Ross: Do you guys wanna reschedule? It seems Macbeth is a little under the weather …or something…. #Kingsgiving
Lady Macbeth: Oh, don’t mind him. He gets like that sometimes. Please start eating and he’ll be back to his old self in no . #Kingsgiving
Banquo’s ghost has checked out of “Macbeth’s First Annual #Kingsgiving!”
Lady Macbeth
What’s WRONG with you!? Pull it together!
Macbeth
Didn’t you see that post in the #Kingsgiving feed from Banquo??? ICYMI he’s taunting me!
Lady Macbeth
What are you talking about!? There was no post from Banquo! It was just Lennox, Ross, and all the other lords. You’re acting like a !
Banquo
Yeah, Macbeth. You’re just hallucinating. None of this is real.
Macbeth
It’s still happening! Even now! Can’t you see it?
Lady Macbeth
No idea what ur talking abt. Restore ur to factory settings. AND ACT NORMAL!
Banquo
Yeah. Just act normal, Macbeth. Lol.
Macbeth
STOP! Why are u doing this, Banquo?!
Lady Macbeth
Stop it! Macbeth, ur acting crazy. And I look like an @$$ 4 texting in the middle of dinner!
Macbeth
He’s come 4 me, 2 avenge his death. I’m sure of it. That’s how these things go. I should have known.
Lady Macbeth
Look. We still have guests here. Take a minute, pull urself 2gether, and come back to the dining room.
#Kingsgiving (Cont.)
Macbeth: Sry 4 being a creepy weirdo. I’m all good now. Just get a little from time to time. #Kingsgiving
Banquo’s ghost has checked into “Macbeth’s First Annual #Kingsgiving!”
Macbeth: STOP IT! LEAVE ME ALONE! #Kingsgiving
Lady Macbeth: Oh, lol. Here we go again! Someone cut him off! #Kingsgiving
Macbeth: If you were a or or , then maybe u could scare me. But you’re . You’re just a ! #Kingsgiving
Banquo’s ghost has checked out of “Macbeth’s First Annual #Kingsgiving!”
Ross: Wuts wrong, Macbeth? #Kingsgiving
Lady Macbeth: U know what, I think Ross’s idea is probably 4 the best. Why don’t u all grab a & take it w/ u? #Kingsgiving #2Go
Lennox: Sure thing. Feel better, M! #Kingsgiving #WhatJustHappened
Macbeth
“Macbeth’s First Annual #Kingsgiving!” has been canceled.
REPLY
Lady Macbeth
Well, I hope ur .
Macbeth
Blood will have blood. That’s what they say, isn’t it? Hey, whatever happened to Macduff?
Lady Macbeth
Did he RSVP?
Macbeth
No, but I he was coming 2 town. I have spies all over the kingdom now, just in .
I g2g see the & figure out a of action. There’s no turning back now. #InIt2WinIt
[Scene 5]
Group text: Hecate, The Three Witches
Hecate
Well, I hope u witches r proud of urselves. Giving Macbeth s w/o asking me 1st.
Witch #1
Boss, you seem .
Hecate
You think?! From now on, u all need 2 do as I . Meet with Macbeth again, but this do it rite. Got it?
Witch #1
Witch #2
Witch #3
[Scene 6]
Macduff
Just chillin’ with my new BFF, king of England.
REPLY
King of England:
#TeamMacduff
#TheOneTrueKing
Lennox likes this.
[Scene 1]
The Three Witches have created a new Kingterest board.
Group Text: The Three Witches
Witch #1
U witches ready?
Witch #2
2x, 2x, toil & .
Witch #3
TrOUble, not trEble.
Witch #2
Same diff.
Witch #1
It’s fine. Keep going.
Witch #3
burn & bubble.
Witch #2
That’s green tea!
Witch #3
There’s no cauldron emoji.
Witch #1
U guys, we r never going 2 get thru this. Hurry up & this.
Witch #2
I just pinned the .
Witch #3
Don’t 4get the .
Witch #1
Awesome, thx, .
Macbeth has saved “Spell for Macbeth” board to favorites.
Group text: The Three Witches
Witch #2
Ugh. out. Something this way comes. #Macbeth
Witch #1
Txt him b4 he starts uploading selfies & ruins the whole board!!
Group text: The Three Witches, Macbeth
Witch #3
What do u want, Macbeth?
Macbeth
What up, witches?
Witch #1
Wouldn’t u like 2 know.
Macbeth
I HAVE 2 KNOW MORE ABOUT MY FUTURE! I don’t care if the whole comes crashing down.
Witch #1
Wow. Ur gonna make a great , u know that? Check ur .
Macbeth
It’s a gif of a head in a helmet saying “BEWARE MACDUFF. Beware the thane of Fife” over and over.
Witch #2
Check again.
Macbeth
Ew! Now it’s an image of a bloody saying “No1 born of a shall harm Macbeth.”
Is this some kind of sick meme?
Witch #3
There’s more.
Macbeth
K now I see a child wearing a and carrying a branch! I don’t get it. It says “Macbeth shall not lose power ’til Great Birnam Wood comes 2 Dunsinane.”
Witch #3
We know, Macbeth. We sent them 2 u.
Macbeth
So what’s the catch? A can’t move, right? So…I will be 4ever!
Witch #1
U said it, not me.
Macbeth
This is v helpful, but I have 1 last . Y will Banquo’s s be but mine won’t?
Witch #1
No spoilers!
Macbeth
I’ll curse u if u don’t tell me.
Witch #1
Fine, but don’t say we didn’t warn u.…
#PurposefullyVague
Banquo FTW.
Macbeth
Starting 2 think there’s more 2 this than u guys are letting on.…
Not Delivered
Hello?
Not Delivered
Macbeth has added 5 new selfies to “Spell for Macbeth” board.
Lennox
Macbeth, FYI Macduff has gone to .
Macbeth
WTF. He must b out 2 get me! The only reasonable thing 2 do now is Macduff’s whole .
Lennox
That feels…extreme. Is your on too tight?
[Scene 2]
Lady Macduff
If any1 needs me, I’ll just b here, alone, w/o my husband, who didn’t say where he was going or why. Can some1 send me a link 2 a good divorce attorney?
REPLY
Ross: Don’t assume the worst! I’m sure wutever he’s doing, he is doing it 4 #TheRightReasons.
Macduff’s Son: yah, mom. ur overreacting. dad’ll be back. you’ll c.
Macduff’s Son: Do you hear ?
Ross: Maybe you shouldn’t advertise that ur alone.…
Lady Macduff: Why not?! I can post whatever I want! But I guess u can’t b 2 careful. Esp. bc I have lots of little kids & everythi
Ross: Hello?
Macbeth Reminders
3 items
Edit
Don’t have kids w/ Lady Macbeth
Delete incriminating texts
Hire ppl 2 kill Macduff’s wife & kids
[Scene 3]
Malcolm
has added Trust Issues for Dummies to cart.
To-Do List:
1. Get on Malcolm’s good side.
2. Convince him to attack Macbeth.
3. Hire repairman to fix broken on front .
4. Check in with wife and kids.
Malcolm
Macduff, aren’t u worried abt leaving ur wife & kids alone 2 fend 4 themselves?
Macduff
Instead of answering that perfectly good , I’m just gonna say I would NEVER do what Macbeth has done. Not for all the in the .
Malcolm
ICYMI is sending 10,000 troops 2 fight Macbeth. Since I’m supposed 2 b , now wud prob b a good 2 mention that I’m not xactly the most upstanding person, ya know? Next to me, Macbeth looks pure as .
Macduff
WTF? Macbeth is worse than the himself.
Malcolm
Yeah, but I kinda got a thing 4 the ladies. If I was , I’d just all the time. And not in a cute bf/gf way. Know what I mean?
Is there a bed emoji? That could help get my point across.
Macduff
No, I’m good. Listen, ur Duncan’s heir! U can’t be worse than Macbeth!!! Just keep it in ur in public, & on ur own .
Malcolm
K, well, there is sumthing else.
Macduff
*facepalm* Go on…
Malcolm
I’d probably steal all the and in the kingdom. #AllTheThings
Macduff
Look, Malcolm. We can get u plenty of and when ur . NBD.
Malcolm
Yeah, & that’d prob b enough if I wasn’t THE WORST HUMAN BEING THAT EVER LIVED.
Macduff
I give up. Ur unfit 2 be .
Malcolm
Wait wait wait! That was all a trick 2 c if u could be trusted. U passed the test! I am the exact OPPOSITE of all those things!
Macduff
My head hurts. Now I don’t know what 2 think.
Group text: Ross, Macduff, Malcolm
Ross
Malcolm! Macduff! Please come back 2 Scotland. So much has gone down. IDK where 2 start.
Macduff
That sux. We’ll get back asap. How’s my family?
Ross
Oh, u know.
Macduff
No, I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking.
Ross
They r fine…
ish.
Macduff
What does that mean? TELL ME
Ross
They’re all dead.
Macduff
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Ross
Yeah, if u knew how bad it was u’d probably drop from shock. Sorry 2 b the er of bad .
Macduff
Why did I leave them alone?! *facepalm* FML
Malcolm
This has Macbeth written all over it. We need 2 take that guy out NOW.
Macduff
Macbeth doesn’t have any children. So I can never get even. But I’ll do what I can 2 get revenge.
Malcolm
Good timing. The from should be ready by now. Let’s go kick a$$!
[Scene 1]
KingMD / Symptom Checker
Symptoms
Sleepwalks
Sleeptalks
Rubs hands
Carries candle
Result: Diagnosis Unknown
Gentlewoman
Doctor, we desperately need ur help! Lady Macbeth is walking, talking, carrying around a candle, and rubbing her hands together like a madwoman.
Doctor
I see. And what kinds of things is she saying?
Gentlewoman
Things like “Out, damned spot!” & “Who would have thought the had so much blood in him?” & “The thane of Fife had a ,” etc.
Doctor
It to me like she needs an more than a ! Keep your on her, and make sure she doesn’t get her on anything dangerous.
Gentlewoman
K, but I was kinda hoping for medical advice!!
Doctor
IDK what to tell you.
Try bloodletting?
[Scene 2]
Lennox, Angus, Menteith, and Caithness have checked into Great Birnam Wood.
Macduff, Malcolm, and Siward like this.
Menteith
Macduff, Malcolm, & the 10,000 s are almost here!
REPLY
Angus: Woo Hoo!
Lennox: Whatever it takes 2 overthrow Macbeth & get the rightful on2 the throne.
[Scene 3]
Macbeth
Man, I’d b rly nervous right now if it wasn’t 4 those prophecies!
REPLY
Servant: Sir, u might wanna look out ur window.
Macbeth: Oh yeah? Well u might want 2 STFU!!!
Seyton: No, srsly, r coming 2 kill u.
Macbeth: Anyone else want 2 give me bad news?
Doctor: Your wife has gone crazy.
Doctor: Also I just sent you my bill.
Macbeth: There it is.
[Scene 4]
Malcolm
Every1 break off s from s in Great Birnam Wood. We’ll hide behind them 2 disguise ourselves. #DunsinaneOrBust
REPLY
Siward: Ur is , Macbeth, or I’m not the commander of the s.
Malcolm: And he’s totally the commander of the s, soooo ur is !
Siward: Thx for that totally unnecessary post, Malcolm.
[Scene 5]
Macbeth
Are we ready? Are all the soldiers in place? (The ones that haven’t deserted.)
Seyton
IDK how 2 tell u this, but I have bad . The queen is dead.
Macbeth
FML. I guess she would have eventually. Every turns in2 the next and there is nothing we can do 2 stop . Poof! Like a short-lived candle . Life is just a walking shadow , like onstage, reciting memorized lines that sound important @ the time, but ultimately have meaning.
Seyton
TL;DR
Macbeth
Life sux & then u die.
Seyton
True.
Servant
I know this sounds , but it looks like Great Birnam Wood is marching 2ward the !
Macbeth
WHAAAAT! OMG NO!!!!! It can’t b true!!!
Servant
See 4 urself!
Macbeth
Great Birnam Wood has checked into Dunsinane.
The Three Witches like this.
Macbeth #killingit Page 3