“How do you know?” she wanted to ask but took a swallow of the sweet fizzy drink instead. “The perfect drink for a hot afternoon. What a treat. Thank you, Mr. Landsverk.”
Benny added his thanks. “I never had a soda before coming to my new home. Do they make sodas in Chicago?”
“Oh, I’m sure they do. How long until school is out?”
“Tomorrow’s the last day. I’m sad that I can’t go to school this summer.”
Joshua chuckled. “You need to tell that to Pastor Solberg. I’m sure he doesn’t hear such a thing very often.”
“There are lots of things to do here in the summer, but you can keep on reading and learning sign language and your arithmetic.”
“And if I’m home, maybe we can go fishing,” Joshua said, smiling down at the little boy. “I know some other boys who really like that.”
“A fishing party?”
“I guess you could call it that. Someone told me that you really like to sing too.” The boy nodded. “Next time we have guitar practice, you can come sing with us.”
“Benny,” called Rebecca.
“I’m going.” He slurped the last of his soda and handed Astrid the glass. “You can come if you like.”
“I think I’ll stay here, thank you. Have fun.” She watched him send his scooter down the incline someone had added to the porch and head up the smoothed path that ran up the street and down to Sophie’s house.
“Looks like someone’s been out on path duty,” Joshua said. “Those weren’t there last summer.”
“I know.” She turned her attention back to the man across the table. “I remember when Tante Kaaren learned sign language so she could help Grace. The rest of the town joined in and learned too.
That’s just the way the folks in Blessing do things, take care of one another.”
“Well, they sure took this wanderer into the family. Did you hear about the party being planned for Saturday night? We’ll have dancing at the school instead of at someone’s barn. At least that’s what I thought I heard.”
“No, I hadn’t. I’ve been so busy at the surgery that I’ve not been out to visit with anyone, not even my far. How do you know all this when you just got back today?”
“Think. Where do I live?”
Astrid grinned from behind her soda. “So Sophie still fills all her guests in on the news around town?”
“Well, maybe not all, but this one.” He paused, his eyes holding her attention. “I’m glad you are back in Blessing.”
“Me too. I’m not sure for how long, but I was grateful that they let me leave when Thorliff telephoned to say that I was needed here.”
“Oh.” He looked down, then at her again. “I was hoping you’d changed your mind about Africa.”
Astrid felt herself stiffen, so she took another sip of her drink. “It’s not my decision. It’s God’s. If that is where He wants me, I will go.” Please leave it at that. I’ve heard so much against.
He leaned back in his chair. “Can I ask you a question?”
“I . . . I guess so, but I don’t promise to answer.” From the serious look on his face, it must have been important.
“How do you know that God is calling you to Africa?”
She breathed a sigh of relief. “That’s been part of the problem. On one hand I feel He is asking me to go there, but on the other hand, I wonder if it is just me. And if it is just me, why would I dream up something like that? I have no need or desire to leave Blessing. I love it here. This is my home. I love my family, and all of Blessing feels like family to me.” She clasped her hands on the wrought-iron table. “I have struggled and struggled with this. I want to live my life walking in God’s plan for me, not my own plan.” She paused and searched his face, seeking some kind of indication he understood what she was saying. He looked as puzzled as she felt.
“I knew that going to Chicago was in His plan. I felt certain . . . well, most of the time, and there was a measure of peace about the idea. When I got there, after I got over being homesick, I knew that was where I belonged. But the pull to Africa won’t leave me alone.” She heaved another sigh and stopped. “I wish I had a better answer.”
“How do you feel when you are here?”
“Like I’ve come home. Home to Blessing.” She studied a ragged cuticle on one finger. “But years ago Pastor Solberg said something that stuck with me. He said we can’t always depend on our feelings. We need knowledge, and like one of my teachers at missionary school said, we can find answers to every question by searching the Scriptures.”
“And what have you found?”
“Lots of verses about going to care for the lost, feeding His sheep, the harvest is ripe and the laborers are few. There are a lot more.” An insatiable urge to chew the hangnail off clamped in her mind. “But nothing concrete about Africa. Perhaps I am searching wrong.”
“And you cannot do those things right here?”
“I can and I am.” The thought of Red Hawk’s comment caught her attention. “What if you thought of the reservation as your Africa?” She looked into Joshua’s face. “One thing I do know. My patients, the people who need me, always come first.”
A silence fell between them, then stretched. She glanced up to see Mr. Landsverk watching her, his gaze warm on her face. What could she say?
“I think about you a lot,” he whispered.
She nodded. She stared at her soda, the pink fizz at the bottom of the glass.
“I have a question for you.”
She looked up again. He was leaning forward, his arms on the table, one hand not far from her own. Would it be proper to put her hand in his? The thought brought heat up to her ears. Of course it wouldn’t. What was she thinking?
“I want to ask your father for permission to court you.”
Her eyes widened. A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. Court me? Really?
“Astrid!” Rebecca’s shout brought her back with a jerk. “You’re needed. It’s Elizabeth.”
“I’ll walk you over.” Joshua pushed back his chair. “Unless you want to run. We can do that too.”
Astrid had already leaped down the two steps and began sprinting for the surgery.
25
Astrid burst through the door, panting to catch her breath.
“Upstairs.” Thelma pointed toward the stairway.
Pulling herself up faster with a hand on the banister, Astrid could hear sobbing from Elizabeth’s bedroom. She found Thorliff holding his weeping wife, tears dripping off his chin as well.
Astrid began to choke also, then taking a deep breath to control her mind and emotions, she ordered herself into doctor protocol. “What has happened?”
Thorliff looked up at her. “We cannot hear the baby’s heart beating any longer.”
“Let me try.” She reached for the stethoscope and tapped the bell with a fingernail to make sure it was functioning before applying the end to Elizabeth’s heaving belly. “Easy now. See if you can stop crying so I can listen better.”
“He’s dead. I know he is.” Elizabeth fought for some modicum of control.
Astrid lifted the lawn nightgown and applied the scope directly to Elizabeth’s skin, moving it slowly from place to place, angle to angle. She could hear stomach sounds, Elizabeth’s heart, her lungs, but no small heartbeat. She covered the entire area again, her own heart growing heavier by the moment. Little one, could you not have fought harder? She blew her nose and wiped her eyes.
“I’m sorry, oh, Elizabeth, Thorliff, I am so sorry.” She could hardly speak as her own tears lodged in her throat. God, why? Why do you take these little ones? Why let them come here and then jerk them home again? This one didn’t even get to take a breath. The three held each other, crying until the tears dried up—at least for the moment.
Elizabeth was the first to speak. “I just don’t understand.”
A tap at the door and Ingeborg entered the room, her comforting arms enveloping them all. “No one ever understands
the loss of a baby or a child.”
“But I never even got to hold him.”
“You will when he is born. That will help.” Her silence brought a measure of peace, or was it the prayers she was offering on this altar of sorrow?
How will we get her body to think it is time for the baby to be born? Astrid wondered. Surely there were drugs or medications that could cause such an event, but she had no idea what they were. The few women she had helped with births at the hospital were well into labor. Common sense said the sooner the better. Unless Elizabeth knew the answer, but she wouldn’t ask that question right now. Perhaps Mor would know what to do.
Why was it that the more she knew, the more she knew she didn’t know?
What brought labor on? The water breaking sent the body into hard labor. She knew how to rupture those membranes. A sense of calm washed over her. Of course.
When Elizabeth fell asleep in Thorliff’s arms, Astrid drew her mother out into the hall. “Have you had something like this happen in your years of caring for women?”
Ingeborg nodded. “Some have carried to full term and the baby has died either in the birthing or right after. Others lost babies earlier, and yes, I think one or two babies died about this long into the pregnancy.”
“Did the women go into labor without assistance?”
“Yes. Usually the body knows far more than we do.”
“How long do we wait?” At the hospital everything had swirled around her, and she just went where she was needed. Now she realized these were decisions she would need to make, especially in Africa.
“Twenty-four hours or so. And we pray. It will be easier on Elizabeth if her body takes care of this on its own.”
“We could break her water.” She remembered one late emergency delivery.
“Ja, but that will bring on hard labor without any preparation.”
Astrid felt like a little girl wanting to curl up in her mother’s lap and loving arms. “She tried so hard to have this baby.”
“I know. And now we must assure her that it was nothing she did wrong that caused this. Somehow we have to trust that God knows best. And did what was best for everyone, especially that little baby. You know how often I’ve said that there was something wrong with a baby who died too soon.”
“We’ll know when we see the baby.”
“Perhaps and perhaps not.”
“How can you be so calm? This is one of your grandchildren.”
Astrid wished she could catch the words and stuff them back as soon as she said them. “I’m sorry, Mor, that was an unkind thing to say.”
“Would ranting and raving do any good?”
“No. Not really. But sometimes you feel better afterward.”
“Sometimes. But through the years I’ve seen feelings hurt more by getting angry. Kind and gentle words bring healing the most swiftly.”
Astrid leaned against her mother’s shoulder. “Do you think I will ever get to that point?”
Ingeborg patted her daughter’s cheek. “You have learned much in these last years. Thinking kind and gentle thoughts is a prelude to speaking them.”
They turned as Thorliff closed the door behind him. “She’s sleeping soundly.” His eyes wore dark shadows, all dressed for mourning.
“Far is building the box.” Ingeborg took her son’s hand. “He wanted to do this for you.”
Thorliff blinked and shook his head. “She tried so hard. It’s not fair. Other people have baby after baby, and we can’t.” He looked at his mother. “I know you wanted more children with my father, and you were denied until you married Haakan. Was there something wrong with my father’s side of the family?”
Ingeborg heaved a sigh. “I don’t think so. All these situations are different. Roald died before we could have more children. Besides, I bore only two children, and you have one. So there is a greater plan in progress than we know.”
“So is it selfish to want another child?”
Astrid listened to them both saying much the same things the two sides of her mind argued, neither winning nor losing but rearing up again when she least expected it. There are answers in the Scriptures, she reminded herself, but you have yet to find some of them. I know God loves us all, born and unborn. That never changes. I know He loves me, because He said so. Imperfect as I am, God loves me. The good news took over, and her arguing voices were forced to stop or go into hiding. Whichever, the peace they were all seeking tiptoed in and wrapped a feather-light shawl of love around her shoulders.
“I know God loves that baby, and He loves us. I know that. God will never change. He said so. Now we convince Elizabeth of that. Mor, please call Pastor Solberg.”
A familiar voice came from the stairs. “She already did. I came as soon as I could get away.” Pastor Solberg continued up the stairs. “I’m glad you know that, Dr. Bjorklund. That declaration will stand you in good stead for the rest of your life. Keep it in the front of your mind.” He joined them. “I take it Elizabeth is sleeping?”
“Ja. I am going back in now so that she is not alone when she wakes.” Thorliff gripped the pastor’s hand. “Thank you for coming.”
“Do you mind if I join you?”
“Not at all.” Thorliff ushered Pastor Solberg ahead of him and closed the door.
LATER THAT EVENING, Ingeborg having gone home, Astrid went to the room she’d been sleeping in after telling Thorliff to call her if there were any changes. Weariness of the soul dragged on her shoulders and her knees as she mounted the stairs. She undressed and pulled her lawn nightdress over her head. Standing in front of the window, she inhaled the evening air, fresh and pure with a coolness that kissed her cheeks and throat. The western horizon still held a faint tinge of yellow while the sky deepened to velvet black toward the east.
She brushed and braided her hair in a loose night style, then sat against the pillows on the bed to read from a little book of devotions Rev. Thompkins had given her. She flipped to the section on love. The words that leaped out at her made her smile inside. Love is patient and kind, not boastful or rude. She closed her eyes and said them aloud. “Love is patient and kind.” Gentle would fit here too. “Love is.” She thought on that. Is. A small word to be sure but of great power. Is. Not was nor will be, even though it was both of those things, but is. “God is love. God is.” She tipped her head back and inhaled the peace flowing through the room on the breeze. “Is.”
“Lord, please fill Elizabeth with these thoughts. Kind and gentle. Patient. She has tried to be patient these weeks, and now she will feel like it was all a waste. I know I would feel that way. But it wasn’t a waste. Love is. She did this because she loves the baby. Father, heal her broken heart. All of our hearts.” Anew she understood that when one member of the family weeps, all weep.
IF YOU MARRY HER, Joshua told himself, this is the way it will be.Her patients come first. She warned you. He’d taken this thought out all night and turned it over and around, trying to find something in it he could work with. She’d literally run back to the surgery, never saying “See you later” or anything. And things between them had been going so well.
That was what hurt the most. Maybe hurt wasn’t the right word. Irritated? Maybe some better. All the times he’d thought about seeing her again, none of those dreams ended like this reality. They’d been enjoying their sodas, talking about real things, not the weather, and the telephone call ended it all. He should have raced her to the surgery and barred the door. Except this was Dr. Elizabeth who was in distress. Her own family.
Wonderful, now he was thinking evil thoughts on top of his unhappiness. He needed to put that away and think on what Hjelmer had said to him after asking him to come to the newspaper office. Would he be willing to head up one of the crews that would be putting up Mr. Jeffers’ building to house the new company that would be manufacturing new seeders, or at least the new parts that would make the old ones much more practical?
That raised another question. Could these parts be modif
ied to fit the old seeders or only the new ones? To be sure, there would be a better return on selling new ones, but why not both? He wondered if Jeffers had thought of that or thought on it and discarded it. He could ask all these questions at their meeting in the morning. Things sure were moving fast.
He levered himself off the bed and sat down at the table to write down all his questions and ideas. While the middle of the night was good for thinking, it was also good for forgetting good ideas. After he turned off the gas lamp, he stood at the window, gazing out at the dimly lit room at the surgery. The room where they took care of people who were sick. Please, Lord, let that baby come before it kills Elizabeth. His heart ached at the thought of the baby dying like that. Ever since he’d started dreaming about Astrid, he’d been thinking on children too. His children. He knew he could be a good father, better than the one he’d had. He flipped the sheet over himself and settled into the pillow. Thank you, Father, for this new job, with even better pay. And I get to stay in Blessing, not be on the road for weeks on end.
In the evenings he could finish the cellar and get the beams ready to build his house. Maybe by fall they would have it roughed in and could finish the interior. From the sound of things, Blessing was going to be a booming place. But probably without Astrid for another two years. Could he wait? His heart said yes, but then that nagging doubt crept in as to whether they really were right for each other. And circumstances weren’t giving them a chance to find out. Was it circumstances or God’s guidance? Joshua had to smile. When he’d first arrived in Blessing, that thought would have never crossed his mind. He sighed. Perhaps by being in town like this, he could get to see Astrid again. And things would go better.
———
INGA’S ROSTER CROWING woke Astrid in the cool of the not yet risen morning. If you had been there . . . the sneaky voice stabbed at her. She shook her head. “No, I will not allow that. Love is. God is love. God is light.” Humming a song from church, she flipped back the sheet and light blanket, grateful for indoor plumbing, although running barefoot through the dew-drenched grass would feel heavenly on her feet. She washed her face. A basin bath would have to suffice for today.
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