Determined not to wallow in self-pity, Kendra decided to call Michael and see if he was free this evening. She felt like going to the movies, but she didn’t want to go alone.
“Don’t worry, I’m not asking you out, Michael,” she said when she heard the hesitation in his reply. “I’m just looking for a good friend to hang out with. And you are definitely on my list of cool friends.”
“I think a night out would be good for me too,” he said. “I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”
They had a great time. After the movie they went to the café where she worked and talked for a long time, mostly about Trevor and Natalie.
“You remind me of him,” she said after sharing a little more about the relationship they’d had in high school. “You’re both incredibly sweet.”
A pleasant smile emerged on his face. “Natalie always says that about me too.”
He walked her to the door around midnight and kissed her on the cheek. “If Trevor is smart he won’t let you get away a second time, Kendra. Hold on a while longer, all right?”
“I will,” she said. “And you should too. I have a good feeling about what God is going to do in Natalie’s heart.”
Kendra learned from Mary Beth the following day after church that Bradley had enlisted and would be leaving for Air Force Basic Training in another month. After much prayer and consideration, they had decided to stay together on a long- distance basis for now, with Mary Beth possibly transferring to a college near his base in the future.
“I think you made a very wise decision,” she said, giving her a hug. “Are you happy with it?”
Mary Beth nodded. “I hate for him to go, but I think this will be a real test for our relationship. We promised not to make any major decisions without talking about them face-to-face.”
Abby and Jordan were at the apartment when she returned home and asked if she wanted to go grab some lunch with them and go to the lake. Some of the others from the singles’ group were going water-skiing and swimming today.
She had been avoiding most social situations lately and especially Abby and Jordan. Seeing them and other couples together had been too difficult.
“Sure. That sounds fun,” she said this time and went to change.
It was a fun day. Kendra hadn’t water-skied all summer, but she got up on her first try and let the feeling of gliding over the water exhilarate her. She’d been staying cooped-up in the apartment way too much.
After going out in the boat, she returned to the shore to soak up the sun. Michael came to sit beside her, and they talked for a long time, then went for a walk. She knew others were watching them and probably wondering if they were together, but she didn’t care. Michael was becoming a very good friend, and she intended to keep things that way. If neither of them ended up with those they were currently waiting for, maybe something between them was meant to be down the road. But she wasn’t thinking about tomorrow or next week or next year. For now she wanted to enjoy today.
On Thursday afternoon Kendra left work and headed for the lake. She had been going there every day this week to swim and dry off in the early evening sunshine. She went alone, took her Bible, and had some private time with God right there on the shore.
In four days she’d been asked to dinner three times. Her response was always the same. “Sorry, but I’m meeting Someone here.”
She had finished praying and began to collect her things when she heard a voice behind her.
“Mind if I join you?”
“Actually, I was just leaving,” she said without turning around.
“Well, at least take the flowers.”
Slowly she turned and looked at the figure standing in front of the early evening sun. He squatted down beside her and removed his sunglasses. She gasped.
“What’s a good-looking babe like you doing here all alone?”
Closing her eyes, she wondered if she was hallucinating. The sun had been hot today. Maybe she was suffering from heat stroke.
Trevor smiled and sat down beside her. Feeling his hand touch her arm, she knew it was real. She took the flowers somewhat mechanically. A million phrases swam around in her thoughts, but she couldn’t seem to voice any of them.
“I’m sorry if this is a bad time,” he said, removing his hand. “If you want some time to be prepared to talk to me, I can leave and call you later. I’m going to be in town for a few days.”
“H-How did you know I was here?” she said, not wanting him to leave for a moment.
“I went by your apartment, and your roommate said she thought you might be.”
“Are you up visiting your family?”
What kind of stupid question is that? Of course he’s here to visit his family. Come on Kendra, you’ve been waiting three months to have the chance to talk to him again. Say what’s on your heart, not meaningless chitchat.
“No,” he said, taking her by surprise. “I mean yes, I’ve seen them, but actually I’ve moved back.”
“Moved back? For good?”
He smiled. “I start my new job next week.”
“You’re teaching here? In Eugene?”
He nodded. “Your sister let me know about a job opening in the district back in May--a week after I saw you. I told her not to say anything to you in case I didn’t get it.”
Kendra laid the mixed bouquet aside and reached for her shorts and t-shirt and slipped them on over her bathing suit. Turning to face him, she tried to remember all her carefully rehearsed words she wanted to say to him. But he spoke first.
“I’m sorry about leaving you at the airport.”
She blinked back tears and looked at him evenly. “Why did you decide to take a job here?”
“To be close to you.”
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
“It took me two years to get over you, Kendra. The reason I left you standing at the airport was because I couldn’t decide if I could take the risk of losing you a second time. I knew I couldn’t go through that again.”
“What made you think you would lose me?”
“In all the time we dated, I always got the impression our relationship didn’t mean as much to you as it did to me. When you ended things between us, that pretty much confirmed it. I didn’t know if I could believe you when you told me you still loved me.”
“If I meant so much to you, why did you go to California?”
“Because I was a kid with a dream.”
Kendra looked into the blue-gray eyes of the “kid” before her. Yes, his eyes still held a boyish quality to them that she remembered fondly, but Trevor was definitely not a kid anymore. He was a man. A man that she loved.
“I love you, Trevor,” she said. “I always have, and I always will. I wish I would have realized that five years ago, and I’m sorry that I hurt you. I don’t know how else to tell you how much you mean to me. I tried to get over you, believe me I did. But ever since you replied to my email, all I’ve wanted is to have you back in my life.”
He stood to his feet and invited her to go for a walk. She smiled and rose to meet him.
“How do you do that?” he asked, looking her over from head to toe and back again.
“Do what?”
“Look even more beautiful than you did five years ago?”
She smiled and felt her face flush, thinking she must look rather beach-bum-like at the moment. “Just blessed that way, I guess.”
He took her hand, she slipped on her sandals, and they began walking to the path that surrounded the reservoir, the same one they had walked along many times during their high-school days. The lake was on their “safe list” of places to hang out together. There were enough other people around to keep them honest, but still gave them privacy to talk and share sweet kisses.
At a spot along the trail somewhat hidden from the lake by trees, Trevor stopped. Pulling her close with one hand on the small of her back, he kissed her fingers and stared at her.
“Do you remember the first time I kissed you?”
She smiled. “Yes. It was here, wasn’t it?”
“Yes. Do you remember what I told you?”
She remembered as if it were yesterday. “You said I was the first girl you’d ever kissed.”
He kissed her fingers again and closed his eyes. Sighing heavily, he met her gaze again. “You’re still the only one.”
Tears stung Kendra’s eyes. She didn’t know what to say. To think of how she had treated him during that final summer and yet he had kept loving her all this time?
“Trevor--” she tried to apologize.
“Shh,” he said, placing his index finger on her lips. “You don’t have to say anything. I just want you to know that if you let me kiss you right now--and believe me, I want to more than anything.”
She smiled too, thinking five years was a very long time to abstain from kissing. He removed his finger from her lips and stroked her jaw with his thumb.
“If you let me,” he continued, “this is it. You’re never getting rid of me. I’m only going to kiss you if you are one-hundred percent sure you want me for the rest of your life.”
Without a moment’s hesitation she replied. “I want you for the rest of my life, Trevor. Even if you were going back to California next week, or to the North Pole, you wouldn’t be going without me. I promise you.”
With slow determination Trevor leaned down and kissed her, making her feel eighteen again and melting away the last five years of separation. No one had ever kissed her as tenderly. No one had ever stirred her soul like he did. No one had ever taken his place in her heart, and suddenly here he was once again.
Not just for a visit. But to stay.
Tulips For Katie
May your fountain be blessed,
and may you rejoice
in the wife of your youth.
Proverbs 5:18
CHAPTER ONE
Kathleen Thomas sunk into the overstuffed chaise beside the fireplace. Feeling shocked and numb, she shook her head in disbelief and read the note Jon had written inside the Valentine’s Day card once again. The same words that had made her heart stop five seconds ago stared back at her:
I know I don’t deserve one, Katie, but I’d
like another chance. I still love you. ~ Jon
Kathleen swallowed hard and realized her hands were trembling. Closing the beautiful pink card, she reread the words on the front: For The Woman I Love.
Pink, white, and lavender tulips, her favorite flower, decorated the Valentine. Leaning back against the cushion, she ran her fingers through her blond hair and sighed. What was she supposed to do now?
She and Jon had separated two years ago. Neither of them had ever filed for divorce, but Kathleen had given up hope long ago that Jon would ever want to come back home. Her wedding ring had been tucked away in the bottom drawer of her jewelry box for the last year. How could Jon be proclaiming his love once again? How could she believe his words after all the turmoil he had put her through?
A shriek coming from the hallway didn’t allow her to dwell on the matter. Kathleen needed to get her two daughters into bed. Rising from the chair, she headed for the bedroom, hearing more wails as she approached the shared room.
“Amanda, what’s going on?” she questioned her distressed seven-year-old.
“Jamie ruined my picture,” she sobbed, snatching the coloring sheet from her little sister’s hands. “See. She scribbled on Piglet’s face!”
Amanda, her oldest daughter, had blond hair like herself, but her father’s overreactive personality. Kathleen took the paper from her older daughter and ordered them both to get into their pajamas.
“Please stay out of sister’s things,” she told Jamie with a weary sigh.
Returning to the living room, Kathleen turned off the lights and locked the front door. Still holding the Valentine in her hand, she tucked her short blond hair behind her ear and peeked out the front window to see if Jon had actually left. The spot where his red pickup usually sat was vacant, and she let out the breath she realized she’d been holding, wondering why he had waited until he was headed out the door to give her the card. Now she knew the reason for his peculiar behavior this evening.
This had been his Saturday to have the girls, and he had taken them ice skating, bought them pizza, and given them Valentine’s Day presents. When they returned to the house, he had hung around longer than usual. She had mentioned a leaky faucet in the kitchen the last time he had been here, and he had brought his tools to fix it. She had been surprised he remembered.
When he appeared to have finished the task, she stepped into the kitchen to thank him. She remembered feeling confused by the way he looked at her and the gentle words he spoke.
“I’m sorry I didn’t get to it sooner. Is there anything else that needs my attention while I’m here?”
“I don’t think so,” she replied.
“Is the car running all right for you?”
“Fine.”
“The brakes probably need to be checked. I’ll take care of that the next time I come for the girls.”
“Oh,” she said, suddenly remembering something. “I bought some new wiper blades, but I couldn’t figure out how to put them on. They’re in the garage on the shelf.”
After he had disappeared through the door, she remembered another small task she could use his help with. Stepping into the garage, she pointed out some large boxes she needed from the rafters.
“Do you want them in the house?”
“No. You can set them by the bikes.”
She’d turned to go back inside, but then faced him again.
“Thank you, Jon. I hope all this isn’t keeping you from something.”
He looked up. “This is where I belong, Katie.”
Pushing the memory of his words from her mind, Kathleen returned to the bedroom and tucked her daughters in for the night. Retreating to her own room, she readied herself for bed and turned out the light. She still slept on the left side of the bed and slipped under the sheets, unable to forget the words he had written:
I know I don’t deserve it--that part she couldn’t agree with more. His selfishness had been unbelievable.
Having kids before we finished college was not part of the plan, Katie, he had told her more times than she could count. I can’t go on like this. I have to follow my dreams. Was it her fault their birth control had failed--twice? Did he think she liked having to drop out of school any more than he did?
She wanted to hate him for the way he had left them. She wanted to pick up the phone and ask how he could dare to suggest getting back together and demand a divorce instead. Trusting him again seemed utterly foolish.
I still love you.
But the plain and simple fact was that she had been in love with him since she was sixteen years old, and that love had never stopped being a part of her heart.
***
Jon Thomas pulled his red pickup underneath his assigned carport space and turned off the engine. His heart was still racing. He wondered if Katie had read the card yet. He could hardly believe he had actually gone through with it.
She must hate me.
Climbing the stairs to his second-story apartment, Jon feared what he may face inside--an angry message on the answering machine from Katie, or worse yet, a ringing phone he would have to answer in person. He knew he deserved much worse than Katie’s wrath--not that her caring heart was capable of inflicting even one percent of all he should receive. But he had allowed his hopes to soar. Maybe, just maybe, she would consider taking him back.
No messages were waiting, and no calls came in. He watched television for an hour, needing something to help him wind down, but it didn’t help much. The phone remained silent. He should have known Katie wouldn’t act rashly--one way or the other.
Lying down on the lumpy mattress he had bought at a garage sale, he stared at the ceiling for more than an hour after going to bed, his mind racing with the possibilities. He didn’t dwell on the negative ones, although
they seemed the most likely. Instead he chose to dream.
Sharing a bed with her once again; walking hand in hand on an Hawaiian beach for a second honeymoon; and being a full-time dad. How had he ever allowed himself to leave the ones he loved? What a fool he had been.
Rolling onto his side, he desperately wished she was beside him and dared to believe she may be again someday.
Oh, Katie. Can you ever forgive me?
CHAPTER TWO
“Come on girls, we’re going to be late!” Kathleen called from the door while fumbling through her purse for her keys.
“Mandie can’t find her shoe,” Jamie announced, sauntering into the kitchen with her coat on halfway.
“Go get in the car,” she sighed, walking past her dark-haired five-year-old. Jamie’s large, chocolate-brown eyes reminded her of Jon and of the previous evening. He had been the first thought on her mind when she had awoke from a restless sleep, and he remained on her mind on the ten-minute drive to church.
Kathleen and the girls entered the sanctuary and took some seats near the back. The service had already begun. All morning she had been wondering if Jon might possibly show up today. This is where they had attended church together ever since getting married and moving here eight years ago to go to school at the University of Oregon.
After she and Jon had separated, she had stopped coming to church for a brief time, but several people had called and sent little notes saying she was missed. She had felt too ashamed of her failed marriage to set foot within the church doors, but when she finally did, she knew that’s what she needed most: To cling to God.
Jon hadn’t been here in two years, and she wasn’t surprised to not see him this morning, but she did feel disappointed. Though she may not have admitted it to anyone else, she wanted to see him. She wanted to see him soon.
After the service she exchanged pleasantries with many smiling faces. But she inwardly groaned when she saw Drew Goodman weaving his way toward her. Not today, Lord. I don’t need this today.
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