by Len Webster
Evan stilled, his heart racing. “You lied to me?”
Her eyes fell closed as she nodded. “I drove to MIT and walked around the campus. I said goodbye to MIT that night, but I can’t be sad. I can’t.” Her eyes finally opened. “I met Savannah and Connecticut at Duke.”
“Connecticut?” Dread reached his heart. He knew she was drunk. She’d never told him about her meeting anyone but Savannah in North Carolina.
“It’s a state, Evan. Yale is in Connecticut.”
Relief medicated his heart.
She was drunk and talking about a state.
He relaxed.
The thought of her meeting someone other than Savannah worried him—especially since she had his entire heart this whole time.
No one knew AJ the way he did.
The way he always did.
No one could love her like he could.
And he knew for a fact there was no other soul mate for her.
There was one true soul mate for everyone.
AJ was his.
And he was hers.
Her palms moved over his chest, to his shoulders, then up his neck until her soft small hands cupped his cheeks. AJ got on her tippy toes as those bright green eyes melted his heart into a puddle.
She was so beautiful.
So fragile.
She had been so patient with him.
And he had to prove to her that he could be, too.
“You need to stop moving,” she urged.
“You’re just drunk. You’re the one swaying.” Then he released her arms and settled his hands on her hips, holding her still. “How’s that?”
She hummed. “Better.” Then her thumb explored his skin as she whispered, “I love you, Evan Gilmore.”
She’s drunk.
She doesn’t mean it.
It doesn’t count.
“Alexandra,” he whispered, his fingers digging into her waist. It was all he wanted to hear, but she was too intoxicated. There was a good chance it wasn’t true, and the champagne in her system played a cruel trick on him.
“You need to realize that all of senior year I loved you.” Her eyes gleamed as her thumb stopped its soft strokes. “Every time I tried to have a college experience, I thought of you.”
“I thought of you,” he confessed. “Every minute at Stanford, I thought of you.”
She nodded, then lowered his lips almost to hers. “I love you too much, Evan. I love you not enough.” She paused as she looked him in the eye. “I love you doesn’t seem like enough anymore. But I love you.”
Evan pressed his forehead to hers and whispered, “Eight protons. Eight neutrons.”
“You love me, too.”
“I do, Alexandra.”
And because Evan was a weak man, he let her press her lips to his and kiss him with all the love they had only ever mutually expressed in their intoxicated state. He knew it didn’t count. Nothing about this moment could.
AJ kissed even better than his memory continuously played and tortured.
Her lips were soft and tasted of the sweet champagne.
Her fingertips were gentle as he turned them and walked her to the bed.
He kissed her with abandonment, knowing come morning it would never truly count for her.
But it was everything to him, so he kissed her with absolutely everything in him.
His love for her.
His need for her.
The anger in him.
The desperation he felt.
He kissed her as if it was truly the last time.
“Evan,” she softly moaned as her thighs hit the edge of the bed.
The champagne had made him brave, ignoring the fact that lines had now been crossed. He was now kissing not only his best friend but his soul mate. The only person he could only truly love. As his tongue passed her lips and found hers, his temples pounded as his heart throbbed.
Need built within him.
Need had him lowering her down on the bed and covering her with his body, careful not to put too much of his weight on her. Her fingers moved from his cheek to his hair as she parted her knees, allowing him to settle between her thighs.
They had never been this intimate.
This close.
This careless.
“Alexandra,” he groaned when he pulled back for air.
“I haven’t experienced this in college,” she said in a low voice, the alcohol still claiming the color and gleam in her eyes.
Evan shifted his weight to the arm that he leaned on. “Me either.”
AJ’s eyes went wide as her red lips parted. “You haven’t experienced a kiss like this in college?” Shock layered her voice.
“No,” he answered as his thumb pressed along her lips, ensuring that his touch remained on her skin, hopefully sealing her desire and love for him forever on her lips.
She tilted her head. “Why not?”
A small, longing smile curved his lips. “I was too busy missing you.”
Her eyes slowly drifted closed as if she was memorizing his heart’s confession and this moment.
Evan took in her red lips as her head tilted.
“Alexandra?” he said.
She let out a breath.
“Alexandra?”
Still nothing.
She had passed out on him.
Letting out a soft laugh, Evan climbed off her.
“Of course, you passed out on me,” he murmured to himself as he took in his best friend sleeping. He knew she might be hungover tomorrow.
He knew she might not remember their kiss.
Or the words of love they had both shared.
But all Evan knew was that come tomorrow, he’d make sure she was sober when he told her that he loved her once again.
Who am I to you?
Those were the five words that constantly replayed through his dream and woken him. It wasn’t really a dream but the stuff of nightmares. The worst part was that it had been his past. The past that haunted not just him but Alexandra, too.
Last night, words had been said.
Love had been expressed.
A kiss had been shared.
This morning, he had woken up to AJ curled next to him. She had woken up in the middle of the night and bolted for the bathroom. He had gotten out of bed and followed her, holding her hair back as she threw up. When she finished puking out her guts, he fetched her a glass of water and cleaned her up. He helped her change out of her top, never once letting his eyes wander, and helped her back to bed. She had mumbled how sorry she was before she fell back asleep on him.
Evan hadn’t minded.
In fact, he loved taking care of her.
She had always been so quiet when it came to her needs.
She had always made sure Evan was taken care of before her.
As for Evan, he barely slept. When he did, the image of AJ crying on prom night woke him. It was the same night she’d demanded he tell her who she was to him. It was evident that telling her that she was his best friend wasn’t what she had hoped to hear. After prom, it was a struggle to get her to smile the way she had. She had said time and time again that she had forgiven him, but he had never truly believed her. He always had that off feeling about AJ, and he was right. She was hiding secrets from him.
And he had been keeping secrets from her.
The loud thunder erupted and caused a gasp behind him.
Evan tore his sight from the dark sky and spun around. He found AJ with her messy hair covering her face. Any other time, he’d have laughed and taken a photo to tease her. But she had been drunk last night. They had both been intoxicated. He should have stopped the kiss, and he feared that even if she did remember, she’d regret it. AJ covered her face with her palms and let out a soft gr
oan.
He rushed over to his side of the bed and climbed onto the mattress. He wrapped his arms around her and tucked her to the side of his body.
“My head hurts, and my body feels gross,” she complained.
“You’re hungover,” he explained.
“Are you hungover?”
He shook his head as she pulled her hands from her face and tilted her head back to stare at him. “I didn’t drink as much as you.”
She groaned as she pulled away from him. “I’m gonna go brush my teeth because I definitely remember throwing up. I’m so sorry about that,” she said, her cheeks pink with embarrassment.
“Don’t apologize. You’ve never drunk like that before.”
“That’s the truth,” she agreed as she brushed her hair behind her ear. Then she glanced over at the window and sighed. “Storm hasn’t passed?”
“No,” he said, “I looked up the weather on my phone. It actually got worse overnight, and the roads are washed out. There was even a landslide not too far from here. Luckily, no one was on the road when it happened. Looks like we’re stuck here for another day.”
AJ nodded. “I guess so. I’ll call my parents and tell them.”
“All right. I’ll head downstairs and let them know we will be here another night.”
Evan climbed off the bed, picked up his phone and wallet from the bedside table, and made his way over to the foot of the bed. He sat down on the mattress and put on his shoes.
As he was tying his laces, he heard, “Evan?”
He glanced over his shoulder to find the small smile on AJ’s face. “Thank you for last night. For taking care of me and letting me experience what real drinking is like. Now that I know what it’s all about and what a hangover is, I don’t think I want to experience it again.”
AJ then spun around and entered the bathroom, closing the door behind her.
He chuckled, remembering the sight of her drunk and dancing. But then a flash of her drunk and kissing him replaced the mental image.
They would have to talk about that kiss.
For most of the morning, AJ stayed in bed. He ordered bacon and eggs to cure her hangover, but she refused the eggs and only ate two long pieces of bacon. After she drank a glass of water, she lay back down on the bed. Evan had joined her, watching as she closed her eyes and fell back asleep. When AJ woke up again after lunch, she found him sitting on the chair by the window, staring out at the violent waves that crashed onto the beach they used to sit on when they escaped from Boston. She had stretched out her limbs before she got out of the bed, grabbed some clothes from her suitcase and headed to the bathroom. After she showered and the sound of the hairdryer ceased, she stepped out of the bathroom and went to the bed. Picking up her phone, she said she needed to call her parents and then left their hotel room.
That had been ten minutes ago.
Evan began to worry about where she went, but his concern was short lived when he heard her insert the key card into the reader and enter the room.
“Yes, Mum. Dad spent about ten minutes talking to me about the storm. We’re staying in Rhode Island for another night. If this storm changes, then I’ll be home in time for game three in the series.” AJ closed the door behind her and smiled when her eyes found his. Walking toward him, she said, “No … okay. When is Grandpa James coming? Of course, I’ll be home. Well, I’m glad I didn’t stop by then. No, I’m not upset. Don’t apologize, Mum. It’s not your fault. Frankly, I love Grandma Louise, and she’s all the grandma I need. Hey, I’ve gotta run. I’ll call you later. I love you both, too. Bye.” With a sigh, AJ hung up the call as she stood next to him.
“What was that about?” Evan asked.
AJ shrugged. “My mother’s mother … so my other grandmother is in the country.”
“Really?” He had never met her other grandmother. She’d told him that her mother didn’t have a strong relationship with AJ’s grandmother.
“Whoa. Relax. It’s nothing to get excited about. Gillian’s in town visiting Reese and Lori.”
He blinked at her. “She’s not visiting you?”
AJ shook her head as she slipped her phone into her jeans back pocket. “No. She has a flight out tomorrow to visit Will at Berkley before she returns to Melbourne.”
“Aren’t you upset?”
She kept her focus on the view outside their hotel window. “Nope. I have Grandma Louise, and she’s been more than enough. I’m just happy that Reese and Lori get to have her in their lives. From what I’ve heard, she’s an amazing grandmother to them. Will is a little hostile to her and doesn’t like her, but he’s civil with her because it pleases his parents—” Her sentence was cut off by her phone ringing. She pulled it out of her pocket and sighed. “Speaking of which, it’s my uncle Alex.”
Hating that she was standing, Evan reached forward and grasped her wrist, pulling her down to sit on his lap. AJ let out a small laugh as he said, “Answer it,” and his hand settled on her thigh for reassurance.
“Hey, Uncle Alex. No, we’re still in Rhode Island. Yeah, I know. We thought we’d be in Massachusetts by now, too. No, I haven’t spoken to Will for a bit. Why?” AJ frowned as Evan gently squeezed her thigh and her free hand covered his. “Yeah, Mum did tell me that your mother was in the country. No. Honestly, Uncle Alex, it’s fine. Don’t ask her to go to Boston. She hasn’t visited me any time before, so that doesn’t mean she has to now. Hey, don’t worry. I don’t feel like I’ve lost anything, Uncle Alex. She’s never once wanted to get to know me. I’m quite fine with having Grandpa James, Granddad Marcus, and Grandma Louise in my life. That’s more than enough. There’s no love loss. And if you speak to Mum anytime soon, please reassure her that I don’t care or feel anything toward Gillian. I’m just happy that Lori and Reese have her in their lives. Just make sure they don’t find out. I’d hate for their image of her to be ruined since they idolize her. No, you’re the best. Okay, I love you, too. Bye.” AJ let out a long sigh as she hung up and leaned back against his chest. “I’m sorry about that.”
“Don’t be,” he insisted.
“I’m a little worried,” she admitted as she craned her neck to look at him.
“Why?”
She let out another sigh. “Will is like my brother. I love Lori and Reese, but they don’t share the kind of connection I have with Will. He’s pissed that Gillian has traveled all this way to, yet again, ignore me. Uncle Alex said that Will threatened not to see her at Berkley if she doesn’t at least visit me.”
“Do you want to meet her?” There were a lot of other questions he’d rather ask, but right now, her family came first.
“No, not really,” AJ said. “I mean, yes so that my mum can stop feeling guilty that she didn’t try hard enough with Gillian, but I honestly don’t care. It hasn’t had an effect on me at all, but I think it’s affecting everyone else. Hey, can we talk about something else? I really don’t wanna talk about Gillian when I don’t even know her.”
“Okay,” Evan said, taking the phone from her and setting it on small space left on the seat. “Alexandra …?”
She went rigid in his lap at him saying her full name. “Umm … yes, Evan?”
“Can we talk about last night?”
She made a loud gulp. Her chest rose and fell as he waited for her to speak. Finally, in a tiny voice, she asked, “Which part?”
“There’s two.”
Her emerald eyes darkened in color. “Two …?”
He nodded. Then Evan flipped her hand and laced his fingers with hers. “The part where you told me you loved me and …”
His heart throbbed in his chest.
Air thinned in his lungs.
The lightning exposed the vulnerability in her eyes.
“A-and?”
“The part where you kissed me.”
45 Rh
rho
dium
AJ
Senior year of high school
“I can’t believe my little girl is going to prom,” her mother said in awe as she went through the hangers on the rack.
It was Saturday, and AJ and her mother had driven to New York to go prom dress shopping. AJ had been fine with picking out something at a local store, but her mother had made it a big deal. AJ had reminded her more than once to tone down her excitement. That even though Evan had asked her to be his date, it was strictly as best friends. He hadn’t specified that it was anything more. She was just grateful he wanted to be her prom date when he could have asked any other girl at their school.
AJ smiled, proud that she had made her mother happy even though her excitement was a bit much. “Mum, it’s just prom.”
“It’s your first and last prom.” Her mother spun around, her eyes filled with unshed tears. “I can’t believe how grown up you are. One minute, I’m holding you the second you’re born, and now, you’re almost eighteen and going to college soon. Have you accepted Stanford’s offer yet?”
She shook her head. “I don’t have to accept any college offer until May. But I want to go to Stanford with Evan.”
“Okay,” Aunt Keira said as she entered the dressing room of the Manhattan boutique where they were shopping. “So I just ran into one of the designers that this boutique stocks. And I was telling her how we weren’t having any luck with prom dresses, and she offered to help. She has several sample dresses that haven’t been released yet. Do you want to see them, Alexandra?”
It sounded extravagant, and she didn’t want her mother paying too much for a dress AJ would only wear once. But this was her mother’s chance to experience AJ attending a school dance, and it was her senior prom, so it had to be special. She only had one last chance to experience something that was normal in high school.
“Umm, sure, Aunt Keira.”
Her aunt’s dark brown eyes glimmered with excitement. “I’ll be right back.”
AJ and her mother walked away from the rack the sales worker had filled with dresses AJ didn’t particularly like and sat on the long, cushioned bench.
“I feel bad,” AJ said as she glanced over at her mother.