by M. Clarke
Becca wiped her tears and gestured her hand out to stop me from going to her. “Just hear me out first.” She inhaled a deep breath. “I’m a runner. I’ve always run away from my problems. I’d rather block them out and pretend they never happened than to face them. I’m trying not to do that. Unfortunately, old habits are hard to break. I’ve wanted to tell you, but I’m so afraid of losing you. It’s the reason why I’ve been avoiding talking to you.”
“Becca? I don’t understand.”
There was a long pause. Becca fidgeted with her nails as she spoke, “I’m sick.”
“What do you mean? Are you going to get better? Is it cancer? What is it?” I stopped asking questions when I realized I wasn’t giving her a chance to speak.
“I have a chronic kidney infection. I’ve had it since I was a child. I missed many days of school because I was in and out of the hospital. Finally, the infection was contained. My kidneys have been scarred and damaged, the reason I have less kidney function.”
My chest began to relax and I could feel my lungs release the air I was holding in. I clasped my hands together and lowered my elbows on my thigh to think. “It came back?”
“Yes.” Becky nodded.
“I’ll find the best doctors for you. We’ll do whatever it takes to make you better.”
“I haven’t finished Matthew.” She paused. “It gets worse.”
I inhaled a deep breath again. What else could there be?
“I won’t be able to give you children. The extra fluid that is needed to carry a child will cause more stress. When a woman gets pregnant, all of her organs have to work harder. This is fine for healthy women, but not for someone like me. The percentage of babies making it to full term is very low. And there is the possibility of the mother not surviving the pregnancy.”
For me, this was all too simple—it was easy to fix—but I guess it didn’t seem like it to Becca. I was trying to understand her reasoning behind her running away. Wanting to comfort her, I stood up and took a small step. I didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable. “We’ll adopt. Your health is more important. I love you, not the idea of having a baby.”
Becca pulled out her hand again. “Don’t. Your parents want lots of grandchildren.”
“And they’ll get them, but they’ll also love any grandchildren. My parents aren’t like that.”
“I know, Matthew.”
“Then what is it, Becca? You’re driving me crazy. Please, talk to me.” I was halfway to her. I wanted to hold her so bad and make her pain go away, but I couldn’t, and it was killing me. I took more steps to her as Becca wiped her tears. Then I halted in shock at her next words.
“I’m pregnant,” she blurted. The river of tears started to flow down her face and she started to fall to the floor, but I reached her just in time. I sat on the very spot she would have fallen and held her tightly in my arms. “I almost had an abortion because I was too scared of what could happen,” she gasped between breaths into my shirt. “I feel horrible, because how could I even think those thoughts? I love you too much. I want to give you our child. I don’t want anything to happen to our baby.”
As I continued to embrace her, I couldn’t help the pain searing my heart and the tears that were forming in my eyes. I tried to grasp the reality of this situation and understand what Becca had been going through the past couple of weeks alone. Becca continued to sob in my arms, and I let her. Cradling and comforting her as best as I could, I gave her kisses and told her that everything was going to work out...but those were the only words I said. I really wasn’t sure. Recalling our fight regarding Tessa and Amber, I was relieved that I hadn’t mentioned to Becca that Tessa had been pregnant. In fact, I hadn’t told anyone, not even Max. And now, Becca would never know. That information would devastate her.
Fate did funny things in life and sometimes in twisted ways. I was going to have a second chance at having a child, but there was a possibility that I could lose the child, or Becca...or both. What the fuck was I suppose to do? There was no decision to make. Becca’s life came first.
“I’m taking you home, Becca. We’ll get through this.”
Chapter 24
Becky
After breakfast, Matthew gathered my suitcases and opened the front door. “It was nice to meet you. Thank you for taking care of Becca for me.” Matthew shook Tanner’s hand.
Tanner let out a small sigh and his eyes twinkled. “Becca is so lucky. And it was my pleasure. She’s a special friend.”
“Yes she is,” Matthew agreed and rubbed my back.
“Even wearing your clothes from yesterday, you still smell delicious,” Tanner added, making Matthew’s eyes widen a bit.
“Yeah...umm...I was only thinking of bringing Becca home. I didn’t bring anything with me.”
Tanner sighed again. “What a man.” His body shook a little. “I’m so glad you worked things out¸ but I’m going to miss my girl.” Tanner gave me a tight squeeze and kissed me on my cheek. “My place is always available. And if things don’t work out, you know where to find me.”
“I will, but you don’t have to worry. Things will work out.” I smiled at Matthew, who was looking back at me with loving eyes.
“Oh, honey, I wasn’t talking to you. I meant the hunk that I can’t keep my eyes away from.”
Matthew and I couldn’t help but laugh. I was just glad Matthew was able to find humor in this situation.
“You need to put some cucumber on your eyes to get rid of the puffiness from all of that crying,” Tanner suggested.
“I will. And you stay well. Call me if you want to come visit Los Angeles.”
“Not any time soon, but I will some day.”
With one last hug from me, and even a hug from Matthew, Tanner’s door closed behind us. I couldn’t wait to see Jenna. We had a lot of catching up to do.
Becky
“I don’t think this is the way to the airport.” I gazed out the taxi window, admiring the city for the last time.
Matthew kissed my fingers and placed both our hands on his thigh. “We’re taking a detour.”
“Where are we going?”
Matthew curled his lips into a wicked grin. “Like the readers who love to find book boyfriends would say...to show you something that is swoon worthy.”
I smiled from ear to ear. He was so freakin’ adorable, and he said the most, ‘I want to drop my panties for you’ things. “Really? I can’t wait.”
The taxi driver pulled over and we got out. I didn’t see much except the bridge. Matthew took my hand and led us there, where I saw locks of various sizes and colors taking up every inch of the bridge. We were standing at Pont des Arts near the Louvre.
“What are we doing here?” I asked. However, I was so overwhelmed with what I was seeing that I didn’t notice the lock and key in front of me until Matthew snapped me out of it.
“Becca, look.” The lock and key was plain and silver. It was one of the biggest locks I had ever seen. To my surprise, Matthew was down on one knee.
“Matthew, get up. What are you doing?” I glanced around to see if anyone was watching, and sure enough there were a few, but they quickly turned away when we met eye to eye.
“When I decided to come here and take you home, knowing I was going to Paris, I bought this lock and key. I wanted to bring you here and show you how much you mean to me. How much I am committed to us. But now the situation has changed. I’m going to be a father. We are going to be parents.”
“I don’t know, Matthew. The baby might not survive.” It pained me greatly to say this.
“I have faith, Becca, but no matter what, you come first. Fate has given us a second chance and we’ll both face whatever obstacles await us. We are both fighters. We are both stubborn. We were meant for each other. I love you, Becca. This isn’t how I had imagined I would do this, but since we are in Paris, this was my chance. Becky Miller, would you do me the honor of being my wife? I want to spend the rest of my life with you...chil
dren or no children. I want to have something forever with you. Will you marry me?”
Tears were streaming down my face while my body quivered from words that were escaping from Matthew’s mouth so fast, I wasn’t sure if what I heard was real. I dropped my hand that was covering my mouth from shock. Though I had imagined Matthew proposing to me many times before, I never could have imagined that it would feel like this. I was high. My heart expanded to its fullest and I felt a rush of indescribable joy.
“Becca, say something.” Matthew looked worried.
“Yes,” I whispered. I cleared my throat because I was pretty sure Matthew hadn’t heard me. In fact, I wasn’t sure if I’d answered out loud. “Yes!” I said, a little bit louder.
Matthew jumped up. “She said yes,” he bellowed, and swung me around. There was so much happiness in Matthew’s tone and in his kisses.
“But we can’t get married. I mean...let’s wait. I mean …” Oh God! I was messing this up. I didn’t want him to get the wrong idea. “I want to marry you, but I don’t want to rush this.”
“Whatever you want. We can get married before or after the baby is born. Even if something happens, I still want to marry you, Becca. I’ve known I wanted to marry you from the moment you told me that you wouldn’t date me if I was the last man in the universe.”
I let out a laugh. “I already knew I couldn’t live without you when you asked me if I was going to stand there and undress the rest of you with my eyes, or if I was going to help you wash off the Chinese food on your sweater.” I paused to let him recall. “I had already undressed you in my mind and we had already fucked.”
“Holy Jesus, Becca. Be careful what you say. I might just rip off your clothes right on this bridge and let everyone watch us.” Matthew shook his head as if to get rid of the thought. “Here. Let’s do this together.” He showed me the lock again, but this time he pointed out to me the part that had the writing on it.
The lock read:
Becky & Matthew
Forever
After I signed the back, Matthew did the same. “I want ours to be the first one.” Matthew placed it on the gate and locked it. It was an extra large lock that no one could miss from the surrounding ones. “Toss the keys into the river.”
“What? Why? We’ll never be able to open it.” I glanced at the key, wondering where he was going with this.
“Exactly. I never want us to ever have to unlock or break this lock. Throwing the key into the river is symbolic of our love for each other. That whatever we will have to face in the future, we are unbreakable. I picked out the silver because silver stands for forever,” Matthew explained.
“Matthew, it’s perfect.” I wrapped my arms around him and embraced him with all of me. What I really meant to say was that he was perfect. “Seal it with a kiss,” I said. I held out my hand with the key on my palm. After Matthew kissed it, I did the same. With one last look, I tossed it as far as I could.
The old Becca would’ve said no to the proposal, because I would have been insecure and thought he had only done it because I was pregnant, but I knew better now. Matthew had shown me time and time again that he loved me. And no matter what my insecurities were, no matter what my mistakes were, he was in it forever.
Jenna was so relieved to see me home that she decided to spend the night at our place instead of with Max.
“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you were pregnant. Is that the reason why you happened to have the home pregnancy test?” Jenna shifted on the sofa to face me.
“Yes, but you were going through so much that I didn’t want to add to your stress. Actually, the test came out negative. I took it again after two weeks,” I sighed, and handed her a cup of tea.
“Thanks.” She paused. “What’s going to happen?”
“Matthew and I saw my doctor and he explained all of the possibilities to us. We’re going to pray that the baby will survive in my uterus.” I gazed at my stomach.
“Your health comes first, Becky,” Jenna said, looking concerned.
“I know. Matthew reminds me of that every day. I want this so bad, Jenna. I want to give Matthew a child. A child created by us. If I could just have this one baby, then we can talk about adopting if we want more.”
“When would you know if you’re out of danger?” Jenna asked. She hadn’t taken a sip yet. I didn’t think she was even breathing. She was so focused on me.
“I won’t be in the clear until...the baby is born.”
“Whaaat?”
“I know, I know, but I’ve been okay so far. My kidney function is under control. Things are looking great.”
“Okay, but just make sure to tell your doctor everything.”
“Don’t worry. Matthew is on me twenty-four, seven. He’s going to make an appointment with another doctor to ensure that we have the best care.”
“I’m sure he will.” Jenna finally took a sip. “You’re so lucky. I mean... you never had morning sickness, did you?”
“No, I didn’t. I was lucky in that department, but I’d rather have morning sickness than have a high risk pregnancy.” Jenna became still. I didn’t mean to make that comment. “Jenna, I didn’t mean anything by that. I’m so sorry.”
“Becky. No. You’re right.”
She looked so guilty and it was my fault. My stupid mouth. I tried to lighten the mood. “Are you ready for your wedding next week?”
Jenna inhaled deeply. “Ellen has been wonderful. I don’t think I could have planned everything so fast.” The smile came back on Jenna’s face. “My parents are flying in tomorrow. My mom will be here just in time for the bridal shower. Thanks for arranging it around her schedule.”
“Of course. We can’t leave your mom out. I just feel really bad that we didn’t get to have a bachelorette party for you.”
“First of all, I don’t want to do the Las Vegas thing. I don’t think Max would approve. Second, the wedding came up suddenly. We didn’t have time to plan. I’m just glad you agreed to be my maid of honor and your relationship with Matthew is back on track.”
“Of course, anything for you. How are you feeling?”
“I’m pretty calm right now, but I don’t know how I will be the day of the wedding.”
“Jenna, I’m so happy for you.”
Jenna took another sip and changed the subject. “How about you?”
I swallowed my drink. I was pretty sure I gave her one huge, dorky smile. “Matthew proposed to me.”
“He did?” Jenna’s eyes shifted to my hand, which held no ring, but she still looked excited. “When? How? Oh my God!” Jenna embraced me tightly. When she let go, her eyes were glistening with tears. “I’m so happy for you.”
“I told him that I wanted to wait. I’m already almost at the end of the first trimester, just like you. I have no time to arrange a wedding. And there is no guarantee on my health situation, so I told him that I wanted to wait until after the baby was born.”
“Okay.” Jenna nodded. I knew she would agree. It was best to wait. “When are you due?”
“Actually...we’re due around the same time.”
Jenna squealed. “You’re going to tell Nicole and Kate, right?”
“I’ll tell them at your wedding.”
“We can have a baby shower together.” Jenna was too excited. Her smile was big and her eyes twinkled under the light of the lamp. “I never imagined that we would have a child at the same time and marry into the same family. What are the chances?”
“I know, right?”
“Did you tell your parents?”
“They don’t know yet. We will be visiting my parents the day after your wedding. I’ll tell them then.”
“How about Matthew’s parents?”
“We’ll tell them after your wedding, but before we leave for San Francisco.”
“Okay.” Jenna smiled. “Our lives have changed so much in such a short amount of time.”
“Yup,” I agreed. “Did you start packing for San Diego?�
�
“You know me so well. I did. I think I’m packing too much,” Jenna laughed. “Did you?”
“I sure did. One can never pack enough.”
Chapter 25
Jenna
After I helped my parents settle into their hotel, my mom came with me to the bridal shower dinner and my dad waited to be picked up by Max. Max and the men had dinner plans. Though Max and I had agreed that we would stay away from each other this week and finally be face to face on the wedding day, it was extremely difficult to do so. We even purposely avoided each other during work hours as well. I missed him so much, especially when he would send me texts.
I’m thinking of you.
I’m thinking of you, too.
I hope they are naughty thoughts.
I laughed out loud.
“What’s so funny?” Becky nudged me during dinner.
Everyone was in their own conversation when I took the moment to read Max’s text. “It’s Max. He’s making me laugh.”
“I think he also made you blush.”
“Shhh.” I laughed again. Although Ellen and my mom were having their own conversation and couldn’t hear us, there was that discomfort of knowing I was flirting with Max in front of his mom.
Nicole and Kate were in charge of the games. We played a game where one person wrapped their teammate with toilet paper and created the most creative wedding dress. It was hilarious. The second game we played was unscrambling a list of words. That was difficult since most of us had no clue. Ellen won that game. For the last game, they had to hold a paper plate on top of their head and blindly draw me in a wedding dress. It had simple instructions, but was difficult to do. We all laughed like crazy. Unexpectedly, my mom won a prize for that game.
Due to Max and I having a small wedding, I had asked Becky not to invite a bunch of our friends. I only wanted a few good friends to join me tonight. Now, it was cake and present time.
“I’ll write down who brought what,” Nicole said. “Kate will take the pictures and Becky will help you.”