Stepping out of the bathroom, dressed in a beautiful white negligee she had bought specifically for this night, she crossed the room and met Devin beside the bed. He took her hands and held them gently. His eyes held so much love, and she felt her remaining nerves subside.
“I’ve waited a very long time for this night, my love,” he said.
“And I can’t think of anything I’ve looked forward to more than becoming your wife.”
“I love you so much, Tracy,” he said, pulling her close to him. “Come to bed with me.”
Tracy thought of all the times she had wished he would speak those words since their engagement; passionate moments they had shared that she didn’t want to end, but he never had. And she couldn’t be more thankful for that.
“I love you, Devin,” she whispered, feeling his moist lips meet her own. Silent tears began slipping onto her cheeks. He kissed them away.
***
Devin woke shortly before dawn. He knew he had slept deeply and felt well rested after all that had taken place in the last two days: nervously making it through the wedding day, enduring the long flight, and sharing a wonderful time of intimacy with his new bride last night.
Reaching for Tracy, he felt her warm skin and moved closer to her. He lightly stroked her back and kissed her shoulder, but he didn’t attempt to waken her. He watched her sleep and listened to her breathe, feeling amazed he would be sharing a bed with her and many more nights of passion for the rest of their life together. The warmth of Tracy’s skin and his relaxed state made him fall asleep once again. He was awakened sometime later by Tracy stirring in his arms. Opening his eyes, he saw a smile on her face. Neither of them spoke. Their lips had another priority at the moment.
***
After two full weeks in Europe, Tracy felt ready to get home. The weather had been beautiful for sightseeing and shopping as they traveled in Paris itself and to several other cities across the borders to Germany, Switzerland, and Italy. Tracy enjoyed meeting Devin’s grandparents and other extended family in a small German town near the Austrian border. The views of the Alps and surrounding countryside were magnificent, and she made Devin promise to bring her here often in the future.
Arriving back in Portland, Tracy began unpacking her things that she had left at Devin’s before the wedding. They had decided to spend their first few months of marriage living at Devin’s condo, taking their time to decide where they might want to live on a more permanent basis and buy a house when the time was right. She was amazed at how short a time it took for her to feel completely at home, almost as if she had never lived anywhere else.
She continued working at the dental office, and Devin returned to his teaching job in the fall. Life fell into routine, and Tracy found married life enjoyable. But at times she wondered if Devin felt the same way. Was she failing to meet his expectations? He was a better housekeeper and cook than she was, making her feel guilty at times. He often had dinner waiting for her when she came home, and it was always something great. She was lucky if she got her lasagna to turn out well.
One evening after an especially long day at work, she arrived home before Devin. He had told her he would be a little late tonight because of a special meeting he had after school. She went to the bedroom to change her clothes and decided to lay down for a few minutes. She dozed off.
When she woke up, she could hear the television on in the other room and thought she smelled pizza cooking. It was her night to cook, according to the little schedule she had posted on the refrigerator. It had been her idea to keep her from getting into the habit of letting Devin do it all the time. Because of her tiring day, she had lamely stopped at a take-and-bake pizza place on the way home. She had set it on the counter, planning to put it in and have it ready by the time Devin came home, but she had fallen asleep and knew Devin had rescued her once again.
Stepping into the kitchen, she saw him opening the oven door and taking the pizza out. He turned and spotted her, smiling more warmly than she deserved.
“Long day?” he asked, laying the oven mitts aside and crossing the room to take her into his loving arms.
She felt disgusted with herself. “You made a lousy choice, Devin.”
He stepped back and appeared lost by her comment. “You didn’t mean for the pizza to be for tonight?”
She groaned at the fear in his eyes. He honestly thought he had done something wrong. “Yes, it was for tonight, but I was supposed to put it in!”
He cracked a small smile. “You know I didn’t marry you so you could cook for me every night.”
“I know, but I could at least do it sometimes!”
“You do.”
“Yeah, right. When was the last time?”
His smile broadened. “I don’t remember.”
She turned away in disgust. “This isn’t funny! I’m a terrible wife, Devin!” Turning back around to face him and crossing her arms over her chest, she continued. “Would you just tell me that, so I would at least have the motivation to do better?”
His smile faded, and he stepped forward. Scooping her off the floor and into his arms before she had a chance to stop him, he started kissing her and headed for the bedroom. She knew she should try and deter him, but his passionate kisses were too good to try and escape.
“Devin, I’m serious,” she said as he laid her down in the unmade bed and moved his kisses to her neck. “We’re not on our honeymoon anymore. I can’t keep living like we are.”
“Why not?” he said. “It doesn’t bother me that you let me cook.”
“But it should.”
“Why?”
“Because that’s what wives are supposed to do.”
“Who says?” he asked, pulling her close and gently rubbing her back. “I don’t remember that being a part of your vows.”
“It’s a part of loving you, of caring for you.”
“You do a very fine job of that,” he said. “There’s more to me than my stomach.”
She remained silent. She knew she would never win this argument, even if she was right.
“Have you ever stopped to think that I cook because it’s a way I can show you my love?” he said, running his fingers through the hair above her forehead. She always found that sensation soothing, breaking her defenses down completely.
“I didn’t marry you because I wanted a cook or a maid or someone to rub my feet every night.”
She opened her eyes and saw him leaning down to kiss her forehead. “I married you because you’re my best friend, Trace. I wanted someone to share my life with, not wait on me hand and foot. I wanted a lover. I wanted someone to laugh with. I wanted someone that I knew would always love me and always be mine.”
She began to cry softly. “You’re too good to me.”
“No such thing,” he replied, holding her close and kissing her tenderly. He didn’t say anything else. Sometime later they got around to eating their pizza.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Spending their first anniversary in Paris, Devin and Tracy were both amazed by how quickly the year had gone by. They had purchased a home in Southwest Portland in the spring and were still working to furnish it fully and doing some minor remodeling, but Tracy found setting up a home to be much more fun than everyday housework.
They began talking about starting a family. Devin was anxious to do so, and Tracy did long to hold a baby in her arms, but pregnancy and the thought of motherhood scared her. She was so anti-domestic as it was, she didn’t know how she could possibly handle taking care of a baby and raising children. She didn’t share her concerns with Devin though, and she didn’t want to disappoint him for the world, so she had agreed to their tentative plans to stop using birth control sometime in the coming year. She said she would let him know when she felt ready.
After spending some time with his grandparents in the days following their anniversary, they spent a few days in Italy and spent their final night in Venice. It had been her favorite city they had gone to on their
honeymoon, and they shared another romantic gondola ride before going back to their hotel for the night. Sitting on the window-seat in their room, gazing over the city lights, Tracy thanked God for the wonderful year they’d had and asked Him to continue to bless them in the future.
Devin laid his book aside and came to sit with her, taking her into his arms and holding her close. “Are you still glad you married me?” he asked.
“Yes. I’ve never been happier.”
“Are you sorry we’re going home tomorrow?”
“Not really,” she replied. “It’s been a wonderful visit, but I like the thought of going home. That’s where our real life is.”
“Do you feel like the honeymoon is over?”
“No. Do you?”
He kissed her tenderly and didn’t stop with just one. “Never,” he said. “As long as we’re still in love with each other, it will keep right on going.”
“Even after we have children?”
“Our life will change, I’m sure,” he laughed. “I may not be able to take you out as often or whisk you away to Venice for our anniversary, but we’ll keep right on loving each other just the same.”
Devin’s words seemed unrealistic to her, but for now she chose to believe them. She didn’t want to grow old with Devin. She wanted to remain young and in love forever. And as Devin continued to shower her with kisses and carried her to the bed and made sweet love to her, she held on to that hope of never losing her affection for this man, and she prayed his love for her would remain equally alive.
A few days after returning to Portland, they had Lily and Peter over for dinner. They had been in the habit of having them over every couple of weeks ever since they had gotten married. Lily and Peter returned the invitation on a regular basis.
Their friends brought along their little one as usual. Baby Justin had been born earlier this year, and Tracy supposed he must be about four months by now. Tracy had been amazed by how fast he had grown. It seemed like he looked different every time she saw him. Little Justin had started to get some hair the last time she had seen him, and it had grown significantly during the last month. Everyone had expected it to come in red, but the soft strands were a definite light blonde.
Following a casual dinner of barbecued chicken and potato salad that Tracy had actually made herself (Devin handled the chicken), Peter and Devin remained out on the patio talking while Lily went inside to feed the baby. Tracy finished putting away the leftover food and then went to sit with her in the living room.
“He’s getting so big,” Tracy commented. “Doesn’t it seem like you just had him last month?”
Lily laughed. “In some ways,” she said. “But in others it seems like we’ve had him forever.”
Peter came inside to check on his wife and baby. Kneeling down beside her, he stroked his son’s downy hair and kissed Lily’s cheek. “You okay, babe?” he asked.
Lily smiled and nodded. “I think he may want more than I can give him right now. Could you get the bottle out of his bag and warm it up for me?”
“Sure,” Peter replied. “Bring him outside when you’re done, and I’ll give it to him.”
“Thanks,” Lily replied, tilting her face up to her husband. He kissed her lightly on the lips and went to grab the bottle.
Lily was oblivious to Tracy staring at their sweet exchange and let her gaze fall back on her baby. She allowed him to eat for another minute or so, and then lifted him up to her shoulder. One of the things Tracy had noticed when the baby had first been born was how involved Peter was with his care.
She had noticed because her older sister’s husband wasn’t like that at all. Brad was a good man. He treated her sister well and provided well for his family, but he rarely did something like feeding the baby or changing a diaper. She didn’t know if Kim minded that or not. Tracy never heard her say anything about it, and Kim had a very natural way with babies. She absolutely loved caring for them from the first day. Her youngest had just turned one, and she was already talking about having a fourth. Tracy didn’t know how she did it. She didn’t think she could ever handle more than two children, let alone four.
“It’s nice how Peter helps you so much,” Tracy commented. “Did that surprise you--how much he would want to help?”
“Not really,” she said. “I think Peter was even more anxious for him to arrive than I was. On his days off he kicks me out of the house to go shopping or something so he can have some solo daddy-time, and he’ll be doing that a lot more when I go back to work in September.”
Tracy laughed. “Maybe he can give Devin lessons.”
Lily gasped. “Are you pregnant?”
“No!” Tracy said a little too suddenly. She laughed at herself. “I’m not ready yet.”
“Take your time,” Lily said with a smile. “Peter and I were both ready. We’re not getting any younger, but it does change your life.”
“Really?” Tracy cringed. “How bad?”
Lily seemed surprised by her choice of words. “It’s not a bad change, Trace. Just a change. We’re adjusting. You will too.”
Tracy wasn’t sure how to phrase her question but she had to ask. “Do you two still find time--for yourselves?”
Lily smiled. “It’s hard at first. Having a newborn is exhausting and any alone-time you do manage to find, all you feel like doing is sleeping,” Lily laughed. “But now that he’s sleeping through the night and not demanding so much, we find time.”
“If you could do it over again, would you wait a little longer?”
“No,” Lily replied. “I felt ready. You will too when the time is right, Tracy. Don’t worry about it. I think God puts the desire in us at the right time.”
Lily rose from the chair to go find Peter. Tracy followed her outside and took a seat beside her husband on the patio sofa. Devin put his arm around her and pulled her close to his side. Tracy watched as Lily handed the baby to Peter and he began feeding Justin with the bottle.
Peter and Lily stayed for another hour and then said they needed to be going. Tracy couldn’t help but think how they used to stay much later, but since the baby had come, they rarely stayed past eight o’clock. But she supposed this way Lily and Peter might get some of that alone-time they needed.
***
Devin knew something was bothering Tracy. He had noticed a change since they had returned from Europe, but whenever he asked if she was all right, she said she was fine. He didn’t press for the truth, hoping she would open up to him when she felt ready. He had no idea what it could be.
Near the end of the summer they went to the beach for a few days with her family. His in-laws rented a beach house and had invited them, along with Tracy’s sister Kim and her family, and Tracy’s two other sisters, Julie and Anna, who weren’t married. Anna was engaged but her fiancé had to work, so he couldn’t join them.
Devin enjoyed the first two days thoroughly, and Tracy seemed to also. They spent some time with her various family members at the house, out on the beach, and in town. They also had some time alone. Romantic walks on the beach at sunset, a nice dinner at a seafood restaurant, and nights in their room upstairs with a smaller bed than they were used to. Neither of them minded that.
On Sunday morning Tracy’s mom cooked a wonderful brunch for all of them. During the meal, everyone went on and on about how wonderful everything tasted. Tracy and her sisters had helped some, and Mom kept trying to give them due credit also, but they insisted she had been up since dawn and done the majority of it. Devin noticed Tracy seemed more quiet than usual.
Just before they began to clean up, Kim and Brad had an announcement to make. No one seemed too surprised they were expecting another baby, and everyone was happy and excited for them. From what Devin could gather, this baby had been planned every bit as much as their other three: Five-year-old Brice, three-year-old Hannah, and fourteen-month-old Heather. Devin didn’t know if he could handle having three so close together in age and another on the way. But Kim and Brad se
emed happy, so he congratulated them along with everyone else.
They all went to church together at a small fellowship just outside of town. On the drive there, during the service, and on the way back to the house, Tracy spoke very little. They had to be out of the house by two, but the family planned to spend the afternoon at the Oregon Coast Aquarium before heading back to Portland that evening. He and Tracy went, although Devin got the distinct impression Tracy would rather head home. He asked her more than once if she really wanted to go.
“I said I did!” she practically screamed the third time. He kept his mouth shut after that.
The family stayed together, viewing the exhibits for about twenty minutes before they began to separate. Brad and Kim kept their little brood together with some help from Julie. Mom and Dad stayed together, holding hands much of the time. Anna had opted to go home early to spend the afternoon with her fiancé.
Devin managed to get some time alone with Tracy when they stepped outside to visit the creatures living in outdoor tanks. He deliberately waited to see which direction the others headed and then went the opposite way into the simulated caves. Tracy didn’t appear to notice. He had never seen her like this. What he had hoped would slowly improve with time had only gotten worse, and he didn’t know what had happened since yesterday when she had seemed her usual self. He knew he had to get to the bottom of this. His heart ached to see her in silent pain, and he had no idea why she couldn’t seem to trust him with whatever was troubling her.
Reaching the end of the small cave beyond the sea lion tank, he pulled her out of the flow of foot traffic to a semiprivate space near the outer fence. He backed her up against the rock wall, placed his hand above her head, and kissed her tenderly. She didn’t resist him, but she didn’t respond as easily as usual.
Bring Me Flowers (Garden of Love 5) Page 5