Soul Dreams

by Desiree Holt

  She wanted him inside her and couldn’t understand why they’d teased each other all this time. They weren’t kids, so why all these preliminaries and never getting to the real thing? Every time she tried to ask him about it, he always kissed her into silence.

  “For me, it would be the ultimate promise. Maybe for Christmas. A special celebration. I know it sounds stupid, all things we’ve done, but I have…reasons.”

  So, she waited. And waited. And when they finally did, then what? Even after fully making love, would he ever let her see the real him? The physical one, because she was sure she knew his inner self so well by this time. Here was a man who had suffered tragedy in his life, who once had been very self-assured, and who these days seemed somehow lost. But a man filled with kindness, and love he obviously was afraid to share.

  She was nearly to the point of demanding he leave off the blindfold. Acting out their dreams had given the whole thing a sense of unreality and allowed them—Blake, at least—to keep an emotional distance. But he already owned so much of her heart, a heart he had the power to shatter. Nothing short of his rejection could change how she felt.

  “If I didn’t know better, I’d think your rosy glow was because of a man.”

  Nina glanced up from stacking Blake’s latest order into a bag to see Riley Blackwater’s grinning face staring down at her. She hadn’t even heard the bell jangle when the door opened.

  She brushed her hands on her jeans and smoothed them down her ponytail. “Probably all the excitement from the holiday shoppers.” She made her voice as nonchalant as possible. Looking at Riley’s baby bump pushing against the woman’s winter jacket she asked, “How are you feeling?”

  “Fine. I’m fine and dandy.” She blew a stray hair from her face. “I’d be a lot better if Hawk would stop hovering like a mother hen.” But the tone of her voice belied the criticism of the words.

  “The man’s insanely in love with you. It’s plain for everyone to see.”

  “I know.” Riley’s mouth relaxed into a tender smile. “I can’t tell you how blessed I feel.”

  Most of the population in Freewill knew Riley’s history, the abusive fiancé, the high level crimes he’d been involved in ending unexpectedly with all the players in Freewill. The people who now considered her one of their own also felt a proprietary interest in the couple, giving Riley the family she’d never had.

  Sometimes Nina couldn’t help the little twinge of jealousy she felt. Then she thought of Blake and her body would flush with heat and desire. And something else she was hesitant to put a name to.

  “So, how are the book deliveries going?” Riley asked.

  Nina blinked. “The what?”

  “Book deliveries. You know, to the mystery man down the road from you.”

  “Oh. You mean Blake. Everything’s fine.” Way more than fine.

  “Fine? Oh, honey, from the look on your face, I’d say fine doesn’t begin to describe it. And with Blake.” Riley smiled at her.

  Nina turned away to compose her face. “It seemed silly to keep calling him Mr. Massie.”

  “Uh huh.” Riley bit into a cookie, crunching it slowly. “So how are things with Blake, anyway?”

  “I told you. Great. Do you want to take the rest of those cookies home with you? I’m getting ready to close.”

  Riley broke into a full-throated laugh. “Are you trying to get rid of me? I’m pregnant, in case you hadn’t noticed. My feelings get hurt very easily.”

  Nina stepped around the counter to give her friend as much of a hug as she could with the baby bump in the way.

  “I’d never hurt your feelings, but I really am about to close. Where’s Hawk? You didn’t drive into town yourself, I hope.”

  “As if.” Riley twisted her lips in a wry grin. “God forbid the man even let me out of the house with snow on the road.” The bell jingled as the front door opened. “And here he is. He can take me off your hands, so you can get out of here.”

  “Hey, Nina.” Hawk studied both of them. “Something going on here I should know about?”

  “I think Nina’s trying to throw me out,” Riley joked. “She’s got a hot book delivery to make.”

  “Yeah?” Hawk lifted an eyebrow. “How is the town mystery man?”

  “Fine.” Nina powered off her computer. “He’s fine. I’m fine. Everyone’s fine. Riley, thanks for stopping by.”

  “Sure thing.” She thrust her arm through Hawk’s and laughed all the way out the door.

  Damn! Nina locked the door and rotated the sign to Closed. She really didn’t want to discuss what was happening between her and Blake with anyone. Partially because she didn’t really know what was happening. What kind of name to give it.

  ***

  Christmas Eve.

  Nina had thought it would never get here. All the way home from the store she ran the situation with Blake through her brain over and over again. And all while she showered and changed. And again as she drove the mile to his house. When Grange opened the door for her and took her coat, she almost ripped the silk scarf out of his hands. But what happened next had to be Blake’s decision. If she forced him to take off his T-shirt, to slide his cock into her the way he did in their dreams, then it meant nothing. So she stood patiently while Grange tied the blindfold over her eyes and listened for Blake’s familiar steps on the wood floor.

  Tonight, something seemed different about them. The cadence had changed, the hesitation of someone with a limp not so pronounced. He guided her into the living room.

  “Did you, um, do something to your leg?”

  He halted, his fingers at her elbow tightening against her skin.

  “Why do you ask?” His voice was stilted.

  “No big deal.” She tried to shrug it off. “I notice a difference in your footsteps, is all. Like you said in the beginning, when you take away sight every other sense is magnified.”

  “Oh.” His grip relaxed. “Yeah, I’d hurt my leg, and Grange has been helping me with some physical therapy to work on the muscles.”

  There was an underlying tone in his voice warning her off further questions. But tonight, she was determined to get some answers. There was so much simmering between them. This year she wanted to be able to celebrate Christmas with real joy in her heart, but Blake had to be willing to do his part.

  She’d gotten good at counting the steps to the couch, so she knew when they reached it and stopped. Facing him, she waited for the kiss with which he usually greeted her. He didn’t disappoint. Fingers woven into her hair, he tilted her face to him and molded his mouth to hers. There was everything in the kiss—molten fire, burning heat, and so much passion she was sure her heart stopped beating. His tongue licked every surface, from the inside of her lips to the slickness of her teeth to the roof of her mouth. The intensity of the emotion in his touch nearly brought her to her knees.

  And still they clung, mouths fused, tongues dancing. Her heart was wide open, and she put every bit of it into the contact. Would he understand? Would he feel the same way?

  “Merry Christmas,” she said at last when they separated. How long had it been since she’d said those words and really meant them?

  “And to you. What would I have done without you these past weeks?” he whispered in her ear.

  Fear clutched at her. “You almost sound as if you’re saying goodbye. A-are you going somewhere?”

  “No.” He rubbed his beard against her face. “I only want you to know how much you’ve come to mean to me.”

  She made herself relax. “Good. Very good. Because you’ve come to mean a lot to me.” She knew she was setting herself up for pain, but she wanted so desperately for what she felt, what she thought he felt, to be real, and good.

  “I told Grange we’d be having a late dinner. Okay with you?”

  “Of course.” Anything he wanted was good with her. Then she asked in a teasing voice, “Whatever will we do until, then?”

  He lifted her hands to touch his beard. “I l
ove when you do that. I’m glad my beard gives you pleasure.” He kissed the inside of each wrist. “I’ve tried and tried to hold some of myself back from you, Nina, but I can’t do it anymore.”

  “Why hold back? I don’t think two people could be more intimate than we’ve been.”

  “It’s just…. There are things you don’t know.”

  “And probably don’t need to.” She smiled. “Bottom line here? I want you.”

  “I want you, too,” he murmured, kissing her fingertips. “And I have to have you. All of you, or I’m going to go crazy.”

  “You have me, Blake. Just take me.” She stroked her fingertips against the silken hair on his face. Followed the line of his jaw.

  He touched his lips to hers. “Will you come upstairs with me tonight?”

  Her breathing hitched. “Grange—”

  “Sees nothing, knows nothing. He’s in his rooms off the kitchen with his door closed. He won’t move until we’re back downstairs and I call him to bring dinner to the table.” He kissed her knuckles.

  “Will you…. Will you take off the blindfold, remove your T-shirt? Can this be the night? You promised for Christmas we would give ourselves to each other completely. And if we’re finally going upstairs….”

  Next to her, every muscle in his body tensed. “Yes. Fine. But we’ll still be in the dark, okay? Not even the lamplight.”

  “If you insist.” At least it’s a start. “But I can’t see to go up the stairs.”

  “I’ll help you. Come.”

  He guided her into the hall and put her hand on the banister. “I won’t let you fall. I promise. With his arm around her, he walked slowly up the stairs with her and into his room. The click of a switch told her he was flicking on the light. She saw a sliver of its golden glow beneath the bottom edge of the blindfold.

  “I thought you said no lights?”

  “Later,” he told her. “I’ll turn them off later. First, I want to see every inch of you. I never get tired of it.

  When he moved her so she was standing against the bed, her heart triple timed. She didn’t know if this was the ultimate step to bind them together or a final goodbye because he was afraid to risk anything more. And she wasn’t sure she’d survive another breakup. But she knew she had to take a chance because the regret might be worse than the pain.

  “You’re trembling.” He took her hands and lifted them to his face. “Touch my beard. That always seems to calm you, although I can’t figure out why.”

  “I keep expecting it to be rough, but it always feels like the finest silk.” She placed her hands on his cheeks and jaw line. “It was the first part of you I touched in my dreams.”

  “Touch away, then.” There was a hint of humor in his voice but something else, too. Was it fear? What was he afraid of?

  As she stroked his face, his hands moved on her body, sliding up and over her breasts. Tonight she’d worn a red silk blouse in honor of the holiday season. Blake unfastened each button with deliberate slowness, tugging it gently from the waistband of her slacks. He told her over and over how much he loved undressing her.

  “‘Like opening a present,’” he’d said one night.

  Remembering, she tilted her head back, expecting to find his mouth on hers, but instead he laid it directly on the hollow of her throat where her pulse beat madly. His tongue drew a tiny circle before he lifted his head, eased off her blouse and discarded it.

  His mouth descended on hers, gentle at first, a press of lips on lips, his tongue seductively licking them, coaxing her to open for him. She was so aroused when his tongue swept inside she almost didn’t notice that he’d removed her bra and palmed her breasts, rasping her nipples with his thumbs until they tingled. A bolt of lust shot straight to her pussy, flooding her panties with her cream.

  “Tonight will be special,” he murmured, his mouth still touching hers.

  “Because it’s Christmas?” Excitement raced through her. Maybe finally Christmas would be redeemed for her.

  “Yes. I know something happened in your life to cause you a lot of pain. Help me understand it. Why there’s been no one in your life for five years.”

  “If you’ll do the same for me. And get rid of the blindfold and T-shirt.”

  “After.” But there was a hesitation in his voice, and she realized he hadn’t actually promised. Still, the possibility of seeing him at last sent a shiver through her.

  His hot mouth trailed down the valley between her breasts. Nina clutched at his muscular shoulders to steady herself. She felt the power of him and a punch of desire struck her. God, how she wanted this man. But she wanted all of him, and even as craving for him rose within her, a thread of fear warned her she might not be able to have him. All of him.

  His hands were slightly unsteady at the waistband of her slacks. His mouth traveled down the slight swell of her tummy as he bent to slide her slacks down her hips along with her panties.

  “Sit,” he urged in his gravelly voice, nudging her onto the bed.

  He lifted one foot, and she leaned back on her elbows to balance herself. One boot came off then the other one, and material whispered as he pushed her clothing off completely. For a long moment he stood there, unmoving, his muscular thighs pressing inside her more slender ones. The roughness of the fabric rasped against her tender skin.

  He posed her in that position for so long, she thought maybe something was wrong.

  “Blake?” She hated the quaver in her voice, the hesitancy.

  “Admiring a beautiful sight.” He blew a steam of hot breath over her pussy. “Every inch of you is gorgeous, but your cunt takes my breath away.”

  His body changed position, and a thunk sounded as he knelt between her outstretched legs. He slid his thumbs along her skin until he reached the crease between hip and thigh. Then he traced each one so very lightly with his tongue. He licked across the raised contour of her mound, tugging on her curls with his teeth. By time he closed his lips over her clit, she was ready to explode.

  “Blake!” she pleaded.

  His laugh was low and warm, like molasses in the summer. “Like that, do you? Oh, yes. I know what turns you on. But let me tell you, doing it gives me a real rush.”

  With those words, he pulled the sensitive knot of flesh into his hot mouth and teased and tormented it until she was ready to wind her legs around his neck and pull him tight against her. But he knew how to read her, knew the signs. Using his thumbs, he opened her pussy lips and took a long slow lick of her flesh.

  “Oh, God!”

  His laugh vibrated through her. “No, just me. But I’m glad you think I’m a higher power.”

  Then he thrust his tongue inside her, licking her inner walls. He moved his thumbs to her clit, massaging it as he fucked her with his tongue. Pressing down with his hands, he held her in place as she writhed and moaned, lightning flashing through her. Every nerve sparking. When the orgasm ripped through, her she dug her heels into his back and clenched her fists, riding out the storm as it shook her body.

  His tongue never left her until the last tremor had subsided, and she laid back a sweating, panting mess. She cried out when he took his hands away, but he shushed her with a kiss.

  “One of us has too many clothes on,” he chuckled. “I plan to remedy that immediately.

  She waited with barely restrained patience while he undressed. Then he shifted her on the bed and climbed up to lie next to her. His hot, swollen cock brushed against her thigh. She reached for him and stopped the movement of her hand when she encountered his T-shirt.

  “I thought you said you were getting rid of your clothes.”

  He closed his fingers around her wrist. “Not the T-shirt. And the blindfold stays. Please, Nina. Let me inside your body. Then we can talk about those two things.”

  He shifted as he talked, caressing her breasts and her thighs. He showered her with his hot moist kisses and thumbed her nipples and clit. In an instant desire rose within her again, sharp and greedy. And the T
-shirt and blindfold, along with whatever secret they concealed, disappeared in a blaze of heat.

  “I wanted your mouth on me,” he told her in a husky tone. “I wanted your hands on me. But I’ve been thinking about this for so long I can’t wait.”

  “Then don’t. Come into me, Blake. Now.”

  Foil crinkled and a moment later he position himself between her legs. The head of his shaft nudged her opening, barely touching yet inciting her nerves even more. She shook with need, arching her hips and offering herself to him.

  Inch by slow inch, he eased himself inside her. He was big and she was tight, but he took great care not to hurt her.

  “Bend your legs,” he urged. “Plant your feet on the bed.”

  When she did, it gave him a better angle to go deeper. She almost came the moment he was fully inside her, but she bit her lip to maintain control. She traced the lines of his well-muscled back with her hands and found beneath her touch he trembled. The fact he was nervous too helped to settle her.

  He gently licked each pebbled nipple. “Ready?”

  “More than. Please. Don’t make me wait any longer.”

  He lifted his hips, easing himself almost out of her sheath then drove into her again with a hard push. The rhythm he set up began as slow even strokes but soon increased in tempo. And with each drag of his cock over her sensitive tissues the hunger inside her grew and grew, demanding release.

  They exploded together with such cataclysmic force she wasn’t sure she could stand it. Her mind blanked. She was centered only on the feeing of whirling in space, bright lights flashing behind her eyelids, the walls of her pussy clenching tightly around Blake, and her entire body shaking with an unstoppable force. This ultimate act might have been a long time coming, but it was more than worth it.

  For a long time they lay limp, intertwined, sweat-slicked bodies pressed together. So tightly she wasn’t sure if it was her heart or his thundering in her chest. Nothing in her life had prepared her for something so earth shattering. She was sure it was an affirmation of his feelings for her. No one could make love that way without being in love. At last her bruised heart had found a home. They would tell each other their stories and move on from there. Happiness made her giddy as she waited for him to speak.