by Simone Elise
“No man that values life will take that hit.” Mum shook her head and looked at me. “You sure you want to stay? I’m sure he has tracks on Cyrus and knows where we are.”
I was going to face my biggest nightmare. The nightmare that would have me too scared to sleep.
I swallowed sharply. “If he comes, then I’ll tell him face to face he isn’t my father.” I looked at Cyrus. “He never was.”
And that was the truth. Because a man like Rex didn’t know love. If anything, he was the walking devil on earth. A heartless cold beast. If he loved me, he would have stopped killing. If he really loved me, he would have ended that side of his life when I was born.
Because surely he knew that that type of life—killing people for sport—would cost him me.
He picked killing strangers over being there for his daughter. And he thought he loved me! I would always feel bitterness and the familiar pain of disappointment when I thought about his actions.
If he really loved me, he would have stopped living that life. Then again, how could I expect a man to change who he is, regardless of whether he loved me or not?
And some people think they have problems... I picked up my phone and stood up.
“I’m going to get some more sleep. This is settled, right?” I asked Mum and Cyrus.
“You know I won’t let him hurt you. Not while I’m breathing,” Cyrus said, looking at me with a deadly serious expression. “The day I stop protecting you is the day I stop breathing. And even then you will be protected by the brotherhood, I’ll make sure of it.” Cyrus stood up. “If that means you have to live under the brotherhood’s protection to keep him away, then you will do it, right Layla?”
Cyrus was actually expecting his brotherhood, the club he lives and breathes, to protect me? Why would men who I didn’t know or know me put their life on the line for me? I didn’t even expect the members who did know and care somewhat for me to protect me.
“I don’t expect you or the club to protect me. At the end of the day, it’s my problem.” I paused in the dining room. “I love you, Dad, but Rex is my problem.”
“That’s where you are wrong, sweetheart. He is my problem. If you are staying, then you let me handle him. Don’t do something stupid by going to him to protect us from him or something, Layla. I mean it.” Cyrus looked at me, more determined. “If it reaches a stage where I can’t keep him away from you, then I will have you boarded and bound at our mother charter back in our home state where he won’t even be able to get in the city without getting fired at.”
I was taken aback by that. “What, you expect me to live the rest of my life at a clubhouse in another state?” Surely he couldn’t be serious.
“I want my daughter breathing and protected. So, yes.”
My mouth dropped open. “Cyrus, that is no way to live a life!”
“Well then, you better start praying that I am enough to keep him away. Cause as soon as I think he’s getting around me, you’re going to be shipped off.” Cyrus showed me the side he normally only showed his members: authority. “I will keep you breathing, Layla. That I promise you.”
I didn’t know what to say. Do I thank him? But at the same time, I’ve never wanted to live a life like that! Bound and locked up from the world! I think I’d rather be dead than shut off from the world because at least in death you’re at peace. Not trapped.
“I guess we will discuss it when the day comes,” I said and I knew then when that day came I wouldn’t be going to the mother charter. I would, however, run. I’d be running from Cyrus’s idea of what my life would look like, and what Rex wanted.
I thought about it. Hopefully when that time came, Hannah would be okay by herself. By that point, we would have faced the breast cancer and we would have won. Rex didn’t have a date yet, so I knew I still had months.
By time the appeal happened and all that, I would still have time.
Which meant I could keep my promise to Hannah, and if Rex did get released before Hannah recovered, well, he would have to kill me to separate me from her. I wasn’t leaving Hannah to face this alone, especially when she was more determined than ever to not let her family know.
I think she’d rather die in palliative care by herself than have her family knowing. In fact, some days I think that was exactly what she was thinking. Like she’d lose this fight and she’d never let her family know that she was fighting a battle to begin with until she had lost it.
Some days she really scared me. The situation we were facing really scared me. But then I would pick myself back up and not let her see the fear I felt. Because if she thought I thought we were losing, how was that going to give her faith?
At the end of the day, Hannah came first. My promise to her came first, which meant, with a threat of Rex or not, I would not be leaving town.
I would support her. I would be there for every appointment. And I’d be there when she finally received the good news or bad news in seven weeks. No matter what.
Chapter Sixteen
Hannah
I was so nervous. I knew it was stupid. I knew I shouldn’t be. If anything I should have been nervous last night when I had sex with Brad. Facing having a family dinner with him shouldn’t make me nervous.
As soon as I got back to the clubhouse Eve grabbed me. I saw the annoyance in Brad’s face as Eve pulled me away from him.
He had planned on me being in his sight all day. Well, at least that’s what he said. Maybe he had forgotten all about me as soon as he’d started working on the car or motor.
Yeah, I bet he did. I bet he was regretting all of last night.
I think that’s why I was so nervous because I knew he would be regretting it by now. He wouldn’t be wanting to lay claim on me. He wouldn’t want me to have the label as ‘his’. He wouldn’t want me thinking that either.
I took a steady breath in. I couldn’t put it off any longer; it was already ten past six, which meant Dad would be cooking.
I glanced back at Eve’s completed homework. I knew the doctors said to limit anything that might cause me stress and to not put my body under extra stress during treatment but I couldn’t say no to Eve. Not when she was really struggling.
She wouldn’t pass without my help. And today she had dumped a week’s worth of work on me. But she stayed in my bedroom while I worked on it, explaining about the latest television reality drama she was watching.
I opened the bedroom door and headed for the stairs. I could do this. It stopped raining this afternoon and the sun was out. Didn’t help me though. I was still freezing. I looked down at my ripped jeans and white jumper. I wasn’t screaming ‘sex appeal’. Which maybe I should be?
At least the white jumper didn’t cling to me too tightly and show how thin I was. I didn’t need Mum questioning me on my weight. Eve had brought it up this afternoon and said something along the lines of how she was going to exercise more because she didn’t want to be the dumb and fat twin.
I told her she wasn’t stupid. If she really wanted to do the school work, I think she had it in her but she saw it as too big of a hurdle. So she wouldn’t even attempt to jump it.
I felt sorry for her.
I saw the disappointment in her face when she said that. She really thought she was stupid. And after she said that, she stopped talking.
My hand ran over the rail. How was I going to make her see there were different forms of smart? Not just book smart. Like the way she could handle a gun. She didn’t need many lessons from Dad. There was a stage when she was even better than Tyson.
But that didn’t last long. Once Tyson realized he had real competition, he felt he had something to prove and became an expert.
I walked down the stairs. Eve was really smart when it came to logical things as well, like a puzzle or cooking. She was a really good cook; she could take barely anything and make a great meal. She also rode a motorbike like a man, flipping and jumping everything she could, and nobo
dy, not even me, loved as much as her.
Also, when she laughed she made everyone smile. No matter how flat you felt, hearing her laugh would make you smile.
Didn’t she realize there was so much more to her? So much more defined her and who she was. Who cared if she needed help when it came to school. Heck, school work shouldn’t define how you saw yourself as a person. Some people have to read it over and over again and ask questions till it makes sense.
I was just lucky that it came to me naturally.
I stopped at the bottom of the stairs, hearing laughter from outside.
I was more worried about Eve than I was about seeing Brad. She was my twin, and it was like our hearts had been sliced and we were given half of each other’s hearts. We were always close and the only reason we had more distance between us right now was because of my cancer.
She was the hardest one to lie to. She was like me and could tell when I was lying. So I had to put more effort into my lies, or dodge around the facts and only tell the truth. Like if she asked me how I spent my day I’d tell her all about what I did with Layla but leave out the part where we spent two hours at the cancer hospital.
I walked through the lounge and into the open living room and kitchen.
“Hannah, about time.” Mum glanced up. “You shouldn’t be studying so hard on a Sunday. You need a break.”
I walked toward her. “I like studying on a Sunday, as it starts my week calm and structured.” And I wasn’t lying. I guess I was a bit odd when it came to school work. “Do you need any help with tea?”
Mum rolled her eyes. “What tea? We aren’t going to have one.”
I frowned. “Why, is Dad too busy or something?” Maybe he got caught up with something at the clubhouse. Usually he always made sure to put the club on the back burner on Sunday. It was the one day of the week you could guarantee he would be in the house. Though some days he and Mum would take the bike out and disappear for the afternoon.
“No.” Mum reached for her vodka and walked out of the kitchen. “He is teaching Tyson to cook.”
I smiled. “So, we are in for a burnt tea then.”
“I spend hundreds of dollars on high-quality meat, just for Tyson to burn it, because we all know he won’t be listening to his father’s instructions.” Mum paused at the back door which was wide open. “Can you grab the plates?”
“Sure.” I headed back and grabbed the plates. I saw Mum walk out the back door and then I hovered in the kitchen for a few more seconds.
Okay, now was time to face Brad. What I was about to face occurred to me. My heart sunk; he was totally going to ignore me and pretend like last night didn’t happen.
I took a sharp breath in. Well, I had told him it was just a one night deal. I couldn’t be acting brokenhearted now because he wasn’t keeping the fairy tales he told me this morning. Nope. I had no right to hold him to anything he’d said this morning.
It was best if I wasn’t left alone with him. That way he wouldn’t feel awkward. I should just pretend it didn’t happen. Like I said, it was a one night deal.
He gave me one night and it was over now.
I walked through the back door and wiped my expression clean as I walked onto our enclosed porch.
Dad looked frustrated as he watched Tyson at the BBQ. Mum was talking to Eve but Eve wasn’t listening; she was staring out into the backyard and she had the same expression she had on her face when she left my room this afternoon.
I placed the plates down on the table. One person was missing. The person I was so scared to face: Brad.
I took an easy breath in. I think the fact that he wasn’t there said enough. It confirmed my thinking. A deflated smile went across my face. I’d known that what he’d said this morning couldn’t be true.
Good thing I didn’t get my heart set on what he promised.
I walked around the table and sat down next to Eve. Mum had given up talking to her. It was clear to see Eve wasn’t here, she was somewhere else. Well, I was going to change that.
I nudged her shoulder and her head snapped sideways. She hadn’t even realized I’d sat down next to her.
“I hacked your iPhone music library.” I gave her a smile.
She rolled her eyes. “I thought I picked a stronger password.”
“Eve, ‘fuck off’ isn’t a strong password.”
“Yeah, well, I’ll add a number.”
“I bet you are thinking of number one, aren’t you?”
She narrowed her eyes at me. “Get out of my head.”
I kept grinning. “Nope, your head is more fun than mine.”
She scoffed and reached for her beer. “Trust me, it’s not.”
I looked at her a bit harder. Something was wrong with her. Something she was hiding. I could see it. I was glad she couldn’t see through my walls.
“Eve,” I leaned in, “do you want to talk about it?”
Her eyes locked with mine. She slowly shook her head, keeping her lips clamped shut. I watched the tears build up in her eyes. What had her so upset?
I placed my hand on her knee. “Admitting you have a problem is the first step. Next step is that we handle it.”
She turned fully to face me. “I’m failing.”
“At what?”
“Life.”
My expression softened. “Eve, you aren’t failing. You can’t just define whether you are successful or not by school work.”
She shook her head. “Come on, Hannah, you and I both know there is no way I’m going to be able to handle university.”
“I can help you.”
“I don’t want you doing my bachelor! If I can’t do it, I shouldn’t be in it.”
“No, I mean I can help you with the coursework so you can do it,” I clarified. “Where you have questions, I can have answers.”
“School work isn’t my biggest problem, Hannah.” She threw back some of her beer and looked at Dad. “I’m letting him down.”
I glanced at Dad; he had his back to us.
“Just because you’re not doing your school work doesn’t mean you are letting him down.”
She took her eyes off him and looked at me. “I’m…” she sighed and ran a hair through her blonde hair, which was the same length as mine. “I’m just a fucking idiot.”
“Think a bit higher of yourself, will you? School work doesn’t define you.”
“Maybe not, but when you put together everything I’m doing, well, I’m not just disappointing Dad, I’m basically giving the finger to the life he has planned for me.”
Okay. What else was going on here? “Eve, what are you not telling me?”
She shook her head. “Nothing. Nothing at all.” She got up. “I’m going to get another.”
I watched her walk around the table and disappear inside. Just as she disappeared, out walked Brad. He scanned the area, and then his eyes landed on me, like he was looking for me. Why did he look slightly panicked?
Like he hadn’t wanted me to be here.
He had changed his shirt since this morning, most likely because he had gotten oil and grease all over it. I could tell by the look in his eyes he was hoping I wouldn’t be here. I guess we really did have a one night thing.
Just what I expected.
Then someone stepped around him and my expression didn’t change when I saw Andrea.
“Oh, Andrea, I’m so glad you came.” Mum smiled at her, and went to give her a hug.
I wasn’t doing regrets. Since I’d been diagnosed with cancer, I simply wasn’t doing them. So I wasn’t about to feel guilty, stupid, or regret last night with Brad.
I enjoyed myself and now, now I was going to do what I’d promised him. I was going to be mature and level-headed. And act like nothing had happened.
His eyes were still on me, and I think he was waiting for me to react, but I just stood up and grabbed the jug of water and poured myself a drink.
“I didn’t w
ant to invade your family dinner, Abby,” Andrea said, half-hesitant, like she felt she shouldn’t be here.
“Don’t be stupid! You aren’t invading anything. You are with Brad, after all, and that basically makes you family.”
Andrea and Brad had been together a while. It made sense that people looked at them like they were a couple.
I glanced up and saw him still staring at me. Again, it was like he was waiting for me to snap or something.
Did he really expect me to throw a fit because he’d gone back to her? I’d told him to go back to her. I was the one who had made them make up the other night on the phone. I’d told him one night was all I wanted. He’d given me that and now I was going to keep my end of the agreement.
Andrea handed Mum the wine she’d brought and they started chatting while I sipped my water and checked my phone for the first time today.
Nothing from Layla. That was odd. Like, really odd. I brought up her number and messaged her, asking if she was okay.
Then I had an unread message from Tatz this morning: ‘Am I ever going to see your face again?’
A tiny smile spread across my lips. He was quoting the lyrics from the Angels to me. Because I had been singing along to it when it was on the radio and he said I was singing badly when we went and picked up the pizzas the other night.
‘No way, get fucked, fuck off.’ I sent back to him, knowing he would get it.
“Hey, Hannah!”
I looked up. Andrea had sat directly across from me. I put my phone down and smiled. I was going to be mature.
“Hey, Andrea, how are you?” I kept a smile on my face and reached for my water. “Do you want something to drink?” I automatically went into host mode.
“Um, I’ll think I’ll join you and just have water,” she smiled. Andrea was extremely pretty. She was a gifted model. And I don’t know what brought her into the club but Brad took notice of her as soon as she appeared.
I poured her a glass of water. Just as I handed it across to her, Brad appeared at her side.
“Hey, Brad, do you want something to drink?” I asked, keeping my eyes on Andrea. I was going to treat him like I always had done before. As a friend.