Mark glares at Banner one more time. “To look for you two. When he didn’t answer his phone or come back right away, we decided to come find you ourselves.”
I give him a sweet smile. “Thank you. But I’m okay, I swear.”
“Should we call the police?”
“Yes,” Banner snaps as I say, “No.”
“What do you mean, no?” he demands, watching me take my coat off.
I don’t look at him when I answer, dropping into the love seat and curling up. “Because he didn’t do anything. I don’t want to waste police time on nothing. It will only get my hopes up for a restraining order, only for them to say they won’t issue one without cause.”
“He beat you the fuck up,” Banner growls. “That’s cause enough.”
“He’s right. Darren shouldn’t be following you around, Emma,” he tells me, before facing Banner. “Please tell me you knocked the fucker out for me. If I ever lay eyes on him, I’m gonna kill him.”
“Babe, calm down. Emma doesn’t need to hear this,” Levi says smoothly, coaxing him away from the door like he’s afraid Mark will escape and do what he promised. Kill Darren.
“Guys, please,” I beg.
“I laid one on him, yeah. He’s lucky that’s all I did. I think we should still mention it to your lawyer. If something happens, we might need to have this on file.”
“Please, Banner, can we just drop it. I’m cold, hungry, and just want you guys around me.”
His expression softens as he joins me on the sofa. His cold body warms up to mine. The loon didn’t even bother pulling on a coat when he raced out of here to find me. I want to reprimand him for being careless, but what he did was also incredibly sweet.
“Okay. Mark was gonna cook chicken fajitas, so why don’t we eat that, kick some arse on Call of Duty, then watch a movie in bed?”
“Sounds like a plan,” I tell him, forcing a smile. “And thank you. I don’t know what I would do without you.”
“You’re never going to have to find out,” he whispers.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
The café Milly asked me to join her at is dead when I meet her on Friday evening. The place is completely deserted. Scanning the room, I find her sitting in a booth at the back, facing the door. Which is something I always do.
When she notices me walking towards her, a smile lights up her beautiful face. She stands to greet me, moving out of the booth.
“Emma. It’s lovely to meet you in person,” she says. “Here, you take a seat while I order us some drinks. What would you like?”
Since I’m too nervous, I opt not to have coffee. “Can I have a hot chocolate, please?”
“Of course. Won’t be a second,” she says, before walking elegantly over to the counter.
While she’s busy ordering, I take the time to look her over. She looks younger than she did when we booked our appointment over Skype. She’s not dressed like my old therapist, either. Instead of a suit, she’s dressed in jeans and a woolly jumper. It makes me feel at ease. It’s also refreshing not to be in an office, enclosed within four walls. I don’t feel like I’m in a prison here; I can leave at any time.
I don’t know what today will entail, whether she wants me to fill her in on more of what happened to me or not, or if this is just an introduction.
Even though there is no one here but the waitress and a cook, I still don’t feel comfortable talking so openly about what happened to me.
Milly walks back over, sitting the steaming cup of hot chocolate down in front of me. “Here you go, lovely.”
I fidget in my seat, unsure of what to do or say. I finally decide to wait for her to lead, and then see what happens from there.
“First of all, I want you to know you don’t have to talk to me about anything you don’t want to. I won’t push you into something you aren’t ready for either. Don’t think of me as a therapist while you’re with me. You can talk to me like I’m your friend, but know, whatever is shared between the both of us, will go no further. Are you okay with that?”
“I am.”
“Super. I like to get that part out of the way, otherwise we might just sit here and stare into our cups. And although that would be fine with me, you are coming to me for a reason.”
I love her bluntness, it’s refreshing. She keeps her voice soft, making me feel at ease.
“How are you finding it here in Whithall?” she asks, taking a sip of her drink, like we’re old friends.
“I like living with my cousin, Mark, and his boyfriend, Levi. I also have a friend named Banner. He’s showed me around some, but mostly to restaurants to try out his favourite foods.”
She giggles, and I relax in my seat. “Sounds like my kind of friend. Where has he taken you that you’ve liked the best?”
I don’t even have to think about it. Our time spent with Lake and Max had been my favourite place. “Fun ‘N Cups. My friends came to visit me from out of town and we went there. The food was great, but I think I preferred the company more.”
“What do you mean?”
I look around the empty room, chewing my bottom lip. “Even though this place is empty, I still feel kind of tense. When we were at Fun ‘N Cups, I got so lost in the three of them that I forgot where I even was. It was nice and relaxing.”
“Sounds like you had a good time,” she says softly, smiling.
“I did.”
“I’m glad.”
I look away from the window to face the woman in front of me, needing to ask her the one question I’ve been dying to have answered. The guilt has been eating away at me all week. I can’t talk about this with the men in my life, they wouldn’t understand. Milly is Switzerland.
“Can I ask you something?”
“You can ask me anything, Emma.”
“Do you think something is wrong with me for feeling sorry for the person who attacked me?”
Her expression doesn’t change as she drops her cup to the table. “I don’t think anything is wrong with you at all. It just proves what a compassionate young lady you are.” She pauses, watching me intently. “Did something happen? When we booked the meeting, I was under the impression your attacker was in prison.”
“I saw him the other week. At first, I thought I imagined it, but after my cousin looked into it, we found out the same day he had been out for a while. And then, on Wednesday, he was outside of the English building, waiting for me to arrive.”
“Did he hurt you?” she asks quickly, her relaxed, soft expression turning serious, concerned.
“No. He wanted to talk, to apologise, but I called Banner and he came and got me. But… for those fifteen minutes, I didn’t just see my attacker. I saw someone else, someone broken. I felt sorry for him.”
“You’re a remarkable woman, Emma. I’m not saying what you’re feeling is part of the road to forgiveness. People find that in their own way. Nobody is saying you have to forgive your attacker, and in most cases, people don’t. I’ve counselled women who have known their attacker or abuser, found a way to forgive them, and said it helped them move on. Not all incidents are the same though, Emma.”
“I don’t know why I feel this way,” I tell her, rubbing my chest.
“Did he apologise?”
I shrug. “He tried to, but I cut him off. He took everything from me. He might not have forced those drugs down my sister’s throat, but he sold them to her. He knew she was in love with him, too, and he messed her around.”
“And then he attacked you?” she states matter-of-factly.
I nod, staring back outside the window, watching snowflakes float down under the streetlights. “I want to hate him. I do hate him. But I’m so confused, too. A part of me wanted to hear what he had to say, but the other was scared of what he wanted to tell me. I feel like I’m finally moving on with my life. What if he says something I don’t want to hear, and I go back to that dark place?”
“You’ve had a traumatic experience. You lost your sister, you were brutally
attacked, and from the notes your therapist sent over, you had to deal with unloving parents. It couldn’t have been easy for you. You’ve already taken that first step to moving on. You should be proud of yourself, Emma.”
“It’s not really an accomplishment,” I state dryly, feeling defensive all of a sudden over her praise.
She lets it sweep over her head. “I disagree. I’d say it’s one of the biggest you could make. You’ve felt that loneliness, that empty feeling in the pit of your stomach, and the desire to end everything just so you can get five minutes of peace. You’ve wanted to keep your mind silent from the constant nightmares running through them. To get from that dark place, to the one you are in right now, I’d say it’s a hell of an accomplishment. Don’t put yourself down.”
My cheeks heat at her scolding. She’s also spot on with her words about the silence. It’s why I tried to overdose after my sister had died and I was attacked. I just wanted it all to end.
I had risen from the sink to find my reflection staring back at me. I didn’t like what I saw; it scared me. Once I realised what I had done, I stuck my fingers down my throat and vomited all the tablets I had taken.
“I just don’t know what to do. Should I hear him out or just ignore the fact I ever saw him?”
She gives me a sad smile. “Only you can answer that, lovely. But you don’t have to decide straight away. Have you spoken to your friend and family about this?”
I shake my head, fiddling with the handle on my cup. “I don’t think they’ll understand. They hate him as much as I do for what he did to me.”
“Because they love you,” she states softly. “What he has to say won’t change what happened in the past. He would still be involved in the events leading up to your sister’s death, and responsible for your attack. What you need to decide is whether whatever he has to say will ease your mind or answer any unspoken questions. And you don’t even need to meet him alone. You could hire a mediator to witness the exchange. And I’m sure your cousin, his boyfriend, or your friend would go with you. But if you don’t feel comfortable with either, I’d be more than happy to come with you.”
“Can I think about it?”
Her eyes soften. “Emma, you can have all the time in the world. You don’t have to find all the answers today.”
“Thank you.”
“My pleasure.” She smiles. “Now, I know you have class in twenty minutes, so we should get moving. Did you drive, or would you like me to drop you off? Since it’s snowing, it might take us a while to get there.”
“Banner dropped me off here. He’s waiting outside to take me. Thank you for offering though.”
“Would you like to set up another meeting now, or wait? I don’t want to pressure you into anything. I know my style is unorthodox, but I find more women relax in a familiar setting.”
I give her a warm smile. “I will message you a day when I’m free. And I can see why. Surprisingly, this wasn’t as bad I thought it would be. I think I opened up more to you than I have to anyone other than Banner.”
“I’m glad. That’s what I love to hear,” she tells me softly. “Be safe, keep warm, and if you need anything, you have my numbers. Don’t be afraid to call, day or night. I’m looking forward to our next meeting.”
“Me too,” I tell her as we head towards the door. When we get outside, I pull my coat tighter around me. “Goodbye, Milly.”
“Goodbye, Emma.”
I feel her watching me as I get into the car. It isn’t until I’m in and the door is shut that she crosses the road to her own car.
“How was it?” Banner asks, pulling slowly out into the slick roads.
“Better than I imagined. She’s really nice,” I tell him.
“I’m glad. Did you tell her about Darren?”
“Not in detail,” I whisper, not wanting to talk about it with him. I know he’s mad I won’t go to the police. He doesn’t understand what it was like answering all those questions after Darren attacked me.
“I’m going to pick you up after class. I’ll meet you by the entrance, so don’t wander off. That okay?”
“You don’t have to do that.”
He finishes pulling into a parking space before shutting the car off and facing me. “I want to.” He drops his head, licking his lips. “And… if you’re not too tired after class, I was wondering if we could talk about something.”
I glance at the time on the dashboard. “I still have ten minutes if you want to talk now. Is everything okay?”
He rubs the back of his neck. I sit up straighter, not sure whether I like the look on his face. He’s never anxious.
His mouth opens to answer me, when a tap on my window startles me. I scream, flinging myself at Banner and away from the intruder.
I glare when I see Becky standing by the door, her face near enough pressed against the window.
“Come on, let’s go inside. Even polar bears would freeze their tits off in this weather.”
Banner’s hard body shakes beneath me. I groan, lifting myself off him, and wince when the handbrake digs into my hip.
“Did you want me to tell her to wait?” I ask Banner when I’ve straightened myself out.
He shakes his head, sucking his bottom lip into his mouth to keep from laughing.
“I’m not waiting out here. My nipples are gonna freeze off.”
“Go. We wouldn’t want her nipples to fall off,” he tells me, looking away when he starts to chuckle.
“Hey, I’ll have you know, Bess and Tess are good peeps. There’s no need to get sarky,” she yells through the window.
At that, I have to bite back my own laughter, especially when the few lads that are in our class walk by, trying to look around her to see her chest.
“You named your boobs?” I ask in disbelief when I open the car door.
She looks at me like I’ve lost my mind. “Don’t you?”
“Yeah, do you?” Banner pipes in.
I smack him lightly on the arm and give him a warning look before turning back to Becky. “No, I don’t.”
When she looks at me with pity, I want to ask her what I’ve done wrong. Instead, I stay quiet, feeling that would be the wise thing to do.
“My mum’s boobs were called Lennie and Rennie. Rennie always pissed her off because it was a little bit bigger than Lennie.”
“Are you serious?”
“As a heart attack.”
“I’ve never got that saying,” I mutter, ignoring Banner’s high-pitched laughter.
“It’s fine, Becky, we’ll name Emma’s, Foxy and Roxy.”
Becky bends down to see into the car. “Dude, you can’t go naming some chick’s tits. Uncool. You wouldn’t like us naming your balls.”
He chokes on his laughter and starts banging his chest as he coughs through it. I laugh with him, even though I know I’m going to get shit for this later.
“Banner, pull yourself together. I’ll wait for you by the doors. They have the front entrance open again.”
He’s still laughing as I step out of the car, the cold wind whipping my hair around my face.
“Wait, Emma.”
With one hand on the roof of the car, I bend down to answer him. “Yeah?”
“You can name my balls any day.” He winks, looking sexy as hell, and I blush. It’s bad enough he’s talking about his balls, let alone winking at me while he’s doing so.
I shake my head at him. “Ah, we can call them Itty and Bitty.”
His laughter comes to a sudden stop, a horrified expression on his face. “My balls aren’t itty or bitty!” I wink at him before pulling back, slamming the door shut behind me, muffling his voice. “They’re more like rocky and stocky.”
Becky and I start making our way down the path to the English building. “Rocky and Stocky are good names,” she says with a straight face. When she sees my wide-eyed expression, she bursts out laughing.
“Can we change the subject?” I mutter dryly.
“Yeah,”
she answers, sorting herself out. Once she stops laughing, she continues, her voice serious now. “What are we going to do about Mr. Flint?”
Ah, crap!
“I’m glad you mentioned him. I think we should record our classes with him. How much battery do you have?”
We both pull out our phones, and I wince when I see hers. “Not much. I forgot to charge it before I came out. What about you?”
“I’ve got full battery, but I’m more concerned about my storage. I haven’t had chance to get a memory card. I only thought about it this morning.”
“If you can, try to keep your phone hidden on your lap. When you see him walking towards you, just hit record. That way you aren’t recording the whole two hours.”
“I’ll do that.”
“Come on, let’s get this over with,” she says, linking her arm through mine.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Friday’s class with Mr. Flint was a bust, but I’m hoping tonight’s class won’t be. He didn’t come near me the entire lesson, but that only served to make me even warier of him—to still be on alert in his lessons. Which is why when Banner offered to take me around town on Monday, I said yes, and grabbed a new memory card for my phone. There was no way I was going to run out of storage now.
It was time for me to head to class soon. I just had to meet up with Becky first. The night was clear, no sign of snow or rain in sight. It was nice to have the break from the freezing temperatures. It was still cold, just not as cold as it had been. Which is why I’m looking for my scarf.
“Hey, Mark, have you seen my pink scarf?” I ask, stepping out of my bedroom.
“No. You had it on when you left with Banner this morning, though. Maybe you left it with him.”
“Maybe,” I murmur absently. “Thank you.”
I step back in my room and walk over to my bedside table, picking my phone up and dialling Banner. I listen to the ring, moving towards the window and pulling the curtain back.
“Hey, beautiful. Miss me already?”
I giggle at his greeting. “Yep.”
“You okay?” I hear him moving, and things shuffling in the background.
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