MY BATTLE RAGED ON. I refused to give ground to the shadows in my mind, but they fought for supremacy. I must have looked asleep on the physical level, but I was not sleeping. I was waging a deadly war. Individual voices were starting to emerge and starting to attempt to bend me to their wills.
Every so often I would fade into physical consciousness long enough to realize that another battle was raging outside my mind, too.
“Will you follow her in this rebellion?” a marine asked Roman.
“I’m her guardian. I go where she goes. My life for hers,” Roman said, and there was steel in his voice. I couldn’t get my lids to open to see him, but I hoped he was doing okay. This was a lot to digest.
“Sorry we didn’t tell you, Sarge.”
“I can’t talk to you about that right now.” There was a tremor in his voice. I wished I could see his face.
“Yeah, well, we’ll be here when you’re ready.”
I faded out, again. Within my mind seven beings were forcing themselves to the foreground. It was a battle to emerge from the horde. They flickered in and out. I thought one might be my mother. I wrapped ever tighter, fearing one might break loose and wrest my hold from them all.
When next I came to, Driscoll was talking.
“So you’ll come with us, then?”
“What other option do I have?” Ch’ng asked.
“You could stay here. Without the shadows it isn’t a bad planet,” Roman suggested. Conspiring with criminals was not sitting well with him.
Something about Ch’ngs tone made me think he was shrugging as he answered, “Driscoll says she’s alright, and I trust him. I wasn’t meant to rot away on a backwater planet.”
I was back in my own mind again, and the seven beings were clearer than ever. One was definitely my mother. She was the clearest, and as she coalesced I could feel her reaching for me, trying to communicate beyond the flow of the throng. Five of the other beings were Javierian’s, and one was an elderly scientist from the records I’d been watching. The aliens were less clear than my mother and the other human, as if it were more difficult for them to get their thoughts through to me. Maybe these were their leaders.
I didn’t know how much time passed on the outside. It was still day, my lids were painted scarlet when I was conscious, but the flow of conversations seemed to suggest that a lot of time was passing.
“…still no word from the starship. I think our communications are a bust,” Roman was saying. He must be refusing to leave my side, because whenever I was awake I heard his voice.
“Will they pull out of the system if they don’t hear from you or just send more shuttles?” Driscoll asked.
“SOP is to send another squad to investigate, but our commander is touchy, and we’re not here because we are in his good graces.” Roman paused and then said, “It could go either way.”
“I hope she wakes up soon then,” Kitsano said. “I want nothing more than to be rid of this place.”
“If we move her now we risk setting those shadows loose. Who knows what kind of war she’s fighting with them?” Roman said.
“I know,” Kitsano fumed, “and I’m not saying we should move her…yet. I’m just worried. She’s our ticket out of here. If the shadows come back we’re finished.”
“She’s more than a ‘ticket,’” Roman said savagely.
“Easy, marine,” Kitsano said, “Don’t you think I’m starting to realize that?”
“You should have realized it before, Lieutenant,” Driscoll said, “I did tell you she was extraordinary.”
“And I promised you I’d follow through with your plans, Patrick, but I still chafe at working with a Matsumoto, no matter how much I personally have come to respect her.”
“You swore to Driscoll’s Own, Lieutenant,” one of the marines said.
“When you’ve been through what I have, Private, you might get nervous about things, too,” Kitsano growled.
“But you did give your word,” Driscoll said.
“And I’ll keep it,” she agreed with a leaden voice.
I turned back to my internal situation. I looked around the circle of shadows, for they had formed a distinct semi-circle, and hints of their physical looks and shapes ebbed in and out like the surf. My mother spoke first.
“We are the Elders of Baldric.”
So now I was going to do what I was born for: make a treaty. I’d never expected to have to make one with the voices in my head. I wondered how that would look on my resume.
“We have been watching you and testing you since your arrival on our planet,” the scientist-looking one said.
“I am Zeta Matsumoto,” my mother said, needlessly. “These are the other Elders; Caradand, Elizandar, Dalinoro, Fretzler, Javazuri, and Ed Yokiro. Together we rule the people of Baldric.”
I wondered how my mother and Yokiro got on that list. It seemed just a touch presumptuous for two humans to be governing Baldric.
“We have chosen you,” the one she’d identified as Fretzler said, “after much deliberation. You will take us away from our beloved planet.” Fretzler seemed sorrowful, her long hair hung over her face, as she looked down, refusing to meet my eyes.
“Leave? You want to leave?” I asked, surprised.
“We don’t want that!” Dalinoro said. He was taller than the rest and he spoke in clipped tones that couldn’t mask his intensity.
“But what we want is beside the point. We must keep our promises, and we promised our people that we would stop the ravages of the Matsumotos, and set them free from our bound consciousness,” Zeta said.
I wondered how she had managed to manipulate them into promising that. It must have been her, since it was so clearly a Matsumoto thing to do.
“In that case,” I said, “my time is limited. If you truly want me to take you off this planet and ‘stop the ravages of the Matsumotos’ I need to be on my way as soon as I can.”
“Then we must speak quickly,” Caradand said. He was smaller than the others, with a solid body but an impish grin made him look less threatening. “We are bound together and require certain things to be released. We chose you-”
“Chose me?” I broke in, “You killed my friends and tried to kill me! I beat you and bound you and that’s the only reason you are here now!”
“Yes, of course,” Zeta said irritably, rubbing her shadow chin as she spoke, “We certainly wouldn’t want to be borne by a weakling. Only someone able to defeat us and command us is worthy of the chance to free us.”
“Great,” I said. “Just great. So I have a whole army of you in my mind who are looking at me for salvation?”
“Essentially yes,” said Yokiro, adjusting shadow clothing, “But that is far too basic of a way to look at it. We require your service, but we will aid you. We can leave your mind in our shadow form if you release us, and as you adjust to our presence we will grow quieter. You will be able to choose when to release us and gather us up, and when to listen or when to ignore us. It will just take time and practice.”
“And in time, when you are not so anxious to be on your way, we can explain everything else,” Caradand said.
“But right now,” Dalinoro said fiercely, “we need your word that you will do everything in your power to destroy those who did this to us. We require your promise.”
“Require?” I said, “I don’t see how you can require anything from me.”
“Please,” said Fretzler, and her pain tugged at my heart, but it was short-lived.
“And incidentally, we can make your life rather miserable, even though you bind us. We can make you focus all your efforts on keeping us bound instead of other things,” Dalinoro said.
Good old Carrot and Stick diplomacy there, Dalinoro.
“So you require my promise to do what I can to give you revenge and grant you the freedom – somehow – to move on from this existence, yes?” I asked.
“Yes,” Yokiro said.
“Then in return, this is what I require. I require your full obe
dience and support in all things. I require that you keep no secrets from me, and that you will help me with my own goals on the way to meeting yours.”
“Done,” seven voices said at once, and I wished I had asked for more.
“And now I need to focus on the living, because we have a starship to assault, hijack and fly back to Blackwatch, and that’s going to be tricky.”
“Well, that’s something we can help with,” Zeta said, “We are able to fight for you, if you release our shadow forms.”
“And we have those here who once served on starships,” Yokiro added.
I fought to keep my thoughts unreadable. That would be a major advantage.
They faded out and I was back to the outside world.
“…she rode in like a hurricane and saved us. It was awe-inspiring,” Driscoll said.
“It was,” Ch’ng agreed.
I opened my eyes.
“And now we need to do it again,” I said, as I sat up. “This time on a starship.”
THE SPLITTING: 36
“GLAD TO SEE YOU’VE JOINED us,” Roman said lightly, but there was an edge under his voice.
I hoped it was just worry for me. I looked around. We were in a temporary camp, with a small fire. Everyone was here and eating or drinking what was left of our supplies. Yamamoto faced away from camp with his gun in hand, so he must have been standing a semi-watch. I wasn’t worried. All our enemies right now were inside me.
I stood up, surveying the people in front of me. We were a collection of marines, sentenced criminals, masterminds, and fools. I smiled wryly. I had asked Driscoll if the fate of our Empire rested on a small band of people making it through impossible odds. We’d already done the impossible, but we had so much more to do.
“What did you decide while I was…sleeping?” I asked.
“We’re with you, Vera,” Roman said, but his eyes told me he wanted to talk more and the sooner the better.
“Into the jaws of death and back…just like before, Matsumoto,” Driscoll said.
“All of you?” I asked, looking each one in the eye and surprised every time at the affirmation in them.
“All of us,” Kitsano said.
I nodded, grim, but satisfied.
“We talked for a long time,” Driscoll said. “Driscoll’s Own will support you, since I am your liege, and Kitsano and Ch’ng have joined Driscoll’s Own. Your guardian seems to be loyal.” An irritated grunt from Roman punctuated that.
“Well then,” I said, scratching the back of my neck, and smiling awkwardly, “I have only one more thing to say. Whatever happens, I won’t fail you. I will hold the course. I won’t back down. I’ll die before I lose, and I won’t ask anyone else to do something that I won’t do.”
There were either nods or grim looks from everyone. We all knew that most likely we’d be dead before another Baldric day was over. No one had ever hijacked a Blackwatch starship successfully, but they were as committed as I was.
“In that case we should move out. We’re running out of time.”
“Marines, let’s roll it up,” Roman said, sending a look at Driscoll, like he wasn’t quite sure if they were following him or the terrorist.
“If I could just have a private word with you, Roman, before we go, I’d appreciate it.”
“Once you’re done, head out. We’ll catch up in a few minutes,” Roman ordered.
Ch’ng had the audacity to wink at me, and I saw looks passed between the marines and murmurs of, “Only takes him a minute.” Typical military humor.
I took Roman lightly by the bicep and led him through the towering trees to the edge of the ravine. I must have been fighting my internal battle for a very long time because the Baldric sun was high and intense. The shadows of the tree canopy were enough to keep us from squinting, and for once they were only natural shadows. Below, the water glinted silver in the sun.
I felt awkward at our reunion. So much had passed since the last time we’d talked. I took a moment to study the scenery so I could compose my thoughts, pretending to admire the huge trees with their wide branches and velvety purple leaves. Golden yellow cliffs plunged below into a diamond river. Baldric, as always, was as beautiful as she was deadly. I was leaving the beauty, though, and bringing the deadly with me.
That thought brought me to my senses, and I turned to Roman and looked up into his cinnamon brown eyes.
“Why, Vera? I thought you wanted to be rid of all this Matsumoto nonsense?”
“Wherever I go, it just follows me. I’m a Matsumoto whether I like it or not, and I have to face that.”
“Wherever you go I’ll go, too,” he said, gently, “As long as I know that you really chose to try to bring down your cousin and it wasn’t forced on you.”
“You don’t have to come with me,” I said. “It’s going to be deadly.”
He laughed, and new lines crinkled around his warm eyes.
“I don’t know if anything is as deadly as you, Vera Matsumoto. Driscoll has been telling us stories.”
I blushed.
“And,” he continued, “You’re even starting to look the part.”
He brought one hand up to delicately trace the scar on my cheek, like he was touching the wing of a butterfly. I trembled with a combination of insecurity and desire.
“I must look terrible,” I agreed, still blushing furiously.
He leaned in close, so his lips were millimeters from mine and whispered, “Terribly beautiful.”
His kiss was tender and gentle. I kissed him back, but he ended it quickly, and pulled back, his forehead resting gently on mine, and his eyes locked onto mine.
“You look older,” I said, my concern for him evident in my voice, and my own hand reached up and stroked his worn cheek. In his dull brown hair there was a thick white streak. A sign of something so stressful that it shocked the hair white. I wondered if it was Ashlyn’s death.
“I am older,” he teased, smiling in the way he did when it was only the two of us.
“That’s not what I meant,” I said, still worried.
“Vera, neither of us have been children for a very long time.”
My smile turned bittersweet, thinking about him and Ashlyn.
“I’m sorry, Roman. I’m sorry for everything you’ve suffered. I’m most sorry of all that you are stuck fighting an impossible war with me, rather than living a normal life with her.”
He laughed, but this laugh was bitter.
“I don’t think I could live a normal life if I wanted to, Vera. But please know this,” he said, as he gathered me up in strong, gentle arms, “there is nowhere I’d rather be than with you. And there is no one I’d rather be with.” He paused for a moment and then looked me in the eyes as he said, “I love you, Vera Matsumoto.”
My face grew hot with embarrassment.
“And I’m willing to wait for you until you’re done conquering the Empire,” he teased.
This time his kiss was firmer and laced with longing. My return kiss was the same. I longed for a better, safer time, when we could love fully instead of in bits and pieces.
Me, too, Vera. One day, when it’s all over, and I make you mine.
I love you, too, Roman Aldrin.
I said it in the channel, because I didn’t trust my voice, and it just kept echoing in my thoughts, over and over. I felt his answering joy though our channel and his kiss was bittersweet and seeded with hope. My heart soared, but I clamped down on it. There was still too much to do to think of that.
And I’m going to hold you to that promise, I said.
You do that.
We caught up to the rest quickly and our march to the shuttles was surprisingly pleasant and quick without a constant assault on the way. We made our plans as we walked, though there was only so much we could plan ahead of time. Most of what came next would depend on how things played out.
Every time I looked at Roman all I could think about was how grateful I was to have him back, and to have him as mine. We�
��d taken a long journey apart from each other. At least whatever came next, we’d be doing it together.
All along our path, towering fungus spiralled up into the Baldric sky. I shuddered every time I saw one. The bodies at the bases of them had calcified, and were looking less and less human, but that didn’t make the ghastly totems any less chilling. It was like the planet was warning me all along the way, ‘Don’t forget that the people you are putting your trust in did that.’
When we reached the shuttles, I glanced at the shiny exterior of hull. It was the first time I had seen myself since I began the journey. I looked at least ten years older. I was in a ragged, torn skinsuit. My eyes, still almond shaped and Matsumoto, were hard and piercing, and my shorn head and thick scar gave me a hardened, deadly appearance. The spear I still carried lent such an exotic air, that I looked, for all the world, like a neo-barbarian jungle warlord. I’d started off a pacifist diplomat, then I became a jungle warlord, maybe in the months to come I could find something in between.
You look beautiful, Roman said, noticing my hesitation as my fingers traced my scar. Battle scars suit you.
And somehow they did. Somehow all of this pain that I had never asked for, had shaped me into something that was more suited to me than anything I was before.
I turned for one last look at Baldric, and thought of Ian lying dead miles away. He’d died giving himself for me. I wouldn’t forget.
Don’t forget, the shadows in my head echoed, and I saw Ian’s face coalesce for an instant behind my eyes.
Don’t forget, but don’t let it destroy you, Roman echoed.
I won’t forget, I thought, and looking out over the rolling hills of Baldric, heart-stoppingly gorgeous as they were, all I could see were the jutting fungi that infected that gorgeous world, and I knew I would never forget, and that whatever it took I wouldn’t let it happen again.
Vera? It was my mother speaking in my thoughts. I think there’s something you should know about Patrick Driscoll…
The Matsumoto
Sarah K. L. Wilson
THE MATSUMOTO: 1
VERA? IT WAS MY MOTHER speaking in my thoughts. I think there’s something you should know about Patrick Driscoll…
The Matsumoto Trilogy: Omnibus Edition Page 46