“You sound so sure.” She allowed a smile to lift her mouth.
He nodded. “I am sure. You’ve got a purpose here. You just got a little lost along the way. But you’re going to be all right. And if your husband doesn’t see what he’s got in you, then he doesn’t deserve you.”
Rick put his back to Claire and she heard him muttering under his breath. A grin slid across her mouth. “Wow. That was quite a speech. Does this mean you forgive me for killing your swans?”
He swiveled on the heel of his boot and flashed an easy grin. “Maybe.” He raised his arms and let them fall to his sides. “I don’t know. I just…I see something in you, Claire. I don’t get it, but something just makes me want to help you. I know I’m a bit rough around the edges sometimes, but I do mean well.”
“I know you do. I’m glad you took a chance on me.” Claire laced her hands together and watched his face change.
“Somebody had to.” He slid into the rocker again. “So, what are your plans? Seems like you’ve made yourself at home here now. You seem to get on well with Mac and Jessie, and Darcie likes you a lot.”
“She’s fun to be with.” Claire gazed across the lawn and watched Darcie lift Jackson from the swing and pull him into a bear hug. Their happy laughter filtered upward on the wind.
Everybody had a story.
If only she knew whether hers would have a happy ending.
“I’m not sure how to go home, to be honest,” she admitted. “My husband and I have been…well, it’s been rough. I thought a break was what we needed, but I’m not sure where we stand now. And my dad and I had a huge fight before I left. I think he’s probably still mad.”
“What about? Did you steal his car?” Rick teased.
Claire laughed at the look on his face. “No, that’s mine. I stole his wine though. He probably hasn’t noticed yet.” She stretched her arms out in front of her and tilted her head. “We argued over my reason for coming here.” She paused, watched interest light his eyes and decided to tell him. “I was adopted. I’ve never really wanted to search for my birth family, but since…with everything that’s happened…I want to know.”
“And your dad didn’t want you to search?” Rick folded his arms across his chest.
Claire nodded. “He was pretty adamant about it. Told me I shouldn’t even consider it. But I did.”
Rick narrowed his eyes. “Is that why you’re in Bethel? To find your birth mother?”
“Yes. I have a feeling she was from around here. My dad at least intimated that much. I wasn’t able to get my adoption papers of course, or my non-identifying information, but I…well, let’s just say I came across some things that led me here. I wanted to get away, and figured this was worth a shot.”
Rick eyed her in silence. Claire stared back, trying to read him.
“So what have you found?” he asked.
Claire hesitated again. Rick really didn’t need to be involved. And if she shared her suspicions about Mac and Jessie, she wasn’t quite sure what he’d do. “Nothing yet. Maybe I should have handled it differently with my father. I think he’s afraid that if I do find her, she won’t want to know me. Or she will.”
“I’d say your dad probably doesn’t want to lose you.” Rick pushed his fingers through his hair and studied his scuffed boots. “Fear can make a man do stupid things.”
Claire watched his jaw working, felt his sadness and wondered what caused it. “I guess I should call him. He’s probably hired a private investigator. I don’t want him to worry.”
Rick slapped his knees, shot her a grin and stood. “Good idea. No father should have to spend his nights worrying about his little girl. Even if she is a brat.”
She smiled at his teasing. Rick Matthews didn’t sugarcoat anything and she respected that. Over the past little while, he’d come to mean a lot to her. If he hadn’t confronted her a few weeks ago, Claire feared she might have done the unthinkable.
Claire got to her feet carefully, but Chance woke. His gave a whimper and looked up at her with big puppy eyes. She crossed the floor to where Rick stood.
“Here, take him while I go get his supper ready. He probably needs to pee.”
On cue, Chance did. Claire held him in midair and fortunately he missed her legs, but Rick’s boots were in the direct line of fire.
Rick groaned. “Thanks, kid. Do I have sucker written across my forehead or what?” He took the puppy from her and held the little black nose up to his. “You pee on the grass, my friend. Not on my boots.” He strode toward the steps, grumbling.
On impulse, Claire reached for his arm. He stopped mid-stride and turned to face her, surprise inching into his eyes. Claire smiled, got on tiptoe and placed a kiss on his cheek. His eyebrows shot up a mile and she laughed at his astonished expression. “Thanks. For everything.”
Rick’s face reddened but she caught the beginning of a smile underneath the bushy beard. “You don’t need to thank me, Claire,” he answered gruffly, his dark eyes locking with hers. “Thank God.”
Chapter Fifteen
At the end of the week, Claire returned to her cabin from her morning walk with Chance, made sure he had water in his bowl and watched him lap. She was amazed how quickly the little dog was growing. She hated the thought of leaving him once she went home. Whenever that would be.
After he finished drinking, Claire put Chance into the dog crate Rick found at a yard sale and went into the kitchen. He began to whine at once. “Just go to sleep.” She could do with another pot of coffee. She reached for the pot and her hand froze in mid-air at the sounds coming from her bedroom.
Somebody was in the cabin.
“Hello?” Claire crossed the kitchen and stepped into the hall. Fear gripped her and she glanced back at the front door, ready to make a run for it.
“It’s just me!” Darcie’s shout sent relief flooding through her. Claire entered the bedroom and found her new friend standing on a chair in her closet. Darcie turned and held up a long dark blue cable-knit sweater-dress that Claire had yet to wear. The tags were still on it. “This is so gorgeous. It’s cashmere, right? But when would you wear something like this out here?”
Claire laughed and gave a shrug. “You never know. Maybe we’ll convince Rick to have a show.”
“I doubt it.” Darcie snorted and hung the dress back on the rail. “Oh, I love this leather jacket. We’re the same size you know.”
“No kidding.” Claire rolled her eyes and flopped onto the soft bed. It had been a while since she’d even thought about her wardrobe or gone shopping to needlessly add to it. Life in Bethel was blissfully uncomplicated.
The overhead fan whirred and sent a cooling breeze around the room. “What are you doing in my closet?”
“Grandma sent me over to change the light bulbs.” Darcie buried her face in the clothes again and came up with a squeal. “I love these boots!”
Claire waved a hand and groaned at the sight of the high heels. “I don’t know what I was thinking bringing those out here. You can have them if you want. I never really liked them anyway. Take the dress too.”
“Really?” Darcie’s eyes widened.
Claire nodded. “Sure. You can sell them on EBay for all I care.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t do that.” Darcie jumped from her chair and flounced around the bedroom, pretending to waltz. Her face lit in an impish grin. “I’ll find a hot date and get him to take me out to dinner someplace fancy.”
“Good luck with that. Like you said, we’re in Bethel.” Claire yawned. She hadn’t slept well last night. Thoughts of James infiltrated her sleep. The last time she’d driven into town she took her laptop with her and checked email at the café. He’d written her several messages, apologizing, asking if they could talk. She’d responded with a brief note telling him she was fine and that was about it. There was so much more she wanted to say now.
“Got any designer stuff in here I can steal?” Darcie skipped back to the closet.
Claire laughed a
nd threw a pillow in her direction. Despite her country-girl looks, Darcie enjoyed fashion. She was forever pouring over issues of Vogue and People magazine. If her life had been different, she’d probably be running one of them. “Where’s Jackson?”
“Grandpa took him into town. Hey, these are awesome shoes…”
Claire groaned at the sight of the pointy Jimmy Choos she hadn’t worn in months. She pushed herself off the bed. “Do you want coffee?” She didn’t wait for Darcie’s reply but escaped to the kitchen before having to face another reminder of her past.
By the time Darcie ventured out to the living room, the coffee was made. Claire was settled on the couch munching on Jessie’s oatmeal cookies.
“Speaking of hot dates, please tell me this is your brother.” Darcie flopped down beside her and waved a silver-framed photograph in Claire’s face.
Claire took the picture and ran a light finger across the glass. “I don’t have a brother.” A smile tugged at her lips.
Darcie slapped her forehead, her jaw dropping. “If that fine face is your husband then what in the name of all things holy are you doing up here in Maine, without him?”
“It’s complicated.” Claire put down the photo of James and poured two mugs of coffee, handing one to Darcie. “Don’t look at me like that.”
Darcie stretched out her long bare legs and picked at the frayed ends of the denim shorts she wore. “Grandma told me your mom died. And about your miscarriages. I’m sorry.”
“Thanks.” Claire sipped, noting the way Darcie’s eyes misted over. She supposed anyone with kids would react the same way. “Everything changed so fast for me. Each time it happened I lost a little more hope. The last time was just too much. I blamed myself. Things went downhill from there. I was pretty messed up when I got here. I guess I’m lucky I survived at all.”
“But you did. I’m sure it wasn’t your fault, Claire. Sometimes these things just happen. You shouldn’t take on that kind of guilt.” Darcie squeezed Claire’s arm and gave a sympathetic smile.
Claire nodded, but the dull ache remained. She doubted it would ever go away completely. “I guess you’re right. Coming here was good for me. Helped me put things in perspective. I was a mess for a long time. I didn’t know what I wanted. I knew I had to get out of Connecticut though. James and I reached the end of the road. I’m still not sure where we go from here.”
“You’re going to have to face him at some point.” Darcie bit into a cookie and set her steady gaze on Claire. “I don’t know what all went on between you, but I think you should at least try to work it out.”
Claire inhaled and clenched her fingers around the warm mug. Darcie was right. She needed to talk to James. She had to face the past in order to move on to the future. “How’d you get so smart?”
Darcie screwed up her nose. “I’m not so smart. I’ve just learned things the hard way.”
“I know what you mean.” Claire looked over at the dog crate. Chance was curled up on the soft sheepskin, sound asleep. “I’ll think about giving James a call.”
“He doesn’t have a brother does he?” Mischief shone from her friend’s eyes.
Claire smiled. “He’s got two. Actually his younger brother might find you interesting. Brian’s going into medicine, studying at Princeton.”
“Ooo, a doctor. Lovely.” Darcie munched another cookie and wiggled her toes. Bright cotton candy colored polish sparkled under the overhead light. Claire wondered how many shades of pink she owned. “Maybe if I find myself a suitable husband my dear mother will start talking to me again.”
Claire reached for anther cookie and raised an eyebrow. “Your mom doesn’t talk to you?” Or Mac and Jessie either, apparently.
“Nope. Hasn’t in years.” Darcie gazed across the room, a pained look on her face. “It’s a long story.”
“I love long stories.” Claire smiled. “I don’t have anywhere to go. If you want to talk about it.”
Darcie grinned and swiveled on the couch, tucking her colt-like legs under her. “It’s not a pretty one.”
“I figured.” Claire poked her arm and gave a knowing smile. Darcie’s eyes were the exact shape of her own. It was the weirdest thing. “Speak. I command you.”
“Yes, oh Queen and giver of great clothes.” Darcie’s laughter petered out. “Well…let’s see. My parents divorced when I was ten. My dad moved to the west coast. My mother…she’s very career driven. Into politics and all that stuff. She worked a lot and I started getting into trouble. By the time I was thirteen I’d been kicked out of three schools.”
“And your mother didn’t understand your behavior?” Claire feigned shock.
“Hardly. Boarding school seemed to be the appropriate answer. My dad had remarried and they’d just had a kid. His new wife didn’t want a problem teenager on her hands. So off I went to the snottiest prep school they could afford. I got kicked out of that one too. I spent the summers with my mother, but we fought like banshees whenever we were together. When September rolled around, no way was I going back to another school, so I hit the streets.”
“You ran away? How old were you?” Claire’s mouth dried as she tried to imagine what Darcie might have experienced. She’d read stories like this, and none of them were good.
“Sixteen, almost seventeen by then.” Darcie pulled her fingers through her long brown hair and blew out a breath. “I did some awful things. Whatever they tell you about runaways and life on the streets, it’s worse. I don’t know how I made it through, honestly. I don’t remember a lot of what happened during that time. It’s probably better that way.”
“Why didn’t you just come here, to your grandparents?”
Darcie shrugged, a wan smile lifting the corners of her mouth. “I didn’t really know them. We never visited. They never called. I always got a birthday card, and money at Christmas, but I wasn’t even sure where they lived. My mom and them still don’t really speak. I have no idea why. Nobody will talk about it.”
“Poor Jessie,” Claire mused, remembering the sad look in the older woman’s eyes when she’d talked about her daughter. “So how did you end up here?”
“When I found out I was pregnant, I knew I didn’t have many options. My dad would have keeled over from the shock, and my mom…I wasn’t about to find out what she would do. So I figured I’d give my grandparents a shot. I looked them up, blubbered on for about a half hour and next thing I knew, they’d wired me money for bus fare to Bethel.”
“What happened with your mother? Surely they must have called her.”
Darcie glared into the empty fireplace. “They did. She drove up a few days after I got here. Told me what a loser I was, how ashamed she was of me for getting pregnant. There was quite a scene. Basically she told her parents to go to hell and take me with them.”
“She did not.” Claire refused to believe any mother would treat her daughter that way. But Darcie nodded, her face impassive.
“She did. It was pretty bad. I’ve never seen Grandma so upset.” Tears stood in her eyes. “My mother is a very bitter woman. Trouble is, I have no idea why. Grandpa and Grandma doted on her when she was growing up, so they tell me. I know things with my dad and her weren’t great when they were together, but still…”
“Jessie told me about your mom’s brother dying when he was little. Maybe your mother has some issues with that,” Claire suggested. “People have different ways of dealing with tragedy.”
“Maybe. But that really has nothing to do with how she treated me.” Darcie took the box of tissues Claire offered and blew her nose. “I don’t get how you could just turn your back on your own kid like that, you know? Now that I’m a mother, I know there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for Jackson. He could murder a hundred people in cold blood and I’d still love him.”
Claire smiled at the dramatic analogy. “I’ve wondered that too. How a mother could forget her own child. It’s something I’ve thought a lot about lately. I was adopted you know.”
“Real
ly?” Darcie brightened at the change in topic. “Did you just find out?”
“No. I always knew. Can’t remember not knowing. But I’ve only recently decided to search. I need to know where I came from. I want to make sure there wasn’t some genetic abnormality I’m carrying that caused my miscarriages.”
That wasn’t her only reason for searching now.
The more Claire thought about her adoption, the more questions she had. Since considering it again, a new feeling sparked within, something she hadn’t felt before—a fierce longing to know the woman who gave birth to her. She could no longer deny it.
“I want to know who gave me life. I want to know why she didn’t keep me. I just want the truth.”
“Wow.” Darcie gave a long whistle. “Is that why you’re in Maine? Do you think she was from around here?”
“Might have been.” Chance gave a yip and Claire went to retrieve him. She sat down again, scratched his little head and took a moment to gather her thoughts. She wouldn’t tell Darcie the whole story. She wasn’t sure of anything yet, and there was no point in speculating.
“I’ll help you if you want. Whatever you need me to do.”
“Thanks.” Claire smiled, not in the least bit surprised. “But this is one journey I think I have to make alone.”
Darcie fell silent, gazing at Claire through thoughtful eyes. “As much as I complain about my mother and how nasty she is, I can’t imagine not knowing where I came from. Did you have an awful life?”
“No, not at all.” Claire couldn’t help laughing at Darcie’s forlorn expression. “Quite the opposite. My parents loved me very much. I sort of feel guilty for searching. Like I’m betraying them.”
Darcie shook her head. “You shouldn’t. Everyone deserves to know the truth about who they are.”
“I’m beginning to believe that,” Claire said quietly, sorrow infringing on her thoughts again. “But you know, as much as I want to find her, I don’t think it will change who I am. Who I used to be, and the person I’m becoming. Being here has helped me see that.”
Hidden in the Heart Page 14