by S. L. Naeole
We drove to the school in silence, the obvious disappointment that my Dad still felt at my not graduating coupled with his worry over Janice, not making for very good conversation. I was tempted to turn the radio on but stopped myself a dozen times. The lot was nearly full when we arrived, but Dad found a stall and we exited the car in silence. I could see the crowd of gowned students off to the side of the gymnasium, preparing for their last stroll as seniors, and I felt a longing that had never existed within me before.
I wanted to be a part of them. I wanted to be a part of this class that had ostracized me and excluded me from everything since grade school, and I couldn’t understand why. They had gone out of their way to avoid me at all costs, only involving themselves in my life when the events held some sort of entertainment value. And yet I still wanted to stand beside them and walk down the aisle with them, cheer them on as they stood up to collect their diplomas, and toss my cap into the air with them as we cut away the last ties to our childhood.
Instead, I walked into the gym with my father and baby brother and took a seat with the rest of the audience. I couldn’t help but smirk at how fitting it was—I had always been on the outside looking in here at Heath, and that’s exactly how I would leave it. I sighed in resignation as the music began to play, the pomp and circumstance of twelve years of schooling coming to a grand and bittersweet end.
***
“Did you see my mom?”
“No, I didn’t see her; is she here?”
Graham nodded, his head scanning over the crowd. “I saw her with the latest boyfriend—Kyle—he’s only eight years older than we are, can you believe it?”
Dad clapped Graham on the shoulder and laughed subtly. “Graham, it doesn’t matter how old he is. If he’s making your mother happy, that’s all that matters. Besides, we’re not here to talk about her. Congratulations, son.”
“Thanks, Mr. S. You were always like a second father to me, so this means a lot,” Graham gushed.
“I only wish that we could be celebrating the both of you graduating, but circumstances being what they are, I’m very proud of you.”
“Have you seen Robert?” I asked quietly while Dad busied himself with a fussy Matthew.
“Yeah. He’s right behind you.”
“Oh.”
I turned around slowly and saw the warm mercury eyes smiling down at me, the impact of it hitting me squarely in my chest and causing me to tumble forward from it. Sturdy and sure hands grabbed a hold of me and pulled me in to a soft and warm embrace that eased away the stiffness of worry and rejection that I had been bearing on me for a week now.
“I’m sorry,” I murmured into the itchy polyester folds of his gown.
“Sorry for what?”
“For telling my dad about you.”
He chuckled and squeezed his hand between us, pushing my chin up to face him. “Why are you apologizing for that? You didn’t intend on revealing anything to him. It was an accident—a completely human thing to do—and I cannot blame you for being what you are.”
“But…you stayed away. You didn’t come to see me; you didn’t come to check on me or anything. I-I thought you were angry at me.”
His head dipped down and a quick pass of his lips over mine was followed by another soft laugh. “You silly girl.” He straightened then and turned me around to face the stern and disapproving expression that was plastered on Dad’s face as he stared at the two of us, a bawling Matthew in his arms.
“Hello, Mr. Shelley,” Robert greeted warmly.
“Robert,” Dad said coolly.
“Hey, it’s my mom!” Graham interrupted with a whoop.
Iris Hasselbeck had worked her way through the crowd and rushed to Graham with a mixture of tears and laughter distorting her beautiful features into something more comical. Her arms slapped around his back as she squeezed him, his own arms wrapping around her and hugging her with meaning.
“Wow—my boy is all grown up and not afraid to show some affection to his mom. I like this change in you—what’s brought it about?” she tittered as she wiped away the dark streaky tears that had marred her makeup.
“Well, my, um…girlfriend, for one. And Grace,” he answered proudly.
“Girlfriend? Where is she?”
“She’ll be here in a moment,” Graham insisted. “Mom, you remember Grace and her dad, right?”
Iris turned around and, as though she just realized that she and Graham weren’t the only people in the gym, immediately plastered a smile onto her face that she reserved solely for the people she’d rather not speak to—and the narrowing of her eyes told me she knew that I was aware of this.
“Hello, James! It’s been too long since I’ve seen you—you look like you’ve lost some weight, in all the right places, I might add. And who’s this? Is this your son? He’s a feisty one, isn’t he? Just like his father—handsome, too! Hello, Grace.”
The tone of her voice went from pleased, to content, to downright contemptuous in under a minute, and I couldn’t hide my own contempt when her eyes took in Robert standing behind me and her expression changed once more, her voice lowering into a sultry, almost hungry growl She stepped forward, her hand reaching out in invitation.
“And who are you?”
“I’m Robert, Mrs. Hasselbeck,” he answered politely while refusing the proffered hand.
“Oh no, no; you call me Iris, Robert—I love that accent. You must be one of the new friends Graham’s been telling me so much about. You must come out to dinner with us tonight to…celebrate.” She looked downright covetous as she inched ever closer to him, ignoring Graham’s embarrassed groan and my gasp of shock when she took my place in front of Robert, her once rejected hand now resting possessively on Robert’s arm.
“I’m grateful for the invitation, Mrs. Hasselbeck, but I must decline—I’ve already made plans, as has Graham…isn’t that right, Graham?”
Graham took his cue and nodded vigorously. “Yes. Yes, we’ve got plans, Mom.”
Iris’ eyes darted between the two young men before her and frowned. “Well, couldn’t I join you? I mean, this is your graduation, and I did fly all this way to see you. What are you two planning to do?”
Graham stepped up beside me as Robert took my hand, the two of them grinning like loons as Robert replied, “We’re going out to dinner with Grace.”
“Grace? Hmm…did I imagine it or were you not a part of the procession?” she asked, her gaze scrutinizing me from head to toe.
“You didn’t imagine it,” I replied, my voice saccharinely sweet. “I wasn’t allowed to graduate because of a missing science credit.”
The icy laughter that crawled out of Iris’ throat sent chills through me as her smugly lit eyes narrowed into dark slits. “How ironic, isn’t it, that Graham’s always claimed you were the smartest girl he knew and yet you’re the one who’s failed to graduate while my son here has not only done that, but will be attending college in Florida. And what will you be doing, Grace? Attending community college while working at your father’s grocery story I suppose? How predictable.”
“Iris, I don’t think what Grace does is any of your business,” Dad interjected.
“Of course it is, James,” she said in retort. “Graham’s a good kid, who cares about his friends, but your daughter has a way of making people feel sorry for her when they shouldn’t. I wouldn’t be surprised if he told me right now that this mystery girlfriend of his that has yet to appear is none other than Grace.”
The air grew chilled around us, a sudden and drastic dip in temperature that silenced almost everyone in the large gymnasium. Almost everyone.
“Grace is not Graham’s girlfriend,” Robert hissed, his voice a stabbing sound that sliced through my head and caused me to wobble on my feet. “She’s my fiancé, the person I plan on spending the rest of my life with, and the only person who has stuck by your son when both you and your husband abandoned him. You criticize her, verbally insult her under the guise of concern f
or your son’s welfare when in truth you do so because you envy how close she is to your son, how much she’s been able to do for him despite everything about her you seem to find lacking.
“Your son loves Grace, and that should be enough for you to accept her because her place in your son’s life won’t ever change, no matter how you feel.”
Iris fumed, her face growing red, her expression piqued. “I don’t know who you think you are, but Graham is my son—I know him better than anyone, and Grace has never been anything more than a distraction. Once he’s in Florida he’ll never think of her again—she’s forgettable and always has been.”
The next few seconds passed like a blur as I was roughly pushed aside, my feet—still unaccustomed to the added height that the heels I had chosen provided me—tripping over themselves. I squeaked as a pair of hands kept me from falling while a cape of dark polyester flew past me, blocking my line of sight until the disruption settled and I was staring at the back of Graham’s head, Robert’s arms wrapped around me protectively.
“She was forgettable to you, mom,” Graham shouted. “She was forgettable to you, but so was I. You forgot me when I didn’t meet your expectations. You forgot me when I became a burden to you, and the only time you ever thought of me was when I could bring you some form of bragging rights. Grace is my best friend. She’s always been there for me, even when I turned my back on her.
“I thought I’d tell you tomorrow before you left, but since it seems like I’m probably not going to be seeing you after tonight, I’ve decided that I’m not going to Florida.”
At Graham’s bombshell, Iris looked as though she had just swallowed a ping-pong ball: her eyes bulged and her mouth took on a lazy “O” shape that forced her tongue nearly halfway out of her mouth as a guttural sound choked its way out of her. I knew this look well, for it had also found its way to me.
“N-n-not coming to Florida?”
“Well damn, I thought you’d at least wait until I got here,” an amused voice said from behind us.
“Lark!” Graham cheered, turning around and sweeping the beaming beauty off of her feet, swinging her in his arms as he kissed her soundly. “You’re late!”
“I’m sorry. I was delayed but I am here now and so glad that I didn’t miss the fireworks.” She turned to face the glare of Iris’ hooded eyes and smiled at her with the same false-sweetness that I had shown.
“Hello, Mrs. Hasselbeck. We’ve met once before, remember? At the homecoming game? A lot has changed since then, hasn’t it?”
Iris nodded, her eyes instantly brightening at the sight of the beautiful girl standing in front of her. “It’s always a delight to see such a lovely person such as yourself…uh…” The look on the woman’s face showed without question that she was at a loss.
“Lark. My name is Lark. Robert is my brother, Grace one of my closest friends, and Graham here is mon mari.”
“Mount Mary? Have you been hanging around that Donovan boy again, Graham?”
“I’m her boyfriend, Mom,” Graham answered quickly, while I choked on the words that had obviously gone unrecognized by the irate and flustered older woman.
“Well, I suspected as much when she kissed you, but why does she know that you’re not leaving and not me? I’m your mother—your decision affects me just as much—if not more—than it does anyone else. Why are you staying in this hell-hole of a town?”
Graham looked at his mother and sighed, his face showing the disappointment that he felt with having to explain to his mother in such a manner, at such a time.
“Because I don’t want to be around you, Mom. Not while you’re like this.”
An insulting sound came out of Iris’ throat, and she glared at her son with such scorn I could almost smell his skin singing with the heat of it. “While I’m like what?”
“Like this, mom; thinking that you’re some teenager, coming to my graduation and hitting on my friends? Where’s Kyle or whatever your latest boy-toy’s name is? Why didn’t he come with you like you said he would?”
“He went back to the motel because I told him that I wanted to spend some time with you—alone—with your pretty little girlfriend before you came home with me. And I wasn’t hitting on your friend—it’s quite obvious that his standards are too low and-”
“See! Do you see what you just did there, Mom?” Graham snapped, his booming voice cutting her off and shooting across the gym, causing every head to turn towards the heated argument taking place mere inches away from me. “You just can’t stop taking pot shots at Grace, can you? She’s done nothing to you—absolutely nothing—and yet you continue to pick on her and insult her. Why? Why can’t you just leave her alone?”
“Graham, it’s okay,” I said softly, not wanting the confrontation to grow any more rancorous, but it was too late.
“No, Grace. She’s done nothing that the rest of this damn school hasn’t done, but damn it all to hell, she was the adult. She has no excuse to treat you this way. No one here does, but if I’m going to get an honest answer out of anyone, it’s going to be her. Tell me, Mom, why do you hate Grace so much?”
Iris was fuming, but the steam that had built up within her was slowly letting itself out, her once proud shoulders and chin sinking ever so slightly, bit by bit, until finally her eyes were lowered, and her grimace turned into a shameful frown that aged her quite dramatically.
“Because you always went to her. Even as a little boy, whenever something was wrong with you, she as the one you would turn to. Whether you were sick, or hurt, or just confused, you never came to me, your own mother. You would sneak out of the house and run to hers. I thought that it would fade, that this fascination with her would die, but it didn’t.
“And when I saw the way that you would look at her sometimes, I…I couldn’t stand the thought of her being a part of your life forever, Graham. She’s not good enough for you—for any part of you.”
“Now listen here, Iris, any man alive would consider himself damned lucky to have Grace love him—she’s too good for all of them, especially your Graham—but your inadequacies as a mother should have no bearing on how your son feels about her. Especially since she’s been there for him when you were too busy nailing your sister’s pool boy!” Dad’s angry and yet strangely calm reply filled me up with such warmth that I couldn’t help the wide grin that tugged at my lips.
“Let’s get going, Grace—we have reservations that we cannot miss,” Robert interrupted, his hands sliding down my arms and filling my hands. “Mr. Shelley, I hope it’s alright with you if Grace accompanies Graham and me for a bit of celebrating.”
I looked at Dad expectantly, slightly fearful that he’d refuse the request on sheer principle alone. To my relief, he smiled and nodded in agreement. “She should be going out to celebrate—she’s just slain the dragon.”
I exhaled in relief, and pulled away from Robert to throw my arms around my father, who patted me with one hand, the other one occupied with a snoozing Matthew. “Thank you, Dad,” I whispered into his ear.
“You have fun, kiddo. This should have been your night, anyway,” he said back, his voice cracking a bit.
“Are you going to be okay? With Matthew, I mean?” I asked, suddenly aware that tonight would be the first time that Dad had been alone with Matthew ever.
“I’ll be fine, Grace—I had midnight feeding duty with you when you were a baby, so I think I might be able to handle one night alone with one who’s a thousand times more relaxed than you ever were,” he kidded.
“Thanks,” I said again before kissing him lightly on the cheek. I pressed another soft kiss onto the top of Matthew’s head before allowing Robert to pull me away from a still semi-seething Iris, her eyes still lowered, her posture still slack.
“It was nice to see you again, Mrs. Hasselbeck,” I said before she disappeared behind a throng of people too consumed by the ceremony of graduation to care about any of us for more than a second of two.
We were nearly to the e
xit when a hand reached out to grab my arm. The grip was unusually strong, and I exclaimed in surprise at the person to whom it was attached to. “Shawn?”
“Grace! I thought I wasn’t going to see you here—I’m so glad you came! Graham! Robert! Hey, Lark, too! I’m glad I got to see you guys! Listen, I wanted to invite you to my graduation party next week—do you think you’ll come?”
“That sounds like something we’ll make time for,” Robert promised before pulling me away, leaving me to shout a quick and apologetic farewell before we were outside, the summer sun having long since set, leaving the muggy night sky to welcome us with its endless array of stars.
“So when were you guys going to tell me that you all were speaking again?” I asked when we were standing in front of Graham’s rusty Buick.
“We’re not exactly speaking to each other,” Lark corrected. “It’s just that with what’s happened recently, and what’s going to happen, there really is no room for any form of animosity. Not now, anyway.”
“What do you mean, what’s going to happen?”
“You going to summer school, Grace,” Robert replied before Lark could. “Janice didn’t try to commit suicide—that much we’ve figured out.”
“We think that it might be a message,” Lark added, though it was quite clear that she was not pleased with the idea of having to speak at all to either of us.
“A message to who? And about what?”
“A message to your father, to remind him that no one he loves is safe,” Robert answered flatly.
My heart began its slow crawl beneath my skin as fear took over every other emotion save panic and anxiety, the slow, icy creeping of blood quickening as my breathing rapidly increased while the intake lessened with each inhale.
“We’ve got to go back,” I told them in jumbled spurts. “We’ve got to go back and get my dad—we’ve got to keep him and Matthew safe!”
“Grace, he’s safe. My mother is watching him,” Lark informed me.
“What? Since when?”