long to realize that there was no other way out. I had lost my one opportunity for escape. I cursed my own bad luck choosing right instead of left.
Seeing Denise had been a relief. She wasn’t dead. She hadn’t looked okay, but at least she was still alive. I had to find a way out of here so I could rescue her.
I returned to the hospital bed, curling up with my feet under me, trying to warm them. Too bad I was still wearing my dressThe cold was starting to creep into my body.
I found myself worrying about Roman, so I keyed my implant again. Was there any update?
Searching….
Roman! I screamed into the void. Where are you? Please be okay!
Nothing. It was my fault. If I hadn’t turned my implant off he could have followed me to the edge of the known universe. As it was, he probably didn’t know where I was any better than I knew where he was. Was he dead, just like Edward? Did he die trying to save me? I hoped with all my heart that hadn’t happened. I hoped he was alive and safe somewhere. Somehow the idea of him safe somewhere, happy and managing to find a way to get away from the Matsumotos forever, was an idea that made me feel warmer despite the cold.
But what if he had died trying to save me? I still didn’t know who had kidnapped me or why they had Denise and I locked in some sort of horror ship. I thought about the assassin team that had killed Jenna and the others. I thought about Martin trying to push me off the cliffs. Someone wanted me dead.
But then why wasn’t I dead already? A new fear seized me. We had been trained to withstand torture, and I knew that I could not give away any secrets of the Empire. That was one of the functions of my implant. It would self-destruct and take my brain with it if I tried. I’d be left a very well-bred vegetable. I didn’t want pain. I didn’t want to die. I felt my panic rising. How long had I been sitting here, wondering what was going to happen? How long had I been out the last time?
I keyed my implant. It was June 23rd at seven a.m. It had been twenty four hours. I had five more days including today. Tick tock, tick tock. The days were slipping through my fingers too quickly. I needed more time.
I lay on the bed, shaking one foot in an anxious rhythm and tried to remain calm. I had been through worse than this, I told myself. Losing Edward was worse. Killing another person was worse, but even both those things, as terrible as they were had never induced this level of anxiety.
Where was Roman? What could they be doing to him?
Roman! I called through the implant, Roman!
Even though I knew he couldn’t hear me, somehow just calling his name seemed to help.
I got up after a while and paced for as long as my feet could endure the cold of the floor. I tried to concentrate on some sort of pl
an or strategy to get me out of here, but a second frantic search of the room had uncovered nothing and try as I might my thoughts would not focus. They skittered across my mind like butter on a hot pan.
Eventually I found myself lying on the cot once more, tears leaking out of my eyes. I felt quick little trembling sobs breaking through every so often. I had to stop this. I had to be stronger than this. With an effort I pulled myself together. Think! I told myself. Think about something else and pull yourself together. So, I started at the beginning and told my own story to myself as if I was explaining it to someone else.
I told myself what it was to be a Matsumoto and how proud I had been to be one. I told myself about Edward and how he had loved me and what he had done in his last moments to protect me. I told myself about how important it was to get all of that back and how much I wanted to be a Matsumoto again. And I thought about Roman and how he had joined my cause despite his past, and how somehow in all this, with the fear of torture and my cousin’s tears through the glass all I could think about was whether he was going to be ok.
It was all my fault. I shouldn’t have turned off the implant. I knew that was a really stupid thing to do. Why had I been such an idiot? I supposed that always having someone there to watch out for me had made me soft. I thought I was hard and determined, but I was actually weak willed and soft.
Well, that time was over. If I ever got out of this mess, I was going to stand up for things. I was going to do what needed doing. My fate may have been chosen for me. But it was only a rough outline. It was up to me to give it life and breath and to choose to use this place I was in for something, because all of this striving and fear and suffering had to be for a reason. I was going to insist on making it useful to me. I wouldn’t just slip into nothing.
It was in the middle of my mental rant that the door opened.
THE EX-PACIFIST: 34
I LAUNCHED MYSELF UP INTO a sitting position, and glared at the man entering the room. A set of cold blue eyes glared right back at me. I felt fear stab through my belly as I finally saw clearly what Roman had seen the first time he ever saw him. Predator.
The Matsumoto Trilogy: Omnibus Edition Page 19