28
I looked at my watch, less than an hour until supper. Maybe at supper someone would confess. Then four of Hilldale’s finest could go home.
“Well, Lou, you have any ideas what’s going on?”
“Looks like a murder investigation, Cy.”
“Looks like a sergeant might be camping out in the rain tonight.”
“It’s not supposed to rain, Cy.”
“Nor is a sergeant supposed to camp out, at least not as long as he’s doing his job.”
“Okay, Cy. I don’t know what to make of all of this. I have no idea where the woman was murdered, but evidently someone has been inside of her apartment, and it seems like the most likely person to do that is whoever murdered her. Do you think that allows us to narrow the field of suspects.”
“You mean to anyone who had a key?”
“Or maybe to anyone who had access to that window.”
“That would give us the handyman, the manager, the linebacker maid, who had keys, and Miss Jewell and Mr. Cochran, who could’ve come through the window.”
“Plus we don’t know who the murdered woman might have given a key to.”
“Or to come back to something we talked about earlier, who might’ve knocked on her door, or come in with her when she returned from breakfast.”
“So, what you’re saying is everyone’s a possibility but the cook.”
“No need taking her out.”
“No, I sure wouldn’t want to take her out, although if it came down to her and that linebacker maid, I might go for the cook.”
“You would, Cy.”
“Hey, we’ve gotta eat. Actually, Lou, what we’ve got is a woman who was murdered, poisoned. We don’t know whether she was poisoned before breakfast, at breakfast, or after breakfast. We only know that she was poisoned, and the boys downtown found no poison in any of the food that we found in this apartment. And, naturally, we don’t have any of the breakfast food to test. And she was found too late to determine which of the things inside her poisoned her. We only know that she ingested whatever it was. Lou, I wonder if the things we found in the apartment, like the partially eaten food on her tray, were planted to divert suspicion away from the breakfast table.”
“Or, Cy, maybe she wasn’t poisoned in either place. Maybe there’s something else out there that we haven’t found yet.”
“Lou, I must compliment you on always making things easier.”
Lou had a point. Maybe someone invited her to sample something in his or her apartment. Maybe a close neighbor said, “Try one of these and let me know what you think.” As always, there were too many “ifs.” We were as successful discussing the case in the apartment as we had been locating something that was missing, or something that was there that shouldn’t have been, so we gave up and went down to supper a few minutes early.
We were becoming used to our routine of eating with the people at Parkway Arms. This was our third meal together, and I could tell how we were growing on people. I felt as welcome as a cannibal at a nudist convention.
I thought about eating only one supper, but dismissed that thought quickly. These people eat a lot earlier than I’m used to eating, so I needed to eat with both groups so that I wouldn’t have to go home and fix something before bedtime. Besides, I had no idea if the murderer was part of the first eating group or the second eating group. I told Lou to sit tight and we would eat with both groups. I could hear him counting Wii exercises in his head.
My new best friend came over with the possibilities for supper; sirloin steak, shrimp, or pork chops. The accompaniments were baked potato, green beans, corn on the cob, and side salad. My steak, baked potato, and corn on the cob arrived shortly. I didn’t bother to see what the guy next to me was eating. I couldn’t afford indigestion. The steak looked to be somewhere between Cy size and New Lou size. That was okay. A second steak would be on its way in an hour or so. I missed Rosie, but I was beginning to like the idea of two of each meal.
For the second meal that day, I won the award for first clean plate. That means that I got the first dessert. This time I got to choose between chocolate cream pie, pineapple upside down cake, or an ice cream sundae. Too bad there weren’t three suppers. That way I could sample all of them.
When all but two of the first group dispersed, the cook came over to me.
“Both of you staying this time?”
Lou spoke up and said, “Yes, but I’m just here as an observer.”
From everything I could tell, that was the same role he played during the first serving of supper.
Before the cook left, I asked her a question. I had become comfortable enough to ask.
“Would it be possible to have only one vegetable and two desserts?”
“If you promise not to arrest me.”
“If you promise me you didn’t murder anyone.”
“I didn’t unless you count that guy who pinched me in the movie theater one time.”
We both laughed. I could tell Lou was broken up about the whole thing, too.
A few minutes later, the rest of my supper arrived. I smiled as I looked down at my steak, baked potato, and a piece of pineapple upside down cake. Hopefully, no one else saw what was on my plate.
The two maids and the handyman finished eating and left the table. There were four of us still at the table. I had just finished eating my last bite of my hot fudge caramel sundae with pralines and cream ice cream, walnuts, whipped cream, and a cherry when the front door opened and a thunderstorm entered.
The outside officer ushered Hazel Allnut into the building ahead of him.
“I seen this one hiding in the bushes. What do you want me to do with her, Lieutenant?”
And I had seen that the officer was not an English major in college, but enough about that. What was I going to do with our trespasser?
“Oh, I might know, you’d be behind all of this. Practically a member of the country club now, are you? Well, wait until we see what happens to you after I call downtown and tell them about all the police brutality going on here,” the old biddy huffed when she saw me.
Before I could answer, Margaret Draper stepped in.
“Mrs. Allnut, remember I’m present here, too. And no one gave you permission to spy on us.”
“I wasn’t spying. I was just checking on everyone’s safety.”
This time, I entered the fray.
“Mrs. Allnut, everyone will be perfectly safe if you hightail it back home right now. But should you choose not to, or should you choose to come back without being invited, prior to this case being solved, I will have you arrested for obstruction of justice.”
“Well, I never.”
“Well, you will if you don’t go home where you belong and stay there.”
With that she ripped her arm from the officer’s grasp, and stomped out the door.
When things settled back down, Martha, the cook, came to me and asked if the two officers had eaten, or if they might be interested in the leftovers. I wondered how many leftovers there were, and if I had eaten too soon. Within minutes, both officers settled down to a home-cooked dinner, and Lou and I agreed to remain until the officers finished dinner.
+++
I was ready to get home. I planned to spend a few minutes on the computer, and then I wanted to get back to the Carolyn Hart mystery that I had started a couple of days earlier. I dropped Lou off at his place and smiled as I turned into my driveway and drove to the back of the house. I turned off the car, patted Lightning goodnight, opened the door, and began to hoist myself from the vehicle. It was then that I was attacked.
I looked down, almost tripped over my attacker. The little, white ball of fluff looked up at me. I stood still, which was a mistake. Furball took that as an opportunity to jump up on my body. Luckily, she couldn’t jump high enough to lick me in the face. I wasn’t about to bend over to increase her odds.
I figured my best defense was a good offense and took off toward the back door. I was almos
t there before I noticed my next-door neighbor sitting on my steps, blocking my way. It was another few seconds before I noticed casts on both arms. I almost felt sorry for her.
“Cyrus, I’m sorry if I came on too strong the other day.”
The other day. How about the last one thousand years? I thought to myself.
Because she was at somewhat a disadvantage and was apologetic, I felt a little sorry for her. I was also inquisitive.
“So, what happened to you? Trip over Muffy, or did you chase some other man who wasn’t as soon to forgive as I am?”
“Neither. I fell off my Wii. I should’ve known that I couldn’t do that tree exercise, but I wanted to score as many points as I could, so I hung on as long as possible.”
“So, that explains the one arm, but what about the other?”
“I hadn’t finished the exercise. I needed to stand on the other leg, too.”
Too bad I didn’t have some kind of taping device. I was sure that I finally had enough evidence to have her committed.
“So, who’s helping you?”
“Why do you ask? Are you willing?”
“Not in this lifetime” didn’t sound like a proper response to a woman with two broken arms, so I begged off, reminded her that I still was involved in a murder investigation.
“Miss Humphert, maybe now would be a good time for you to go visit your sister?”
“Oh, Cyrus, are you telling me that you’re willing to drive me and Twinkle Toes?”
I didn’t realize that so many questions could be answered “not in this lifetime.”
“This may come as a surprise to you, Miss Humphert, but the case I hadn’t solved five seconds ago is still unsolved. Maybe if you scoot over a little and let me get inside the house I can solve it sooner.”
“Maybe if the two of us go in the house together we can solve a lot of things.”
“Miss Humphert, did they bother to check you for brain damage at the hospital?”
“No, they realized that I’m in love with the boy next door.”
“Well, why don’t you go see him and leave me alone?”
“Oh, Cyrus, you’re always so funny. Have you ever broken any bones?”
“A couple of times. One was a woman who kept hitting on me. I think it was her nose I broke. I just get all nervous when women hit on me. It was a good thing I hadn’t drawn my gun that time.”
“Cyrus, I can massage your back with my toes. They say that’s good for nervousness.”
“I’d better not. I’ve heard that kind of stuff causes back fungus.”
“Oh, Cyrus, there’s no such thing as back fungus.”
“There’s no such thing as you and me in the same house, either.”
“Oh, but, Cyrus, I have these casts on, and sometime I itch. If you were around you could scratch that itch for me.”
“Miss Humphert, it sounds like you need a cat, a scratching post, or both, and maybe a good bath, too. I’m sure one of those things will solve your itching.”
The vulture looked away for a minute, trying to see what happened to her mutt. I took advantage of the opportunity and sneaked past her into the house. Thirty minutes later, I looked out. She was still sitting there. I hoped she would go home before it was time for me to leave in the morning. If not, I would have to call the exterminator.
+++
I locked the door and leaned against it. I felt like calling someone to see how easy it would be for a woman with two broken arms and no key to break into a house, but refrained from doing so. Instead, I slumped down in front of the computer. I wanted to Google exterminators, stink bombs, or some such method of getting rid of vermin, but I refrained. Instead, I typed in “locked room puzzles” wondering what would appear in front of me. That took me to a lot of “locked room mysteries” that I was rapidly becoming familiar with. I didn’t have time to read all of them before I solved my murder. Besides, I knew how someone could have gotten inside the apartment. Enough people had keys, but was the latch on? Then I clicked on something else. This time it took me to a place where I was locked in a room and needed to click on various things that would allow me to escape from the room. With that creature hovering outside my door, I didn’t want to get out. Finally, I deleted the first two words and clicked on “puzzles.” From what I could tell, doing this allowed me to play all types of games, some of which I could play with other people. I already had another person who wanted to play games with me. I wasn’t interested. I just wanted to solve a murder. It was obvious that nothing I could think of to click on on the computer would solve Mrs. Higgins’ murder. If I couldn’t solve that murder, maybe I could solve another. I traded my new computer chair for another, and got cozy with my Carolyn Hart mystery. This woman, whom I had never heard of a few months ago, was rapidly becoming one of my favorite authors. I planned to read for a couple of hours, or until I finished the book, then call it a night. Tomorrow would be another day, and while another day meant more time spent at Parkway Arms, it also meant going back to a couple of meals a day at the Blue Moon. I sat there and wondered if Rosie would chastise me for missing an entire day of food at the Blue Moon. It wouldn’t be long before I knew. Too bad that my real life mystery couldn’t be solved in the two hours or so I set aside for Carolyn Hart, or the time it would take me to eat a couple of meals at the Blue Moon. Oh well! I was getting paid to solve Mrs. Higgins’s murder. I wasn’t getting paid to read or eat, although I would like to be.
29
I awoke the next morning and lumbered from my bed. Normally, when I get up in the morning, my first stop is the bathroom, but a recurring nightmare reminded me to check my back porch first. I stumbled through the kitchen, thankful that I didn’t get up prior to daylight, and pulled a couple of blinds apart to see if the creature spent the night there. I saw no one. I saw nothing of significance either, but something told me that the stench still permeated the air. I didn’t want to step outside, only to return to take a second shower. If the coast was clear when it was time to leave, or if I felt I could outrun that woman and her mutt, I would use the front door. For years, I had practiced getting away from her, opening Lightning’s door, getting in and locking myself safely inside. It was almost as if Lightning understood my dilemma and made it easier for me to scoot safely inside without having to draw my weapon to do so.
Over the years, I had conditioned myself to wake up by the time I needed to get up, and do all that I had to do prior to leaving to pick up Lou for breakfast. When we ate at the Blue Moon, we arrived later than most, in order that our stools wouldn’t be occupied by riffraff. God had blessed us most of the time. If anyone else had sat on our stools, Rosie had removed all evidence prior to our arrival.
I had appraised my situation the night before, knew that I didn’t need to call Sam or Frank before leaving the house. Today, neither would be of any help to me. Frank had no more bodies, Sam no more information. I had no problem with Sam. If I wasn’t dealing with a lifelong criminal, Sam couldn’t make out someone to be one.
Because my only phone call would be to Lou, and the only things I had to do before leaving was make myself presentable and spend a few minutes with God, I took advantage of those few extra minutes of sleep. I took care of the things I needed to do, and then slipped to the door as quietly as possible.
I opened the door a crack. No creature lunged for me. I was off to a good start. When nothing happened, I opened the door far enough to step outside, which is the same as saying I opened it all the way. Still, no attacker. Maybe the woman was still in traction. I didn’t care. I wanted to take advantage of an opportunity to escape while I could.
+++
A few minutes later, I pulled up in front of Lou’s place. He scampered out the door as soon as he saw me. I wondered why he hadn’t broken any arms. I knew he did that same dumb exercise my next-door neighbor did. I had a pained look on my face. It was the first time I’d seen my friend scamper. Was he merely showing off for me? He opened the door, slid into his seat
, and asked me why the pained look. I told him about my next-door neighbor. He laughed. Then I told him how she broke her arms. He stopped laughing. Could it be that my next-door neighbor’s mishap would be enough to stop Lou’s Wiiing?
Once things settled down, he turned to me and said, “Chutes and Ladders.”
“I never did like that game. I always found more chutes than ladders. So, are you telling me that you’re trading your Wii for a board game, something much safer?” Something that would allow him to put his weight back on.
“No, I’m telling you our clue for the day.”
“What is this? Is this the week for board games? Yesterday Clue, today Chutes and Ladders. Can Monopoly be in my future?”
“No, Cy, I’d say that Twister might be in your future instead. Maybe you can go ahead and buy one, and then when your next-door neighbor recovers you can invite her over.”
Luckily Lightning saw the Blue Moon in the distance and covered the few thousand feet in record time. My blonde bombshell pulled up in front, and I leapt from the car ready to be home again. Okay, maybe I didn’t leap, but I got out quicker than normal. Just as I stepped up onto the sidewalk, a hand reached out the front door and plastered a sign on the door. “Closing due to lack of business” it read. I slapped my thighs as I laughed. I refrained from slapping them a second time, partly because of how the slap hurt my thighs, and partly because I think I pulled a muscle as I tried to stand again.
I hobbled to the door and ripped down the sign. I looked inside, noticed we were the only customers, and asked, “Is this the place that is open under new management?”
Rosie popped up from behind the counter and laughed. Then she lit into me.
“What is it with you? I give you kisses, and what do you do. Desert me.”
“I’m sorry, Rosie. It was his fault. He wanted to try one of those organic places. I’ll make it up to you. This morning, I’ll let you dessert me twice.”
“Oh, didn’t I tell you? We ran out of dessert just before the early crowd left.”
4 Murder at Breakfast Page 18