She took the ring from the bottom of the canister. Clasping it in her hand and holding it close to her chest, she managed to speak. “Yes, Devin,” she said. “Yes, I will marry you. This summer. This summer I will become yours forever. I promise.”
He didn’t reply, and she knew why. She had never seen Devin cry, but a couple of times he had become overcome with emotion enough to make his eyes glisten, and he always got very quiet.
“You there?” she asked.
“Yes,” he replied softly. “But I wish I was there.”
She smiled and felt less lonely for him. Opening her palm, she took a good look at the ring for the first time. It was similar to the one he had presented to her nearly five years ago now. Simple. Classic. Perfect. Oh, how she saw an engagement ring with different eyes this time.
“I’m not putting it on yet,” she said, holding the band in her fingertips and walking back to the living room. “You can do that when you get back.”
“Yes, I’ll be sure and do that,” he replied, sounding relaxed again. “Merry Christmas, sweetheart. I’ll call you tomorrow, all right?”
“Okay.”
Tracy sat on the couch after Devin let her go, gazing at the ring. She felt tempted to slip it onto her finger just to see how it looked, but she wanted to wait. Bowing her head, she spent a few minutes praying, thanking God from the depths of her soul for bringing a wonderful man into her life, and bringing him back a second time after she had been too immature to understand how rare men like Devin truly were.
She also asked God to bless their marriage and to keep them together for always, no matter what. May I always remember how much joy I have right now and how much I need him and love him.
After an enjoyable Christmas with her family and a weekend of relaxing at their home in the country, Tracy returned to her apartment on Monday evening and checked to make sure the ring was still in the cookie jar where she had left it.
Devin called about an hour later. They talked for a long time and made some preliminary wedding plans. She found herself thinking more about actually being married to Devin than the formal ceremony that would take place. This wasn’t about having the perfect wedding. It was about who she was marrying and what a sweet reality that would be.
She returned to work on Wednesday. Charisse had some interesting news to share. The old boyfriend that she had mentioned last week hadn’t given up his renewed pursuit of her. But Charisse didn’t sound annoyed by his return like she had before.
“He’s changed, Tracy. I mean, really changed.”
“How so?”
“Well, he was always nice. One of the better guys I’ve dated, but he was pretty full of himself. Everything was always about him. His job. His plans. His unending list of what he’d achieved. That’s why I broke up with him. I loved him, but I felt like I couldn’t compete with all that. Whenever we went anywhere, he knew everyone and everyone knew him, but they ignored me. I got tired of it.”
“And now?”
“He asked me why I broke up with him before, and I told him. He said he was sorry and that he never intended to hurt me. He wanted to marry me, but he was afraid of marriage. I was totally shocked when he told me that. We were together for two years and he never mentioned the M word. Not once.”
“Is he the one that you were living with when I first started working here?”
“Yes. Do you remember what a mess I was after I moved out?”
Tracy laughed. “Yes. I’d only been here for a month. I couldn’t figure out why you had left him if you were that upset.”
“I really didn’t want to. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. But I was sure he would discard me like an old shoe eventually. I didn’t belong in his world.”
“What’s different about him now?”
“He talks about someone besides himself.”
She laughed. “Who does he talk about?”
Charisse smiled. “He wants to talk about me, about us.”
“How do you feel about that?”
“The first thing he said to me when I met him for dinner on Christmas Eve was ‘I’m a different person, Charisse, and I want to show you that.’ I thought, ‘Yeah, I’ll believe that when I see it.’ But the whole night he kept talking about how much better his life had been when we were together: How I helped him to not get too wrapped up in his work and to take time to enjoy life.
“After I left he became obsessed with making as much money as possible no matter who he hurt along the way. He said he did some really underhanded things that he’s not proud of and finally woke up to the person he had become. After that he went into this deep depression but kept up with his manic pace.
“He told me he needed me, and he certainly never said that before. I guess you could say he said all the right things and has been treating me like he never did before. And I can’t help but like it.”
“But?” Tracy asked, sensing one was coming.
“But there’s just one thing I’m not sure about.”
“What’s that?”
“He told me that a few months ago he became a Christian. I’m not even sure what that means. Do you think he’s become some kind of religious guru that’s going to decide we should become anti-everything and go live in a peaceful colony somewhere?”
Tracy laughed.
“I’m serious, Trace. There are some real weirdoes out there that do whacked-out stuff in the name of God. Don’t you ever watch the news?”
Tracy sobered slightly, wanting to take Charisse’s concerns seriously but assure her that’s not what authentic Christianity is about. “I’m a Christian, Charisse. You don’t hear me talking about stuff like that, do you?”
“No,” Charisse replied. “So Christians can be normal?”
Tracy laughed. “I can’t be certain that Kurt believes the same things I do--there are those who twist the beliefs of Christianity--but from what you’re saying about how he’s changed, I would bet he’s legitimate.”
“Tell me what you believe so I can compare it with what he says.”
Tracy had been waiting for an opportunity like this for so long, and she couldn’t believe it was suddenly here. She hadn’t had to force anything like she had often imagined this kind of conversation going.
“Well, basically I believe that God made us, the world, and everything that’s a natural part of it. He created a perfect world and made us in His image to be holy and perfect. But everyone, from Adam and Eve to you and me have done things to wander from that perfection--doing things that God says aren’t right for us.
“So we need forgiveness and a way to live better lives. We can receive forgiveness through Jesus Christ who came from heaven to show us God’s love and mercy. Have you ever been to church on Easter?”
“Yes. A couple times.”
“Well, the story about Jesus dying on the cross and being raised to life again is true. He is God and did that to show His mercy and His power. He can raise us to life after we die, and He can raise us to a new kind of life through his Spirit here and now. That’s pretty much it in a nutshell. See if that’s what Kurt believes too.”
“Do you think Kurt will expect me to believe it?”
“I don’t know if he will expect you to, but I’m sure he hopes you will at some point. I can’t explain it all with words, but Jesus gives my life meaning and purpose and a joy I can’t describe. And He helps me to be a better person--loving, and kind, and unselfish. That’s why Kurt is different. He’s been changed from the inside out, and if he’s serious about it, he will only get better and better with time.”
“Is Devin a Christian?”
“Yes. And he is the way he is because of God. He’ll tell you that.”
Tracy’s next patient had arrived, so she left Charisse alone with her thoughts. Tracy wasn’t sure where all her words had come from, but she hoped she had explained things to Charisse in an accurate and understandable way. She breathed a prayer for Charisse and Kurt, trusting that God would
continue to pursue them. She realized all those prayers she had been whispering for Charisse over the last two years hadn’t been a waste.
By Friday Tracy felt more than ready to see Devin, but the day dragged. His flight would arrive at six, and he said he would come to her place as soon as his family dropped him off. She had thought about going to the airport to meet him, but they had decided they would like to have a more private reunion. But by five o’clock, she didn’t think she could handle pacing for two more hours and decided to surprise him and be there waiting for him.
***
Devin woke with a jolt. Feeling disoriented for a moment, he slowly remembered where he was: On the flight home. He couldn’t wait to see Tracy and was glad he had managed to sleep some to pass the time. Checking his watch, he saw they would be landing soon, making his heart leap with the anticipation of seeing her and slipping that ring onto her beautiful hand. He had been waiting for a very long time to do that.
Stepping off the plane less than an hour later, he waited impatiently for his family to join him in the airport terminal and make their way to baggage claim. They were all tired and in no hurry. He felt more alive than he ever had in his life and had every reason to get on the road. He wished he would have asked Tracy to meet him here now. When she had offered yesterday, he said he would prefer their reunion to be private. But that was yesterday.
“I’ll get my own cab,” he told his family once they finally stepped outside into the crisp winter air. “Happy New Year!”
“Happy New Year,” his mother said, giving him a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek. “Say hello to Tracy for us.”
“I might remember to do that,” he laughed. “If not, you’ll see her on Sunday.”
His mother smiled, giving him that look she always did when she was proud of him. His parents approved of his choice wholeheartedly. He couldn’t imagine his life being any more perfect right now.
Asking the driver to take him to his address, he settled in the back seat and imagined the look in Tracy’s eyes when he put the ring on her finger. This time she wouldn’t be too afraid or uncertain. This time he would be looking into the eyes of his future wife.
Stepping from the car onto the sidewalk, he paid the driver and grabbed his bags. After dropping his luggage in the front hall, he turned right back around and headed for his car, arriving at Tracy’s in record time.
Ascending the stairs to her building, he opened the front door and stepped out of the cold New Year’s Eve air. He pressed the call button above Tracy’s apartment number and waited for her to respond. He waited a few moments and tried again.
There was no response.
CHAPTER FIVE
Tracy was trembling all over. She desperately wanted to erase the previous hour from her memory. Why today? Why had she answered the phone instead of leaving to go meet Devin like she had planned? Why hadn’t she hung up once she knew it was Zach?
The sound of the intercom buzzer made her jump. She knew it was probably Devin, but what if it wasn’t? She had told Zach not to come here, but he had never respected her wishes before, why would he start now?
Going to her bedroom, she peeked through the slats of the closed blinds. She didn’t see Devin’s car parked along the street, but he often parked around the corner. She heard the buzzer again and waited for either Zach or Devin to give up and emerge from the front door. She couldn’t take the risk of letting Zach know she was here. He could speak through the door just as easily as face to face, and then her neighbors would hear all about her private life too.
She tried not to think about the words he had spoken to her over the phone when she told him she was engaged, but she couldn’t. “You’ll always be mine, Tracy. I had you first.”
She hadn’t responded. After hanging up on him, she knew she shouldn’t let him get to her, but the words kept spinning around in her thoughts. She wasn’t sure she could face Devin right now.
The door to the street finally opened, but she saw neither Zach nor Devin. A neighbor boy descended the steps, and ten seconds later she heard a knock on her door and knew the boy must have let the stranger through the locked entrance. Slowly she walked from her room to the front hall with her heart pounding, feeling relieved when she heard Devin’s unmistakable voice.
“You in there, Trace? I think your call button might be broken ag--”
Opening the door, she stepped into his arms before he could finish. Her tears made him hold her close, and she clung to every ounce of love and security he provided.
“Hey,” he said, kissing her hair and stepping inside to close the door behind him. “I’m here, just like I said I would be. Don’t cry, baby.”
He tried to kiss her, but she clung to him. “Just hold me, please,” she begged.
“Okay,” he said, doing exactly as she asked.
She clung to him for a long time, then stepped back and looked into his eyes. They were filled with concern, just as she knew they would be. Zach’s words haunted her again, and she tried to shut them out.
“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”
“I-I wanted to come meet you at the airport,” she said. “I missed you so much.”
“You could have done that,” he said, stepping back to remove his coat.
“I tried. I really did.”
“What happened?”
“I got a phone call on my way out the door. I shouldn’t have answered it.”
He hung up his coat on the rack along with his black scarf. “Who called?”
She took a deep breath, not wanting to speak his name to Devin but knowing she had to tell him. “Zach,” she whispered.
His face tensed. “Zach? As in--?”
She nodded. “After I broke up with him, he called me a lot off and on, but it’s been a long time. Not since we’ve been together.”
“What did he want?”
“To take me out tonight--for old-time sake.”
“What did you say?”
Tracy didn’t like the tone of uncertainty in Devin’s voice about her response, and she replied sharply. “What do you think I said? ‘Maybe. I’ll have to check with my fiancé first’?”
She turned away, feeling angry and cheated out of what should be a very special moment. Hadn’t her mistakes with Zach already done enough damage? Why did he have to spoil today too?
Devin’s arms gently encircled her from behind, and he held her close to him. “I’m sorry, sweetheart,” he said. “Please forgive me.”
She broke into tears and turned in his arms. “I’m sorry,” she said. “This isn’t your fault.”
He held her for a few moments, then led her to the couch, sat down, and pulled her close to him. “Tell me everything,”
She relayed the conversation as best as she could remember. A minute or two of chitchat where she remained vague about anything and wanted to hang up as soon as possible, followed by his invitation to a late-night dinner and dancing.
“I told him I was engaged,” she said.
“And?”
She desperately wanted to lie. Devin didn’t need to hear this. She felt better now and wanted to forget about it. But she hesitated too long.
“I take it this is the part that has you so upset,” he said, lifting her chin and gazing at her with his concerned blue eyes. “What did he say?”
“I-It doesn’t matter,” she said.
“It matters to me.”
She told him, dropping her eyes as she did.
***
Devin rarely got angry. He supposed he had only been truly angry two or three times in his life. Once was when a guy had treated his younger sister poorly and he had been there to see it. He couldn’t imagine how he would have reacted if he heard Zach speak those words to Tracy. Hearing them secondhand was bad enough.
But Zach wasn’t here to vent his anger on, and he wasn’t about to make Tracy any more upset than she already was. Turning that anger into passion, he began kissing her in the most tender way he knew how.
“You’re mine,” he said, feeling more tempted than ever to make her fully his. She was so beautiful and desirable to him. She always had been.
“Is the ring where I left it?”
She nodded and wiped her moist cheeks.
Leaving her side, he went to retrieve it and returned. This wasn’t how he had imagined this moment going, but he also knew there wasn’t a more perfect time to assure her that he wasn’t going anywhere and that there was no truth to Zach’s hurtful words.
“You’re mine, Tracy,” he said. “Zach may have stolen your body for awhile, but he never had your heart, because I never let go of it.”
Taking her hand, he slipped the ring onto her finger without asking for permission. “Marry me, Tracy. Marry me this summer, okay?”
She smiled and started crying again. “Okay,” she said.
This time her tears made him smile.
***
Tracy wanted Devin to hold and kiss her all night long. She didn’t want him to leave. She had sworn she would never again be intimate with anyone besides her husband, but Zach’s hurtful words along with Devin’s healing ones had stripped away all her defenses. And maybe Devin wasn’t her husband yet, but he would be.
“Don’t go,” she heard herself say when he kissed her good-night. “Stay with me tonight.”
He closed his eyes and pulled her close. “I’d love to,” he murmured. “I really would.”
“Please?” she whispered, sensing his longing for her. “Just for tonight. I need you.”
He continued to hold her close but said nothing. She knew she shouldn’t be tempting him like this, but she couldn’t help it. Devin would be gentle with her. She could imagine how wonderful he would make her feel. All of her past hurt would melt away with his loving and passionate touch.
“Just for tonight,” she repeated, kissing his neck and running her fingers through the back of his soft, blonde hair.
Bring Me Flowers (Garden of Love 5) Page 3