by Ivy Smoak
His hands cupped my breasts, but I shoved them down. The last thing I needed was for him to find Noah’s finger in my bra. This moment wasn’t about Noah. It was about us. And I needed this. I desperately needed this.
Aiden’s hands settled on my thighs. When his fingers slid up the inside of my thigh, I stopped thinking. And when they dipped beneath my Mrs. Claus costume, I lost all reason. I was done for. It didn’t matter that the cops were probably hot on our trail. It didn’t matter that I might end up in jail. All that mattered was this one good moment. I kissed him back like my life depended on it. Like it was my last chance at truly living.
***
I wasn’t sure how long we lost track of time. But it was enough to have a layer of snow on our windshield. And it was long enough to make up my mind. It was easy to fall for Aiden. He had my husband’s face. And I had loved my husband. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have been so jealous when I’d found out he was cheating. There was such a fine line between love and hate. I’d danced that line when I shoved Noah down the basement stairs. Just like I’d been dancing it this whole time with Aiden.
But I wasn’t a dancer. I was a murderer. Different from the other serial killers in Windy Park. I wasn’t Violet Clark. Or Adeline Bell. I didn’t risk my future for a chance at love. I was Ensley Collins. And I was going to get away with murder. Even if it hurt. And it did hurt. Because I wasn’t dancing the line with Aiden anymore. The emotions I was feeling were real. And I knew that they were real for him too. He’d made love to me in the car. Noah never had. Noah had used me. He’d used me until he was done with me. But I wasn’t disposable.
When Aiden climbed out of the car to remove the snow from the windows, I dropped a pill into one of the bottles of Gatorade I’d packed. I stepped out of the car. “Do you mind if I drive?” I pretended to take a sip of the Gatorade.
“Whatever you want.” He smiled at me.
I ignored the way the action made my knees weak as I pretended to take another sip. “Thirsty?” I held it out to him.
He grabbed it and took a huge gulp. Then another. I pulled it away before he could have any more. He just needed to be knocked out for half an hour or so. Not all night. I watched the snow fall peacefully around us. I’d remember this moment always. I’d wonder if I made the right choice. But once I made my mind up, it was hard to change it.
I’m so sorry, Aiden.
Chapter 33
Monday
Once we were back in the warm car, I leaned over the center console and kissed him again. I kissed him until his lips started to go slack.
He leaned away from me. “Again?” He tried to lift his hand but couldn’t. “Why?” he asked.
“Because you’re A.”
A tear trickled down his left cheek. He tried to lift his hand to wipe it away, but he couldn’t. “I’m not A.”
Maybe. Maybe not. But it didn’t matter now. He was my get out of jail free card. And I had done too many terrible things not to use it. I leaned over and wiped his tear away with my thumb. “The evidence against you is shaky. They’ll hold you for a while. Maybe it’ll go to trial. But they’ll let you go. When they do, you can come find me. I’m not going to Mexico. I’ll be in Canada. This doesn’t have to be the end.”
“You’re fucking crazy.” His eyelids started to close.
He didn’t mean that. I couldn’t let him mean that. I’d fix this. I’d fix it for him.
“No. I’m not crazy.” I grabbed both sides of his face. “I’m crazy in love with you. And I need you to trust me. I’m going to get you out of this. I promise.” So many people had made me false promises. But I wasn’t like them. His last words to me weren’t going to be you’re fucking crazy. Not in a million years. “Do you hear me?” I shook his head. “I’ll be in Canada.”
His eyes closed. His chin dipped down to his chest as he finally fell asleep.
I wasn’t sure if he’d remember what I’d told him. I eyed the gun on the floor of the car. Aiden was a loose end now. But I wasn’t going to kill him, even if it had been my original plan. Framing him when I wasn’t positive that he was A was one thing. But killing him? I wasn’t a monster.
I put the car into drive. “You okay back there, Snuggle Muffins?”
He sighed.
“It’s okay.” I pulled the car back onto the road. “You were right. All we need is each other. We’re going to be okay.” My voice sounded shaky. I wanted to believe it. But it hurt.
The silence felt loud as I retraced our path back up I-95. But I couldn’t play cheery Christmas music right now. If anything came on about love, I might risk ruining everything. I kept glancing over at Aiden. He was snoring lightly. A soothing sound. I could still fall asleep in his arms every night. I could still… Stop.
I knew it was risky going back to my neighborhood. But the Christmas light competition was in full swing. There would be a million Mrs. Clauses roaming the streets during the party. I’d blend in just fine.
When I was only a few minutes away, I called Sally.
“Ensley? Is that you? I just saw Detective Torres leave your house. But when I knocked, no one answered. Is everything alright?”
I didn’t have time to answer her questions. “Can I still borrow your car?”
“Yes. Of course. I’m out rating the Christmas lights. But I left the keys in the ignition for you just in case. You’re all set.”
“Thank you.” I hung up before she could ask any more questions. Although, I had a few of my own. Who left keys in their ignition when there had been multiple serial killers in the neighborhood? Sally was more trusting than she was gossipy. And that was really saying something. “You almost ready, Snuggle Muffins?”
He sighed as I pulled into my neighborhood. I did a U-turn and parked the car to make it look like we’d been leaving the neighborhood. And I parked it over the curb to look like it stopped in a hurry. Snuggle Muffins hopped onto my lap and looked up at me.
“You can’t change your mind now, Snuggle Muffins. I’ve already drugged him.” I shooed him to the side as I lifted the backpack off the floor. I pulled Noah’s finger out of my bra and shoved it into the backpack. And then I pulled out Detective Torres’ phone. I didn’t have much time. It was important that I left it with Noah, but I still found myself dragging Detective Torres’ finger along the screen one more time.
I was missing something. What if Aiden really wasn’t A? I looked at Detective Torres’ emails again. His texts. His phone calls. I opened his map app to see if I could figure out if he’d visited Sophia Tremblay while he was in Canada. He’d only entered two Canadian addresses into his GPS. And neither of them was the address Aiden had given me for Sophia. I quickly wrote them down. I was out of time.
I shoved Detective Torres’ phone and finger into the backpack and then tossed it onto Aiden’s lap. A perfect pouch of evidence. Too nicely wrapped up. I knew that. And I truly did think he’d get out of jail eventually. But it would give me enough time to disappear.
The gun and Snuggle Muffins were all that I needed. I hope. I looked once more at Aiden. I’d waited so long for a knight in shining armor to save me. But I wasn’t a damsel in distress. I’d saved myself instead. I leaned over and placed a kiss on Aiden’s lips. This didn’t have to be goodbye. He could still find me one day. But it sure as hell felt like a goodbye. Like my heart cracked in half. But it could have been worse. I could have killed him.
I put the gun in my jacket pocket, grabbed Snuggle Muffins, and disappeared into the Christmas festivities.
None of my neighbors suspected a thing. They drank their spiked eggnog and rated each other’s Christmas lights like it was the most important thing in the world. This party was usually a perfect night. Fake smiles as we all silently judged each other. I hated suburbia. And yet…I loved it too. I loved that someone like me could hide in plain sight. Everyone’s smiles were fake. Mine just happened to hide something more sinister.
I practically ran down the street, looking for the perfec
t hiding spot. But everything was lit up in spectacular fashion. White lights covered every bush. Icicle lights dangled off rain gutters. Even the lamp posts were wrapped in lights. Damn it! Why did my neighbors have to be such great decorators? It was almost impossible to hide with how bright my neighborhood was. I turned in a circle and smacked right into another Mrs. Claus. So hard that I almost dropped Snuggle Muffins.
“Watch where you’re going,” I said under my breath. Even though it had been me that wasn’t looking.
“Ensley? Is that you?” Charlotte grabbed one of my shoulders so that I’d turn to look at her.
Oh God. The last thing I needed right now was to be noticed. Especially by freaking gossipy Charlotte.
There was a half empty mug of eggnog in her hand. Maybe she was drunk. “Ho, ho, ho,” I said. “Nope.”
She laughed. “You’re an odd duck. You know that?”
I’m a fucking swan, Charlotte. I just smiled through the witty comeback that wanted to come out. Had she forgotten about my sick burn earlier today? I thought she’d be avoiding me.
“It looks like you’ll be spending Christmas alone.” She patted my check.
Yup, definitely drunk. A mean drunk at that. One that remembered my sick burn and was looking for revenge. But if she was trying to insult me, it wasn’t working. The only thing worse than spending Christmas alone would be spending it with her.
“How tragic,” she said.
I glared at her.
“Oh, by the way…you have a little something on your outfit.” She gestured toward the front of my costume.
There was a blood stain right between my breasts. I hadn’t thought Noah’s finger would be an issue because my costume was red, but there was a little white fur trim at the top. “Spaghetti.” I lifted Snuggle Muffins higher to hide my chest. “I had spaghetti and tomato sauce for dinner.”
“Mhm. Looks like I’ll be winning the costume contest and the lighting display this year. Again. I should go practice my speech.” She waved and started to walk away.
Your Christmas lights look pretentious. And I wore it better. I didn’t have to say it out loud to be true. I looked down at Snuggle Muffins who was licking the white fur trim of my dress. “Stop it.” I pulled him away from the blood. “And help me find a hiding spot.”
I turned in another circle. There was literally nothing…. Wait. Perfect. There was a row of bushes in a nearby side yard where the lights had just gone out. I nestled between them and a light-up reindeer like the one I’d gotten Aiden. I wasn’t completely hidden, but everyone was so drunk that it didn’t matter. All that mattered was that I could see my car. I was even close enough to see Aiden through the passenger’s side window. He was still knocked out.
I placed Snuggle Muffins down. “Stay right by me, little man.”
He plopped his butt down in the snow and stared at my chest. Apparently my dog lusted for blood. Or maybe he just liked my boobs… Men.
I pulled out my phone and dialed 9-1-1.
It only took a few seconds before someone picked up. “911, what’s your emergency?” the dispatcher asked.
“My husband’s been murdered," I cried, pretending to be hysterical. “I thought he was just missing but…oh God, he cut him up into little tiny pieces and hid him in my garage attic.” I gave her the address, without waiting for her to ask. “He had an accomplice who even knocked out a detective,” I sobbed into the phone. Detective Torres couldn’t be certain that it was me who’d kneed him in the head and cut off his finger. And I needed to plant as much doubt as possible. “He threatened to kill me too, but I fought him off. I think he’s unconscious. He’s in a black SUV in the south exit of Windy Park. If you get there soon you might still catch him!”
“Ma’am, where are you right now? Are you safe?”
“Oh God, please get him before it’s too late! I don’t want him to get me too.” I hung up and tossed the phone into the snow before stomping on it. The screen shattered. Hopefully that was enough so they couldn’t track it. Hopefully I’d said enough on the phone to wrongfully accuse Aiden. Hopefully they’d get here fast enough. Hopefully they wouldn’t ask too many questions. Hopefully I had enough time to escape.
I stayed in my hiding spot, staring at my car. I could hear music somewhere off in the distance. Baby it’s Cold Outside came on, drifting through the air. I remembered Christmases past. Walking through the festivities hand-in-hand with my husband. Drinking hot chocolate. Laughing. But today, I was knee deep in snow and straining my neck around a bush to watch my lover get arrested. It wasn’t what I had in mind for the holidays.
“When we get to Canada, we’ll have a real Christmas,” I whispered and patted Snuggle Muffins’ head. “With presents and multi-colored lights. It’ll be just us for a while. Until…” My words froze in my throat.
Aiden stumbled out of the car, the backpack in his hands.
No. It was too soon. I’d told the police he was in the SUV. If they didn’t get here right now, Aiden could disappear. All my hard work framing him would be ruined. It felt like my heart was beating in my throat. I looked around to see if there was anything I could use to fix this. But a glowing reindeer wasn’t exactly going to help me. Rudolph couldn’t fix Mrs. Claus’ problems like he could fix Santa’s. Stupid reindeer.
I watched in horror as Aiden turned in a circle. He shook his head like he still thought he was dreaming. And for just a second, I swear he looked over toward the bushes I was hiding in. I threw myself down, the snow biting at my exposed skin in this stupid costume. God, this plan sucks. He was going to escape. I could still get caught. I should have gotten up and ran. But my whole body was frozen.
Aiden scratched the back of his neck and looked down at the backpack.
No.
And then he slowly unzipped it.
Stop.
And pulled something out.
Fuck!
He held it up and looked at it. One of the fingers.
And that’s when the lights in the neighborhood turned more multicolored than pristine white. Red and blue lights lit up the sky as the police cars surrounded Aiden.
Neighbors started screaming. Cups of eggnog and hot chocolate were thrown into the air as everyone started running around. Kids ran toward the lights. Parents ran from them. It was complete and utter chaos, decked out in Christmas decorations. It was magical. Better than I had even planned.
“Drop the bag!” yelled one of the cops. “Hands in the air!”
Aiden tossed the backpack and finger into the snow and raised his hands.
The cop slowly approached him. “On your knees.”
Aiden fell to his knees and the cop cuffed him. Another cop grabbed the backpack. When he looked through the contents, he hunched over like he was going to be sick. And a third cop found the finger Aiden had dropped in the snow.
I was relieved when they holstered their guns and pulled Aiden to his feet. He was ushered to the closest police car and shoved into the backseat.
I’d watched longer than I meant to. My plan had worked. I slowly stood up and brushed the snow off the front of my costume. Aiden getting arrested would give me plenty of time. After all, Aiden’s fingerprints were all over my house. He’d thrown up next to the plastic container. He’d also touched the container. He had Noah’s finger. Along with Detective Torres’ phone and finger. Oh, and Aiden also had my husband’s face. That was suspicious all by itself. But all together? It was a nice, neat little Christmas gift for the police department.
I held Snuggle Muffins tight as I snuck behind my neighbors’ houses, taking the fastest route to Sally’s. The snow was beautiful, but I hated that it left a trail of my footprints. Not that anyone should be looking. I’d already given them the murderer.
I ducked past lit up trees and bushes, almost knocking into more people in the chaos. When I got a few streets over, everyone seemed calmer. You could barely see the red and blue lights over here. The chaos hadn’t struck yet. I slowed down, pretending I was
just another observer of the light display. It was a nice night leading up to Christmas. Filled with family, friends, and laughter. I hummed to myself, holding Snuggle Muffins close. And for just a second, I felt it. Christmas magic was in the air.
I hurried my steps as I saw Sally’s car in the distance. When I was only a block away, I saw Sally herself. It looked like she was about to call it a night and head in early. But her night wasn’t over yet. I had one more idea running through my head. One last set up.
“Sally!” I called and ran over to her, ignoring the fact that Snuggle Muffins was now licking the front of my costume.
She turned to me with a smile on her face. “Oh good. You got here okay. Did you get a chance to vote?” She dropped her voice. “I think Charlotte’s winning. But every vote counts. I’m still rooting for you.”
“Actually, Charlotte is the reason I wanted to talk to you before I headed out. She’s the one that’s been stealing your lawn gnomes,” I lied.
Sally gasped. “No. Not Charlotte.”
“I saw it with my own eyes. She’s been swiping them for months. And burying them in the woods so no one would find them. She’s really the worst, huh? I think she has a screw loose in that blonde head of hers.”
Sally shook her head and then frowned. “If you’ll excuse me. I need to go have a word with her.” She bustled off. I could practically see steam coming out of her ears, mixing with the falling snow.
Merry Christmas, Charlotte. Framing her for stealing lawn gnomes was almost as satisfying as framing Aiden for murdering my husband. Almost.
I climbed into Sally’s car, a huge smile on my face. The key was in the ignition, just like she’d promised. I made sure Snuggle Muffins was comfortable, and then drove away as fast as I could, being careful not to hit any of my neighbors.
There were so many things that could still go wrong. I didn’t know if I’d be able to cross the border. I didn’t know if any of this would work. But I had to try. For my sake. For Snuggle Muffins’ sake. I just needed one more Christmas miracle. An easy drive through the Canadian border tonight. Well, maybe two Christmas miracles. I’d promised Aiden I’d get him out of jail. And I didn’t have an actual plan on how to do that.