Les watched a redneck smash a stool over some black guy’s head, almost decapitating him, as a pitcher whizzed past his face and smashed into the bar mirror, shattering the bottles stacked there as well. He put his arm around Lori, who moved in against his shoulder. Another pitcher came sailing over the bar, followed by a chair that had the bar staff ducking for cover by now. Les was kind of bemusedly thinking how their drinks were still intact when one of the Mexicans pulled out a switch-blade knife. He didn’t muck around, he shoved it into the nearest redneck’s ample stomach right up to the hilt. The redneck howled with pain and anger as thick dark blood started bubbling over his hands. The Mexican slashed another redneck before a bigger one broke a pitcher and rammed it into the side of the Mexican’s face, almost slicing his ear off. Even when people went down there wasn’t much room to fall because more people were fighting, cursing and wrestling among the blood, spilt drinks and debris on the floor; and quite a lot of them were women. Shit! thought Les, as another Mexican pulled out a switch-blade. Knives, broken bottles. I got a pretty good idea what they’ll be pulling out next.
‘Listen, Lori,’ he said urgently, ‘this ain’t gonna get any better. I reckon we’d better piss off.’
Lori was getting a bit worried herself but she didn’t quite understand what Les said. ‘Are you saying, am I pissed off? Yeah. This is goddamn awful.’
‘Well, do you want to leave?’
Lori’s eyes widened as she watched another redneck’s arm get opened up by a knife. ‘Les!’ she yelled, above the screams and curses. ‘I never thought you’d ask!’
Norton scooped up his notes from the bar, downed what was left of his margarita — it was just too good to leave — and started leading Lori through the melee down the stairs to the foyer. There were a number of couples leaving and uniformed security guards with their batons out charging in. The band had jumped up in front of their instruments and equipment while beneath them the dancefloor continued to erupt in more violence. Despite the seriousness of it all, this made Norton laugh like mad. Because underneath the battle raging on the dancefloor Hank was somewhere on the floor getting the shit kicked out of him. And if that wasn’t worth a laugh nothing was. It was definitely worth a hundred dollars. Next thing they were out the door and going down the escalators as about half a dozen cops in riot gear came charging up.
‘We’ll go straight back to my place,’ suggested Les. ‘It’s okay there. Plus I got some drinks and there’s a pool.’ ‘Sounds fine by me,’ replied Lori. ‘How do we get there?’
‘Air-conditioned luxury — with a bit of luck.’
When Joey the limo driver dropped Les off and gave him his cards, Les said he was going to Club BandBox and he’d probably be leaving before closing time. Joey said he sometimes parked there under some trees near the front. He’d keep an eye out for him. More squad cars, their sirens wailing and lights flashing were pulling up out the front when Les led Lori past the fountains. Sure enough, there was the limo, backed in under some palm trees with Joey leaning against the front. He spotted Les walking over and waved.
‘Hey, what the hell’s going on up there?’ he said, as Les approached.
‘Nothing much,’ replied Norton. ‘Just a few blokes getting stabbed and their heads kicked in. A sort of quiet riot.’
Joey looked at Norton and smiled. ‘Did you start it?’ he joked. ‘Come on. I bet you had sumptin’ to do wit it.’
‘Not me, mate. I had better things on my mind.’
Joey noticed Lori and he gave a silent whistle. ‘And just who is the beautiful lady?’
‘Exactly that, Joey.’
Joey opened the back door for Lori. ‘Good evening, ma’am,’ he said graciously. Lori smiled back as she stepped inside.
‘Back to where you picked me up on Manatee,’ said Les. He gave Joey a wink just before he climbed in over Lori. ‘And you needn’t go through any red lights.’
‘Slow and steady it is, sir,’ smiled the driver, and closed the door.
Lori was on Norton’s left, she smiled, possibly a little impishly, and eased up against him. Les draped his arm around her shoulder. ‘Well, I’m feeling pretty good, Lori,’ he said. ‘I wonder how Hank’s feeling right now?’
‘Yeah, I wonder,’ chuckled Lori. ‘Wow! I didn’t quite see it all start. But that little Mex sure pasted him.’
‘Then it just kicked on from there. Serves him right anyway, spilling his drink over that girl. She seemed quite nice and he started paying out on her. The goose.’
‘He had a scuzzy mouth alright.’
Les smiled down into Lori’s beautiful dark eyes. ‘That’s one thing I’ll say about you, Lori, my sweet little mint pea. You ain’t got a scuzzy mouth. In fact, I’d say you’ve got one of the sweetest little mouths I ever seen.’
‘You think so?’ invited Lori, running her tongue over her lips.
‘I’d go so far as to hazard a guess.’ Well, thought Les. I’m not here for a long time, just for a good time. He looked at her for a moment then kissed her.
Norton was right; Lori did have a sweet mouth and an even sweeter tongue. After a few moments she parted her lips some more and it flicked out like a tiny pink flame to be met by Norton’s. Not a lot at first, then things just seemed to develop. Les placed his hand in the small of Lori’s back and drew her to him. Her skin was as smooth and firm as polished brass and the muscles around her shoulderblades rippled under his fingers with an exquisite, almost panther-like strength. Even her neck was firm and sinewy but lovely to run his hand and tongue over every silken crevice. Les couldn’t remember a woman with a body like this. She was wearing no bra, though you would never know. Her breasts weren’t all that big but they just sat there when Norton cupped them in his hand and the nipples sprung up like they were spring loaded when Norton massaged them delicately with his fingers.
It wasn’t long and Norton was starting to come to the boil; so was Lori. She ran her hand under Norton’s shirt and across the hardness of his stomach. Lori must have liked what she felt also. Instead of undoing his shirt she ripped the buttons open and started scrabbling at the hairs on his chest and around the back of his head. That’s alright about the shirt, Lori. It might be worth ninety dollars in the shop, but I got it for twenty-five in a pub. Les slipped his hand onto Lori’s crutch and began stroking gently. They more he stroked the more Lori spread her legs till they were both somewhere between the back seat and the floor of the limo. Lori’s breath was coming in short sharp gasps and Norton was seriously thinking of slipping out of the headlock she had on him, whipping off her jeans and giving it to her on the back seat when the limo rocked to a halt and he heard Joey’s voice.
‘Hey. You in the back. We’re here.’
‘Huh?’ Norton’s head came up and he blinked around like he was coming out of a trance. ‘What’d you say?’
‘4771 Manatee. Ain’t this where you live… sir.’ By the time Les figured out what was going on Joey had come round and had opened the back door. Les climbed off Lori and somehow they both managed to climb out of the limo. The driver looked at what was left of Norton’s Hawaiian shirt and somehow managed to very discreetly smile just with his eyes. ‘Did I tell you about our extra service returning lost buttons? I don’t believe I mentioned that to you… sir.’
‘No,’ heaved Les. ‘You didn’t. But I’ll take your word for it.’ He fished into his jeans and came up with about fifty dollars in drawings of Jackson, Lincoln and Washington. ‘Listen, I might be needing you later on to take the young lady home.’
Joey took the money and looked at both it and Norton lovingly. ‘I won’t be far. In fact, I am going to do another couple of jobs. Then I will wait right here till you and the lady have finished whatever it is you are finishing. Goodnight, sir. Goodnight, ma’am.’
‘Yeah. Goodnight,’ croaked Lori.
Inside the condo there was absolutely no mucking around. Les hit the loungeroom light and wouldn’t have minded just one drink, but the glow burning
in Lori’s onyx eyes said different.
‘The bedroom’s just down there,’ pointed Les.
‘Good.’
Lori didn’t need any help at all getting her clothes off. Les barely had time to get out of his jeans and what was left of his Hawaiian shirt when he got a glimpse of a sleeveless Levi jacket and a pair of delicate white knickers with a blue trim sailing across the room, and Lori was on the bed with her legs apart and he was on top of her licking her neck. As well as just one drink, Les would also have liked a little more foreplay; Lori’s body was something else and Norton would have loved to run his filthy rotten hands all over it. Her legs and arms were sinewy, her shoulders and neck firm, her stomach was as flat and hard as a billiard table with the most delightful wisp of silken pubic hair running up to her navel. Les had been to bed with fit girls and others into aerobics, but never with a full-on athlete. Especially a trapeze artist. This was something to drool and salivate over. Unfortunately Lori just wanted to get into it. So get into it they did: with all hands to the pumps and all guns blazing.
If Norton was just a little reticent starting, Mr Wobbly was more than keen to get into the action; he was all puffed up and his nasty little head was throbbing and pounding at the door. Les had no trouble slipping in. Lori’s ted was nice and firm, but all the work he’d put in on her in the back of the limo had her a bit like a washing machine someone had dumped a whole packet of Rinso into; she was bubbling over and foaming everywhere. Nonetheless, she gave a squeal of delight, which soon turned into one continuous fervent moan as Norton slipped through the gears, a little like whipping his bike along the beach. That was one of the two things helping Les for a good romp in the sack. The bike riding had pumped his thighs up, so he had no trouble thumping away, and the 2000 or so margaritas he’d drunk had slowed his mind down just enough to stop him blowing his bolt too soon. Norton seemed to go for ages. After a while, though, Lori’s moaning and groaning and thrashing around while she attacked Les with her tongue started turning him on. It was time for the grand finale. A triple, reverse somersault with the trapeze artist, and don’t worry about the safety net.
From among the pile of clothes on the floor, Les grabbed a Merv Hughes, Test Series T-shirt and tenderly gave Lori and himself a bit of a clean up. This time Lori gave a kind of muted scream as Norton got Mr Wobbly where he wanted to be and slipped into gear again. Norton’s face just twisted up in the most excruciating agony, it was hurting that good. He lifted her legs up, dug his thumbs into her rock hard calf muscles and, like a good Queensland boy, gave it everything he had for Australia, including what felt like both his kidneys and part of his spine as he emptied out. He got a glimpse of Lori’s face in the light through the window and there was no doubt about it, she was literally screwed cockeyed.
Some time later Norton’s heart stopped trying to thump its way out of his chest and he was able to poke his tongue back inside his mouth from where it had been lolling against his cheek. Lori’s eyes had gone back to normal and the lovers were sort of cuddled up against each other with nothing between them except Merv Hughes’s moustache.
‘Well, Lori,’ said Les, ‘I don’t know about you, but I reckon that was pretty bloody good. I’m just about knackered.’ Lori kind of mumbled something and moved in a little closer. ‘You know, I don’t mean to skite, but do you know the reason I’m such a good root?’
Lori’s eyes opened up a little. ‘A good root?’ she said evenly. ‘Does that mean, a good screw?’
‘Yeah.’ Les could feel Lori looking at him. ‘It’s not because I’m so fit, or my star sign, or anything like that. Before I left Australia I studied the Al Bundy Sex Guide. How To Be a Dynamite Lover and Give Your Wife Multiple Orgasms.’
Lori stared at Norton for a while, then started to smile as the joke sunk in. After all, she was an American. ‘Les… whatever your name is, if Al Bundy gave Peg one like that just once in every six episodes, she’d get a job, start wearing decent make-up and take up cooking lessons.’
Norton couldn’t help but glow a little. ‘You reckon?’
‘I’d guarantee it, Les Or… fair dinkum. Isn’t that another one of your weird Australian sayings?’
Norton gave her a nice kiss on the cheek. ‘Yeah. Close enough.’
If either party wanted to avoid sleeping in the wet spot it would have been pretty tricky, the bed was just one big one. Les suggested there was a pool just outside, you weren’t supposed to use it after ten, but if they kept quiet they could have a swim. It was unlikely anybody would say anything. Stiff shit if they did. Lori kissed him and said he just kept getting better all the time. The pool wasn’t all that lit up, why worry about swimming costumes? So apart from one towel between them they went skinny dipping.
The water in the pool was absolutely delightful and had just the slightest hint of chill about it. They slipped in quietly, kept their voices down, and just swam and duck dived around, getting all the sweat off them and just freshening up in general; there was still a fair way to go before they’d sober up, however. Les couldn’t help but float round at the side of the pool and perv on Lori as she snaked through the water. She had a figure, especially her backside, that would make a Trappist monk start singing in the shower. Before long, Mr Wobbly began to get nasty ideas again. Les floated across and decided to help Lori over the waves. She gave him a quick kiss or two but a toss and shake of her head said no for number two. Yeah, thought Les. Typical yank. All full of piss and wind. However, Lori had to get home. She didn’t particularly want to come rolling in at all hours of the morning in front of her sister and the kids, looking like the wreck of the Hesperus. Plus there was an auntie lived there too so a bit of decorum was needed. And lunchtime tomorrow she was going to Orlando for the rest of the week for her work. Not to worry, Les baby. She’d be back Friday. Fair enough, thought Norton, and helped her out of the pool.
Back inside the condo Norton, ever the gentleman, suggested that if Lori didn’t want to get her Levis and that all wet she could put his Hawaiian shirt on and he’d throw in the beaut Merv Hughes T-shirt for a souvenir. Lori was stoked. Norton climbed into a pair of shorts and another T-shirt, found a plastic bag in the kitchen for Lori to put her stuff in, and with just her knickers on and Norton’s Hawaiian shirt round her they went outside. Sure enough, there was the ever faithful Joey sitting patiently in the limo. He smiled knowingly when he saw them walking over, got out and opened the back door.
‘Still enjoying your stay in Florida, sir?’ he said.
‘Yeah,’ replied Norton. ‘It’s tops. The natives are very friendly.’ He turned to Lori.
‘8754 North Ewart,’ she said, and got inside.
‘You heard the lady,’ said Les. ‘And Joey,’ he added quietly, ‘get stuck at as many red lights and caught in as much traffic as you like. Let the meter run right over. You dig?’
‘Like my mother was a shovel,’ winked the driver.
Les climbed in and Lori cuddled up to him. Joey was on the ball straight away; it took him nearly fifteen minutes to reverse out the carpark and negotiate the speed humps through the estate. Before long Les and Lori were in a bit of a lover’s embrace. Norton was keen to see Lori when she got back from Orlando, she replied that if Les looked on the kitchen table he’d find her phone number. This touched Les and he told Lori that if she didn’t give him a decent kiss goodnight, decent enough to last him almost a week, his poor heart would surely break. Lori didn’t seem to mind and slipped her tongue inside Norton’s mouth. She also didn’t mind when Les started rubbing her stomach and boobs, though she did seem to mind when Les started stroking her ted again. But before long it was too late and the washing machine started bubbling over. Next thing, Les had his fly open, her knickers pulled to one side and was easing the evil Mr Wobbly in.
Lori half pushed him away then she gave a little jump and said, ‘Oowahh!’
8754 North Ewart was a nice white single-storey house with two palm trees, a light above the verandah out the front and a c
ar in the driveway. Joey eased up and turned off the lights. Les and Lori made their last goodbyes; even if she did heartily enjoy the ride home she seemed a little self-conscious, so Les didn’t have to walk her to the door. However, he waited in the car till she was safe inside, blew her a kiss and got a wave back, then she was gone.
‘Righto. Home, James,’ yawned Norton. ‘And don’t spare the horses. Just wake me when you get there. I’m rooted.’
Joey caught Norton’s eye in the rear vision mirror and smiled. ‘Does that mean you’re fucked, buddy?’
‘You better fuckin’ believe it, mate,’ answered Norton.
Les was half asleep when they rocked gently to a halt outside the condo; before he knew it Joey had the back door open. Les blinked at the soft lights around him, gave Joey another fifty dollars, patted him on the shoulder and thanked the driver for looking after him. Joey looked at the money and shook his head.
‘Buddy, before you go, do you mind if I just shake your hand?’
‘No. Not at all,’ smiled Les. ‘I reckon I deserve something for tonight’s effort.’
Back in the condo, Les managed to clean his teeth and have a leak without falling head first into the bowl, then get his clothes off and flop onto the bed. The sun looked like it was coming up and for some odd reason Les started wondering what time it was back in Australia. Would he be getting up at midday or just before midnight? Shit, I don’t know, he mumbled to himself. Christ! What a way to treat your body. Or your body clock, or whatever. As he drifted off, a tiny whiff of Lori’s perfume rose up from the sheets. Yeah, what a way. Heh, heh!
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