by Sara Naveed
I waited for him to embrace me in his arms or plant a kiss on my lips but none of that happened. In fact, he just stood there, looking at the view before us. I could hear his loud heartbeat and sense his uneven breathing. After he released my hands, I slowly opened my eyes to look at him. He continued looking outside the window, oblivious to what I was feeling. I heaved a sigh of relief; glad that he had not crossed his limits. However, I also felt a jab of disappointment. Did I want him to cross his limits? I felt ashamed at my thoughts. I was a married woman. I couldn’t cheat on Aariz. I blinked back tears and looked away. It was me who had allowed this to happen. I shouldn’t have come here in the first place. All of a sudden, I felt claustrophobic. I wanted to run away from this place, from this feeling, from these emotions that I had experienced just a few seconds ago. I did not want to get involved with Rehaan. He was my friend. My best friend. I had never been attracted to him. Then what had happened suddenly? Had I just developed these feelings or always had them deep down?
Rehaan
Throughout the remaining Ferris ride, a wall of silence fell between Zynah and me. I knew I’d done something I shouldn’t have. I hadn’t planned on expressing my feelings to her, even if indirectly. I had failed my resolve to never disclose my feelings to her or to let her see what she really meant to me. Perhaps I had offended her, but I knew I had not crossed my limits.
When the Ferris wheel came to a stop, Zynah exited the capsule in a hurry, leaving me behind. I hurried behind her, down the steps.
‘Zynah, I’ll drop you back!’ I called out.
‘It’s okay, Rehaan,’ she said, avoiding eye contact. ‘I’ll manage myself.’
I just stood there as she got into a taxi and left. I should have stopped her, held her hand and told her how much I loved her. But I didn’t; I just let her walk away. I suddenly realized what I had done. Even without saying it, I had professed my love for her. I had to stop her before it was too late. It was a do or die situation.
I got into my car and drove straight to Mallord Street. I took a shortcut and reached before her. After waiting for around half an hour, I saw Zynah getting out of the taxi and heading towards her house.
‘Zynah!’ I called out.
She slowed down when she heard me and turned to look at me.
‘What are you doing here?’ she asked, a frown appearing on her beautiful face.
‘Look, I’m sorry, all right? I know I said something I shouldn’t have . . .’ Honestly, I had no idea why I was taking the entire blame on myself. This is not what I had planned to say her.
‘Rehaan,’ Zynah said dismissively. ‘I think you should just go home. It’s late. I don’t want any trouble.’ She turned to walk away but I held her hand, stopping her.
‘Please just listen to me once,’ I pleaded, looking into her eyes.
She looked at her hand for a few seconds and then looked back into my eyes, her face softening. She sighed.
‘Okay, hold on,’ I said, taking a deep breath. ‘Maybe I shouldn’t be apologizing for what I did. I think what I said was right. I meant every word.’
‘Rehaan?’ she whispered.
‘Zynah . . .’ I held her hands firmly. ‘Please leave him. He doesn’t deserve . . .’
‘Wait,’ she interrupted me. ‘Don’t say anything else. Please.’
I sighed, my heart beating wildly.
‘I don’t think I can go through with this. I don’t have the courage to end my marriage. And I don’t want to see you ever again,’ she said finally.
‘What?’ I whispered, shocked.
‘Yes, Rehaan. Please do not contact me ever again.’
She freed her hand from my hold and walked towards her house. I stood glued to the spot as the reality dawned on me. She unlocked the door and stepped inside without even looking at me.
Had she broken my heart once again? My stomach churned in pain and bile rose at the back of my throat, burning it. I could not let her walk away. She didn’t have the right to decide the course of my life. I had to stand up for myself and speak up. Without worrying about the consequences of my actions, I walked up to the main door. Thankfully, it was unlocked. I knew I was breaking in but I had no other option. I found Zynah in the living room, leaning against the fireplace with her hand on her forehead.
‘Zynah?’ I said, taking a few steps towards her.
‘Rehaan?’ She spun around, shocked to see me in the house. ‘What the hell are you doing here? How dare you come inside without my permission?’ she yelled.
‘Listen to me, Zynah, I have to speak to you,’ I said.
‘Get out right now! Did you hear me? Get out!’ she screamed but I didn’t budge. Instead, I closed the distance between us and grabbed her arms.
Before I could say anything, a white man came out of one of the rooms—bare-chested, clad only in a pair of shorts.
‘What’s going on?’ he asked.
Zynah froze and her eyes widened in shock. I didn’t recognize him. Who was he? What was he doing here?
A few seconds later, a similar look dawned on his face as well. Shock or mortification, I couldn’t comprehend.
‘What happened?’ Aariz asked, appearing in the doorway. He was as scantily clad as the other man. Now it was his turn to go white with shock.
‘Zynah?’ Aariz said in a low voice.
‘You were . . . home?’ she stammered, tears forming in her eyes.
It did not take me long to understand the situation. Both Aariz’s parents and Zynah were out and expected back much later. So, he had called over his boyfriend for a dalliance at home. Zynah had caught him red-handed by returning early. I was horrified for Zynah and decided I would not leave her alone with him.
‘Zynah,’ I took her hand in mine. ‘Let’s go.’
‘You go, Rehaan. I’ll be there in a few minutes,’ she said, her tear-filled eyes not moving from her husband and his boyfriend.
I did not like the idea of waiting outside for her. Why couldn’t she just come with me? Was she still trying to reason with him? Even after what had happened? Had I been in her shoes, I would have walked away—from his house; from his life. Or smacked his face. The old Zynah would have definitely picked the latter option. But what was the new Zynah up to?
Twenty minutes passed but there was still no sign of her. I dialled her number but she did not answer. I wondered what was going on inside. Was she confronting him? Yelling at him? Or was he yelling at her for invading his privacy? But, how could he? He was the one who had purposely ruined her life. I was running out of patience. I could no longer stand out in the cold and wait for her as she fought her battle alone. Gathering my wits, I walked back to the house and reached for the door knob. But it was locked. Why? I pounded on the door but nobody came to open it. Suddenly, an irrational fear engulfed me. Beads of sweat formed on my forehead as I contemplated the situation. I could not involve the police as that would only worsen things for Zynah. The only people I could think of calling were Zynah’s parents. They had a right to know what was going on in their daughter’s life. Without thinking about the consequences, I dialled her landline number.
‘Hello?’ Zynah’s mother picked up.
‘As-salaam-alaikum, Aunty, this is Rehaan, Zynah’s friend,’ I said.
‘Wa-alaikum-salaam, beta. How are you? Is everything okay?’
‘Aunty, I need to tell you something. It’s about Zynah.’
‘What about Zynah? Where is she?’
Without delving into the unnecessary details, I gave her a quick summary.
‘Zynah and I were out for dinner. When we came back to her house, we found . . . she caught Aariz with someone else.’
‘What do you mean with someone else, beta? Who was there?’ She sounded worried.
‘Aunty, I don’t know if Zynah has told you about this or not but your son-in-law is gay . . . he is in a relationship with another man,’ I said.
‘What?’ she whispered, shocked.
‘Yes . . . and now she�
�s inside the house with them and she’s not answering my call or opening the . . .’ Before I could complete the sentence, I heard a loud thud on the other end of the line and the call abruptly ended. I paused for a few moments to understand what went wrong. As I dialled the number again, the door opened and Zynah walked out—her face pale, pain-stricken and aghast.
‘Zynah!’ I called out. ‘Are you okay?’ I held her face in my hands and looked into her eyes.
‘What did you say to my mother?’ she asked, her voice breaking. ‘What did you say to her on the phone just now?’
‘Why, what happened?’ I asked.
‘Did you tell her about Aariz? Did you?’ she screamed at me, pushing me back.
‘Yes, I did! I had to! You were inside with him and you weren’t answering my calls. I panicked and called your parents!’ I shouted back at her.
‘How dare you, Rehaan! How dare you call my parents and tell them everything? Who gave you this damn right?’
‘But what happened?’
Right then, Aariz, now fully clothed, came out on to the porch, held Zynah by her shoulders and requested her to get inside the car.
‘Let’s go, Zynah. We should be there in no time.’
I switched my gaze from Zynah to Aariz and then back to Zynah, wondering what was going on.
‘What happened?’ I asked as Aariz escorted Zynah to the car.
‘Thanks to you, my friend, Zynah’s mother had a panic attack and she’s been hospitalized,’ Aariz snapped. ‘Please excuse us now.’
Within seconds, they got into the car and drove off, leaving behind a cloud of dust.
Damn . . . what have I done? What have I done . . . Damn, damn, damn!
Zynah
I cried throughout the journey. I had never expected that Rehaan would disclose everything to my family, especially my mother. He knew that she had recurrent panic attacks. He had no right to tell her about Aariz. I swore on God I’d never forgive him if something happened to my mother. I looked at Aariz and felt a sharp pain in my chest. I had believed that he was changing for me, for himself, for our life but I was proved wrong. He was still in a relationship with the person he was in love with. What about those feelings that he said he’d developed for me? How could a person be in love with two people at the same time? I was a fool to have believed him. It was my mistake. I could not bring myself to accept his infidelity and while I was still grappling with these thoughts, I had found out about my mother’s panic attack. This too had been my mistake—to believe that Rehaan could be a loyal friend. He was not. He could never be. Aariz had betrayed me. Rehaan had hurt me too. Neither of them deserved me.
I jumped out as soon as the car pulled into the hospital’s driveway. Rushing towards the information desk, I asked for my mother.
‘Zynah!’ Daddy called out to me before the receptionist could fill me in with the details.
‘Daddy?’
I turned to look at him and rushed into his arms.
‘How’s Mummy? What happened?’
‘It was a panic attack . . . I was fortunate enough to bring her here on time,’ he told me, gripping my hands tightly.
‘Is she okay?’ I asked, tears rushing down my face.
‘Yes, she’s absolutely fine now.’
‘Thank God . . .’ I whispered, closing my eyes.
‘But Zynah . . . what Rehaan told us about Aariz . . .’ he said, his voice trailing off.
I opened my eyes and looked at him, my body trembling.
‘Is it true?’ he continued.
‘What are you saying?’ I asked him in a whisper, shocked.
‘Rehaan was here a few minutes ago and he told me everything about Aariz when I asked him.’
A flash of hurt appeared in his eyes when I did not defend Aariz. Rehaan had told my parents the truth, and I saw no point in denying it now. My silence had spoken for me.
‘Zynah . . .’ he gasped. ‘Does this mean that it’s true?’
I bit the inside of my cheek and nodded, fresh tears beginning to well up in my eyes. I turned away from my father’s gaze.
‘Zynah . . . why didn’t you tell us . . . why?’ he asked.
I looked back into his eyes. A lump formed in my throat as I forced myself not to break down.
‘Do Kamran and Raima know about this . . . do they know?’
‘Only Aunty knows,’ I said slowly.
‘Why did she keep this from us? Why?’
He frowned, anger filling his eyes.
I wiped away a tear that rolled down my cheek.
‘And for how long were you going to keep this from us?’ he asked.
A feeling of deep remorse made me turn away again.
‘Oh God,’ he said, shaking his head. ‘I can’t believe you have hidden this from us for so long. If it hadn’t been for Rehaan, we would have never found out. I’m so grateful to that boy. Zynah . . . what were you thinking?’ Disappointment flooded his face.
‘Daddy, I’m sorry . . .’ I whispered, choking.
‘I swear I won’t spare Kamran and his son,’ he said, shaking his head.
‘No! Daddy, no!’
I calmed him down by putting a hand on his shoulder.
‘Please don’t do anything. I promise we will sort it out. Please calm down for now.’
‘Oh honey . . . how could we have been blind to what you were going through all this time . . .’ he said, breaking down into tears.
‘I’m sorry, Daddy . . . I’m so sorry,’ was all I could whisper before I burst into tears. My father embraced me in his soothing arms and we both silently cried.
Uncle Kamran and Aunty Raima also came to the hospital to check on my mother. Aunty Raima sat beside me and comforted me. There was something different about her. She repeatedly apologized for allowing her son to marry me. She said it was a mistake to assume that Aariz would change after marriage. I looked at her in shock. What had brought this on? What had suddenly made her realize that she had been wrong about her son all along? She must have found out that my parents knew everything now. Aariz must have told her. I calmed her down and then walked up to Daddy and requested him to not get into an argument with my in-laws. He agreed and promised to hold his anger for the time being. Aariz walked out of the doctor’s cabin and said that Mummy was fine now. We would be able to take her home within a few hours.
I took the doctor’s permission and went to meet Mummy in the ward, where she was resting, and sat on the edge of the bed.
‘Zynah . . .’ she called out for me as soon as she realized I was sitting close to her.
‘Mummy, I’m here,’ I told her, smiling. ‘Are you feeling any better now?’
‘Are you feeling okay?’ she asked, her voice sounding feeble.
I inhaled deeply before I replied, ‘I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. Everything is okay,’ I reassured her, placing my hand on hers.
‘But Rehaan told me something . . .’ Her voice trailed off.
For a moment, I hesitated. I did not know what to say to her. Rehaan had told her the truth about Aariz but I did not know whether she had completely believed him. As I pondered on what to tell her, Daddy stepped into the room, closing the door behind him.
‘Zee . . .’ Mummy whispered. ‘What have you gone through . . . why didn’t . . . why didn’t you tell us about Aariz?’ A tear rolled down her eye.
‘Mummy, everything is fine. Don’t worry,’ I said, wiping the tear off her cheek. ‘I want you to rest.’
‘My love, we won’t let you suffer. You have to make the right decision . . . Do what’s right for you . . .’ she whispered.
‘Yes, Zynah,’ Daddy said. ‘We won’t let you compromise. It’s never too late.’
Mummy locked her eyes with Daddy for a few seconds and then closed them. The effects of the sedative sent her into a deep slumber.
I held her hand firmly.
I will not compromise, Mummy. I’ll do what’s right for me. I’ll make the right decision, I thought to myself.
Daddy and I helped Mummy get into the car. Aariz trailed behind us.
‘Zynah, come home with us. Right now,’ Daddy ordered, shooting a dirty look at Aariz.
‘Daddy, you take her home. I’ll be there in a while,’ I told him.
‘But, Zee . . .’
‘I’ll be there, Daddy. Don’t worry,’ I said, reassuring him.
He nodded, still glaring at Aariz, and then got inside the car.
The car had just driven away when I saw Rehaan, who was standing across the parking lot.
Aariz tried to step in between us but I raised my hand and stopped him.
‘Let me handle this,’ I told him and walked over to Rehaan.
Rehaan
I was happy Zynah’s mother had recovered from the panic attack. Otherwise, I’d have never forgiven myself. No matter what Zynah thought of me now, her father thanked me for telling them everything. I felt it was my duty to inform them. I did not care if Zynah hated me for this. I knew I had done the right thing. I stood outside the hospital and waited for her to come out. I had to talk to her. Suddenly, I saw Aariz, accompanied by two elderly people, making his way towards the main door. I recognized them as his parents. I did not want to miss this opportunity to speak to them, especially his mother, since she knew everything about her son. I walked resolutely in her direction and made my move.