by Jamie Carie
“But I saw you, that night, with—”
Kate’s mouth flattened in a hard line, but her eyes spoke the sorrow of a wounded heart. “I met a man, my first and only love.” She smiled in a self-deprecating way. “A gambler, of course. He was one tall, dark, and handsome drink of water, and I fell hard. I gave him everything—my heart, my body, my soul. He promised to marry me.”
“He didn’t?”
“Left me standing at the altar like a desperate fool and skulked out of town. I hope he’s dead.”
“Kate! You can’t mean that.”
“Well, maybe not dead but suffering. I hope he’s suffering real bad.” She shrugged a pearl-white shoulder. “After he left, I didn’t much care about anything. Something kind of snapped inside me. Here I had all the money and adventure I ever wanted, but it meant nothing to me anymore. One night a man offered me five hundred dollars to share his hotel room. I did it. Not because I wanted the money; I could have gotten more. But because I was lonely and tired of sleeping by myself at night. I’m picky now, but there was a time I would spend the night with anyone decent, just to have him hold me afterward. That was my only demand.”
Kate stopped her story, looked down at her clasped hands on the table, and then suddenlike, rallied herself and stared into my eyes. “Sounds pretty pathetic, doesn’t it?”
I shook my head. It sounded . . . familiar.
“I know I put on an air of independence; heck, we all do around here. But there is one disease in Dawson City, Ellen, and it infects almost everyone.”
“What’s that?”
“Its name is loneliness.”
Her words, her story, left me breathless. Tears threatened my vision. I knew loneliness too. I knew it so well.
I sat speechless and thinking. Maybe there was no harm in dancing and filling a miner’s heart with company for a moment in time. Maybe, as different as I could imagine it, this was God’s answer. Maybe God didn’t see things at all like I did. I still couldn’t quite pray, but my heart was stretching, reaching out to hear Him give me direction, answers.
Kate remained quiet, letting me think. “I owe you an apology, Kate.”
“Now, how do you figure that?” The surprise in her eyes was real.
“I judged you. I thought myself better than you, and while I don’t think the way you’ve gone about filling up your loneliness is the right way, I’m sorry how I rejected you for it. You’re a good woman, Kate. I mean that.”
She blinked rapidly and lifted her chin. “I don’t know as anyone has ever said that to me before.”
I reached over and placed my hand over the top of hers, grinning to lighten the mood. “God loves you, Kate. He loves both of us, and I’m starting to believe He is the only real answer to anyone’s loneliness.”
Kate huffed. “You’re not going to go and turn all religious on me, are you?”
I laughed. “I just might.” I sat back in my chair and studied her guarded face. “Do you think you could get your hands on a Bible?”
Kate smirked. “I can get anything I want, Ellen.”
“Well, how about a deal of sorts. I’ll be one of your dance-hall girls, and a few times a week we’ll read the Bible together.”
Kate pursed her lips into a pout and narrowed her eyes. “What makes you think you are in any position to make deals?”
I laughed again. “You’ve said over and over how much you want me to work for you. Come on, Kate, what are you afraid of?”
“I’m not afraid.”
“Well then, how does this being a dance-hall girl work?”
She sighed but I knew she’d given in. “There are rooms upstairs that the girls share—two to a room—and they’re real nice. I charge my girls one hundred dollars a month for rent, and that includes two meals a day. Really, you’ll not find a better offer in the entire city, I promise you.”
“There is one other problem.”
“Oh?”
“I don’t know how to dance.”
Her eyes widened, and then she burst out with that tinkling laughter of hers. “I’ll teach you myself. I’ve put on a few pounds of late and could use the exercise.”
I glanced at her tiny waist and doubted it. “Kate, I have to ask. Why do you want to help me so badly? I’m used to taking care of others, not someone looking out for me. I don’t quite trust it. Tell me the truth.”
Kate studied my eyes for a moment. “I’m a businesswoman, and you will be good for business. At least that’s how it started. Now?” Her brows raised and she leaned in. “There’s something special about you, Ellen. I don’t know exactly what it is, but I see it. I want us to be friends.”
Her gaze turned vulnerable again, hopeful. How could I deny her? She was like the family, the sister, I’d never had.
I popped the last bite of biscuit in my mouth and smiled at her. “Well, being your friend does have its perks.”
She rolled her eyes at me but joined in the laughter. I had a feeling I was going to like having a friend very much.
Chapter Nine
Buck, what are you doing?
Buck jerked awake and grasped quick hold of the team’s reins that were slipping from his cold-locked hands. He shook his head and slapped his thighs with either hand trying to bring some feeling back into his legs. He should jump off the sled and run awhile but . . . had someone spoken to him?
Fully awake now, he looked around at the snow-covered forest land and the river, Forty Mile River, he had been following all day. The landscape of white and black whizzed by, his dog team doing a manful job breaking the trail. Seeing nothing but the great timbered land of pine and rock and a pure blue sky left him feeling a certain amount of warm-faced chagrin that he’d allowed himself to drift off and thought he was hearing voices. But even as he tried to shrug it off, the question remained, echoing around the empty places within his chest.
What was he doing?
Lord, You know I won’t do anything stupid. A vision of the gun strapped to his hip appeared, fully formed, in his mind’s eye. I just want to hear the story from his own mouth. Then I’d like to haul his yellow-bellied hide into the Northwest Mounted Police and see some justice done. I have to know if it was truly an accident. But if it was carelessness and not giving a whit about anyone but himself . . . Well, then I plan to see that the man rethinks his selfishness and gets a glimpse of what he has done. Someone has to see what it’s cost me, Lord.
Buck paused for a long breath, and the question repeated itself, louder than before, louder than the jangling of the harnesses, louder than the wind song, louder than the rushing of the river beside him.
Son, what are you really doing?
Okay, he was hearing voices. The Voice. Lord, I really have my mind made up about this.
Ellen’s face rushed to the fore of his imagination, squeezing his heart. It wasn’t right—how much he missed her, how often he thought of her, how he took her picture out and memorized each curve of her face. The memory of their kiss flowed like liquid heat through his veins. But he couldn’t stop. He couldn’t go forward until he’d gone back.
He just couldn’t.
The town of Forty Mile came into view, causing a rush of mixed emotions to overcome conscious thought. He’d made it. And the man was close; he could feel it.
“Get, Shelby! Get, boys!” Buck gave the reins a gentle slap and set his teeth, ignoring the questions in his heart.
“Ellen, look! A package came for you!”
My roommate, Stella Silverman, better known as Silver Sal, burst through the door of our room with wide blue eyes and a huge smile.
I turned toward her as she thrust two long boxes into my hands. Surprise and excitement filled me, making me laugh at Stella’s exuberance. Who could have sent me gifts? Could they be from Buck?
“You must have an admirer already!” Stella teased. “Why you haven’t even begun dancing yet. It’s not fair at all.”
I sat the brown paper-wrapped packages on my bed. “I haven’
t an admirer. I haven’t even met anyone except for a few of the girls.”
“Oh, pish-posh, just open it!” Stella squeezed her hands together under her chin, her eyes alight with excitement. Her anticipation was catching, and I picked up the first box. I was pleased that my roommate was proving so friendly. Some of the other girls I’d met had not been quite as welcoming.
As I pulled on one end of the bow, the twine that held the paper down slid free. I paused, my hands splayed in the air above the box, then dove in and peeled back the paper and lifted the lid. I gasped and Stella squealed as I pulled out a silvery blue satin gown. I held it up, marveling at the rich feel of the fabric.
“Oh, I’ve never seen anything like it. It’s so . . . it’s so—”
“Conservative?” I finished for her. I would have to thank whoever sent it for being so thoughtful as to give me such a demure dress compared with what I’d seen the other girls wear.
“It’s very pretty.” Stella laughed. “Oh, wait! Open the next one. And isn’t there a card?”
I laid the dress on the bed and dug into the box looking for answers. There, on the bottom, was a slim folded note. I flipped it open and scanned the message as my heart continued to pound loud in my chest.
Dearest Ellen,
This dress is a gift in congratulations of completing your dancing lessons. You are turning out just as I knew you would and are a superb dancer. I would like you to make your debut tonight. The next dress is on credit as you will need at least two to begin your week. I will give you plenty of time to pay it off, but I have the feeling you won’t need it. Please be ready by 9:00 p.m. as I shall introduce you myself!
Best of luck,
Kate
P.S. Don’t forget to come up with a name!
“You look pale, Ellen. What does the note say? Who is it from?”
My hands shook as I set the note on the bed. Was I really going to do this? “They’re from Kate. One is a gift, and the other I’ll have to pay for as I can. She wants me to start tonight.”
“Heavens to Betsy but she favors you. She’s never spent so much time with anyone or given the other girls dresses that I know of. Why is that?” Stella sounded truly jealous for the first time.
I groaned. “It’s a bribe, Stella. She thinks I’m going to make her a pot load of money and knows I had reservations about taking this job.”
“She’s right, you know. You are the prettiest of all the girls by far, and you have an air about you that will attract men like bees to honey.”
I looked at her with my brows raised. “That’s silly, Stella. You don’t know what you’re saying.”
“Oh yes, I do. I don’t know exactly how to explain it, but I know men, and they will want to figure out your mystery.” She flashed a grin at me. “Just wait and see. You’re going to be wonderful! Now let’s see the other dress.”
I couldn’t believe I had hoped the packages were from Buck. He probably hadn’t even thought of me, not like I was thinking about him anyway—daily, hourly. I took a deep breath and complied.
Stella gulped and then oohed and aahed as I pulled forth a pile of pink froth. The gown was complete with ruffles and rich black ribbons. It had long ballooning sleeves, and I couldn’t help but think it was pretty.
“Oh, Ellen. Try them on! Which one will you wear tonight?”
I supposed I should wear the first one since it was Kate’s gift. “I guess, I should try them on.”
It was strange sharing a room with another woman. All my life I’d had my own bedroom and the privacy that lent me. Stella thought nothing about stripping naked in front of me—she’d had sisters, lots of them—but I was mortified by the idea of anyone seeing me in my undergarments and turned away from her gleeful eyes. She rushed over to work the buttons up the back of the silver-blue gown and helped me tie the velvet silver ribbon at the back. It was a perfect fit.
I turned around, my fingers fluttering around the skirt. I looked down at the rows of gathered folds on the skirt, the sound of the material swishing as a turned. I’d never had a dress like this.
“It’s perfect.” Stella smiled, her dimples flashing in her round cheeks, blonde hair bobbing. “Well, don’t just stand there! Go look in the glass!”
A long mirror on a swiveled hinge that could be adjusted to see all sides stood in the corner of our room. I walked over toward it and stared at the figure in the glass.
“It’s no wonder they call Kate Queen of Dawson,” Stella murmured with awe. “She’s a genius. It couldn’t be more perfect for you.”
I hated to admit it, but Stella was right. Kate couldn’t have found a better way to introduce her newest dancing girl to the miners of Dawson City.
And that girl was me.
The steps that took me to the ground floor of the Monte Carlo were narrow, the tips of my pointy slippers hanging over their edge, as the steps creaked in protest, like my heart. My silver blue gown whispered around my legs as I descended down, down, down into a world I had never seen or imagined.
Jonah had always kept us alone. Quiet. My life was silent with bursts of fright or anger. Red outbursts against the haze of gray. Now, as I walked down those steps, Kate’s beautiful, glorious face beckoned me with her eyes toward this new life.
The piano was in full swing. I’d met Ragtime Kid once before . . . ran into him in a hall in the morning hours while we were both passing with breakfast on our plates. He usually played at the Dominion Saloon and was well known there, but Kate had handed him a heavy purse for my debut. I had learned that and other ripe gossip after trying on my gowns. The girls of the house had flooded in to see what the fuss was about, envy riding high in their arched brows and pursed lips. Everyone, it seemed, knew how much trouble Kate had put into me . . . my coming out.
I clutched the railing that slid beneath my elbow-length, white-gloved hand and pressed back the knot in my stomach. I reached the bottom step and paused; Kate grasped my upper arm in a tender-tight hold. I looked up at her as the music ground to a crushing, weighty halt. All eyes turned. All those faces. All those men.
I let my gaze wander from eye to eye to eye. I breathed in tiny breaths.
“Don’t be shy.” Kate’s voice was a small, almost silent whisper in my head and in my heart. “They are going to love you.”
Love me? No one loved me. They might need me, use me as a balm to cover heart holes and mind fears, but love me? Only one man had ever made me feel loved, and I’d practically stolen those moments. Oh, Buck.
A little sob escaped my painted red lips. I started to press my white-gloved hand against them and then remembered the stain that mistake would cause. I lowered my hand back to my side and let Kate lead me farther into the lantern-lit room.
I could hear my breath go in and out. Kate took my hand, held it high, like a prize, and turned me in a slow circle, round and round, as if we were dancing some strange dance she was master of. She stopped in a sudden way that made me almost stumble, and then she held our clasped hands high in the air.
“Gentlemen! Gentlemen.” Her voice lowered to a soft purr that held every man in taut silence. They craned forward to hear her words, as if an angel stood among them.
“Gentlemen, I give you—” She smiled down at me, whispering, “Have you thought of a name, dear?”
I shook my head, my eyes filling with tears that I blinked and blinked back until they were hidden in my heart.
She shrugged a silken shoulder and turned back to her rapt audience. “I give you the golden girl of your dreams. I give you the gemstone of Dawson City. Gentlemen . . . I give you Jewel.”
Chapter Ten
The line to dance with me formed immediately with cheering. I gulped down my fear, hoping I would remember the steps to the waltz, polka, schottische, and square dance. I was told that on most nights, the dance hall boasted a play or vaudeville acts before the dancing began. Many dancing girls were also actresses in plays ranging from East Lynne to Camille. I shuddered at the thought of bein
g on stage, the center of every eye and ear, but had the feeling of being swept along on a tide where I had no foothold.
The first man was tall and thin. He had a wiry mustache and an easy smile. I took a deep breath and let him pull me onto the floor. The music of a four-instrument orchestra sprang to life—piano, violin, trombone, and cornet. The music of a waltz swept over me, and I loved it. I never had many opportunities to listen to music. We didn’t attend church, and I was rarely invited to socials where music was played or sung. A whole new room had opened in my heart with this music.
My instructions were clear. My job was to dance around the perimeter of the room with the other couples until the music stopped, an abrupt freezing of the dance floor like in the game musical chairs. And then I would lead my current partner to the bar while I took the hand of the next and the next. The long hours of the night twirled and whirled from my feet and heated face. I couldn’t help it. Kate was right once again. I loved dancing.
“You sure are a pretty one. Where’d Queenie find you?”
Queenie was Kate’s nickname as all the girls, both the dancing girls and the prostitutes on Paradise Alley, had taken one. “I came from California, looking for gold.”
The man chuckled, his teeth soured with chewing tobacco. I wanted to feel disgust, but I didn’t. I looked into his eyes and saw a vulnerability I had lost long ago and a good heart.
Sorrow gripped my heart for him as I stared into his eyes. “Where are you from?”
His eyes lit up by my interest. “All the way from Mississippi, ma’am.”
“That’s a long way. Did you leave family there?”
He nodded as we spun around the room. “Three brothers and a mother. She’s doin’ poorly so I thought I would strike out into the world. Find my fortune for us all.”