by S. I. Hayes
“Try doing it outside with a ruc-”
“Rucksack and 100 pounds of gear, yeah dad, I know...” I teased, giving him a gentle shoulder squeeze as I walked by him.
“Your mother tells me you haven’t left the house since you got here.”
“It’s only been two days, dad.”
He put up his hands. “All I was going to say was, if you need a few more to get settled, take them. You have the whole summer to stretch those long legs of yours, but maybe you’d like to come to the base with me? Utilize the gym?”
“I’m thinking I’m not ready for all those people, dad, especially all those people in uniforms.”
“Well, there’s a civilian station just down the way that’s twenty-four hours, by the commissary, if you ever want to go.” He pulled an I.D. Badge with my picture on it out of his breast pocket.
“Thanks, Dad.” I took it, putting it in my pocket. “I’m gonna go take a bath and then go to bed. Love you.” I kissed his cheek.
“Good night, my sweet girl.” He smiled as I headed for the bathroom.
TWO A.M. AND I’M UP again, sweating bullets and freezing my ass off. These night terrors need to stop. I can hear Glory crying and I get up to go get her when I slam into Tim. “What are you doing?” I mumble.
“I heard Glory crying.”
“Yeah, I got her, though.”
“Okay, sorry, habit is all. Hey, you okay? You don’t look so good.” He touched my head, then grabbed my arm to stop me so he could feel my stomach and look for a temperature. “No fever. What’s going on?”
“More nightmares.”
“Serious?”
“I get that you’re concerned, but I really do have control at the moment. Just let me work through this on my own accord.
“How do you plan to do that?”
I thought about it as I picked up Glory, rubbing her back and cooing at her. “Do you know if that gym dad was pushing me to go to has a pool?”
“Sure does, Olympic sized, and a sauna. Why?”
“They told me to get an exercise regime. I think I just might do a 4 a.m. swim.”
“Do you even have a suit?”
“I still have that bikini from our summer in Hawaii. I’m sure it’ll still fit. I did lose fifteen pounds, plus the baby weight.”
“Yeah, but you gained like two cups, Sis.”
“Eh, I never filled it in. Now maybe it’ll actually fit on top. Besides, I’ll be wearing a T-shirt anyhow.”
“You want me to come with you? You know, in case of riff-raff?”
“I’m more than covered, Tim. Besides, I need you here for Glory.”
“Okay. And Mom and Dad?”
“Tell um the truth. I’ll be home in a couple hours and I’ll have my cell on me, with the GPs, so you’ll be able to keep tabs.”
“Alright. Gimmie Glory.” Tim reached out for my precious little beauty and I kissed her head before handing her over. She snored and snorted. Good, she was out again.
I PACKED UP A BAG AND headed to the base. Finding the gym was simple, it was all covered in signage. I showed my I.D. and was allowed inside. As I was expecting; the place was pretty dead at three-thirty in the morning. My thoughts of four a.m. swims were going well. Once in the locker room, I found that I was crazy about trying to squeeze into that tiny, little bikini. I mean, it fit, but damn. My body had gone through some serious shit. I could see my ribs, and my tits, well they were these honking things that popped up to meet me as soon as I tied the top on. The boy short bottoms barely covered my ass anymore, but did, thankfully, cover my C-section scar, since the doctor took pity and gave me a bikini cut. I pulled on my T-shirt that read I’m just a big ol’ ray of frickin’ sunshine, and tossed my blonde curls into a tight, messy bun. Perfect. I put on my flip-flops and took my towel, ready to get in some serious lapage.
Just as I rounded the corner of the pool hallway, I could hear the splashes and my heart sank. I had hoped to be alone. It began to race when I saw it was a man in the pool. I stopped cold, swallowing the lump that rose up into my throat. I watched as he did his breath stroke across the length of the pool, his muscles, long and lean, lifting and disappearing under the waves he made. What was most interesting, though, was the tattoo on his back. It looked like huge wings and as he moved, they seemed to flap, making him fly through the pool.
“Hi there.” He was suddenly no longer moving, now back on my side of the pool and he was looking at me as I clutched the towel in my hand. “How’s it going?”
“I- um, hi.” I managed as I walked past, trying to put distance between us. Perhaps I could make my point that I wanted to be left alone, without having to say it. I was moving so fast, I didn’t see the rope in front of me and tripped, falling face-first. I spun out, twisting my body and landing on my ass in a pile of pool noodles.
“Fuck me.” I cried out, rubbing my backside as he shook his head.
“You alright there, kiddo?” He leaned on the side of the pool.
“Ouch, yes.” I mumbled. “Some gentleman you are...” I griped as I stood up, wiped myself off and stormed away.
I DIDN’T PAY HIM ANY mind when I hit the water, and by the time I made my first lap he was gone. Good, now I was on my own. About an hour later, I was checking out and there he was, dressed and flirting with the receptionist.
“Ahh. Here she is. We were just talking about you. Curious if you were related to The Lieu. that just transferred in last month.” The receptionist smiled, with a wink at the guy.
He side-stepped and I looked him over. He was about six foot three, wearing a Yankees baseball hat backwards over buzzed hair, a Marines tank top and cargo shorts. As he righted himself and came around the desk, I saw that his right leg, from the knee down, was thick medical grade metal, designed and shaped to resemble the natural curves of the human leg as it disappeared beneath his sneaker.
“Sorry about earlier, as you can see, I couldn’t have just jumped to your rescue, however much I would have liked to.”
“I-” he’d rendered me speechless. Any snarky thoughts I’d had, went out the window and I just nodded as he offered his hand.
“Jarod Trainor. And you are?”
“Caitlin Colten, and yes, Lieutenant Augustus Colten is my father.”
“Shit, this is a small world. I came up with your brother, Tim. Hell, I trained with him for his Special Operations MO.”
I was suddenly feeling nauseous. I needed to get out of there and fast. “I’m sorry, I must be going. It was nice to meet you.”
WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? Who the fuck was that? Just my luck, I’d leave the house for the first time and run into someone who knows my fucking brother! Who served with him, for shit’s sake. Why couldn’t I have been just a few more moments and missed him completely? Jesus, why are you doing this to me? Why now? I prayed. They said prayer was good. Having faith in a higher power, surrendering to it and letting it guide you to your truest self, was a step toward recovery. If that was true, then what was I running from? Oh, right, a man.
Chapter 4 Jarod
Strange, running into Tim and then his sister inside of twenty-four hours. Tim seemed really tight lipped about her, and I get it now, she’s a knockout. Nice height, shapely body, if not a little skinny around the midsection, pretty in the face, and that dirty, Madonna blonde hair. I wonder if it’s natural? I couldn’t tell in the lighting, though, if her eyes were blue or green. I kinda hope they are green. I love green eyes on a blonde, it’s such a rarity. I do hope I run into her again. I’d like to have a conversation with her that involves more than I, umm, and then her running off. Wonder what that was about...
Oh well. Today is a me day. After the gym, I usually head back to Grandad’s for breakfast, then I take Sampson, my new German Sheppard puppy, for a run. He’s got a lot of energy and the running is good for me, keeps me agile and keeps the prosthetic limber. I get back to the house and the old man has the food all plated. Bacon, ham, sausage, hash, eggs, home fries and toast
. He’s such a carnivore and he raised himself one, too.
My parents died when I was twelve, in a car accident, so he raised me up, put the fear of God and love of Country into me. Taught me to never hit a woman and to lay out any son of a bitch that ever would. I fight hard and love harder, and when you have me, you’ve got me, completely. I’ve never been one to stray, sure, I’ll flirt and play, but only if you let me. Rules are rules and every relationship is different. Lately, though, I haven’t been able to... Well... Let’s say the heads ain’t agreeing as of late. I’ve seen a doctor and they ran tests and laid pipe like the Roto-Rooter man and couldn’t find anything, physically, wrong with me. So it’s all psychosomatic, as in, in my head...
Wish someone would tell him that. It’s been almost two years since I’ve seen any real action. I mean, I can hang solo, but with a woman? Nothing... Nada, Zilch. It doesn’t stop me from trying though, somebody has got to be the magic slipper.
“YOU PLAN ON EATING that, boy, or just moving it around the plate all morning?” Granddad’s voice brings me back from my internal ruminations and I look up at him, surprised that I had gotten so lost in thought that he noticed.
“Sorry, Grandad. It’s been a long couple of days is all. Did I tell you I ran into one of the guys from my old unit?”
“Nope, but that would explain the distant look in your eyes. You okay with that, my boy? You need me to call Dr. Richards for a refill?”
“I’m good. It was a good meet up. We caught up on life without the bullshit. No talk of the war or what happened, nothing heavy. Then I ran into his sister too.”
To this I watched Granddad’s ears perk up. “A sister? Is she pretty? Young, old, married?”
“Yes, pretty, younger than me, I think, I don’t know about married, I do know she’s got herself a little one.”
He sucked in air through his teeth. “You really wanna go messing around with a single mamma? I mean, there are all kinds of complications that come with them, especially if the father is still in the picture at all.”
“I don’t know Granddad. I barely spoke to her. I just know she lingered in my head and I’d like to run into her again.”
“Well, the universe has a way of giving us exactly what we need, when we need it. So, if this woman is meant for you, I’m sure you’ll see her again soon.” He smiled, patting me on the back and kissing my cheek, before leaving the table to clear it. I don’t know if he’s right, but I find myself hoping so.
Chapter 5 Caitlin
“So how has the new house been Caitlin? Are you adjusting well?” Dr. Prichard sat in her cushy chair, in her smart little skirt suit, with her hands folded on her desk unassumingly. This was my first meeting with her outside of the hospital and in her actual office. It was nice. All natural wood and books from floor to ceiling, and not all of them about us crazies either. There were some classics and even a few Harry Potter’s. I laughed, seeing them.
“Don’t you think those counterproductive to patients that think magic is real?” I pointed them out.
She smiled at my obvious deflection. “They are a healthy and fun bit of reading. Caitlin, I asked you a question.”
“I don’t know, it’s a house. It has walls, which I’m thinking about suggesting we paint, since it’s all white inside. Figure it could be a family project or something.”
“That’s a nice idea. How is Gloria? Any problems, now that you have her all the time?”
Wow, this woman really just jumps right to the point of things...
I turned in my seat toward my babe, sitting on the floor, playing with one of those big wire toys with all the moving parts. She was having a heyday, all on her own.
“Glory? She’s doing great, had a rough night or two, but I think that’s more about me than her. We play out in the yard almost every day and we are in talks about a puppy.”
“Painting, a puppy. You certainly are moving along.”
Was she being sarcastic? I couldn’t tell. She scribbled on her pad, she was always doing that. Damn psychiatrists.
“I’m trying.”
“Have you been taking your anxiety meds?”
“Only when I get anxious, which is not so often as before. I’ve been trying the breathing thing more, and I’ve started swimming and jogging.”
“That’s a good means of exercise, are you venturing out then?”
“Here on the base. The gym, Dad got me a pass.”
“Ahh, yes, many of our patients utilize its services. There are also other programs, such as Yoga, kick boxing, and such. During the day, with people.”
I slumped in my chair. Was I that transparent? “I don’t want to get overwhelmed or fall back into old, bad habits, Doc.”
“Yes, but isolating is far more dangerous to your depression. Caitlin, you need to re-enter society. Get a job, get a life, maybe even a boyfriend again. It’s been two years. You tell me that you want to move forward, but I see very little actual movement. You are the only one who can break the cycle you are in.”
I nodded my head. “I know that... Fuck, do I know that. I just really want to focus on Glory now, is that so wrong? She’s such a little thing, and with mom and dad wanting me to start college in September, I want to spend as much time as possible with her.” I looked at the clock. Our time was pretty much up. I began to gather my things and Dr. Prichard reached across the table, gaining my attention.
“We push to find your barriers so we can break through them, to help you recover. Don’t forget that anything worth it, is never easy.”
“Yup.” I grabbed my bag and walked over to Glory, taking her by the hand. “C’mon, baby girl, time to go. You want to get fish n’ chips?”
“Yes, mommy!” She is just the happiest little girl. I’m so glad for it, given the circumstance of her birth. She turned to the Doc and waved. “Bye, mommy’s doctor.”
“So polite.” Dr. Prichard smiled. “It’s hard to believe she’s not even two yet.”
“She’s growing like a weed, too. I think she’s gonna be a tall one.”
“Well, she’ll come by it honest.” Dr. Prichard opened the door, walking us out.
“Mr. Tin Man!” Glory exclaimed, pulling from my grip and trying to run. I spun, watching as she ran over to a man in the waiting area. By the time I caught up with her and snatched her up I was quite out of breath. I slammed myself into the empty seat, next to the guy, and pulled out my inhaler, taking two puffs. “Glory, baby, you can’t run off like that.” I tried to scold her, but I was so outta breath that it was futile.
She grabbed me by the face, kissed me and said. “Breathe mommy.”
“Okay, but you can’t just run off to strangers, you hear me?”
“Well, I’m not exactly a stranger.”
Suddenly a familiar voice tinged in my ear. I looked over and realized I was sitting next to the pool guy.
“Oh, hi, umm...”
“Jarod.”
“Right, Jarod.”
“No mommy, Tin Man.” I looked at him and my daughter, who seemed to know him better than I.
“What’s that?”
“Tin Man,” He knocked on the leg. “Glory and I go way back to the pizzeria, now don’t we?”
“Yuppers. Mommy, he made your Trumpery. “
Jarod and I laughed.
“I think you mean Stromboli, little one.” He smirked, twisting one of her pigtails away from her face.
She smiled at him and hid into my shoulder. She was being bashful, it was sweet. I held her against me as he stood up, his name must have been called but I hadn’t heard it. I was lost for a moment in those deep blue-green eyes. What am I saying? No, no, not happening.
“Well, it was nice seeing you again, Caitlin. Glory, maybe your mom will bring you by for a slice this week. I work the lunch shift.”
“Can we mommy?” She perked right up.
“We’ll see.”
GLORY SAT WITH HER legs swinging off the picnic table, humming along as she chomped down her
ketchup covered fish and chips. I ordered the two piece and we split it. It was nice to have fresh seafood again. All those years in the desert, it was hard to come by something that wasn’t smoked, salted or unidentifiable MRE’s. You could get by on the food in the mess, but good, greasy fish and chips can’t be beat, especially with malt vinegar and lemon.
I had finished a while ago, but she was taking her time. So I took to playing a mind numbing game on my phone while the June sun worked its magic on my too white legs. In no time flat I’d have a nice tan going, bless my mamma and her Spanish roots for giving me a complexion with some melanin. It was where my curves came from too. The rest was all dad. My five foot eight height, my green eyes, dirty blonde hair. Tim, he looked more like mom. Dark hair, eyes, though he was taller than me, but not by much. Only six feet. In a good heel, I was taller. Not that I wore them. I was more of a country girl in the clothes department. Jeans, boots and T-shirts or tanks did me just fine all year round.
That and cozy sweaters. I loved oversized, thick wool sweaters. I must own dozens of them from when we were stationed in the Netherlands when I was fourteen. They were all so big, they still fit now. Not that I’ll have much use for them here. I understand it doesn’t get very cold here and that like an inch of snow can shut the place down.
I should have applied to Yale, or Harvard. Could have done the cold weather again. But Duke is the best University in the country for biomedical engineering. It’s going to be hard as hell, but it’s what I want to do. Medical research, specifically cancer, is my pursuit, and at Duke I will have the best opportunities to learn and possibly get my foot in the door somewhere I can make a difference. Too many people are still suffering because we still don’t know enough about ourselves and why our cells suddenly turn on us. I’m gonna help figure it out.
Yeah, I’m ambitious, we lost my grandparents to cancers over the years and it sucked. They were way too young. I’m just glad Grandma Rosie beat it. She even had the reconstructive surgery after, so now she’s got tits like a fifty-year-old. Or so she boasts at seventy-two.