Jasper took her hand in his as they came into closer view of the homestead, his forehead lined with a frown. ‘I guess sometimes in life there might be worse things than growing up without knowing who your real father is.’
‘Like being forced to marry your stepsister?’ she asked as she fell into step beside him.
His fingers tightened momentarily around hers as if her words had annoyed him. ‘Being married to anyone wasn’t in my immediate plans for my life, but I’m sure I’ll get used to it.’
‘It’s only temporary.’ She hated that her tone sounded a little piqued, but she just couldn’t help it.
‘Yeah,’ he said. ‘It’s only temporary.’
‘And I bet you can’t wait for it to be over,’ she said, still unable to remove the edge of resentment in her voice.
‘Actually,’ he said with a satirical glint in his dark eyes as he swung his gaze back down to hers, ‘if what happened back down there by the river is any indication of what our marriage is going to be like, I can’t wait for it to start.’
CHAPTER SEVEN
HAYLEY KNEW HER cheeks were blazing, but there was little she could do to control it. ‘It won’t happen again,’ she said stiffly.
‘Pity.’
‘You said we weren’t going to have a real marriage. A hands off arrangement, wasn’t that what you said?’ she asked, her heart beginning to race as Jasper’s dark gaze meshed with hers.
‘We could have a rethink on that. I like the feel of your hands.’
She turned away from his tempting gaze. ‘I don’t want to sleep with you.’
‘You have a very unique way of communicating that,’ he quipped.
She tried to pull her hand from his but he wouldn’t allow it. ‘You promised you’d be celibate for the duration of our marriage,’ she said.
‘I took that to mean I wasn’t to sleep with other women,’ he said. ‘It doesn’t mean I can’t sleep with you if that’s what you want.’
‘Well, I don’t want it.’ Liar! a little voice sounded in her head.
She began to walk on but he swung her around to face him, tipping up her chin with a very strong finger. ‘You’ve wanted me since you were sixteen years old, sugar, but back then I was too much of a gentleman to take what was on offer. You were half tanked and would have regretted it the next morning.’
‘You’re hardly what I’d call a gentleman now,’ she flashed back. ‘You’re ruthless, shallow, self-serving and…and…selfish.’
He grinned at her devilishly. ‘You left out sexy.’
She set her mouth in a prim line. ‘I don’t find you the least bit sexy.’
‘Yes you do,’ he drawled as he rubbed the pad of his thumb over her bottom lip. ‘If I hadn’t stopped you, you were going to put that pouting little mouth around me and suck me dry, weren’t you?’
Hayley’s belly exploded with desire. She felt the hot flash of it hit her from above and below, coming to a scorching, bubbling pool of liquid fire between her thighs. Her breasts tingled and her mouth quivered under the sensuous stroke of his thumb. She felt the most irresistible urge to draw it into her mouth and suck on it, hard, as she had wanted to do to him down by the river.
Everything about him made her feel reckless and out of control. The challenging gleam in his eyes made it a thousand times worse. She wanted to pull him down to the grass at their feet and run her hands all over him, to explore his sculptured muscles, to taste the sexy saltiness of his skin, to taste the essence of what made him a man.
She pulled her shoulders back to keep her breasts away from his chest but instead it pushed her pelvis into intimate contact with his. ‘Let me go.’ She somehow got her voice to work in spite of her shallow, erratic breathing. ‘Please…’
He placed his hands on her bottom and held her tight against him, the jut of his erection making her gasp involuntarily. His eyes burned into the wide ocean blue-green of hers, his chest rising and falling against the soft press of her breasts.
‘No, I don’t think so,’ he said, his voice sounding deep and gravelly as it rumbled against her chest.
‘Jasper…please,’ she pleaded. ‘The Hendersons are probably watching us.’
‘And no doubt thinking we can’t wait to get married next weekend,’ he said, gazing down at the softness of her mouth.
Hayley’s belly did another flip flop at the thought that this time next week they would have been married twenty-four hours.
He brought his mouth down and branded hers with a swift hard kiss before releasing her. She swayed on her feet for a millisecond, feeling disoriented and unfocussed.
‘Come on, baby girl.’ He took her arm and tucked it under his, the corners of his mouth tilting wryly. ‘You’re even starting to convince me you’re in love with me. Now there’s a scary thought.’
Hayley racked her brain for something pithy to say, but for the life of her couldn’t think of a single thing. She trudged beside him with uncharacteristic meekness, her teeth doing serious damage to her bottom lip all the way back to the house.
After Jasper had seen to the business side of things, the Hendersons insisted Hayley and he stay for lunch. Hayley would have preferred leaving so she could cut short her performance as the besotted fiancée, but she could see how keen Pearl was for company, especially as her husband was so sadly disabled.
Hayley sat beside Jim during the meal and cut up his meat and salad so he could eat with one hand using a fork. He gave her a lopsided smile of gratefulness and mumbled his thanks.
Once or twice during the meal she looked up to find Jasper’s chocolate-brown gaze resting on her. Conscious of the elderly couple sitting watching, Hayley had no choice but to send him a small smile each time.
‘It takes you back, doesn’t it, love?’ Pearl asked Jim with a dreamy sigh. ‘Remember when we were first engaged and married? We couldn’t bear to look at anyone else but each other.’
Jim’s eyes twinkled at his wife.
‘How did you meet?’ Hayley asked, hoping to divert the attention from her relationship with Jasper.
‘Jim was a couple of years ahead of me at school,’ Pearl said. ‘He used to pull my pigtails during recess. I hated him for most of my childhood and teenage years, but one day a few years later he came to visit my father about some stock he wanted to buy, but I kept in the background. He kept coming back week after week until he’d bought so many sheep my father started to suspect something. The next time Jim came around Dad sent me out and that was it. I fell in love with him on the spot.’
‘That’s so romantic,’ Hayley said, caught up in the magic of it all. ‘I would love to have a man so in love with me…’ She suddenly faltered as she realised what she had almost revealed. ‘I mean, I never imagined I would have the same thing happen to me…but it did…sort of…’
Pearl smiled. ‘Jasper told us how you lived in the same house since you were fourteen,’ she said. ‘When did you suddenly realise he was the one?’
‘Um…I pretty much knew it since I was about sixteen,’ she said, carefully avoiding Jasper’s eyes.
‘That’s funny.’ Pearl’s brows snuggled together momentarily. ‘I thought Jasper said you were engaged to someone else but he swept you off your feet right at the last minute.’
‘Um…er…yes…’ Hayley felt her cheeks fire up again. ‘I was engaged to someone else. Silly, really, when you think of it. I should have been more patient. I should have known Jasper would come round in the end.’
‘Just as well he did,’ Pearl remarked soberly. ‘Think of how dreadful it would have been if you had married the other man when you were really in love with Jasper.’
‘Dreadful,’ Hayley agreed, nodding her head in agreement. ‘I can’t bear to even think about it.’
‘I hope you’re not going to put off having a family like so many young women these days,’ Pearl said. ‘I know several women who left it too late.’
‘Oh, no, of course not,’ Hayley said, watching Jasper begin to squi
rm in his chair. She realised she was starting to enjoy herself now that her little vocal slip had gone by unnoticed. ‘We want to start straight away and have at least three, don’t we, darling?’
‘That’s right, sweetheart,’ he said, his dark eyes flashing an unmistakable warning that sent a lightning bolt between her legs. ‘But I want you all to myself for a little while yet.’
‘And a dog,’ Hayley added hastily, her colour still high. ‘Maybe even two, but not those little handbag-size yappy ones. Something…er…bigger.’
Pearl sat back with an indulgent smile. ‘I can see you two are going to be very happy together. It seems like a match made in heaven.’
‘It is,’ Hayley said brightly. But it’s going to be hell on the way home, she added under her breath when she caught the look in Jasper’s eyes as she rose to help clear the table.
She was right.
They had barely traversed the driveway before he turned a blistering glance her way. ‘What the hell were you playing at back there?’ he asked.
‘Nothing.’
‘Nothing be damned,’ he growled. ‘You nearly lifted the lid on our charade. For God’s sake, Hayley, watch your big mouth.’
‘My big mouth?’ She tossed him a heated glare. ‘I didn’t know what lies you’d already told them about us. How was I to know what to say?’
‘That stuff about kids was totally uncalled for,’ he bit out. ‘You know what I think about kids.’
‘You don’t like kids?’
‘I like them but I don’t want them.’
She sent him an ironic look. ‘What a pity that is, for you already have one, or have you conveniently forgotten all about Daniel Moorebank? How old is he now? Fourteen? Fifteen?’
Hayley couldn’t help noticing the suddenly harsh set of his features, his mouth tightened to the point of whiteness and his dark angry gaze fixed on the road ahead. ‘He’s fifteen.’
‘Do you ever see him?’
‘Occasionally.’
‘But you don’t want more children in your life.’
‘No.’
‘Are you close to Daniel?’ she asked.
‘He’s a good kid,’ Jasper said, keeping his eyes straight ahead. ‘But I can’t be the father he wants. I’m not prepared to risk it with anyone else.’
‘That’s a totally selfish way of looking at it,’ she said. ‘What about if the woman you’re involved with on a more permanent basis some time in the future wants children? It’s not fair to rob her of that chance.’
‘I’m not planning on anything permanent.’
She folded her arms crossly. ‘You really are as shallow and selfish as the press makes out. Do you realise there are numerous women out there who are circumstantially childless because they happened to fall in love with selfish men like you?’
‘I’ve always been up front with the women in my life about the issue of children,’ Jasper said. ‘I always wear a condom. I don’t want to find myself in the same position as…’ he cleared his throat and hoped she wouldn’t notice his slight hesitation ‘…I found myself when I was eighteen.’
She gaped at him. ‘You really are serious about this, aren’t you?’
‘Are you currently on oral contraception?’
She tossed her hair over one shoulder huffily. ‘That’s none of your business.’
‘I have a feeling that this time next week it will be.’
She gave her eyes an exaggerated roll. ‘You must be joking.’
‘If you have any ideas of tricking me into a permanent role in your life, then get rid of them right now,’ he said. ‘As far as I’m concerned this is a one-act play and then the curtain is coming down.’
‘Fine by me.’
‘And I would advise against financial paybacks,’ he said. ‘I know that’s the way most women like to play it, your mother being a pertinent example, but I will make sure you are adequately compensated without you having to strip me of half my wealth. I haven’t worked my butt off for the last fifteen years to have you come along and sweep it from under me like your mother did to my father.’
‘You know, you have some really serious trust issues with women,’ she observed. ‘You really should see someone about it.’
‘What I have is a healthy dose of cynicism,’ he countered. ‘Even the strongest marriages can collapse. My parents were happy until your mother came waltzing in and lured him away with her come-to-bed eyes and body.’
‘That’s funny,’ she threw back. ‘You told me that if a man really loved a woman nothing and no one would be able to lure him away from her. Have you suddenly changed your mind or did you just say that to make sure I didn’t forgive Myles and marry him regardless?’
‘No, I didn’t just say that,’ he said, frowning slightly. ‘My father regretted his relationship with your mother. I know he did but he was too proud to admit it to me. He didn’t want to hear me say I told you so. He spoke to Raymond about it, however, knowing of course that my brother would forgive him in accordance with his beliefs.’
‘But you can’t forgive him, can you?’ she asked, looking at him again. ‘You can never forgive him for hurting your mother.’
His jaw tensed. ‘No, that I can never forgive.’
‘And you can never quite forgive me for being her daughter, can you?’ she said in a small thin voice.
Jasper glanced at her briefly, his chest feeling as if someone had it in a vice when he saw the flicker of pain in her blue-green eyes. He turned back to the road, wishing he could find the words to take away the bitterness of the past. He envied his brother, who could find it in himself to forgive even the worst of sins. But then Raymond was a bigger and better person than he was. He had already done so much good in the community, his love and sacrifice healing those damaged by the selfishness of others, which was even more reason why Jasper had to keep Hayley away from the truth about Daniel Moorebank.
‘I’ve perhaps been unnecessarily hard on you for something you had no control over,’ he said at last. ‘We can’t choose our parents. We get what we get and have to make the most of it.’
‘I would have liked to have had a father,’ she said after another tiny silence. ‘I guess that’s why I clung to Gerald such a lot…he filled an emptiness in my life.’
He looked at her again. ‘So what you’re saying is you’ve been carrying around a dad-shaped hole all your life.’
Her chest deflated on a little sigh. ‘Yes…I guess that is what I’m saying.’
Silence again.
‘Do you think that’s why you rushed into your relationship with Myles Lederman?’ he asked, ‘Because you were searching for another father-figure?’
‘I don’t know…’ She released another sigh. ‘Maybe. Lucy, my friend at the salon seemed to think so. I just want to be happy. I want a family to call my own. I want it all.’
‘You can’t have it all,’ he said. ‘No one can, or at least not for ever.’
‘But what about the Hendersons?’ she asked. ‘They still love each other after all these years. That’s what I want.’
‘You want an old man dribbling in a wheelchair some time in your future, do you?’
She gave him a reproving look. ‘He was once a strong, fit man like you. Pearl loves him for who he is as a person. That’s real love, Jasper. That’s what I want.’
He shook his head in disbelief. ‘You really need to see someone about that idealistic complex you have. The world isn’t full of happy ever afters, Hayley. You of all people should know that.’
‘I know life isn’t always perfect, but I want my kids to have a different life from mine.’ She clamped down on her lip and then releasing it, confessed, ‘I hated my childhood. The constant stream of horrible men who came and went. I hated changing schools all the time. I hated being the odd one out, the one with the worst clothes while my mother wore the latest fashions. I hated all of it. No child should have to go through that and no child of mine will. I swear to God I won’t let it happen.’<
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Jasper frowned at the bitterness in her tone. ‘I hadn’t realised you were so unhappy. You seemed to enjoy living at Crickglades.’
‘I did,’ she said. ‘It was the first real home we’d ever lived in.’ She let out a little sigh and added, ‘We’d always lived in flats or council houses. Crickglades was the first real garden I’d ever been able to wander about in. I used to love the roses. There were so many of them and when it was hot the scent of them would fill the air. I loved that.’
He swallowed against the walnut-sized lump of emotion blocking his throat. How like his mother she had sounded!
‘I hated leaving when Gerald divorced my mother,’ she said in the same soft tone. ‘He asked me to stay but I thought it would upset you too much.’
He reached over and took her hand and gave it a tiny squeeze. ‘You were just a kid, sweetheart. A rather cute kid, if I remember correctly.’
She sent him an ironic look. ‘I thought you said I was a spoilt brat?’
‘You were.’
She pulled her hand out of his and pouted at him. ‘You can never hand out a compliment without a sting in its tail somewhere, can you?’
He smiled at her before turning back to the road. ‘Just keeping you in your place, baby girl. I don’t want you to get a big head just because you’re the only woman who has managed so far to get me within a bull’s roar of an altar.’
‘We’re not there yet,’ she said with a defiant hitch of her chin. ‘I could always pull the plug, even now at this late stage.’
His dark eyes glinted at her meaningfully. ‘You could indeed, but then that would be asking for trouble, now, wouldn’t it?’
She settled back in her seat with a scowl. ‘It seems to me I’m going to be knee deep in trouble no matter what I do.’
‘Only knee deep, huh?’ he mused as he took an exit leading her to flat. ‘I was thinking a little higher than that.’
CHAPTER EIGHT
AS SOON AS Jasper turned into her street Hayley saw the SOLD sign on the building where her one bedroom ground-floor flat was situated. She stared at it in shock for several heart-chugging seconds before turning to look at him. ‘Let me guess,’ she said with an accusing glare. ‘You’re my new landlord here too, right?’
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