“Sorry,” she whispered.
“Are you ok?”
She nodded. “I feel better. Can we go back to the cabin?”
“Of course.”
They walked in silence. He didn’t know what to do or say now that everything was different. He left Haley on the couch while he poured a glass of water for her.
“Here you go.”
She took the glass and drank until it was empty. “I’m crazy thirsty.”
He nodded. “I can see that.”
“It’s common with pregnancy.” He could hear the tone in her voice. She sounded like she did at the hospital, reciting medical facts. “Although, what’s not common is someone who needs a Hail Mary pass to get pregnant to be pregnant after five days.”
She wanted an explanation from him but he didn’t have one. “I’m as surprised as you are. I didn’t know it would happen.”
“How could you not know the strength of your own…your…your magic?”
He walked toward the fireplace. “I don’t know, doc. This is the first time I’ve had a mate.”
He had to do something. He stacked logs in front of the hearth and started piling them in the fireplace. He struck a match under the kindling. He waited for the warm glow to spread before he sat next to her.
“I’m freaking out, Jax. What in the hell am I going to do? I’m finishing my residency. You’re leaving. I think I just agreed to be an alpha. This is insane.”
“Shh.” He kissed her forehead. He didn’t have the answers.
She looked at him and his heart thudded louder than it ever had. He brushed his lips over hers, inhaling everything about her. Her breasts had never looked more tempting.
“Jax, we have to talk.”
“No, we don’t.” He pushed her back on the couch. “Talk to me like this.” He unbuttoned her shirt, letting the sides drift to the side.
“We’re too rough,” she breathed. “We can’t…” her words trailed off as he pulled the pants over her hips.
“I promise to be careful.” His eyes fired.
He was going to take her over and over again until they couldn’t speak. Until they couldn’t breathe. Until she knew how he worshipped her body. How much he fucking loved her.
* * *
Haley
There were things they should talk about. Like how they had walked out of a cave of bear shifters. Or how they were pretty certain she was pregnant. But one taste of his lips and her body was on fire. It had to be the pregnancy hormones. But none of that seemed to matter as Jax lowered his mouth to her breast.
Her back bowed off of the couch, offering more to his mouth. Nothing had ever felt so intense or heated as his tongue flicked over her perked nub. Everything about her nipples was sensitive. The need to feel more was gripping her. She pressed his head against her chest.
“Harder,” she urged.
He growled, “I’m trying to be careful.”
But the sensations were ripping through her like lighting strikes. His tongue lashed and toyed until she felt the slow waves quickening in her core. She bucked as his fingers slid between her legs.
“Oh, Jax.” She clawed at his back. Everything was intensified. The ripples shook her.
She looked in his eyes as he settled between her legs. “I promise I won’t hurt you.” He thrust inside her in one slow glorious thrust.
“Ohh,” she moaned. It felt so right. So full. So soothing having him buried inside her again.
Jax began to slide in and out of her and she felt the snapping in her core. She offered herself to him, wrapping her legs around his waist so he could push deeper inside. She needed it.
“More. I want more,” she begged.
He grinned. “Like this?” He sank his cock slow and hard into her, making her breathless.
“Fuck, yes.” Her head reeled back.
He growled in her ear as he moved in and out of her. Taking his time to fill her completely before sliding out again.
When they knew their bodies couldn’t take any more. Jax wrapped his arms around her and held her while they quivered and pulsed, feeling the magic hum run back and forth between them.
20
Jax
Jax walked onto the porch, leaving Haley wrapped in a blanket by the fire. The crisp air hit his bare chest. He should feel satisfied. His mate was inside. The bear war had ceased. The next heirs were on the way. Only, he knew he wasn’t being the bear he should be.
“Hey, there you are.” Haley stood in the doorway.
“Hey.” He shoved his hands in his pockets.
“You look like you’re deep in thought.” She walked toward him, her hand grazing his shoulder.
“Something like that.” He wasn’t used to sharing his feelings. He wasn’t used to sharing anything. He had been alone for so long he had forgotten there was another way to exist. Haley brought warmth and light into his life.
When he was around her he forgot he was a trained killer. He forgot about the explosions. For a minute he forgot the mission wasn’t complete.
“Last night was amazing.” She smiled. “I don’t feel as nervous for some reason.”
The sunlight wisped around her hair.
“I’m glad, doc.” He touched his lips to her forehead. “I wish I could say the same thing.”
“I think you need to follow your heart, Jax.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’ve been a soldier for so long you’ve forgotten what it means to live. You’ve fought for everyone else, protecting our freedom, guarding us from evil, but you got lost in there.” Her palm pressed over his heart. “And once you came home your family started pulling you in a different direction, demanding you be the alpha, guilting you into taking a mate.” Her eyes shot to his.
“No, that’s not why…”
“It doesn’t matter. I know what we have. I don’t really care how or why it happened.”
He stared at her, trying to process her words. Trying to figure out where she was going with this.
“You’ve given me something I never thought was possible. What I would label as a medical miracle.” Her hands slid to her belly. “I thought not being able to get pregnant made me undesirable, but the irony was it made you want me more. And look what happened.”
“What do you want me to do?” He felt the pain ache in his chest. He couldn’t leave her no matter how strong she was. They were bonded in ways he didn’t know were possible.
“Don’t stay because you feel obligated. Don’t stay because it’s some kind of bear duty. Don’t stay out of obligation. Stay because you love me. I don’t want you any other way.”
He closed his eyes. He wanted the answer to appear crystal clear. As clear as his need for her.
“Haley, I…” when he opened his eyes she was gone. The front door latched quietly.
He growled, looking at the woods. There was something he hadn’t done in a long time. Something that would calm the beast within.
He felt the power surge under his skin as he let the animal take over. His lean, strong muscles twinged and hummed as his bear appeared. He let a roar rip from his chest as he barreled into the woods.
21
Haley
She didn’t know when the clarity had struck her. She smiled as she washed plates and stacked them in the cupboard. Maybe there was something to her new alpha status. But when she awoke she knew exactly what she needed. She wanted Jax to love her unconditionally. She wanted him to stay because it was what he wanted. If he didn’t, she knew he would be restless.
His heart would be split always wondering if he should be helping his team. She couldn’t be the reason he was torn. She loved him too much to guilt him into a relationship.
It was strange how the calm had washed over her. The stillness moved through her with certainty. Jax had to choose her because it was what he wanted. If Special Forces was still calling to him, she knew she wouldn’t come first.
Her eyes drifted to the clock. He had been gone s
everal hours.
She reached for a bowl and scrubbed until the bubbles washed down the drain.
* * *
Jax
The forest was quiet. Almost too quiet. Jax’s ears snapped back when he heard the crack of a branch. From the high branches of the tree he could see a figure approaching. It was a man.
Jax took each limb slowly as he lowered himself to the ground. He felt the fur slide into skin as his human form transformed. The change from animal to human always made him feel calm, as if easing the bear under his skin again gave him a new sense of control.
He stepped into his jeans, snapping the button before the man was in front of him.
Jax eyed him. It only took one sniff to recognize another bear, but one glance and he knew he was looking at a fellow Special Forces soldier.
“You’ve got to be Landon.” The man walked forward, extending a hand.
Jax shook his head. “Who’s asking?”
“Gage.” He nodded his head. “I’m with a Green Beret team that just got back from Razastan.”
Jax’s chest puffed out. Hearing the country’s name shot emotion through his veins. “What brings you here?”
“Your orders are in. Too sensitive for electronic communication.”
Jax understood what he meant. Gage had been sent to give him his next assignment.
“When?” he asked.
“You leave at zero five hundred.”
Jax shoved his hands in his pockets. He felt the resolve start in his fingertips. It worked its way through his veins as the blood pumped through his arms and along his spine. Surging through his back and down his legs. It was strong and resolute. The resolve he had been searching for.
The sudden clarity he had wanted. The answer that would tell him which side to embrace. Be the man he promised his country he would be, or be the bear that was meant to lead his clan into years of peace with Haley by his side?
Gage cleared his throat. “Are you ready for the instructions?”
Jax stared in his eyes. This man was a warrior like him. A man and a bear trying to serve both sides of his nature in a way no one else could possibly understand.
It had happened in a flash. A moment so quick and fleeting Jax almost didn’t feel it. But it had happened. All the clarity had crashed upon his soul, claiming him, deciding his future.
22
Haley
It was dark. She had convinced herself Jax would be back by now. He only needed time to think. Who wouldn’t? In less than a week they had met, were somehow bonded for life, and were on their way to becoming parents.
She watched the flames dart through the logs as the embers faded. If she threw another log on top she would have to wait for it to burn. If she didn’t, the room would grow cold and the waiting would be over. She would leave, knowing what Jax’s answer was.
Maybe it was too much to ask him. But he had asked her for more than she thought was possible.
If he didn’t come home did that mean she was no longer the alpha? Could she go back to the hospital and try to hide her pregnancy until she moved?
She started pacing the cabin. None of the answers were ones she liked. Without Jax, they were all cold, just like the fire.
* * *
Jax
He stared at the front door, knowing everything was about to change. His hand landed on the knob.
She was there, standing in front of the fire.
His eyes lifted to hers.
“Jax?”
There weren’t words for what he had to tell her. There was no way to say what he needed to express. How could he explain the clarity that came to him in the forest? How could he tell her?
He crossed the room, stopping in front of her.
“Jax, you’re scaring me. Why aren’t you talking?”
He traced the line of her cheek, inhaling the sweet scent of her shampoo. His chest ached. God, she was everything to him.
He tipped her chin upward, brushing his lips across her mouth.
“You,” he growled.
“What?” Her hands slid around his neck.
He kissed her, taking his time to taste all the corners of her mouth, exploring her tongue with his.
“I realized I don’t have to choose the bear or the man.” He looked into her eyes.
“You don’t?” she whispered.
He shook his head. “No, I don’t.” His arms dipped to pull her into his arms. He lifted her from the floor. “I choose you.”
She smiled. “I choose you, too.”
“You accept both parts of me, Haley.”
“I do. I fell in love with the man, but your bear has given me a miracle. I can’t help but love him too.” Her hands rubbed against his neck.
He pressed his lips against hers. “I’m not leaving.”
“You’re not?”
“No. I told them to find someone else for the mission.”
“Is that even possible?” She searched his eyes.
“I guess we’ll find out.” He grinned, carrying her toward his room.
“And the clan?”
“We will lead them side by side.” He laid her on the bed, shoving the quilt to the floor.
She sighed. “Oh thank God. I don’t know how to be an alpha.”
“Let me show you.” He winked.
Haley giggled. “Alpha lessons?”
“How many hours until you have to go back to the hospital?” He rolled next to her, drawing her close to her chest.
“I have two full days.” Her eyes lit with seductive mischief.
His mouth crushed against hers as his arms wrapped around her neck and waist. He may not have known how to embrace his bear, or how to deal with being a Delta, but Haley had shown him. As long as she was in his arms, the two parts of him were whole, and he planned on spending the next two days loving her until she was breathless. Until she knew he would never leave. Until she knew he would protect her and the cubs until the day he died.
* * *
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Gage tried to push back from the table when the waitress refilled his mug with hot coffee, but his frame was too large for the booth. Instead he moved enough for the coffee pot not to graze his arm.
“You decide on something?” she asked.
“I’ll have the double breakfast platter.” He handed her the menu coated with layers of grease.
“The whole works?” She waited with her order pad ready.
He nodded, pulling his ball cap close around his temples.
“It will be right out.” She smiled as she turned from him.
It was dreary and cold outside. The rain came down in sheets, but inside the diner the air was warm and smelled like bacon. Gage brought the cup to his lips. He hadn’t had a good cup of
coffee in awhile. The best he got in Razastan was a thermos and powdered coffee he mixed by shaking.
He watched the puddles fill with rain while his breakfast sizzled on the grill. This was the first town he had stopped in. He had ridden his bike all night, unable to quiet his bear’s need to keep moving. He didn’t want to stop long enough to think. Thinking meant remembering.
“Here you go.” The waitress appeared, her arms loaded with heavy platters. She shuffled the plates in front of him. “Need anything else?”
“No.” He shook his head.
“Just holler if you change your mind.” She stepped away from the booth and made her way to a couple that had ducked in from the rainstorm.
He had meant to tell her thank you, but he cut into the eggs and sausage, forgetting for a minute that he was back on US soil. He was back where people exchanged pleasantries and small talk. It would take some getting used to again.
All of it would take getting used to. For the first time in three years he didn’t have to listen for the sound of incoming mortar, or the cries for help. He didn’t have to watch where he stepped for trip wires or land mines. He could sleep without the fear of his throat being slashed.
He stopped eating and looked out of the window again. He knew he was supposed to do all those things, but he didn’t know where to begin. It felt better to keep moving.
He stood, pulling a stack of bills from his wallet and threw the cash on the table next to the uneaten platters.
“Wait, do you want a to-go box?” his waitress called, but Gage was already out of the door.
He threw his leg over his bike, kicked back the kickstand, and revved the engine. He swapped his ball cap out for his helmet, clasping the shield in place over his face. The only thing he could do now was ride. He steered onto the road, leaving the warm diner behind him.
Delta Bear (Rogue Bear Series 2) Page 7