While it was technically a beach, this was Kansas, so there was no sinking of toes into soft sand. We wore shoes, crunching over a mix of rocky soil and mud that led up to the shore of a fairly dirty body of water. It was as close as you got to oceanfront property in the “great” plains. I didn’t mind; I’d rather swim in a pool where I knew what might be slithering by my legs.
In the flickering of the firelight, I saw the precise moment all the blood rushed from Jaime’s face. Oddly enough, it coincided with my idiot brother shouting for everyone and their dog to hear: “You’re gay anyway!”
In Nick’s defense, he was imploding over the love of his life, Edie Mason, who had yet to realize she was the love of his life and came to the party as Jaime’s date. But still. His foot was not so much shoved in his mouth as all the way down this throat and out his ass.
Outing Edie’s so-called boyfriend won him no points. It shot him right past zero and into the negative column.
As soon as Nick’s words hit my ears, I swallowed a gasp, and heard a chorus of shocked inhalations all around me, followed by a torrent of questions and derogatory comments.
The gossip mill was alive and well in Ashe, Kansas. Phones whipped out and fingers flew over keys.
Jaime did a good impersonation of a horrified zombie. He froze, his hand still hovering in the air where he’d been gesturing expressively while telling Nick off a moment ago. He wasn’t so much pale as colorless now.
I might have thought it a trick of the poor lighting if I hadn’t seen him so animated just seconds before. A sandy-haired blond who obviously spent a lot of time outdoors, he’d been a nice golden brown. Lighter than my own caramel complexion, but a long ways from the white glow Edie set off against the landscape.
Edie barged forward, to comfort Jaime or yell at Nick — or both. I wasn’t listening to the particulars. My heart was pounding in my chest, and my eyes were locked on Jaime’s horrified expression. How would it feel to be pronounced gay like that? To have everyone staring, judging you?
A flutter of unease went through me. It would feel pretty damn shitty.
Jaime whirled and shoved his way through the crowd, making for the shoreline. Without knowing why, I decided to follow him.
Jaime Harris
Oh. My. God.
Did that really just happen? The churning in my gut said it did. Nick Espinoza of all people.
I knew he knew. Edie told me as much. But I still didn’t know how he’d figured it out.
I thought I’d played it cool around him, kept my eyes to myself. Not an easy feat when faced with six feet of broad-shouldered, long-legged gorgeous Latino man. And those vibrant blue eyes … ugh, was I really waxing poetic over the moron that just outed me?!?
No wonder he knew I was gay. He probably noticed the drool. No doubt he saw the same look on women’s faces everywhere he went.
I should be glad he wasn’t the type to beat the crap out of fags. Fag. That’s what I was now. I heard the voices in the crowd, even over the roar of blood rushing from my head at Nick’s words.
Jaime’s a faggot?
Homo.
Cocksucker.
The words ran on repeat in my head as the sounds of the party fell behind. I could still hear them in my father’s voice, as he’d ranted years ago, the first man to see through me. I imagined them in my mother’s voice. My sister’s. My best friend’s.
I fast-walked toward a more isolated stretch of shore. My speed would have made my Grandma Janis jealous. I put those old ladies’ skills to shame as I rushed right up to the edge of the lake, until I felt the chill water washing over my toes and drenching my flip-flops. I took a deep breath, trying to push down the nausea.
Had Carlos heard? He’d totally freak. I didn’t even have to wonder about him. Our friendship would be over.
If I knew Carlos, and I did, he’d be arrogant enough to assume I must be hot for him. And all those sleepovers and changes in the locker room throughout the many years we’d been best friends would come to mind.
I hadn’t seen him nearby, though, so maybe…
Who was I kidding? I choked on a sob that tried to escape. Carlos could be 200 miles away and he’d still know by morning. Everyone would.
I suddenly hated smartphones. I cursed the invention of texting and social media. At least with old-fashioned gossip I’d have a day or two before the shit hit the fan. I’d be lucky if my outing didn’t make it onto YouTube.
“Fuck!” I shouted.
“Jaime.”
His voice made me jump, and that made me angrier.
“Nick, I am not in the mood for your bullshit!”
I whirled to face him, determined to melt him with the force of my glare alone.
“Good thing I’m not Nick, then,” he answered, sounding almost amused. I wasn’t in any frame of mind to find anything funny just now, but he surprised me enough to jolt me out of my fury.
Not Nick, no. But gorgeous like him. Like him, but different.
I squinted against the darkness, trying to process what I was seeing without looking too long. Wouldn’t want him to get the wrong idea — or the right one.
His hair was longer than Nick’s, reaching to his shoulders and shining blue-black under the moonlight. His eyes were dark, not blue. I’d thought that blue was amazing on Nick, but there was something really nice about his eyes. They seemed ... sincere.
I realized I was looking at Carlos’ other cousin. Nick’s brother.
I’d last seen him … when? I recalled a couple of birthday parties as kids. But nothing recent. Looking at him, I was pretty sure I’d remember the post-puberty version of this guy. He was gorgeous like Nick, but in very different ways.
All this observation led me to the clever realization, “You’re not Nick.”
A small smile tipped his lips up. “That’s what I said.”
Brilliant, Jaime. I blamed the shock that still had me trembling.
He stepped toward me, and the thought he might be here to hurt me flitted through my mind. I lurched backward, an involuntary reaction, and the water sloshed up to my calf.
“Whoa!” He held up his hands in a gesture of peace. “I didn’t mean to freak you out. I’m just here to help. If you want.”
I raised my eyebrows. I could think of a few ways he could help me. But I doubt that’s what he meant, and I was alone with a virtual stranger by the water — even worse, this stranger was related to Nick — so I resisted the urge to look him up and down. Mostly.
It was impossible not to notice the way his hair fell in waves, framing his face as if presenting a great work of art, or the way he filled out his T-shirt, telling me there was solid muscle under there. But I’d been practicing not noticing guys for a long time, so I didn’t ogle him. Of course, if my not noticing was so effective, Nick Espinoza would never have been able to out me.
“Okay.” I stepped out of the water, grimacing at the squelching in my shoes, and found the nearest spot to sit down. After the emotional roller coaster tonight, I just felt tired. I settled on a bit of driftwood, and kicked off my wet shoes.
“I’ll take the bait,” I said, glancing over at him. “How are you going to help me?”
His smile widened. It did nothing but improve on his looks. Jesus, save me from straight boys.
“I’m Tony, by the way,” he said. I knew that, but I must have looked blank, because he elaborated. “Carlos is my cousin.”
God knew what he might think, me being so tight with his cousin. He might be imagining we experimented together, that we were secretly boyfriends, or worse, that I was some sort of pervy peeping Tom.
“Listen. Seriously. Carlos is my friend, that’s all. I never thought of him that way,” I rattled off quickly, my nerves running my mouth ahead of my brain. “We grew up together. We might as well have been brothers.”
I shuddered at the thought of anything more between me and Carlos. Yuck.
His smile dropped away, and a wrinkle creased his forehead. “R
elax, Jaime.”
He crossed over and sat down beside me, close enough our shoulders brushed. That surprised me.
“I told you I wasn’t here to give you grief. I just thought someone should come after you and make sure you were okay.”
Oh. Well, that was nice.
But then I remembered. “Nick’s your brother.”
I wasn’t sure if I meant this as an accusation or a confirmation I was actually clear-headed enough to figure it out without him explaining.
“Sorry. You can’t pick your family, right?”
I glanced at him from the corner of my eye, and thought about all of Edie’s family trouble. Thought about my own father, who’d pegged me as gay years ago and hated me for it. It wouldn’t be fair to hold his brother against him, so I nodded.
“Thanks for checking on me. I guess. I’m not suicidal or anything.”
“That was a hell of a way to come out of the closet. I just want you to know that, whatever happens, you’ll still have friends.”
“Who? You? I don’t even know you. Most of my friends are the ones back there calling me a faggot.”
I couldn’t hide the bitter edge to my words, didn’t try.
Tony leaned in a little closer to me. I tried not to think about his breath whispering across my skin as he spoke.
“Look at it this way. You’ll know who your real friends are now, and you won’t have to make some awkward announcement—”
I snorted. “Yeah, because Nick doing it for me wasn’t embarrassing or anything.”
“Yeah, but now you’ve got the whole pity thing going. Poor Jaime. I can’t believe that asshole outed him like that.”
His eyes twinkled, a small, encouraging smile tilted his lips up at the corner. He was trying to cheer me up, and as horrible as I felt right now, it was working a little.
If only I could meet a non-straight version of a guy like this. No one in this hick part of Kansas was gay but me. I was alone, and I hadn’t even gotten my act together enough to go to school out of state.
About the Author
DJ Jamison spent more than a decade working in the newspaper industry. When she’s not laboring over her works of fiction or reading copious amounts of books on her phone, she works as a freelance blogger and social media marketer. DJ lives in the Midwest with her husband and two children.
Other books by this author
Please visit your favorite ebook retailer to discover other books by DJ Jamison:
The Ashe Sentinel Connections series (m/m romance)
Changing Focus, Book 1
Source of Protection, Book 2
Rewriting His Love Life, Book 3
Winter Blom, Book 4
The Espinoza Boys
Earning Edie (m/f new adult romance)
Catching Jaime (m/m new adult romance, coming soon)
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Earning Edie (Espinoza Boys #1) Page 28