by Len Webster
Okay.
Not what her heart needed to hear.
“And do you like North Carolina?”
“Honestly?”
He nodded.
“I love North Carolina. I didn’t think I’d love Duke, but it’s everything I wanted from a college. And you’ve met my roommate. I love Savannah. She’s like the sister I never had, you know?”
Her lips stretched wider. “I’m so glad you met someone like Savannah at Duke. I was …” He paused as his smile dropped a fraction. Sadness consumed him for a moment before he smiled once again. “After our last call, I was worried that you wouldn’t experience college.”
“I haven’t experienced all of college. Just the academic stuff and a frat party …” she trailed off, realizing just how significant that party was.
The very party where she met Landon Carmichael.
Her mind wandered as her eyes fell on their linked hands.
What she felt with Landon could never replace her love for Evan. With Evan, no matter all the pain and heartache, she knew that this was home.
Her true home.
With Evan, she was where she felt true and right.
That he was, and forever would be …
My soul mate.
“We should probably get going. It’ll get dark soon.”
Evan nodded. “We’re not driving all night,” he announced as he pulled his hand away from her.
“We’re not?”
“No. We’re gonna find a hotel and stay the night. We just gotta go to that gas station so we can stock up on food and then drive a little more before we check into a hotel. That okay?”
She found herself smiling and reaching for her coat and purse. “Definitely.”
“All right. Ready to go?” Evan slid out of the booth and pulled out his wallet. Then he slapped some bills onto the ticket and nodded at her.
“Ready.”
“I’m sorry, sir. We can upgrade you both, but the only rooms we have left are single bedrooms,” the woman behind the check-in desk said.
Evan sighed. “Thanks anyway,” he said, pushing off the counter. Then he spun around and made his way to the exit.
“Give me a second,” AJ said politely to the woman, turned around, and caught up to Evan just before he left the hotel. “Evan, wait,” she said, wrapping her hand around his arm.
He instantly halted and gazed down at her. “What’s wrong?”
“Let’s just take the upgrade.” She smiled at him, hoping she reassured him that it was okay for them to share a room. Her heart hammered in her chest, knowing that they’d share a bed, but she told her foolish heart not to be so deluded by false hope and emotions. They had shared a bed before. It wasn’t anything new. And she knew it couldn’t be anything more.
They just needed to sleep to continue their drive and leave Virginia behind them. They would have made it farther had AJ not asked Evan to pull over to find a restroom. Eventually, she noticed how tired he was and told him that it was time they found a hotel.
Uncertainty claimed his brown eyes as they searched hers. “But …”
“Like you said, we’ve shared a bed before, and we shared my tiny bed last night, too. I don’t really want to search all over Virginia for a hotel that happens to have two beds. Let’s just stay here tonight. Please?”
“Is that what you really want, AJ?”
“It’s what I want.”
He nodded, and AJ released her grip on him. Evan returned to the front desk with AJ following behind. When he set his hands on the desk, he said, “We’ll take the upgrade, please.”
“That’s great. I am sorry for the inconvenience.”
“Don’t be,” AJ assured the hotel worker as she began to check them in.
“Okay, you both have the honeymoon suite since the newlyweds who were supposed to check in never did. Apparently, the groom got cold feet, and the wedding was called off.” She handed Evan the key card. “You guys are lucky. A lovely couple like you deserves a bit of indulgence.”
A couple.
AJ knew she was just saying that so they could get the upgrade and bypass any protocols.
“Thank you,” AJ said to be polite, trying to fight the punishing inferno in her chest for even having such thoughts of her and Evan together.
“Have a pleasant stay.”
“Thank you,” Evan said as he passed AJ the key card. “I’ll grab the bags and meet you up there?”
“Okay. I’ll see you up there.” Then she smiled at the woman whose name tag she had only just read. “Thank you again, Tess.”
She smiled largely. “No need to thank me. Please enjoy your stay, Ms. Parker.”
AJ turned away from the desk and made her way toward the elevator. When she pressed the elevator button, she noticed Evan heading toward the exit to grab their bags from their parked rental. When the elevator opened, she stepped inside and pressed their floor’s button.
The ride up to their floor was short, and it took mere minutes for the doors to open. AJ stepped off and made her way down the cream carpeted hall until she reached the honeymoon suite. She inserted the key and waited for the door to unlock before she pushed it open and stepped inside. The lights illuminated the room, and AJ took in the rose petals on the ground. She followed them until she came to the large bed. At the foot of it was a bottle of champagne in an ice bucket, chocolates, strawberries, and a card. AJ picked up the card and opened it, reading the hotel’s handwritten message to the newlyweds who were supposed to occupy this room tonight. AJ set the card back down, turned, and lowered herself down on the mattress.
There was nothing to do right now but wait for Evan. She had no desire to explore what a honeymoon suite in Virginia entailed. Kicking off her boots, AJ removed her purse from her shoulder, pulled out her phone, and set the purse next to her. As she unlocked her phone, she fell back on the bed, her hair mixing with the rose petals. The heavy aroma of the flowers tickled her nostrils. Holding the phone above her face, she read the messages she missed during the drive from the diner to the hotel.
Savannah: Our dorm room is not the same without you. I miss you, my OTP!
Savannah: I also saw Landon today in the library when I was meeting my study group. I was gonna say hi, but I don’t think we have anything in common except for you. So I left him to study.
Mum: Alexandra, let me know when you’re both at the hotel, so I know you arrived safely. I love you.
Dad: Love, you call me if you need me. Your mother told me you were coming home with Evan. I love you, Alexandra.
Her breathing slowed when she reached Landon’s message.
Landon: I don’t think your roommate likes me very much, Massachusetts. She walked right past me. Did I do something wrong? Anyway, I know you’re probably home in Brookline. I’ll let you rest. Have a great fall break!
AJ turned her head and took in the petals on the bed. Evan would be returning to their hotel room soon. She couldn’t continue to text Landon because it wasn’t fair. Not to Landon and especially not to Evan. He had shown more fight for them in the past few days than throughout their entire senior year. And for that, she had to keep fighting, too. She had already given up on him, so she couldn’t do it a second time. Sitting up, AJ got out of Landon’s messages and glanced at her mail app. She had promised him that she’d read his emails, but her fear of reading his words had held her back. Being exposed to the truth had her fearful of every word he’d written to her after his hate-filled email.
You have to try, she told herself as she opened the email app. Inhaling deeply, she slowly released the breath she’d taken, then scrolled toward the bottom of her inbox to the email he’d sent the morning after the email when she realized she’d lost him forever.
AJ chewed her lip as nerves caused her hands to shake. It took several moments for her to calm down. Evan�
��s emails couldn’t be any worse than what she had already read. He said that she’d know how he felt in his emails, so she couldn’t bring herself to think he hated her and was just torturing her with their road trip.
No, he tortured her with hope.
With the idea of continuing to being in each other’s lives after they reached Brookline.
But she had to know.
She couldn’t break any more promises.
AJ opened Evan’s email and began to read.
From: Evan
To: AJ
Subject: There are no words
I’m sorry.
I’m so sorry, Alexandra.
That email I sent yesterday, I didn’t mean it. None of it. Not a single damn word.
YOU ARE EVERYTHING in my life.
EVERYTHING.
I’m just hurt and angry that I can’t find you.
I was desperate, Alexandra.
I hate myself for not being who you need me to be.
I keep letting you down.
I keep hurting you.
I wish I could go back and change it.
ALL OF IT.
Go back to our senior year and ask YOU to homecoming instead of Addison.
I should have taken you to MIT.
I should have taken you to prom.
I should have made you feel loved.
Alexandra, you are my oxygen, and I told you the biggest lie when I told you I hate you.
I don’t hate you.
Never you.
Not even after all of this, I could never hate you.
Everything I feel for you is the opposite of what I wrote.
Please, give me a chance to find you.
To tell you all the things I never said.
To tell you all the things I should have said more often.
I need you like I need oxygen in my lungs and blood in my veins.
I’m not me without you.
Alexandra, you’re my soul mate, and I firmly believe, without a shadow of a doubt, that I am your soul mate, too.
Give me a chance to be your soul mate the way you are my one and only soul mate.
Forgive me, Alexandra.
Evan
39 Y
yttrium
AJ
Senior year of high school
“You want me to sue Kyle?” AJ said in horror.
Her brand-new lawyer nodded as he stepped toward the coffee table her laptop was sitting on and set his coffee down. Mr. Gardwell’s smile twisted into that professional tight line that her uncle and aunt wore moments before.
AJ pulled away from her mother’s touch and stood. “I’m not suing Kyle, Mr. Gardwell. And I’m definitely not suing the Red Sox. Are you crazy?”
“Alex,” he said in a placating tone.
She shook her head, still in disbelief at how it had gone from getting justice for the article to suing the man she had known all her life. A man who had a career in the limelight. And a man her parents had known since he was a small child.
“No,” she hissed and spun around, waiting for her parents to agree with her. But when she took in their stern faces, her heart dropped. “You can’t possibly agree with him? Mum, Dad, you’ve known Kyle since you moved to Brookline. There’s no reason to sue him!”
Her mother’s brown eyes softened. “Alexandra, suing Kyle isn’t about your friendship with him. It’s about emotional duress.”
“You’re mad,” she insisted. “Emotional duress? There is no way Kyle or the Red Sox have anything to do with this. This is all that journalist’s fault. Not Kyle’s and certainly not the Red Sox. I’m not suing them. I’d be public enemy number one if the fans found out. All the support they’ve given me since I found out about that article has been amazing. No other person on that list has had as much support as I have.”
“It’s because you’re a minor,” her father said as he stood and grasped her hand. “Alexandra, a lot of those supporters are parents. And as your father, I don’t think it’s a bad idea.”
“Dad,” she breathed. “I can’t sue them. I won’t sue them.”
“Alex,” Mr. Gardwell said, causing her to look over her shoulder. The concern on his face had her pulling her hand away from her father’s and facing the lawyer.
“Mr. Gardwell, please don’t make me sue them. I can’t do that. They didn’t write the article,” she tried to explain.
Mr. Gardwell sighed, sympathy shining in his gray eyes. “You have to understand that the reason that journalist wrote that article about you was because Kyle Gilmore and the Red Sox exposed you and used you in the media. They exposed you to risks. Their neglect to protect you caused the harm that article intended to inflict. They put your emotional state in jeopardy. You weren’t able to grow up like a normal teenager because of Kyle and the Red Sox.”
“I grew up just fine,” she spat out.
From the corner of her eye, she noticed Evan step forward and clear his throat. AJ turned her head to see the pleading in his eyes. He agreed with them. She had no idea why they didn’t see it from her point of view. There was no point in suing Kyle or his team. The very team that was almost like a second family to her.
“Evan,” she pleaded, hoping he was on her side.
He shook his head, and that one motion caused her stomach to dip. “Alexandra, you didn’t grow up just fine because of my brother and his team. You’re Little Miss Red Sox. No normal teenager has a nickname like that.”
She winced at his argument. “You agree with them?”
Evan shook his head once again. “I’m not saying sue Kyle or the Red Sox. I’m saying you need to step away from Fenway and the team. That article would have never been written if you weren’t so involved with them. Trust me when—”
“No!” she shouted, interrupting him. She blinked in disbelief at what she was hearing. “I can’t sue them. I refuse to take them to court. I’m not doing any of that. I chose to go to the games. I chose to support Kyle.”
“But you didn’t choose to be Little Miss Red Sox, sweetheart. They forced that upon you,” Aunt Josie said from the laptop.
AJ felt hot as her temples throbbed.
She was losing an absurd battle.
“I’m not suing them,” she said one last time before she pushed past her father and rushed out of the living room, leaving the cause of her headache.
Behind her, she heard Evan say, “It’s okay, Mr. Parker. I’ll go talk to her.”
After she ran up the stairs, AJ pulled her phone out of her jeans pocket and unlocked it. She bolted down the hall and burst into her room as anger and disbelief pounded through her veins. She paced as she went into her contacts, called Kyle, and held the phone to her ear.
“Please,” she begged. “Please pick up, Kyle.”
Then she heard his voice. “Hey, this is Kyle. Sorry I can’t pick up the phone. But you know what to do!”
Beep.
A small gasp fell from her as she lowered the phone from her ear. Tears of disbelief clouded her sight. He had really left her to handle all of it on her own. When she needed Kyle the most, he had let her down. He’d let his silence be the public’s answer.
“AJ?” Evan said in a small, cautious voice.
Wiping away her foolish tears, she spun around to see Evan by her bed. “He won’t pick up. He hasn’t answered any of my calls. Why isn’t he picking up, Evan?”
“He’s Kyle, AJ. That’s all I can say.”
She nodded, knowing that he was holding back the “I told you so” speech he must have had on the tip of his tongue. “Do you think I should sue them? Kyle and the Red Sox?”
“Honestly?” he said, closing the distance between them. He took the phone from her and set it at the foot of her bed. Then he cradled her face in his hands and brushed her
tears away. “No. I don’t think you should sue them.”
Relief slowly injected into her chest. Someone finally understood her side.
“I’m saying don’t sue them because it’s not worth the time and the money and you being in the spotlight. Your parents, my lawyer, and their lawyers are right, though. They’ve done nothing to protect you. A statement isn’t enough. As your best friend, it’s my job to protect you. I wish I had the power to go up against this article, but I can protect you from what’s next. You shouldn’t sue my brother or the Red Sox because it isn’t worth it. Sue the magazine and journalist. They’re who really needs to pay.”
She nodded into his hands. “I don’t want to be in Massachusetts right now,” she confessed. It was the only time she had ever wanted to leave where she called home. Where she had always felt so safe.
His hands fell from her face, and he grasped her hand, pulling her toward her bed. Then he kicked off his shoes and climbed onto the mattress, pressing his back against the headboard. “Come here,” he said, and AJ’s shoulders fell.
AJ got onto her bed and sat next to Evan, staring at her desk in front of them. “This article is going to ruin everything.”
“It won’t,” her best friend promised as he reached out and pulled her to his chest, his arms wrapping tightly around her as her head rested on his collarbone. “It won’t.”
“I can’t believe Kyle would do this to me,” AJ uttered in disbelief.
“Hey,” Evan whispered in her ear. “Mr. Gardwell got it removed. Don’t worry about Kyle. He’s selfish. He’s always been selfish.”
She tilted her head back to look at him. “Evan, he’s gone MIA and left us to fix this. I don’t care whether he makes a statement. What I care about is that he’s been totally radio silence. You warned me not to get too close and look what happened. All I wanted to do was support his career. I never wanted to be Little Miss Red Sox or the subject of a disgusting article. Oh, God. What if colleges really did read the article?”