by Lori Wilde
Dru tilted her head and gave him a long, intense stare. Alex almost squirmed, wondering if women came out of the womb knowing that soul-deep, guilt-inspiring look.
“Really?” she asked slowly. “Dr. Maddow had input in the choice? As, what, the visiting short-term guest physicist?”
“Yes. Trifecta is ready to accept the Blackstone offer based on A.A.’s recommendation,” Glenn said. “We just need your approval as leader of record.”
It was like watching a sci-fi movie where the woman turned to ice. It started in Drucilla’s eyes. They went shiver cold. Her demeanor froze, even her skin turned pale.
Alex leaned forward to say something. He had no idea what, but he had to get rid of the chill. But she gave a tiny shake of her head, clearly not ready for his charming defrost plan.
“You know, Glenn, before I sign off with my approval, I actually have a great deal of input I’d like to offer.” Drucilla shifted her gaze to glance at the director. “But first, I need to talk to Dr. Maddow. There are a couple of details we need to clarify.”
“Of course, of course,” Glenn said as he gathered his folder and pen. He started to reach for hers, but then patted it and shot them both a look. “You’ll let me know the conclusion, won’t you, Dr. Robichoux?”
She gave a regal nod of her head, then watched fixedly as the director left the boardroom. Alex waited until the door shut then said, “Drucilla—”
“Why?” she interrupted. Her quiet tone, so dignified and at odds with her obvious fury, made him feel like a first-class asshole.
Her eyes met his again and the fury he saw there made him wish briefly for her previous icy demeanor.
“Look, I know the Pownter deal would be great. The money, the prestige, the scientific possibilities,” he said, his words tumbling over each other, he was talking so fast. “But it also came with intolerable strings.”
“Intolerable in what way?” She didn’t sound curious, though. Just…pissed.
“When I spoke with Charlene Pownter yesterday, she informed me that yes, they’d fund the project. But in doing so, they’d require not just you, but both of us, to serve on it for the duration.”
Sure, sticking around would have given him time to make certain Charlene Pownter’s influence didn’t ruin Drucilla. But that was out of the question. And luckily, that had been enough for him to refuse the deal.
“And the problem is?” she said, tilting her head to the side.
“The problem is that she’s too controlling. Her offer is way over and above what we’d asked for. That’s a bad sign,” he claimed.
She looked as if she wanted to throw something at his head. But all she did was silently raise a brow. A trickle of sweat slid down his spine. Her control was a little scary.
Finally, he confessed, “The problem is that the duration is two years. The problem is that I don’t commit to long-term projects.”
Drucilla nodded, as if he’d just confirmed a hypothesis she’d been working on. Then she leaned forward and asked, “So really, the problem is…you.”
Alex frowned, his need to pacify her starting to grow ragged around the edges.
“Look, this is a win-win deal,” he said, not quite willing to give up yet. He put on his most persuasive smile. “Buck’s money, my name, the project will be termed a success right there.”
“Money and a name won’t guarantee results,” she pointed out.
“You know how this works, Drucilla. The results could take years. I’m giving you a shot at having all the years you need to get them. Like a success safety net, if you will.”
She stared at him. The look in her blue eyes wasn’t the chill he’d learned to recognize as a mask for her insecurity. It was razor-sharp ice that sent a shiver through him. Stupid, Alex told himself. He was giving her exactly what she wanted. The safest route to long-term security. She should be thanking him, not giving him the evil eye.
“A safety net? With the choices between taking the bus, aka the grant, buying an unimpressive but probably reliable used car, aka Blackstone, or being offered a luxury sports coupe along with free gas and insurance for two years, you consider the used car the choice?” she asked icily. “And all because, what? It’s the most convenient for you? Correct me if I’m wrong, but you seem to be operating under the assumption that this entire project hinges on you and you alone.”
He’d actually started to nod before he heard the words play out in his head.
“I didn’t make any such assumption,” he snapped, offended.
“You didn’t voice it,” she corrected, crossing her arms over her chest. “But you’ve been thinking it from the beginning.”
“If you’re so good at reading minds, why didn’t you figure out who I was back on the beach?” he challenged, trying to make it sound teasing. If the hard look in her eye was any indication, though, his attempt flopped.
“Tell me, Alex, what do you see as the overall goal of the cosmic string project?”
Mind racing, he shifted in his seat. He’d served on boards, made presentations to huge crowds and once actually landed a spot on Jeopardy. But he’d never felt quite so nervous searching for just the right answer to a particular question.
“The overall goal is to definitively describe a cosmic string’s influence on hydrogen gas in space.”
She tilted her head to one side. “Did you memorize the entire funding proposal or are you only going to give me a few of the choicer direct quotes?”
That did it. Alex shoved away from the table, his chair skidding back to slam into the wall behind him.
“That’s enough,” he stated.
“Enough?” she retorted, rising slowly. He was glad to see the ice cracking around the edges. “You don’t get to say what is or isn’t enough here, Mr. Rock Star.”
“Oh, please, let’s try to keep this above juvenile insults,” he said derisively.
“You had no right—”
“I’m the team leader—”
“Coleader, which means you get a vote. That doesn’t mean you get to—”
“This isn’t a class project with all the students getting a vote, Drucilla. It’s a serious undertaking that’s been years in the making and—”
“Since I’m the one who’s devoted all those years to both the hypothesis and the proposed mathematical theory, I’m very well acquainted with the time involved here. What I’m not clear on is what gives you the right—”
“Right?” he yelled. “It’s my name on this study that pulled in the funding. Which means it’s my decision which funding we’ll use, and how it’ll be handled.”
Alex gave her a “ha” smile. The I-won-the-interruption-game smile. The snotty, obnoxious, in-her-face triumphant smile.
Yeah, he was a dick. But it was damn hard to win an argument with Drucilla, so finally getting the last word meant he’d just scored major points.
And the fact that he was pathetically keeping score probably lost him a few of those points.
He winced, wondering how to apologize without giving up any ground.
“Look, Drucilla, you’re a smart woman. A scientist who clearly understands the importance of making decisions based on well-documented, emotion-free, fact-based choices.”
Tension pulled at his shoulder muscles as he watched her face for a reaction. When she didn’t scrunch it up in anger, he relaxed a little. She unknotted her arms from in front of her and folded her hands at her waist.
Folded hands and unscrunched face. Good signs. He let his shoulders relax the rest of the way.
“Emotion free?” she asked. Then she stepped around the table, walked up close to him and laid her palm on his chest to stare up into his eyes. Alex’s heart gave a huge sigh of happiness. “Emotion free is an interesting goal for the project, and for us, wouldn’t you say?”
He smiled gratefully. She got it. She actually understood. Doing a manly happy dance was probably bad form at the moment, but he was definitely boogying mentally.
“Which
is how you made this chickenshit, run-away-before-someone-realizes-you’re-an-adult decision, right?” She gave his chest a stinging smack then stomped toward the door. “Because you’re incapable of being mature enough to discuss the situation, let alone step up and consider what’s good for anyone but yourself. To ask for one second what might be best for the project, for the team and, for God’s sake, for the lab.”
“Don’t you mean for you?” he snarled, feeling blindsided. Chickenshit? He’d done this for her. And look what he got for hoping, for wishing. For risking his heart and thinking that maybe there could be something between them.
How many times did he have to be hit in the head to accept that while the sex might be awesome, it was only going to last as long as the next orgasm.
Or if her expression was anything to go by, the last.
14
SHE COULDN’T HAVE HEARD him right. Could she?
“You think I only care about myself?” Dru leaned against the table and blinked hard, trying to catch her breath after the pain his words caused.
“Isn’t that what this is really about? You using a backer’s deal to try to get me to stick around.”
“What?”
“You must have realized Pownter would require us both to contract for the project. That she’d insist I stay around for the duration.”
“You think I want to put my reputation, my career on the line so I can get you, your sexy body and your amazing lovemaking skills to stick around longer?”
Shock buzzed in her ears. Her eyes filled. From fury, she promised herself. And maybe just a little humiliation. Because, damn him, yes. That thought had crossed her mind. It wasn’t the driving reason behind her choice, but it’d definitely been there.
And he’d just made it clear exactly how he felt about it.
She might cry, mourn and dive into a pint or six of Ben & Jerry’s as soon as she got home. But she’d be damned if she’d let Alex know he’d just ripped her heart to pieces.
Alex, who had started her day with amazing sex, followed by fun and water games that’d nearly made her late for work.
Alex, who hadn’t warned her that he’d spoken with the Trifecta director ahead of time and had known that the options she’d pitched during the team meeting were no longer available.
Alex, who had just left her tattered career in the dust kicked up by his swiftly retreating feet.
As hard as she tried, Dru couldn’t find her usual icy composure to hide behind.
So instead she used the only protection she had left. She channeled all that hurt into blessed anger. She welcomed the fury churning in her gut. She knew it’d get her through this situation with her pride, and hopefully what tiny portion of her heart she had left, intact.
“Your ego is amazing,” she breathed. “You know, I’ve studied your career. You’ve got this rock-star image, but you only stick around long enough to open for the real act. The ones who do the work and make an actual difference.”
“Oh, please.”
“No,” she snapped before he could dismiss her. “You’ve got a brilliant mind, yes. But that doesn’t mean jack. You never stay anyplace long enough to find out if you’re actually any good.”
“That’s a lot of obsession with my career, isn’t it,” he accused in a mocking tone. “This is about you being jealous of my success and trying to tie me to this project.”
“So let me get this straight,” she clarified between clenched teeth. “You think I’d use this project to hold on to you? To trap you here, where you apparently hate to be, against your will?”
For one second, the shocked look of denial on his face was almost worth the misery spearing through her heart.
“I didn’t mean it like that, Drucilla. I just don’t want you thinking…”
“What, Alex? You don’t want me thinking that you have faith in my abilities? That you actually want to work with me. Or even worse, that you want to see me, a woman you deemed good enough for sex but nothing else, stuck in a deal with a drunken cowboy instead of one of the largest institutes in the country.”
“No,” he snapped, finally losing that temper she’d wondered if he even had. “Quit twisting this around. I told you, this isn’t about you. This is about me. I’m not the kind of guy who sticks around. You can’t depend on me. I’m not future material.”
Dru had to drop her gaze to blink the sudden tears from her eyes. Depend on him? When in her life had she ever been able to rely on a man?
And what kind of an idiot did it make her that he was right? She knew better. And still, she’d let herself fall in love.
“I was good enough to fall for on the beach,” she said quietly, meeting his eyes again as soon as she’d regained control. “I was special enough to try to track down, to hope for some kind of longer relationship. But here now, in real life, you can’t let yourself think about a future?”
Alex threw up his hand to wave that away as if he thought it was too stupid to acknowledge.
“Oh, please. Don’t make this some big emotional scene. Back on the beach, you were a fantasy. Of course I wanted more.”
Oh, wow, she’d thought she’d already hit rock bottom.
So this was what gut-punched felt like. Dru couldn’t catch her breath. Stars did a queasy dance behind her eyes, making her want to hurl all over the boardroom table she’d so proudly presided over just a half hour ago.
“A fantasy?” she whispered. “That’s all I was to you?”
“You were a fairy princess that I thought I could fall for,” he muttered. Before her heart could even begin to hope, he continued, “Until reality hit.”
“Reality,” she said dully. And here she’d been so many kinds of thrilled that he still wanted her after he’d gotten to know the real her, the non-fantasy her. Where had she lost him? When he’d found out she was a scientist instead of a beach babe? When he’d met her mother? Or when she’d gotten all aggressive and done him against the wall of her apartment before he could take his coat off?
Dru shoved her hand through her hair, wondering how today had turned into her worst nightmare. What had happened to her confidence? Her anger? She needed one or the other, dammit, if she was going to get through this with any shred of dignity.
She looked at the boardroom table, the blue folder mocking her career hopes. And there it was. The tiny embers of anger. She thought of the Pownter deal. The huge career opportunities. A brand-new telescope and two years of funding.
And those embers flared.
“Well, I guess all we had was a fantasy,” she said with an offhand shrug, pretending she wasn’t miserable. “You got what you wanted and I got what I wanted.”
“That’s not—”
“You were looking for your fantasy,” she interrupted. “And I was looking for mine.”
He frowned.
“Yours?”
Dru had never been the revenge type. She’d never had a need to hurt a man before, either. But since she figured she probably wasn’t strong enough to lift a chair over her head and get a satisfactory swing and do real damage, she used the only weapon she had.
“You were perfect fantasy material, Alex. A hot, sexy beach stud.” She watched his face turn a little paler and nodded. Oh, yeah. That hit home. “I had one goal for my vacation. To have a fling.”
His brow furrowed and he shook his head.
“And you,” she said with a nod as she pushed her luck and patted her palm against his bicep. “You were perfect fling material.”
“You’re not serious,” he growled. “You’re just saying that to piss me off.”
“Why would you get pissed? You’re not interested in a big emotional scene, remember?” she taunted.
“Stop it, Drucilla,” he commanded, stalking over to sit, one-hipped, on the table. He gave her a cocky smile and shook his head. “You’re trying to twist this around. You’re obviously bent out of shape over my comment about you using me for work.”
“You think I’m saying this be
cause you accused me of sleeping with you to advance my career?”
“Hey!”
“Oh, what? It bothers you to be deemed only worthy of being a fantasy?” She looked him up and down as if he was a centerfold and she a horny housewife. “And yet, that’s exactly what you were. A hot guy I saw on the beach who was all about sex. My very own boy toy.”
He just glared.
“So thanks for the good time,” she said when she reached the door and pulled it open. Then, unable to help herself, she stopped and looked back over her shoulder. “And hey, too bad you couldn’t stick it out for the full three months.”
Her chin trembled. It took all her strength to stiffen her jaw and continue, but she owed it to herself to get it all out.
“If you had, you might have found you liked it. I could have been the best damn thing to ever happen in your life, Alex. What we had, it might have been magic. I would have been someone you could count on. Someone who understood you. And even better, understood your work and your dreams and your brilliance. I could have been the one to give you everything you need. But you’ll never know. You never gave it a chance.” She sniffed, not even caring anymore that tears were streaming down her cheeks.
“You never gave us a chance. You say you’re all about taking risks to achieve success. But that’s a lie, Alex. You’re so afraid of success—true, emotional success—that you run before the risk is even there.”
She waited, one last desperate hope holding out for a response. But he just stared at her. That blank, shocked look of horror. As if she’d kicked him in the nuts.
Well, that worked. After all, he’d just kicked her in the heart.
With one last look, Dru shook her head and walked away.
Away from her career dreams.
Away from her newly found confidence.
Away from the man she loved.
ALEX STARED OUT at the crashing waves, searching for the peace of mind the ocean usually offered. The waters were grayer here, rough and wild. Beautiful in their own way, but not what he was used to.