by Mia Ford
“But you’re pregnant and all alone,” she wailed. “You need me more than I need you.”
“I love you,” I said, feeling the hormones start to kick in. “We take turns needing each other.”
“And it’s your turn, and I’ve dropped the ball,” she said, wiping her tears. “I’ve dropped it right into a whirlwind of wedding plans, rubbing my happiness in your face while my sister demolishes your happy ending. I wish she was here right now. I’d kick her ass up and down the damn street.”
I laughed through my tears and sat back, putting my arm around Lindsey. She rested her head on my chest and cried, sipping her drink through sobs. We looked absolutely insane sitting in the middle of the bar, having complete emotional breakdowns. This girl meant the world to me, and I could never be mad or upset at her. I might find myself green from envy at times since she had the perfect life, at least from where I was sitting, but I could never dislike her.
Several people walked by, looking over at us like we were crazy. I grabbed a napkin off the table and handed it to Lindsey. She sat up and blotted her eyes, sniffling as she looked over at me.
“We need to pull it together,” I said. “People are staring at us.”
“Oh, fuck them.” She laughed. “They are just jealous because they don’t have you as their best friend.”
“You’re crying because you’re drunk.” I laughed. “And I’m crying because my hormones are attacking me like an army. We are a complete and total disaster.”
“Yeah, but I wouldn’t want to be a disaster with anyone but you,” she said.
“And Jordan,” I pointed out.
“No, I would give him up for my bestie any day,” she said, hugging me.
“For some reason, I think that’s a lie, but I am going to pretend that it’s the truth,” I said, giggling. “We will get our shit together one day.”
“Soon,” she said, pointing at me and clearing up her crying. “Right now, though, I have shots to take, and you have good thoughts to think.”
I nodded and watched her bounce off to the bar. She was such a mess, but I didn’t know how I would have survived all of this without her.
Chapter 22
Nathan
I had been hearing about the bachelor party since the day after. I got a call from the guys letting me know they moved the passed-out stripper to the regular elevator and cleaned up from the party. I appreciated their attempt to save face, but I was pretty sure the hotel would know exactly where the passed-out stripper had come from. I was glad to be done with it, though, and I couldn’t wait until the whole wedding thing was over. Just as I thought that, Jordan appeared in my doorway, smiling.
“Hey, man,” I said.
“Hey,” he replied.
I hadn’t had a chance to talk to Jordan at all since the bachelor party. I heard stories about a dance-off he did and the fact that he refused to let the strippers do anything other than dance on him, but I had been trying to avoid talking to him in person. The guys were great, but he was in love, and love made me sick to my stomach at this point. I just wanted to feel better, but I knew that would take a lot more booze.
“I haven’t had a chance to talk to you since Friday,” he said. “I wanted to stop by and thank you for throwing the party. My best man was bummed he couldn’t be here to do it. I really do appreciate it.”
“Where is your best man?”
“Oh, he plays ball for the Dodgers,” he said. “He couldn’t get out of the games to come up for the party. He was going to throw one when he got here, but Lindsey was adamant about not being hungover at the wedding.”
“Understandable.” I laughed.
“It was a blast, though,” he said. “I haven’t had that much fun ever in my life.”
“I’m so glad you had fun,” I said, laughing. “It really wasn’t that big of a deal. I wanted to make sure that you had one last outing. The strippers were thrown in at the last minute when John instructed me to do so. I was going to make it a boys’ night out kind of thing.”
“I have never been around strippers.” He laughed. “They were definitely interesting. It was a good thing that you had so much liquor there for us. I definitely needed to loosen up to get used to it.”
“Strippers always make people feel that way.” I laughed. “They were a bit over the top for my taste, but that strap-on, forehead dildo was definitely interesting. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to burn that image out of my brain.”
“Yeah,” he said, wincing. “That was probably the most terrifying part before you left. After you were gone, it got a little too weird for me. I was glad when they passed out.”
“Is that when the dance competition started?” I asked.
“Shit,” he said, rubbing his face. “Yes.”
“We can always throw another party if you had that much fun.” I laughed.
“No, no,” Jordan said, laughing. “I think I am good for the rest of my life. If John gets married ever, I’m sitting his bachelor party out.”
“Probably a good choice.” I laughed.
“Hey, can I ask you something?”
“Sure, man, what’s up?”
“I know there has been a lot going on in your life recently,” he said, lowering his voice. “I just wanted to make sure that you were okay. Lindsey told me about what happened, and I’m not injecting my personal opinion on this one, but I want you to know I’m here if you ever want to talk or just sit and drink.”
“Thanks, man,” I said, stretching. “It definitely has been a tough time. I appreciate the fact that you noticed. I will definitely take you up on the drinking thing, although I’m not really much of a talker.”
“But you’re sure that you’re okay?” he asked.
I wasn’t sure why he was pushing me so hard. I knew that I looked like shit, but I had started to become a functioning depressive, tricking people into thinking I was on the up and up. Maybe I wasn’t as slick as I thought I was.
“Yeah,” I said. “I’m really okay. I promise.”
He stood there for a minute, looking like he was fighting with himself about something. I sat patiently, knowing he had the best intentions. I was really hoping he wasn’t about to talk to me about Amanda. The last thing I needed was to start that conversation all over again. When I thought that he was about to leave, he stopped and pointed over on my desk to a half-empty, open bottle of whiskey. I sighed and stared at it for a second, realizing that the thing had become a staple in my existence recently. I cleared my throat and stood up, capping the bottle and carrying it over to the bar. I stood there for a second, unsure of what to say. If I was honest and told him I was drinking my days away, he would push me further to have that talk with him. I didn’t want to talk. I just wanted everyone to leave me alone.
“I brought the rest of that bottle of whiskey I bought for the party in and filled up the container,” I said, trying to brush it off. “I didn’t want it to go to waste, and sometimes, the shareholders like to have a sip after our meetings.”
“Right,” he said, looking like he half-believed me. “I’m sure they will be happy to have it. It’s some good stuff.”
“You want a drink?” I asked.
“No,” he said. “Thanks. I’ll probably be asleep on my desk if I do that.”
“Yeah, I’m pretty tired myself today,” I said, walking back to the chair.
“Oh, and Lindsey wanted me to make sure that you were still coming to the wedding,” he said. “We changed the seating arrangements around to avoid anything awkward. It really wouldn’t be the same without you there. We’ve known each other our entire adult life.”
“We have, haven’t we?”
“Ever since that event during college,” he said. “I knew you would be a success the first time I met you.”
“And I knew you would help get us there,” I said with a smile. “Though I am glad that you decided to get over that plaid phase that you went through. I am pretty sure Lindsey would have passed on a d
ate had you been wearing that terrible tie you just wouldn’t let go of.”
“Plaid was in,” he said.
“No, plaid was never in.” I laughed. “But as far as your wedding, of course, I will be there. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
“Awesome,” he said. “Alright, I’ll let you get back to work.”
I nodded and smiled as he walked away, already thinking about excuses I could make to get out of the wedding. Unfortunately, I was so close to the groom that it would take pneumonia or a hospital stay for me to be forgiven for missing it. I could possibly stage a fall and have to be seen right away, but I knew that John would call me out on it in a heartbeat. He was such an asshole sometimes. The reality of it was, I didn’t want to see Amanda. That was a lie. I really wanted to see Amanda, which was exactly why I shouldn’t be there with her. I missed her more than I could even express, and although I still felt like I had made a mistake, that pesky little voice in the back of my head kept putting another seed of doubt into my mind. There was still a chance that everything that John had told me was right on target, and she really had been after me for my money.
I could remember the butterflies I used to get, waiting at her front door. I would get so excited and nervous to see her, but as soon as she was there in front of me, that all faded away and I felt more comfortable than I ever had before. This time, I was nervous, but it wasn’t about seeing her. It was about not wanting to let her go. I was nervous that I would either fall back in love with her, or I would get wasted and say things that I didn’t really mean. I didn’t know if control was something I was going to be able to exercise, and I didn’t want to make a scene at Jordan’s wedding.
The one thing I knew for certain was that the reception was going to have an open bar. I would prop myself up on the barstool and just drink until the event was over. That might keep my attention off of Amanda for a while, but I knew it wasn’t a foolproof plan. I knew that I was going to have to face her at the wedding, and Sarah, too, probably. I wondered how uncomfortable that would be. Maybe I would get the courage up to ask Sarah about what she told John, though I doubted she would tell me the truth if she was that manipulative of a person. What I really needed to do was stop being a coward and call Amanda. I needed to talk to her about things and find out if what Lindsey told me was the God’s honest truth. I didn’t even know at that point if she would take a phone call from me. I had made it more than clear that I wanted her out of my life. She probably would just hang up on me, and that was the last thing I needed in my day.
Everything was always so damn complicated. I didn’t understand why people couldn’t just be honest with each other. As I sat there contemplating Sarah’s part in everything, John poked his head in the door.
“Hey, dude,” he said.
“Hey,” I replied, waving him in. “I have a question.”
“What’s up?”
“Is Sarah coming to the wedding?”
“I called her yesterday actually to find out that exact thing,” he said. “I thought she’d be a good date for the event. She said she got into some sort of huge fight with Amanda and her sister. She said her sister punched her in the mouth and has now alienated her from the family.”
“Wow, over what?”
“She said they were mad at her for telling me the truth about Amanda,” he said.
“Why would Lindsey punch her in the face for telling the truth? It’s her own little sister.”
“I don’t know, man,” he said, scrunching his eyebrows together. “Why do you want to know, anyway?”
“I thought about talking to her about what she told you,” I said.
“Dude, seriously, you need to get past this shit,” he said, standing up. “Enough is enough. You need to get your shit together, and stop drinking so Goddamn much, or you are going to ruin the company and everything all of us have worked so hard to achieve. I don’t mean to be harsh, but I think it has reached the point where someone needs to tell you how it is.”
“You know, maybe you’re right,” I said, standing up and grabbing my jacket. “No, actually, you need to mind your own damn business and fuck off.”
“Whatever,” he said, turning and walking from the room.
I shook my head and sighed, kicking the empty trash can next to my desk. I left the office, telling my secretary I was leaving early for the day. I went straight home and poured myself a drink. If I was going to be fought every step of the way, I might as well just be by myself. Just me and my bottle of whiskey.
Chapter 23
Amanda
I was really happy to have Lindsey staying the night at my house. It had been ages since we had a sleepover, unless you counted the numerous times I passed out drunk on her couch after a night at the club. I had ordered take out for us to eat and got some sparkling cider to drink while she enjoyed champagne that her parents had brought over. She looked so peaceful and calm, and I wondered if the whole idea of cold feet was just something that someone made up to calm people’s nerves when they knew they were making a mistake. Either way, she didn’t have cold anything at that point.
The next day was the wedding, and we were excited that the day had finally come. Lindsey wanted to follow every wedding tradition down to the tee, including not seeing each other before the wedding. That was ultimately why she was staying at my house. Jordan had offered to rent her the penthouse at one of the hotels, but she said she wanted to feel at home and just be alone with her best friend. It made me feel good that I was still important to someone. Nathan had made me feel like I wasn’t worth anything, and that was a really hard feeling to shake away.
“You remember when we were kids, and we planned out our wedding days?” she asked.
“Yeah.” I laughed. “You were going to marry John Stamos.”
“He is still hot. I don’t care what anyone says.” She laughed. “You had decided you wanted to get married in the woods on a fall day with just me and your groom. You refused to name him because you thought it was bad luck.”
“Oh, yeah,” I said, laughing. “That still would be a great wedding and not stressful to plan at all.”
We sat laughing and talking, but I still wasn’t feeling like myself. My body felt tight and stressed, and the nausea came in waves that I couldn’t tell were coming until they were right on top of me. I tried to put that all in the back of my mind, though, and enjoy the night with my best friend. It would probably be the last time we did something like this.
“Nathan told Jordan on Wednesday that he would definitely be at the wedding,” Lindsey said, peering over at me from the top of her champagne glass. “I didn’t want to tell you then, so I waited until you couldn’t back out of being my Maid of Honor.”
“Don’t count your chickens,” I said, feeling my stomach drop. “There is still plenty of time for me to back out of this thing.”
“Oh, no you don’t,” she said. “Why do you think I am spending the night? I want to make sure you don’t run.”
“Isn’t that my job for you?”
“No, you are supposed to help me run if I choose to do it.” She laughed.
“I always get confused on that.” I smiled. “As far as Nathan is concerned, I don’t know what to say about it. I guess I should have known there was a chance he would be there. I mean, I’m not sure what I am supposed to do.”
I sat there moving the popcorn in my bowl around, thinking about the idea of actually seeing Nathan the next day. Lindsey was right. I wanted to run away, but I knew that I had to face this. If nothing else, I could find solace in knowing it was probably the last event I would have to face him at.
“You never know what will happen,” she said. “Maybe by now, he has calmed down and thought about what I told him. Maybe the two of you can sit down and talk about everything. It’s a safe space. If one of you gets mad, you can just walk away, and the mood will be positive going into it. Plus, my sister won’t be there to mess anything up.”
“I almost feel like
it would be better if she were there because I could call her out in front of him,” I said. “But I think you are crazy to think that he will talk to me at all. You weren’t here when he broke up with me. He was so mad, and he wouldn’t listen to any reason at all.”
“No, I wasn’t here, but I was in his office watching him wither away with a bottle of whiskey, trying to drink you away,” she said. “And from what Jordan says, he hasn’t achieved his goal yet. Maybe because he’s worn down from missing you, he will be able to open up and listen to what you have to say. And if not, you just dance your night away and eat a layer of my cake, and you will forget all about it.”
“I really want some of that wedding cake,” I said. “Thanks for putting that in my head. I’m going to orgasm in front of your grandma tomorrow when I take a bite of it.”
“Well, considering she died several years ago, that might be weird.” She giggled.
“Meh, I’ve seen crazier things,” I said, laughing.
“I like that even through all of this, sitting on the floor, pregnant, brokenhearted, and sipping sparkling grape juice, you still have a sense of humor,” she said, smiling. “I would be eating my weight in carbs and then crying myself into a food coma every night. It would be really ugly.”
“That would be terrible,” I said, wrinkling my nose. “I really don’t like bread right now.”