by Emma Renshaw
His eyes fill with hope before he even speaks. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. I don’t agree with it, but I think part of me understands. It was my decision to make.”
“Fuck. I’ve missed you,” he breathes, nuzzling my neck.
“This is still a fling, Roman.”
He doesn’t respond, just kisses along my exposed skin, making me melt against his chest. We’re hardly even dancing anymore, just holding each other out on the dance floor.
“We didn’t use a condom earlier, Sugar. I’m sorry. I didn’t even ask, it just happened. When we were together before, we didn’t use them. I swear I’m clean.”
“I’m clean, too, and I’m on the pill, so covered there, too.”
“Do you want to use a condom next time?”
I shake my head slowly, being completely honest with him. “I can’t imagine having something in between us.”
“Me neither, Sugar.”
Roman continues to softly kiss along my skin, eliciting goosebumps in his wake.
“What did it look like?” I ask so softly, it’s barely a whisper.
“The ring?”
I nod.
“It was vintage from the 1920s. A simple round stone in the middle with diamond-shaped stones on the sides. It wasn’t much, it wasn’t what you deserve, but it was beautiful. I’d buy you something bigger now. I have the money to get you anything you want.”
I allow myself to live in fairytale for just a moment. “I’d want the ring you bought back then.”
I close my eyes, burrowing into his chest, letting long forgotten dreams wash over me before I lock them up again. I wish we were dancing as husband and wife, my vintage ring sparkling under the twinkling lights, celebrating our friends. Opening my mouth to ask one more question before locking this all away before it can crush me, Roman speaks, answering the question I didn’t get a chance to ask. “I still have it.”
28
Roman
My pants feel painfully tight as I watch Harper twirl around the dance floor with her friends. She’s taunting me with each sway of her hips and lustful look over her shoulder as she bites her lip. I adjust myself but don’t take my eyes off of her until a big body stands in front of me, immediately deflating my dick.
I look up to James’ angry scowl before he takes the seat next to me, handing me a fresh, cold beer.
“Been quiet for a few weeks,” he states, taking a long drag of his beer.
“I don’t like it.”
He frowns, looking at the women on the dance floor. “I don’t, either. Still keeping a watch on her?”
“Haven’t left her side.”
“Good,” James grumbles. “I’m keeping tabs. Word will get to me if he surfaces. Savannah has been through enough for every girl in this group. Don’t want anything to happen to Harper.”
“Nothing will,” I vow. “Find anything about her dad?”
His frown deepens. “Nothing concrete.”
“But, you found something?”
He shrugs. “Too soon to tell. If I did, though, it wouldn’t be good.”
“Fuck,” I curse, running my hand through my hair.
Harper is still dancing around, smiling with her friends. I don’t want to burden her with anything else. She’s been through so much, lost too much. Rafael has stayed underground for a few weeks, but I don’t trust he’ll stay there. He came to her every day and now he’s disappeared? Nope, don’t trust it for a second.
Something’s coming. I know James feels it, too. He confirms this when he speaks again. “Somethin’ ain’t right about how quiet he’s been.”
“I know. I have Kiernan following some of his crew, but he’s only one guy and nothing has happened to cause any suspicion or led to where Rafael might be.”
James is looking at Kiernan doing the sprinkler on the dance floor with a skeptical look on his face. “You trust him?”
“With my life,” I answer honestly. “He’s the best at what he does. If there’s a trail of information to find, he’ll find it. How do you have these contacts of yours?”
James swings his head toward mine, glaring at me with his gray eyes. “Like I said the first time, it ain’t your damn business.”
“Fair enough,” I respond, holding up a hand in surrender. “You ever need a job, you’re welcome to work for me any time.”
“Let me guess, you’re thinking about expanding in Texas.”
“We’ll see,” I answer, watching Harper. It will depend on her for my future plans.
“Yeah,” James says slowly and sarcastically. “She was upset while y’all were dancing.”
“Were you watching us?” I ask, looking in his direction.
He glowers at me and I turn my focus back to the dance floor. I know he wasn’t watching us, just observes everyone. I wasn’t kidding when I offered him a job, I have a feeling he’d be great on my team.
“She’s okay. I surprised her, that’s all.”
James nods. Getting up from the chair, he looks back at me one last time and voices his promise quietly. “Same thing applies to you that I tell Liam. Your body won’t be found.” He walks toward the dancing group of girls, tapping Savannah on her shoulder. She spins toward him, smiling up at him before she throws her arms around his neck. He takes her off to the side for a dance as a new song begins.
Harper comes back to the table, taking up residence in the perfect spot––my lap. “What’s their story?” I ask, pointing toward Savannah and James. I find Liam in the crowd, watching the two of them with a small smile.
“He’s like her brother. Savannah has a pretty grim past, James taught her to fight so she could protect herself.”
“Liam isn’t jealous?” I know I wouldn’t be able to keep a lid on my jealousy if that were Harper. I don’t want anyone else’s hands on her except mine, which is why I cut her dance with Kiernan short when I saw them together.
“I think he was in the beginning, but if James hadn’t done what he did for Savannah, she probably wouldn’t be alive. Liam would do anything for James for that reason alone.”
I’m proud of my girl for finding a group of friends that will have each other’s backs. It reminds me of Kiernan, Caleb, and me. Now it’s just Kiernan and me. Caleb balanced both of us but I made a mistake by sending him alone to a low-level job without the resources needed, and it cost him his life.
As if Kiernan is reading my thoughts, he takes the seat next to us, voicing his opinion. “You have to stop beating yourself up about Caleb.” I feel Harper’s questioning eyes turn my way, but I keep mine trained to Kiernan, not wanting to answer that question here at her best friend’s wedding. Annoyance bubbles up inside of me when he changes to another subject I don’t want Harper thinking about tonight. “We need to pull one of our guys and bring him here. It’s been too quiet, I don’t like it.”
“Isn’t quiet a good thing?” Harper asks.
“Not when a cartel leader approaches you daily and then suddenly stops. That silence is concerning.”
“This isn’t the place to discuss this. Our men are maxed out on jobs.”
“They were,” Kiernan says. “Job just got cancelled. It’s time to bring one of the boys.”
I know he’s right. “Bring Dawson. The rest will be added to other jobs.”
Kiernan opens his mouth to argue but I stop him. “No. Even the easy jobs get more than enough men.”
“On it, boss.” Kiernan pulls his phone from his pocket, walking out toward the water to arrange the new plans.
I know it’s coming as soon as Kiernan gets up from the chair. My shoulders tense, bracing for a question I dread. I avoid Harper’s stare, hoping I’m wrong and she won’t ask.
“Who is Caleb?” Harper’s tone is soft, as if she knows this is a hard subject.
“This isn’t the place, babe.”
Harper’s cool palm comes to my cheek, turning my face toward her. “Please, Roman.”
My jaw clenches. I want Harper more than I
want to avoid my fuck up, though. I’m slowly pushing her boundaries, trying to get her to trust me and release the feelings I know she’s bottling up. She’s mine. I just want to be hers. I’ll do anything she asks of me.
“We do security but also investigating. That’s where we have fun, but the security certainly helps keep things afloat. Caleb was in the army with us. We went through basic together and served together overseas. He was like a brother to Kiernan and me. He helped us build my company from the ground up and he was damn good at his job.”
Harper kisses my jaw, silently pressing me to keep going. My hand skims up and down her back, relishing the opportunity to touch her freely.
“A few months ago, we had a small security job, very low-level. All in all, it should have been a boring job. The amount of people who needed protection that night should’ve required us to put four men on it. A few of my guys called in sick. They no longer work for me. We were stretched really thin that night, every other job was more of a risk, so I made the decision to go short-staffed on that one. I still don’t understand everything that happened.”
I stall, taking a deep breath. My stomach feels like it’s full of lead, weighing me down as the guilt eats me alive. Harper’s hand kneading the muscles at the back of my neck brings me back to reality. I can relive this and admit my faults to her. For her.
“A fight broke out and Caleb was shot. Bullet between the eyes, he was gone before he ever felt the pain.”
Harper gasps, covering her open mouth. “Baby.”
My eyes flash to Harper. The pain in her eyes matches the pain in my chest. “It’s not your fault. It was a terrible accident but it’s not your fault. You didn’t pull that trigger.”
“I shouldn’t have sent the men understaffed, to any job, even if it was simple.”
“You had no other choice,” she calmly states, rubbing the back of my head. “I’m so sorry for your friend. I wish I had the chance to meet him.”
That gets the first smile out of me when I think about Caleb. “He would have loved you. He constantly told me to go after you, win you back.”
“Smart man,” she quips, smiling slightly.
I shake my head, the smile falling away. “He helped me keep tabs on you. I tried to forget about you, told myself you were better off, and then Caleb would walk in and drop a file about you on my desk. Or mention your name when he knew I needed it. That’s who he was, he knew what the people around him needed, always doing jobs before it was even asked of him. It should’ve been me.”
“Don’t say that,” she whispers angrily. “Don’t fucking say that.”
I grit my teeth, still believing it should’ve been me. I was pissed at Caleb that day, he kept bringing up Harper’s name, telling me to look at the information he found. The last time he showed something to me a few weeks before was an old picture of her on a date with another man. He found it on social media, rubbing it in my face, taunting me she would find someone else. I was done looking at what he brought me about her. It pissed me off that he didn’t think I knew I needed to do something and get back to her. Every moment since his death I’ve been making my plan to come and get her. Make her mine again. Death could happen at any time, and I don’t want to leave this world without Harper knowing I’ve loved her all my life.
“I usually take the boring jobs and let my men have the better ones. I like investigating, it’s what I spend most of my time doing. That day I was needed in the field. I was annoyed with him, so I gave him the boring job while I took something more thrilling.”
“You didn’t know that would happen,” she says softly. “Why were you mad at him?”
“He wanted me to come after you. I was convinced you were better off without me. When he died, I vowed to make you mine again, no matter what it took. Your phone call happened at the perfect time.”
“Oh,” she whispers, chewing on her bottom lip. Fate. Destiny. Kismet. Whatever you want to call it. Harper is mine. We’ll always find each other again. I laughed at ideas like that until I met her. Whatever life brings, I will stay by her side or fight like hell to be there. Whatever the afterlife brings— heaven or hell, reincarnation—my soul will find hers.
“He showed me this picture of you from your Facebook page of you on a date with some guy. I’m sure it was along the same lines, but I refused to look.”
“It’s not your fault, baby. I’m willing to bet he wouldn’t want you to feel this way.”
I chuckle. “No, he’d tell me that I need to fuck you and make you mine or some other man would do the job I couldn’t.”
Harper laughs before laying her head against my shoulder. “The party is winding down, after their send off, we can go home and you can fuck me.”
“I can’t wait, Sugar.”
A smile crosses my face. It’s exactly what Caleb would want to happen.
A Few Months Earlier
“Look at it,” Caleb says, tossing a file on my desk with a picture of Harper on the front.
I stare at the heavy manila envelope he dropped, already knowing what it contains. Harper. Something about Harper. My eyes slide to the hole in the wall that I created the last time he brought me information about her.
That picture of her in a restaurant with a guy’s arm wrapped around her as he looks down at her smiling will be burned in my brain forever. Caleb and Kiernan have been pestering me to go after Harper for a long time. When Caleb showed me that picture and left my office, I went on a rampage, throwing my fist through the wall.
It’s what I want for her, someone better than me, who can give her everything she deserves. Doubt there’s anyone good enough for her, but there’s sure as shit better than me and the low life I came from. Just because I want more for her doesn’t mean I want to fucking see it. Pain ricochets through my chest when I look down at a smiling Harper.
The envelope Caleb just dropped in front of me proves he’s not done.
“What is this?” I ask.
“Look at it,” he says, crossing his arms over his chest and raising an eyebrow.
“No,” I say. I want to go to her, I’ve wanted to go to her since I stupidly broke up with her but her needs are far more important than my wants. I’ve tried forgetting about her over the last ten years but nothing works. She’s my addiction.
I’d fall down a rabbit hole looking into her, making sure she’s safe, wondering where she’s living. My hand grabs the drawer handle on my desk before I’m even aware I’m doing it.
“I know you have her picture in there,” Caleb says, sitting down in the chair across from me.
“Fuck,” I grumble. “You and Kiernan are worse than little old ladies at a nursing home. Stop snooping through my shit.”
He shrugs, grinning. “We’re looking out for you.”
“You’re entertaining yourselves,” I mutter, frustrated that they know so intimately my feelings for Harper. Neither one has even met her, but they’ve heard enough stories about her, and I’ve carried a picture of her with me everywhere.
Every time I go on a date or bring a girl home for the night, they’re there the next morning, saying shit like, “She ain’t Harper.” No shit. No one is Harper. Harper is in a league of her own, I’m a lucky bastard she ever looked my way.
“Just go through the information. This time is different, I don’t know what it means, but there’s shit you have to see.”
“Caleb,” I start before he cuts me off, bringing a fist down on my desk.
“You’re being a coward,” he spits out with a disgusted look on his face. “The Roman I know, the man that had my back overseas, isn’t a fucking coward, so why with her?”
“You don’t fucking get it,” I hiss. “She deserves better.”
“Says who?”
“Everyone,” I shout. “You don’t know her or know where I came from. She never should have been with me.”
“Maybe you should let her make her own choices,” Caleb says, shaking his head.
We stare at each ot
her, both of us pissed. I fucking know that she’s the best thing to ever happen to me, I’ll never meet anyone better. I came to terms with that a long time ago but I don’t accept that there’s not better for her.
“Look,” Caleb says, sighing. “Maybe you weren’t enough back then. I get it. I didn’t want anyone at home waiting for me or following me around, giving up their dreams. She has her store now, a new life in a new city. And, you’re the best damn man I know.”
I stare at the hole I punched in the wall. I’ve almost caved so many times, hopped in my truck and gone after her. There’s not a damn thing in this world I would get on my knees for, beg for, except for her.
“Not good enough,” I say.
“You’re a fucking idiot. She’s going to find someone to settle with and she will be settling. Why don’t you get that it doesn’t matter where you come from?”
“Says the guy with the perfect family behind the white picket fence,” I reply sarcastically.
“If Harper came from your trailer park, you wouldn’t love her?”
“Fuck you,” I breathe.
I’d love Harper no matter what. He fucking knows it.
Fuck him for knowing me.
“Get your ass in your truck and go get your girl. There isn’t a better man in this world. You think you’re the lucky one. I think you’re both damn lucky to have each other and know each other.”
“It’s been ten years,” I say.
“I bet she still carries a picture of you, too. Look at what’s in there.”
I nod, but I don’t commit to looking at it. If it’s more evidence that there’s been other men besides me, I don’t want to see it. He closes the door behind him as he leaves my office. I look around my office, seeing what I’ve built. I could retire today and have enough to live on for the rest of my life.
I open my desk drawer, taking out the picture of Harper. She’s only seventeen in this picture, but already she was the most beautiful woman on the planet. She’s wearing a white sundress, her hand slightly covering her laughing mouth. Bright, shining eyes that I lived to see every day are piercing me through the photograph.