by Nancy Mehl
I glanced over at Noah. He didn’t look happy. “It’s pretty late, Papa,” I said, “and I’m sure Noah wants to get upstairs to Lizzie and Charity.”
“This will not take long. I believe there are some things we must discuss.”
Noah and I sat down next to him. I had a pretty good idea what he was going to say. I turned out to be correct.
Papa frowned at Noah. “You were wrong to take Hope with you to Washington today. Even though your intentions were honorable, it was not wise to put yourself in a situation that looked questionable.”
I started to say something in Noah’s defense, but Papa held his hand up, signaling me to be quiet.
“Please be still, Hope,” he said. “No one knows better than I that you and Noah are friends and there is no reason to be concerned about something untoward happening between you. But you must realize that there are others in town who do not know you as well as I do.”
“I get a little tired of living my life based on the judgmental attitudes of narrow-minded people,” Noah said. “As we loosen some of the religious viewpoints that have bound us for many years, we must also begin to extend grace and trust toward our brothers and sisters. Why must we always believe the worst?”
Although I’d been directed to stay silent, I nodded in agreement with Noah.
Papa sighed deeply. “Please understand that I agree with what you say in theory. But here is the problem. There are those whose motives are not as pure as yours. Opening a door like this could have serious consequences for people whose faith is not strong. I am reminded of Sheriff Ford and his wife. Perhaps if their church had followed stricter guidelines, their terrible betrayal would not have happened. Also, please remember that God’s Word warns us to abstain from all appearance of evil. For you, Noah, this is even more important. You are an elder in our church.”
Noah nodded. “I know you’re right, Samuel. Even though I get tired of trying to live up to others expectations, I realize it was careless of me to take Hope to Washington. I should have carefully considered the things you’ve just pointed out. At the time, it seemed so harmless. So innocent.”
Papa reached over and patted Noah’s shoulder. “I know that, Son. There is no doubt of it in my mind. However, I do believe you should discuss this situation with our pastor and the board of elders. I am confident they will find it unnecessary for any further rebuke. But if anyone should bring up the matter or try to claim false charges against you or Hope, you can refer them to our church leaders. Bringing this into the light will quench any further fiery darts the enemy may send your way.”
“Right after this happened I thought very seriously about removing myself from the eldership,” Noah said.
I started to protest, but Noah shook his head at me. “It was something said out of emotion, Hope. I’ve reconsidered and no longer feel the need to take such a drastic step. But I will certainly take your suggestion, Samuel. Thank you.”
I stayed quiet, relieved that Noah was no longer thinking about leaving his position. Although I completely understood Papa’s advice, I was still a little upset. It was irksome, always being watched and judged. There were days when I wished I could just do whatever I wanted to do without fear of breaking some rule of the church.
“Now I want to talk about what happened to you on the road,” Papa said. “We have asked our people to keep their buggies in town, but now, it seems that even riding in motor vehicles may put us at risk.”
Noah shrugged. “I don’t know what to do, Samuel. We have to be able to travel. Unfortunately, Kingdom doesn’t have everything we need.”
I cleared my throat. “Jonathon and a few others intend to keep an eye on the main road, but obviously they can only do so much.”
Papa’s eyebrows shot up. “I suppose it is a good idea to post watchers at the crossroads. As long as all they plan to do is watch.”
Noah and I gave each other a quick look. Papa saw it.
“Do they plan to carry weapons, Noah?” he asked, frowning.
“I don’t know for certain, Samuel, but it’s a possibility. They mentioned taking their hunting rifles but not loading them.”
Papa’s expression turned dark. “We cannot allow this. Surely you will have nothing to do with their plan.”
“I told them I couldn’t participate if they carried guns. Unloaded or not.”
“Good.” Papa stared down at the table for a moment. Then he took a deep breath and let it out. “I certainly understand their passion. My beloved daughter has been attacked twice now, but I still cannot agree to using aggressive means to defend ourselves.” He fastened his gaze on Noah. “Have you talked to the other elders about this plan?”
“No, but I will. I have no choice.” He stared at me for several seconds, and I knew he was thinking about the moment he started to grab his own rifle out on the road. I had no intention of mentioning it to anyone. Noah would have to sort out his own feelings. I was too busy trying to figure out my own.
“We must go,” Papa said suddenly. “I am tired, and I am sure Hope is as well. You must spend time with your wife and daughter, Brother.”
“Thank you, Samuel,” Noah said, standing to his feet, “for your advice and for your help tonight. I’m grateful.”
Papa nodded. “Good night, my friend. If we can do anything else to help you, please let us know. You and your family are very special to the both of us.”
“We feel the same.” He and Papa shook hands. Then Noah walked over and held the front door open. After Papa and I stepped outside onto the sidewalk, we heard Noah lock the door behind us.
“I hope they’ll be okay,” I said. “Charity looked so confused.”
“I am sure of it,” Papa said. “They love each other very much, and Charity knows that.”
I nodded, the look in Charity’s eyes still burning in my mind. “Papa,” I said, “if you will allow me to change the subject, we need to talk about your meeting with Berlene. You can’t really want to close our quilt shop. You know that Mama taught me to make quilts. I’ve always felt like a part of her is still with me—inside our store.”
He sighed. “It is very late, Daughter. I would rather talk about this tomorrow.”
“Please, Papa. It’s on my heart, and if we don’t discuss it now, I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep tonight.”
He shook his head. “I know you are unhappy with my decision, Hope. But Avery’s business produces much more income than the quilt store ever will. You know money does not mean much to me, but someday when I am gone, I want to know that you will be taken care of. I will be able to put aside some of the profits from the saddle and tack store for your future.”
I looked sideways at him. “In case I never marry, Papa? Is that what you’re concerned about?”
“I am not saying that, but your mother and I married when she was seventeen and I was nineteen. You are twenty-six, and you just canceled an engagement that would have been perfect for you.”
I raised my eyebrows in surprise. “Must I remind you again that Ebbie canceled our engagement?”
“You gave him reason to do so, Hope.”
I didn’t respond since the truth of what he said was obvious.
“Regardless, I must consider the possibility that you will not marry. If this is the case, I do not want you to be destitute.”
“We’re not destitute, Papa. We get by just fine with what we make through the quilt shop.”
He shook his head. “Unfortunately, that is not the case. Most of our food comes from our garden, as well as the eggs and milk from our chickens and cows. Without me, I am not sure you would be able to keep up with all our resources.”
I had to admit that milking cows and raising chickens weren’t my favorite things to do. I wasn’t very good at it. Papa also traded milk and eggs with a couple of other families for meat, fruit, and other staples. If he wasn’t around, I probably wouldn’t be able to stay on top of everything.
“Wait a minute,” I said, making
a face. “Why are we talking as if you’re not here? You’re a young man, Papa. You’re not old enough to worry about dying.”
His face hardened. “I do not see any reason to continue this discussion, Daughter. There is simply no way for us to oversee both stores effectively. I have no choice but to sell the quilt shop and buy the saddle and tack store.”
“Surely I have a say in this. The store belongs to me as much as it does to you. I love it, and I have no desire to sell it.”
“I wish it could be different, Hope, but my mind is made up. Berlene and I have already agreed to the terms of sale. We will begin taking over her father’s store by the end of the month.”
He turned and walked toward the hitching post, where Daisy stood waiting to carry us home. I followed him to the buggy, but I couldn’t take my eyes off the front of our quilt shop. How could this be happening? I would have to grieve the demise of my engagement and my precious shop within a few days of each other. I climbed up into the carriage and Beau jumped into my lap. The four of us began the journey home, my heart heavy with sorrow for what I’d lost.
CHAPTER / 10
I’d planned to open the shop as usual the next morning, but I was still so exhausted that Papa took one look at me and ordered me to stay home. I’d told Jonathon I would be there, but I was too tired to worry about missing him.
Papa had planned to take me to view Avery’s body. In Kingdom, visitations were held in the home a day or two before the funeral. Although I wanted to show my respect to the family, I was secretly happy to miss the viewing. There were so many emotions raging inside me that the thought of having to look at Avery made me feel as if I’d break apart.
I was still worried about Jonathon and the rest of the group that was out watching the entrance into Kingdom. Were they in danger? Jonathon’s willingness to go against the church because of his concern for all of us touched me deeply. But as my feelings for him grew, my concern for his safety increased too.
I was also uneasy about Noah. Would he be disciplined by our church for taking me out of town without supervision? Would he be removed as an elder after he’d decided to stay?
As I sat at home, Beau at my feet, turning these things over in my mind, I found myself working on my wedding quilt. I dreaded finishing it without any names in the final square, but there was nothing to be done about it. The quilt needed to be completed. It would still be a blessing during the long, cold winter months.
Sunday after church, Jonathon found me. Papa was busy helping with Avery’s funeral arrangements and had asked Noah and Levi’s mother and stepfather, Dottie and Marvin Hostettler, to take me home. They lived close to us and had readily agreed. But after Jonathon insisted on talking to me, I told them I didn’t need a ride after all. I felt guilty about it but had no intention of telling Papa I’d changed his plans.
Jonathon had left his truck at home, choosing instead to bring one of his family’s buggies. “On a beautiful day like today,” he explained, “I love riding in an open carriage so I can enjoy the smell of the spring air and feel the sun on my face.”
I understood his sentiments and found his enjoyment of our old-fashioned mode of transportation rather endearing. As he helped me into his carriage, Ebbie rode past us with his parents. Although he didn’t acknowledge our presence, I could tell by the stoic look on his face that he’d seen us.
Once we turned down the road toward our house, I felt a little more relaxed. “Were you out on the road last night?” I asked him.
He nodded. “Sophie and I took the evening shift, and Roger and Mary relieved us around two in the morning.”
It dawned on me that spending time in the dark with Sophie, a girl who was obviously smitten with him, was even worse than my ride into town with Noah. However, I decided to keep my thoughts to myself for now. It was such a nice day, and finally I felt some peace inside. There would be plenty of time for talking to Jonathon about Sophie.
“So you’re watching the road into town only at night?” I asked.
“We can’t watch it twenty-four hours a day,” he said with a sigh. “Most of the attacks against churches have occurred after dark. I assume it’s because the people behind these acts of violence don’t want to be seen.”
“They’re cowards,” I said. “But they’ve come after me twice now, and both times it happened during the day.”
Jonathon frowned. “Twice? I thought it was just that once.”
As I shared with him what had happened on Friday, he grew pensive. “I wish someone would have told me about that. Obviously none of our people are safe on the road whether they’re in a buggy or in a car. Any man wearing a hat like ours or a woman with a prayer covering is in danger. These men are becoming bolder.”
“Now that you know about the second confrontation, will you still patrol only at night?”
He shook his head. “I don’t know. Without additional help, I doubt we can do much more than we’re doing now. Besides, these men didn’t set out to hurt you, Hope. They accidentally stumbled upon you when you were alone in your buggy and then again when they ran into you and Noah in his truck. They were presented an opportunity to cause more destruction, and they took it.”
I was silent while I mulled that over. For some reason, the idea of trying to kill another human being because of an unplanned twist of fate seemed even more sinister than something prearranged. I shivered, though it wasn’t the least bit chilly.
“I didn’t mean to upset you,” he said. “I’m sorry.”
“Oh no. You’re just being honest.”
He cleared his throat. “Speaking of honesty, I think we need to finish the conversation we started the other day.”
I looked down at my hands, feeling embarrassed. “What conversation is that?”
“Don’t be coy, Hope. It doesn’t suit you.”
I looked over at him in surprise. “I wasn’t trying to be coy.”
“Yes you were. You know exactly what conversation I’m referring to.”
“I may know what you’re talking about, but that doesn’t mean I was trying to be coy.” Jonathon’s attitude irritated me.
“Okay. Forgive me. One of the things I appreciate about you is your candor, and I don’t like being manipulated.”
“Well, that’s good, because I wasn’t manipulating you. It’s just that I’m not used to talking about my feelings with a . . . man.”
He laughed lightly. “You and Ebbie didn’t talk about your feelings?”
I thought about his question before answering. “We shared many things, but we hardly ever talked about our feelings for each other. Not until—”
“The engagement was broken?”
I nodded. “Doesn’t make much sense, does it?”
“No. No, it doesn’t.”
He was silent for a while, and it gave me time to think about Ebbie. When we’d both realized our friendship had turned into something deeper, we’d just accepted it. There wasn’t really a reason to talk about it. We both knew we would be together. Would it have made a difference if we’d been more open with each other? I had no idea, but it didn’t matter anymore. Ebbie’s face floated into my mind. I remembered seeing love for me reflected in his deep brown eyes.
“Look, Hope,” Jonathon said finally, “if you and Ebbie were meant to be together, you wouldn’t have let him go so easily.”
“I guess so.”
We were coming to a fork in the road. One way led to our house and the other led to a nearby creek. Jonathon urged his horse toward the creek.
“You’re going the wrong way,” I said.
“No I’m not. You and I are going to talk this out. I can’t go another day without finding out if we have a future together. It’s all I think about.”
I felt my face flush, and it had nothing to do with the warmth of the spring day.
Jonathon drove the carriage across a small bridge until we reached the other side of the creek. Then he got out and tied his horse to a nearby tree. Without saying a
word, he held his hand out and helped me down. We walked to a place near the water, and Jonathon sat down on a large tree stump. He patted a spot next to him, and I sat beside him.
The sound of water bubbling over the rocks and birds singing in the background made me feel more tranquil than I had since Thursday afternoon. I lifted my face toward the sun and let the gentle breeze wash across my face. For some reason, I reached up and took off my prayer covering. I felt the need to feel the sun on my head. We sat there for several minutes, both of us enjoying God’s creation in silence.
“I love to come here,” Jonathon said softly. “It’s so peaceful.”
“It’s wonderful. Just what I needed.”
I had my eyes closed, but I felt it when he leaned toward me. His lips were soft and gentle on mine. When he moved away, I opened my eyes and looked at him.
“I love you, Hope. I want to officially court you. It won’t be easy. Your father will probably oppose us. You’d have to care about me enough to stand against his displeasure and the negative opinions of others in Kingdom.”
Jonathon was right. My engagement to Ebbie had been announced in church, as was our custom. Everyone would soon know that the wedding had been called off. How could I begin a relationship with Jonathon so soon after my breakup with Ebbie? Jonathon waited for a response, and I was desperately trying to come up with one. What could I say? I felt drawn to him, but fear gripped my heart. I finally said the only thing I could.
“Will you give me some time, Jonathon? Being seen together so soon after Ebbie seems . . . wrong. I don’t want to embarrass him. And I know my father won’t give his approval right now. We need to wait. Maybe he will change his mind. For now, we must keep our feelings for each other secret.”
He sighed. “You’re right.” He gazed into my eyes and put his hand under my chin. “I want to be with you so badly, I just didn’t think. It will be incredibly hard for me to wait. Even a day spent away from you is painful.”
I was so swept away by the moment I could barely breathe. “I want to be with you too, Jonathon. But we must do things the right way. If we don’t, I’m afraid we’ll regret it.”