by Nancy Mehl
After finishing our dinners, Papa, Beau, and I prepared to go home. Papa led Daisy back behind the quilt shop so he could harness her to our other buggy. I waited for him on the steps in front of the shop, Beau by my side.
Before I saw a horse, I heard hoofbeats pounding hard on the street. I turned just in time to see Ebbie pull his horse, Micah, up to the hitching post in front of the restaurant. He jumped off the horse before he came to a full stop, and quickly tied Micah up. Even from where I sat I could see that Ebbie was as white as a bleached sheet. His body trembled as he started toward the front door of the restaurant.
“Ebbie?” I called out. “Ebbie, what’s wrong?”
He froze in his steps and turned slowly toward me. When he saw me, he sank down to his knees. Alarmed, I got up and ran to him, Beau right behind me.
“Are you all right?” I knelt down next to him. “Ebbie? Ebbie, what’s the matter? Are you feeling ill?” I was shocked to see tears on his cheeks.
“I was at home and John Lapp came over to buy milk. My father talked with him for a moment and then came running into the house. He said you were run over on the road to Kingdom, and that you . . . that you had died.”
“Oh, Ebbie. I was almost hit by a truck earlier today, but I’m fine.” I put my hands on his cheeks. “Ebbie, it was Avery Menninger who was killed.”
Fresh tears filled his eyes. “Avery? Avery’s dead?”
I nodded. He put his head against my shoulder, and I held him as he composed himself. Ebbie’s display of emotion was foreign to me. Papa believed that men should keep their feelings private and never lose control in public. I’d never seen a grown man act this way, and although it moved me, I felt confused.
“I’m all right now,” he said finally, pushing himself away from me. He stood to his feet and put his hand down so I could pull myself up. “I’m sorry. I was afraid I’d never see you again. I-I wanted to tell you . . .” He shook his head and wiped his face with his sleeve. “Never mind. I’m just glad you’re okay.”
The look in his brown eyes seemed so familiar. It took a moment for me to realize that it was the same expression I’d seen in Beau’s eyes. Fear and sadness. The realization startled me. Was I responsible for creating those emotions?
I placed my hand on his arm. “Thank you for caring so much. It means a lot to me.”
He didn’t say anything, but his breath caught. He took a step back, as if he wanted me to remove my hand, so I did.
“This violence,” he said, his voice low, “reminds me of the Scripture about the thief who comes to steal, kill, and destroy. Satan is working through these men.” He shook his head. “Avery was a good person who had the right to live his life without someone deciding to take it from him.” He leaned over and picked his hat up from the street, where it had fallen when he collapsed.
“Jonathon is getting a group of men together, Ebbie. They’re going to find a way to protect us.”
He looked at me intently. “The elders are meeting tonight to decide what to do. We don’t need a group of vigilantes taking matters into their own hands.”
I put my hands on my hips and scowled at him. “You know, I’m really getting a little tired of hearing that we have no right to defend ourselves. Avery is dead, Ebbie. Dead. If Kingdom is attacked, are we going to simply stand by and watch our friends and neighbors get hurt? Maybe even killed?”
He frowned at me. “Hope, you know what we believe. You’ve grown up in the teachings of the church. Are you questioning them?”
“Yes, Ebbie, I’m questioning them. Shouldn’t my faith be something more than parroting what I’ve been instructed to think? Shouldn’t it be what I actually believe?”
He considered what I’d said for a moment. “Yes, you’re right,” he said slowly. “It should be what you really believe.”
I folded my arms across my chest. “Then convince me. Make me believe what you believe. Explain to me why we’re supposed to stand by and let violent men get away with murder.”
Ebbie looked up at the sky as if he thought God might send down a message to help him with this crazy girl who had the audacity to question the long-held doctrines of her church. I was surprised to see the corners of his mouth twitch in a smile.
“Hope, you are one of a kind. An amazing person.” He took a slow breath. “I’ll pray about it, but if you truly are seeking counsel in this area, you may need to approach a different elder.”
“Why? Because you can’t give me an answer that makes any sense?”
“No. Because I think I need some time away from you. The feelings I have for you are too strong, and I don’t trust myself to remain silent about them. If you don’t mind, I think I’ve humbled myself enough for a while.”
“Forget that,” I insisted. “Counsel me like you would anyone else in the church. I want to understand why you think God wants us to be picked off like birds sitting on a fence.”
His eyebrows shot up. “You’ve been shooting birds?”
I glared at him. “Are you taking this seriously?”
“Yes. I’m taking it very seriously. Trust me.”
He started to say something else, but at that moment, Papa came around the side of the building with the buggy.
“I’ve got to go,” I said.
“All right.” He cleared his throat. “And again, I’m sorry if I embarrassed you with my display of emotion.”
I shook my head. “I understand. Avery was your friend. He was mine too.” I was aware that most of the grief Ebbie had demonstrated was because he thought I’d been killed, but I thought it best not to address it. What could I say that would help anything? Mourning Avery had to take precedence now.
Ebbie stared at me for several seconds, and then I turned to go. I called for Beau to follow me, but instead of obeying, he walked over to Ebbie and licked his hand. Ebbie squatted down and put his arms around the small border collie. I had the strangest feeling that dog and man were exchanging something silently between them.
“Let’s go, Beau,” I said again, but the dog just looked at me. “Come on, boy.”
“He’s afraid to get in the buggy,” Ebbie said. “After what happened, can you blame him?”
“Oh, I hadn’t thought . . .” I could feel tears sting my eyes, but I blinked them away. My whole body felt weak and washed out from crying. “What should I do?”
“Why don’t you get in,” Ebbie said. “Let me see if I can help.”
I shrugged and went to the buggy, quickly explaining the situation to Papa.
He shook his head. “Poor dog. No one can understand how terrifying this day has been for him.”
“Well, apparently someone can. Look.” I pointed to Ebbie, who was walking slowly toward the carriage with Beau following tentatively behind him. When they reached us, Ebbie motioned for Beau to get in. The collie sat down, seemingly unable to master his fear. Ebbie knelt down beside him again and spoke gently in his ear. This went on for several minutes, while Papa and I waited silently, sensing we shouldn’t interrupt. Suddenly Beau stood up and jumped into the buggy seat, plopping himself on my lap.
“He should get in the back,” Papa said hesitantly.
“It’s all right,” I said. “He feels safer with me. Let’s go home.”
Papa didn’t argue, just flicked the reins and told Daisy to get going. As she began to trot down the street, I looked back at Ebbie standing in the road, watching us. I waved good-bye, but he didn’t respond. I stared at him in the side mirror until we turned toward home and I couldn’t see him anymore.
CHAPTER / 5
I woke up early Friday morning. Beau had slept next to my bed all night. Papa had planned to put him out in the barn, but when it came right down to it, he didn’t have the heart.
“Beau is an animal, Hope,” he’d warned me. “If you treat him like a person, it will confuse him. He can sleep in the house for a few days, but after that, he will have to stay outside.”
I nodded to let him know I understood, not
voicing my belief that Beau would never spend one night in the barn. Maybe my father didn’t wear his feelings on his sleeve like Ebbie, but underneath his bluster beat a heart too tender to turn the little dog out.
Every morning after cooking breakfast and packing our lunches, I liked to take a cup of coffee outside with me and sit on the front steps of our house. Papa always fed and watered Daisy, checked the chicken coop for eggs, milked our cows, and tended his garden before we left for town. My time alone on the front porch had always been a peaceful time for me. Sometimes I read my Bible or prayed quietly, and other times I just meditated on different things.
However, this morning the world felt different. Avery’s death had changed our town, and a pall of something dark and sinister seemed to hover over us. Someone full of hate had brought destruction to this special place, even though our forefathers settled here in the belief we would be safe from the influence of sin. Ebbie’s words about Satan working through malicious men drifted into my head, and something rose up inside of me. I had no intention of allowing anyone to destroy Kingdom. Our spirit would never be broken if I had anything to say about it.
The morning air was warm, but a shiver ran through me, and I cut my coffee time short. I wrapped up a large loaf of friendship bread for Berlene and her husband, Herman, as I expected they would arrive at Avery’s house from Summerfield today, tomorrow at the latest. Though I wasn’t allowed to travel on the main road outside of town, I was certain someone would be going that way and could deliver it to them. Our community was very supportive, and when one of us died, everyone took the loss personally. We delivered food and helped in any way we could.
As Papa and I prepared to leave for the shop, Beau came running and jumped right into the carriage seat. His routine of riding with Avery seemed stronger than his fear of our buggy. I don’t think Papa planned to take him with us, but once again, he didn’t protest. As he had yesterday, Beau climbed up on my lap, and I stroked his head as we rode into town. We were confident about our safety because our house sat near town, and we didn’t have to use the main road to reach the quilt shop. I couldn’t help but wonder about those who lived on farms outside our borders. Would we get to town only to discover someone else had been assaulted?
When we reached the shop, Papa jumped out of the buggy and tied Daisy up. “You go in and open the store, Hope,” he said. “I want to talk to Noah and find out what happened at the meeting last night.”
Beau and I got out and went inside the shop. I found an old blanket in the back room and made a place for him to lie down behind the front counter. I also put some water in a bowl and placed it near him. Last night Papa had filled a dish full of rice mixed with ground beef and carrots for Beau’s dinner.
“Chicken will be better for him than beef,” Papa said. “I’ll buy some tomorrow from Brother Anderson and grind it up. And when I pick the peas, we can add them to his food.”
“How do you know how to feed him, Papa?” I’d asked.
“We had a dog when I was a child, Daughter. My father used him to herd livestock. One day he was attacked by coyotes and killed. I learned then that becoming attached to an animal can have grave consequences. I have no desire for you to feel that kind of pain, but I could not turn Beau away. All I can do is pray that you will not allow yourself to care more for this dog than you should.”
And that was all he said about it. Strange how you think you know everything about a parent only to suddenly discover something new. Lizzie once said, “Parents are a gift that keeps unwrapping itself. You never know what you’ll find under the next layer.” That was certainly true of my father.
While Beau investigated the store, I put change in the cash register and tidied up. Then I sat down on my stool behind the counter, picked up my own quilt, and began to work. Beau, who seemed to have satisfied his curiosity, discovered the blanket and plopped down on it.
“Good dog,” I said. He gave me back a doggy smile, but his tail remained limp. At this point, I was just grateful he was doing as well as he was after going through such a terrible ordeal. I was certain he missed Avery terribly.
I ran my hands over the quilt I was working on. I’d started it as a wedding quilt, something to adorn our bed after Ebbie and I were married. Even though it looked as if that wasn’t going to happen, I decided to finish it anyway. I loved the pattern and the deep blue and yellow colors. I’d planned to embroider our names in the final square, but now I’d just leave it empty. Funny, that’s how I felt. Empty. Before, when I thought about my wedding to Ebbie, I’d been excited about the future and having my own home. I tried to console myself with the knowledge that Ebbie and I weren’t really meant to be together. Odd how much I missed him.
I worked for about thirty minutes. Then Isabelle Martin came in for some fabric and threads. A tall red-haired girl with a smattering of freckles across her nose, Belle had a sweetness about her that was infectious. We visited for a little while. Not long after she left, Papa returned from his meeting with Noah.
“So what did the elders decide?” I asked as he entered the shop.
“Goodness, Daughter. Let me at least close the door behind me.” His sharp tone made it clear he was upset.
I waited patiently until he joined me behind the counter. He noticed Beau lying on the blanket I’d put on the floor. He frowned and started to say something but stopped and shook his head. Then he pulled up another stool and sat down.
“The elders have concluded that it might be wise to keep a closer eye on the road into Kingdom. Watch for strangers but only as the opportunity presents itself. However, Noah expressed his belief that the elders’ decision did not go far enough. He suggested regular patrols. Although the other elders did not agree to sanction this idea, it was decided that should anyone wish to guard the road on a more structured schedule, they will not oppose it.” He rubbed his beard and sighed. “I am afraid Noah is being influenced too much by Jonathon Wiese.”
“Protecting our citizens isn’t a bad thing, Papa.”
“I understand how you feel, but we must be careful that our emotions do not stir us up to react in a way contrary to God’s Word.”
I cleared my throat and tried to look as if I were concentrating on my quilt. “So where does Ebbie stand?”
Papa was silent for a moment. “I think you know the answer to that, Hope. He will not sway from his belief that we should spend our time in prayer rather than trying to find ways to defend ourselves. He says that God should be our only protection.”
That made my head snap up. “Well, God didn’t do a very good job of protecting Avery, did He?” I was sorry as soon as the words popped out of my mouth. Usually Papa would be upset with something I said that sounded rebellious, but he didn’t seem angry at all. Just sad.
“I know it seems like that, but I still believe in the goodness of God. Sometimes things happen we do not understand, yet I will still trust God’s promises of protection. We are in a war against a cruel and heartless enemy, and although we may not pick up carnal weapons, we must certainly fight with spiritual ones.” He shook his head. “I have seen my share of death, and more than once I have found myself wondering why a particular person, a good person, has died before their time.” He gave me a small smile. “But I will trust God’s Word over mortal circumstances until the day I draw my last breath. My father brought me up like that, and I believe he was right.”
“I heard Miriam Zook say that God took Avery home. It hurts me to hear people blame our loving heavenly Father for the violent death of one of His children.”
“It hurts me too. God is the bringer of life, Hope. It is our enemy who steals, kills, and destroys.”
I almost dropped my needle. Ebbie had quoted the very same Scripture. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised. He and Papa were a lot alike.
“Well, I’m glad Grandfather brought you up the way he did. And I’m grateful you brought me up the same way.”
He smiled at me. “Thank you. That means more to
me than you can imagine.” He crossed his arms over his chest and frowned. “Now, just when were you going to tell me about Ebbie breaking your engagement?”
This time I didn’t drop my needle. Instead, I jammed it firmly into my finger. “Ouch!” I stuck my throbbing appendage into my mouth, which was fine since it gave me a little time to think. Grabbing a nearby tissue with my other hand, I finally took it out. “I was going to tell you, Papa. I just didn’t know how. I knew you’d be upset.”
He let out a deep sigh. “I was upset at first, Daughter, but Ebbie talked to me for quite a while about it. He reminded me that I was in love with your mother, and that I should want the same thing for you. Somehow I ended up feeling as if I should apologize to both of you. I have no idea how he did that. He is a very persuasive young man.”
I shook my head slowly. “But I do love Ebbie, Papa. If it matters, I told him I didn’t want to break our engagement. He wouldn’t listen to me.”
“He doesn’t believe your love for him is strong enough to make a good marriage, Hope. No man wants to spend his life wondering if he was his wife’s second choice.”
I started to respond to Papa’s comment when he held his hand up, signaling me to be quiet. “It doesn’t matter now. The engagement is ended.” He pointed at me. “I want to make one thing perfectly clear. I do not intend to get into another argument about Jonathon Wiese, but I vehemently oppose a marriage to him. I will not change my mind.”
I sighed with exasperation. “Why do you keep implying that Jonathon and I have a serious relationship? We don’t. He has never expressed a desire to marry me, Papa. Not once.”
“Good. I will pray it stays that way.”
“You’re wrong about Jonathon, you know.”
Before he had a chance to say anything else, the front door opened and Lizzie came in. I greeted her, thankful to escape any further conversation about Jonathon with my father.