First One Missing

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by Cohen, Tammy


  The two women sat in silence. There was really nothing more to say. In a moment, when she had recovered herself enough, Leanne would switch the engine back on and drive through the empty Sunday-afternoon streets to the station. She didn’t worry about Helen escaping. There was no fight left in her, she could tell. Besides, where would she go now? Leanne thought about the people she’d left behind at the Purvises’ house – the Reids, the Botsfords, Rory. So many lives ripped apart.

  As if she could sense Leanne’s thoughts, Helen broke in. ‘Please tell them I looked after their girls as if they were my own, as if they were Megan. That’s why I took it so badly when Poppy was found in that state. You must catch him.’ She was looking straight at Leanne now with those intense eyes. ‘You must catch the monster who did that to her.’

  Leanne looked at Helen and wondered how it would feel to be inside her head, to believe killing children was justified as long as they didn’t suffer.

  ‘I was so lonely after Megan died,’ Helen said again. ‘If it hadn’t been for Rory I would have gone to be with her but I couldn’t do that to him. You wouldn’t believe how much it helped to meet Emma and Guy and Fiona and Mark and now Susan Glover too. We’ve been such a support to each other. I hope they won’t forget that. It feels so wrong to have just left them all at home like that, so rude.’

  Leanne turned the key in the ignition and pulled away from the kerb. As they drove up the hill towards the police station, they passed two young girls, ten or eleven, eating ice creams and giggling. Helen turned her head and watched until the girls were out of sight.

  ‘They shouldn’t be out walking on their own,’ she said, and Leanne saw that the hands that rested on her lap were clenched tight. ‘Anything could happen.’

  53

  A year ago one life ended and a new one began. The life before had Poppy and it had innocence and it had joy. There’s still joy in this new one, but I’m not so careless with it now, I store it in a memory bank in case it should all be taken away. Because life, I now know, hangs always by a thread.

  A year ago Helen Purvis (I can even say her name now) was free and walking the streets and parks and she came upon Poppy just as there was a commotion, a purse stolen, something meaningless and yet … The wrong place, the wrong time, that’s what the police said. We couldn’t have known.

  And now Helen is in a secure psychiatric hospital and Rory lives with his dad. They moved to escape the publicity. Devon, I think, or Cornwall. Emma says Jemima keeps in touch with him. Rory’s taken up surfing, she says. He’s older but not broken. He will be OK. I’m so glad of that. Sometimes I close my eyes and send him goodwill – more often now I’m to have a son myself.

  Emma was the first person I told about the pregnancy, before Oliver even. Funny how the group that Helen so arbitrarily put together has finally gelled in her absence. Even Fiona moving to Australia hasn’t made too much difference. The three of us chat on Skype. Emma and Guy celebrated their fifteenth wedding anniversary last week. They’re the couple Oliver and I look to whenever things get rocky, which they sometimes do. We say, if Emma and Guy can come through it …

  A year ago the world changed but the sun is still out and it is the same sun, just like the jasmine growing on the back fence is the same jasmine, filling the air with the same heady, sweet smell, and the neighbour playing jazz loudly through the open window of the top-floor flat is the same neighbour.

  And just for this moment, it is beautiful.

  Acknowledgements

  As ever, my thanks to the dynamic team at Curtis Brown, particularly Felicity Blunt, Emma Herdman, Vivienne Schuster, Alice Lutyens and Sophie Harris, and to Deborah Schneider in New York. Thanks also to the talented crew at Transworld – Jane Lawson, Marianne Velmans, Suzanne Bridson, Sarah Harwood, Elisabeth Merriman, Kate Samano, Claire Ward, Lynsey Dalladay, Laura Swainbank. And to Jeanette Slinger for her much-appreciated support.

  I’m constantly amazed at the generosity of other writers. Thanks to all the writers I’ve met on Twitter and in real life who continue to help keep my neuroses (largely) at bay, particularly Louise Millar, Amanda Jennings, Lisa Jewell, Louise Douglas, Emma Kavanagh (and her very useful policeman husband) and the criminally clever Killer Women crime writers.

  Thanks also to the bloggers, like Anne Cater, Liz Barnsley and Pan McIlroy, who spread the book love with such energy and passion. And to the indefatigable Tracy Fenton, founder of The Book Club on Facebook.

  It takes a particularly dedicated kind of friend to be still cheerleading by the time book six comes around, so thanks to Rikki Finegold, Roma Cartwright, Juliet Brown, Fiona Godfrey, Renata Barcelos, Steve Griffiths, Sally Thompson, Ed Needham, Jo Lockwood, Helen Bates, Ben Clarke, Maria Trkulja, Mark Heholt, Jos Joures, Snai Patel, Mark Hindley.

  Thanks to the Cohens – Gaynor, Sata, Simon, Emma; the Halls – Colin, Ed and Alfie; and the Fawcetts – Paul and Margaret. And lastly to Michael, Otis, Jake and Billie. Sorry for monopolizing the kichen table.

  About the Author

  Tammy Cohen (who previously wrote under her formal name Tamar Cohen) has written several acclaimed novels about family fallout: The Mistress’s Revenge, The War of the Wives and Someone Else’s Wedding. The Broken was her first psychological thriller, followed by Dying for Christmas. First One Missing is her latest novel.

  Tammy lives in North London with her partner and three (nearly) grown children, plus one badly behaved dog. Chat with her on Twitter: @MsTamarCohen.

  Also by Tammy Cohen

  The Mistress’s Revenge

  The War of the Wives

  Someone Else’s Wedding

  The Broken

  Dying for Christmas

  TRANSWORLD PUBLISHERS

  61–63 Uxbridge Road, London W5 5SA

  www.transworldbooks.co.uk

  Transworld is part of the Penguin Random House group of companies whose addresses can be found at global.penguinrandomhouse.com

  First published in Great Britain in 2015 by Doubleday

  an imprint of Transworld Publishers

  Copyright © Tammy Cohen 2015

  Tammy Cohen has asserted her right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.

  This book is a work of fiction and, except in the case of historical fact, any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, is purely coincidental.

  Every effort has been made to obtain the necessary permissions with reference to copyright material, both illustrative and quoted. We apologize for any omissions in this respect and will be pleased to make the appropriate acknowledgements in any future edition.

  A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

  Version 1.0 Epub ISBN 9781473509580

  ISBN 9780857522771

  This ebook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorized distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author’s and publisher’s rights and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly.

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