by Ivy Smoak
"Seen what?" I didn't want the answer to my question. I was worried I had to end this right here. I glanced behind me. We were all alone in the woods. Snuggle Muffins had bitten through a rope for me. If I told him to bite off her head, would he do it? Sally was a terribly nosy neighbor, but I wasn't sure I had it in me to kill her myself.
"Our two neighbors." She sighed. "Violet and Adeline. They were in bad situations with bad men. I should have seen it."
"No one saw it. You can't beat yourself up." I didn't have time for a therapy session right now.
Sally smiled, but it looked forced. "I made a promise to myself to notice the important things. And I noticed you and Noah. It helps that I'm right next door. I know he hurts you, Ensley."
"He...he doesn't hurt me." I pictured Sophia's face. He hurt her. Badly. That so easily could have been me. It had been me.
"I hear the yelling."
"He doesn't hurt me." My voice was quieter now. Noah promised he'd never hurt me. He promised.
"Emotional abuse can be just as painful as physical abuse. I was trying to talk to you about this the other day...but now I'm afraid I'm running out of time."
I pressed my lips together.
"You know, I remember how happy you looked when you were pregnant." She shook her head. "I'd never seen you so happy."
"I was happy." Honestly, I was pretty sure it was the last time I was happy. I was so excited to meet my baby boy. I held Snuggle Muffins a little closer to my chest.
"I heard the yelling that night," Sally said. "Something happened, didn't it?"
I swallowed hard. "I slipped." I remembered all the blood at the bottom of the stairs. I remembered trying to wash the blood off my hands in the sink. I couldn't stop picturing it. The life seeping out of me. The water in the sink running red.
Sally reached out and grabbed my hand. "Did you slip? Or did he push you?"
I blinked when I noticed there were tears in my eyes. "I don't remember." I dreamed of that night all the time. In my dreams, I always felt the slap of his palm on my face. I saw his smile when I tried to dodge him and I lost my balance. I don't think he pushed me. But he certainly hadn't tried to catch me when I fell. He wanted me to lose the baby.
At least, Noah wanted me to think that was how I'd lost the baby. But my baby was already slowly dying when I fell. I found the abortion pills later. Along with all the depression and sleep medication. Back then my mind was foggy all the time. It was one of the reasons I couldn't remember my fall. I'd lost years of my life in a miserable blur. Because I was getting close to his secrets. He didn't want me to know the answers to my questions. He wouldn’t even tell me when I kidnapped him. I just wanted the truth. I needed the truth.
Noah preferred me doped up on drugs. And I didn't know how he got them in my system. So I stopped drinking any beverages he handed me. I'd killed a lot of plants by pouring tea, wine, and juice in their soil. I also stopped eating any food he prepared, TV dinners becoming my choice of nourishment. When he questioned me, I'd down the food he made and immediately throw it back up afterward while the shower was running.
He didn't know that I knew. And I could see his frustration with my questions. I knew he'd never give me a real answer. And when I saw our bank accounts close? I knew I was running out of time to find out. Two could play the game of slipping pills. So I dressed up and drugged him back.
The baby was our tipping point. But not just because I lost him. It was because I finally got a glimpse of the truth. My husband was a monster.
"It's okay if you don't want to tell me," Sally said. "But you're allowed to be happy again. Let me help you."
It's too late.
"Just let me know what you need. We can get you out of this mess."
I didn't think I had anyone to reach out to. I didn't think anyone cared about me in this stupid neighborhood. But Sally was standing here caring. A few days too late. I shook my head. When I was doing all my research about knot tying on YouTube, I’d entered a rabbit hole on criminal activity. Lock-picking tutorials. Car hot wiring tutorials. But all I knew about stealing cars was from a video. And Charlotte might not even still be banging on my door.
"Can I borrow your car?" I asked.
Sally nodded. "Okay."
Really? That was easy. I didn't even need to fake cry. I blinked. Maybe because there were real tears on my cheeks.
"Come with me." She tucked her arm through mine. "My car is parked at the end of my driveway so that I wouldn't have to shovel very much."
That was smart thinking. So was four-wheel-drive, which was what I'd opted for.
We walked out of the woods and through Charlotte's yard.
"Wait here and let me go get the keys." She left me by her car. But really she left me to the wolves.
"Ensley! I was just looking for you," Charlotte said as she appeared by the car like the witch she was. "I brought you a chicken pot pie." She thrust the pan into my arms, despite the fact that Snuggle Muffins was there.
He sighed but didn't seem to mind as he sniffed the container.
"Um. Thanks," I said.
"I hope you enjoyed the lasagna?"
"Oh it was delicious."
"You ate the whole thing already? Oh my." She looked me up and down.
See. She was a bitch hiding behind nice actions like homemade pot pies. And I had nothing to say to her. Little did she know that I was dressed in a sexy Mrs. Claus outfit underneath my coat. And I looked damn fine, thank you very much.
"If you've finished it, do you mind giving me the dish back?" She smiled at me like she wasn't acting obnoxious.
"Of course. I'll drop it by tomorrow." Psych. I'd be long gone.
"Great. Oh, I almost forgot. I got a very interesting text about half an hour ago. Phoenix swore she saw Noah in town this morning. You know Phoenix. She lives down the street."
"Yup."
"Well, this is good news. I thought you'd be a little...happier."
Bite me. I smiled but I was pretty sure it looked more like I was grimacing.
She reached out and squeezed my arm. "This means he's safe. Just...not here with you."
Why were pretty girls so horrid? I wasn't surprised that Noah had been spotted. But I was surprised how stupid all these women were.
Snuggle Muffins growled at her and she dropped her hand.
"You might want to look into training your dog."
"Actually, he's already trained. He's perfect. Aren't you, Snuggle Muffins?" I hugged him a little tighter and resisted punching Charlotte in the face.
"Cute name. Sounds like something my five-year-old daughter would choose."
Bitch.
"Is everything okay out here?" Sally asked, her car keys jingling in her hand.
"Just great, Sally," Charlotte said. "I was just letting our dear Ensley know that Noah was spotted in town. Oh, wait, I almost forgot." She turned back to me. "Noah was talking to some woman. Phoenix didn't recognize her. But apparently they seemed pretty cozy, if you know what I mean." She gave me a sympathetic smile.
How I wished I had kidnapped her instead and made her poop in a litter box. That would have been so satisfying. There was still time. I could shove her ass in Sally's car and take her to Mexico. I was pretty sure the laws there were more lax. Maybe I'd even be able to get away with murder.
A car pulled up behind Sally's on the street and Detective Torres popped his head out. "Ensley. Do you have a minute?"
What is my luck? I never would have guessed that Charlotte would be the one to ruin everything at the last minute. All my planning never accounted for her blabbering. I should have just stolen her car. It didn't help that Detective Torres was unfashionably early either.
This was bad. Really bad. Noah could come back at any moment. What am I going to do? I cleared my throat. "Of course, Detective Torres."
"Call me after, dear," Sally said and patted my shoulder. "I'll be waiting." She waved at Detective Torres and made her way back toward her house.
"Hi, Detective Torres," Charlotte said and ducked down so she'd be eye to eye with him in the car. "How are you this afternoon?"
I swore she batted her fake eyelashes at him. You're married. Stop flirting with the law.
"Great." He peered around her. "Ensley? I'll meet you at the house."
I nodded.
"It's good you have company, Ensley. Now you won't eat that whole pot pie yourself," Charlotte said before Detective Torres pulled away.
I felt my cheeks turning red. I knew he'd heard that. It was one thing to be mean to me. It was another to make fun of me in front of other people. "I don't want your disgusting chicken pot pie." I shoved it back in her arms. "You're rude. And cruel. And unbearably awful. Go poison someone else with your over-salted casseroles."
She gasped.
I'd finally told Charlotte off. And I'd slapped her with the sickest burn a housewife could give another housewife - a jab at her cooking. If that was the last thing I did before being hauled off to prison, I could live with that.
The shocked expression on her face was more satisfying than shoving Noah down the stairs. I didn’t even bother scolding myself and pretending that he slipped. I'd shoved him and I'd do it again. After all, he did it to me first.
Detective Torres was parked out front of my house. He was leaning against his car with his arms folded across his chest and his sunglasses covering his eyes. I figured there was a 90 percent chance I was about to be arrested.
Chapter 26
Monday
"Nice snow angels," Detective Torres said.
I looked at my front yard. Just like out back, the ground was covered in snow angels. I didn't even remember coming out front. God, when had I had time to do all this? "Thank you." I hated that it came out as more of a question than a statement.
"It seems like you had some fun last night."
I couldn't read him when he was hiding his eyes behind his sunglasses. It felt like a tactic. I didn't like being played. "Mhm," I said, offering him just as little in return.
"Did you have something to celebrate, perhaps?"
I shook my head. He wasn't as good at this game as I thought. He'd pretty much just showed all his cards. If he was waiting for a confession, it wasn't coming. "I drank too much wine and wanted to play outside with Snuggle Muffins. We got a little carried away it seems." I looked down at my dog. Growling at Charlotte must have worn him out. He was sleeping peacefully in my arms.
"I see. So it was more of a drowning your sorrows kind of thing?"
That sounded better than accidentally getting high. "Exactly."
"Do you mind if I come in? It's pretty cold out today."
I knew it wasn't really a choice. "I don't mind at all." I didn't know what kind of disarray my house was in. Noah had been loose all morning while I was tied up. All I knew was that there were definitely shredded ropes in our bedroom. Hopefully Detective Torres wouldn't come up there.
I plugged in my Christmas lights to buy time. They always looked extra magical under a blanket of snow, even in the daylight. A chill ran down my back like someone was watching me. I looked over my shoulder, but it was only Detective Torres standing there.
He smiled, but the sunglasses hid whether the smile reached his eyes.
I held Snuggle Muffins closer to my chest. The chill was replaced with an unsettled feeling in the pit of my stomach. As soon as Detective Torres came inside, I was basically begging to be caught. Noah would show up. He'd ruin everything. And I'd be the one that ended up behind bars, even though he was the monster. At least Snuggle Muffins’ furry little body was a little comforting.
I glanced once more at the Christmas lights as I unlocked the door. Maybe the chill I'd felt was just the Christmas season finally getting to me. And the pit in my stomach was just a desire for gingerbread cookies. There was magic in the air today. Christmas was only a few days away now. It would be the first Christmas since I'd met Noah that I'd be spending it alone. I could already feel myself falling in love with the holiday again. Snuggle Muffins stirred in my arms. And now I had my own little family to celebrate with. I tried to hide my smile as I stepped inside the house.
Oh no. Screw me. One glance in the living room and I saw end table drawers hanging off their hinges. The dining room was no better. There was even broken China on the floor that Noah must have shoved off shelves while he was searching for...what? What the hell had he turned the house upside down in search of?
"What happened in here?" Detective Torres asked.
"Just...reorganizing some things."
"Huh." He took off his sunglasses and peered around me into the dining room. "Not a fan of those plates anymore?"
I didn't bother to look at the glass shards all over the floor again. "I hate family heirlooms." At least, I hated those. They were Noah's grandmother's or something and they were hideous. Good riddance.
He nodded.
I was right before. There were definitely no smiles reaching his eyes today. He looked...pissed off about something. I just wasn't sure what exactly he was upset about. He pulled off his coat, like he was planning on staying a while.
If only he was as easy to get rid of as bad china. "So..." I let my voice trail off. I knew I'd asked him to come here today. He was probably waiting for me to tell him my important news. But Noah wasn't here right now. So I didn't have to do anything I didn't want to. Besides, Detective Torres said he had news for me too.
He looked back in the dining room as he hung his sunglasses on the neckline of his shirt. "Were you looking for something?" he asked.
"Hm?" I tried to keep my voice even, but I knew I sounded guilty.
"It looks like you were searching for something..." He started to walk into the living room.
"Do you want a drink? I'm parched from my walk. All that fresh air and exercise always makes me uncomfortably warm. Let's get some water."
He hesitated in the entrance of the living room, a frown on his face. "Yeah. Sure. That would be great." He followed me down the hall toward the kitchen. "But if you're overheated, you should probably start by taking off your winter coat. It's pretty hot in here."
I swallowed hard. I was wearing a Mrs. Claus outfit under my coat. A sexy Mrs. Claus outfit. There wasn't a chance in hell that I was taking off my jacket in front of Detective Torres. "I'm not hot actually. I lied." Don't admit to being a liar. "I'm just...parched. Exclusively parched."
"Gotcha." He looked at the Christmas tree that was lying forgotten in the middle of the kitchen floor.
For the love of Christmas. No, it wasn't even a Christmas tree. It was some kind of ugly bush. A shrub maybe? God, I was so high last night. The hack job on the trunk was as hideous as the bush. It looked like the wood had been eaten by rabid raccoons. How could you let me bring that in the house, Snuggle Muffins? For all I knew it was actually filled with rabid raccoons. I placed Snuggle Muffins on the ground, hoping that he'd attack anything that jumped out of it.
Snuggle Muffins just blinked, annoyed that he'd been awakened from his nap, and went back to sleep.
"Um. What is that?" Detective Torres asked.
"That?" I pointed to the shrub, stalling. "Well, that is a...Christmas bush."
"What the hell is a Christmas bush?"
I laughed. And then laughed some more, shaking my head like Detective Torres was an idiot. "I'm an environmentalist," I said. Oh, nice one. Being a hippy was basically an excuse to do weird stuff. "Christmas trees are bad for the environment. So Noah and I always decorate a Christmas bush."
"I thought you said you and Noah always pick out a Christmas tree together every year?"
I shook my head. "God, Detective Torres. If I had a nickel for every time I had to explain this to someone...I'd have several dollars. I just didn't want to have this conversation explaining the pros and cons of real Christmas trees for the umpteenth time. You wouldn't understand."
He nodded, but it didn't look like he believed me. "Right. Because you know me so well?" He smiled at
me.
How flirtatious, Detective Torres. I smiled back and shrugged my shoulders.
"Did you get this Christmas bush before or after you drank too much wine and made all those snow angels?"
So maybe not flirting. "Fair enough. It was after. Usually I'd make a much cleaner cut through the trunk." Oh, no. Don't say that either. I didn’t want him to know I was experienced with an axe. "Well, Noah does. Speaking of Noah...you said you had some news?"
He ignored me as he looked over at the kitchen sink. "It looks like you were feeding a whole army this morning."
God, Noah. He was such a slob. There were dishes everywhere. Hadn't he just tried to force-feed me toast and orange juice? There was no excuse for this much of a mess. "I'm still trying to figure out the perfect blend of nutrients for Snuggle Muffins."
"You make homemade dog food?" He nodded like he was impressed.
"Yup. Of course. Let me get you that water." I knew that every second I didn't hear the garage door was a blessing. Noah could show up at any moment. There wasn’t time to have casual conversations and beverages with Detective Torres. But the house was warm and I was starting to sweat in my winter jacket. I poured us each a glass and guzzled down half of mine before I handed his to him.
"Mmm, those brownies sure look good."
I turned in horror to see the dish of weed brownies still sitting on the counter. "Those are dog biscuits," I blurted out. "And they're gross. A total failure."
"He's eaten quite a few. Must not be so bad."
"He's a dog. He doesn't know what he likes."
Snuggle Muffins sighed.
Sorry, boy. I didn't mean it. I'm just trying to keep us out of jail. Was there a prison for dogs? If so, Snuggle Muffins was quite the accomplice, which made him just as guilty as me. I was trying to save his ass too.
Detective Torres leaned against the kitchen island. "So what was so important that you wanted to discuss?"
"Did I say important?" I shook my head. "I don't remember saying that."
He raised both his eyebrows. "What, you just wanted me to stop by?"
There it was again. It really seemed like he was flirting with me. That would have made Noah really mad. I tried to hide my smile. If Detective Torres really was flirting with me, it opened up a few more options on how to get out of this. Maybe he'd actually offer to be tied up...