by S. I. Hayes
“What baby? What’s the matter?”
“Look a horsey! Two, horsies! Can we go for a ride?”
“Maybe later, okay baby? Let’s just get into the room and then we can go to the beach, okay?”
“Yay! Ocean!” Watching these two, I couldn’t imagine how anyone could have ever been so cruel to her. I could feel a bit of the ice around my heart chip, as I opened the door, letting Sampson out and taking him over to the grass to do his thing. Tim was already helping with the bags, so I didn’t have to mess around with that at least.
Chapter 9 Tim
“You okay, CC?” I watched as my sister stared at the hotel, letting her hand slip from Glory’s who was still chattering about the horses. Glory turned to the sound of my voice.
“Horsies!”
I was glad for the one track mind of toddlers. I scooped her up and nudged her mother.
“I’m okay.”
The fast way she responded told me she was far from okay. Or fine. Or whatever word she was going to use to placate me into not worrying about her right now.
“We can always go home. I’ve got enough cash for an Uber, I made sure of it.” I assured her, letting her know I had a backup plan. This time.
“This was my idea, I wanna stay.” She squeezed my hand with a happy nod and a tear in her eye. She wouldn’t say it, but I think she appreciated that I was trying. Even now, after all this time. Always. She took a deep breath and grabbed her bags from the back, following me into the hotel where Jarod was waiting with a happy looking puppy in his arms.
“So, let’s get settled in and then head for the beach? There are probably places for lunch on the pier, if memory serves.” Jarod suggested as Sampson squirmed.
“Sounds like a plan.” I agreed.
“Yeah, that sounds good. Let us go get changed and we’ll meet you back down here in like twenty.” CC tossed her stuff on the bell cart and took Glory from me. “You ready to go put your bathing suit on baby girl?”
“Yes!” She beamed. “Mommy, after, can we see the horsies?”
CC laughed. “We’ll see, if you’re super good, and not too tired, okay?”
“Okay, mommy!”
Chapter 10 Caitlin
Here I am, sitting in the hotel room bathroom, sucking on my inhaler and waiting for my Xanax to kick in. As soon as I finished getting Glory dressed my heart started racing and my anxiety started. I was on the verge of a full blown attack by the time I found them and I hit the bathroom door. I swallowed them down, gulping the tap water from the faucet and collapsed to the floor. The door is ajar so I can see her, she’s playing with one of my bras at the moment. Oh God... Please let me get through this weekend. If not for me, then for her. She doesn’t need to see me like this. She won’t understand. She doesn’t need to either. I traced the scars on my wrist, one day I’ll have to explain those to her. I’ll have to tell her about her father too. Thinking about all of that now, why was I doing this to myself. She’s not even two yet and I’m already terrified of conversations years in the making.
Fuck me, I need to pull it together. “Baby?”
“Yes, Mommy?”
“Can you see my phone?” I manage through trembling lips. I was freezing, sitting half-naked on the floor. I’d only gotten as far as stripping to my underwear when the attack hit me.
“Yes, mommy.”
“Can I have it please?”
I watched as her chubby little hands fumbled for it and then she climbed down off the bed and made her way over to me. “Mommy?” she asked with sad eyes. That should have, damn near, broke my heart. Instead, it sent me back over the edge I was teetering on.
“Go find a toy in the big bag, I’ll be right out okay?” I snapped.
“Okay! Don’t yell!” She shrieked and ran crying to find her toys. I shrank back to the floor and dialed Tim. It rang twice.
“CC, where are you, we are down in the lobby.”
“I’m having an attack, please come get Glory, I can’t do this...”
There was silence for a moment, then a sigh. “Be there in a second. You know, it’s a good thing I got a key card for that room after all... Just breathe. Do you have your inhaler, there?”
“Yeah,” I grabbed for it, clutching it to me. “Please hurry. I screamed at her!” I sobbed, “I don’t know what’s wrong or why I’m freaking out!”
“Almost there... Don’t worry, we got you.”
“What we-?”
I puffed my inhaler as the door swung open and I saw Jarod as he swooped down, grabbing a towel from the rung and wrapping it around me. He slammed the door closed and turned on the hot water as I curled up in the towel, staring at him in abject horror.
“The hot water will open up your lungs so you can breathe, better than any lousy inhaler. Now, come here and stick your head in here.” He motioned me toward the edge of the claw foot tub. “Please, I’m not even gonna touch you. I’m just gonna pull the curtains around you and put this towel over your head. You breathe in this steam.”
I crawled over to the tub and did as he asked. Immediately, I started to choke.
“Cough it out. Cry it out. It’s okay to do that.” His voice was soothing, as I heard him settle down on the toilet seat, the cold metal of his leg just brushing mine for a moment. I didn’t pull away, and I felt his hand as it lightly touched my shoulder.
“Is it okay if I rub your back a bit? It usually helps ease the tension, at least it did for me.”
I nodded yes, and he gently rubbed between my shoulders as I kept breathing in the hot steam. After a while my breathing leveled and I pulled away, settling on the floor to face him. We were both covered in sweat from the heat, but he looked like it didn’t much bother him.
“You used to the humidity?” I asked with a little chuckle. Waving my hand around, watching as he turned the water off, seeing the muscles in his arms and chest contract and twitch in the micro movements. He was very well defined, and lean. Just the way I liked my men.
“You could say that. The desert heat can take its toll, and this isn’t that.”
“No, it’s not...” I looked up into his eyes. “How did you know what to do? I mean, for me, now?”
“I’ve had my share of panic attacks. Still get them from time to time, but not so much as before.”
I nodded. “Yeah, I’m sorry you had to see that.”
“Don’t be, it isn’t every day I get to be the hero anymore. Besides, like I said, I understand, maybe not the why, but the what and how. Triggers are funny, they roll like the tides. Speaking of which, you have a little one out there who wants to see the ocean with her mamma.”
“Oh, God, I yelled at her.” I covered my face. I could feel the tears as they welled up. “I’ve never yelled at her before.”
“All the more reason to make sure you keep your promise to her then, don’t you think?”
He made a solid point, although I was feeling a little woozy from the pill, I got up. The towel falling off of me.
“Shit.” I turned fast to recover it when I remembered he was in the room and heard the light gasp.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to,” he whispered, staring at the scars on my back, from where the belt buckle had cut me when they slapped me with it. You could make out the shape in some places, so it was pretty obvious.
I pulled the towel around me tighter as I shifted in my space. “I’m guessing you can put two and two together?”
He nodded. “I’m sorry that someone did that to you.”
I sighed. “Yeah, I just wish it had only been the one...” I opened the bathroom door and left him with that bomb.
“HEY BABY.” I COOED, seeing Glory sitting on the bed with her dolphin bath toy. It filled with water and spit. Her little feet were pulled up under her and she was just making it swim along quietly while Tim watched her from a chair. He sat up quickly as I emerged.
“You okay?”
“Yeah. Take her downstairs and I’ll be out in like five minutes. I
gotta finish getting dressed.” I stood in front of her. “Glory, Mamma’s sorry. We are gonna go swimming, then see the horsies. Okay?”
Her eyes got wide as saucers. “Promise?”
“Promise.”
She grinned at me and stood up on the bed to hug me, all was forgotten, by the unconditional love of a child.
Chapter 11 Jarod
Seemed my coming was already a blessing. Caitlin’s freak out almost put the kibosh on the weekend. It was a good thing I was pretty much an expert in all things anxiety attack, having had my fair share of them after the accident. Hell, I’d been having them since childhood. They started for me when my parents died. Any time I got in the car with somebody I’d freak out, it took like three years to get over them. Even now, though I sometimes have to psych myself up for a longer than usual drive, if I don’t know where I’m going and have to use the GPS. I don’t like the distraction it causes. When we got to the beach, we managed to find a nice spot that wasn’t overrun by the sand bars. The tide was perfect, right at the outgoing, so we’d have plenty of time to play in the surf without worrying about the drop offs or the swells.
“You know, I was wondering,” Caitlin asked as she was putting the floaties on Glory’s little arms, making it so she couldn’t put them down any longer, “will the salt water hurt that?” She looked down at my leg.
I let out a brief chuckle, going into my duffle bag and pulling out a sleeve that looked like a giant knee sock. “This is like a wet suit. I slap this puppy on and it’s smooth sailing all day, plus it keeps it from getting hot.”
“That’s sorta cool.”
“Yup, and keeps the sand out too. You know how it likes to get everywhere.” I waggled my brows at her.
She cracked a smile as Glory attacked Sampson, who chased her down to the water with a happy tail wag.
“Aren’t they just two peas in a pod, now I’m gonna have to get her one.”
“A puppy? I think the girl I got Sampson from still has a few. I’m sure she’d hook you up.”
“I don’t know that I could afford it.”
I bit the inside of my lip, wondering if I should tell her what Darlene bred them for. “Well, considering your situation, if you mention it to your clinician, Darlene would just give you one.”
“How’s that work?”
“She breeds them to be companions to PTSD sufferers and survivors of other trauma. I took him before he started his training, because I need the noise in the house. I don’t do well in the quiet, alone. But his brothers and sisters, I’m sure are being trained now for soothing techniques and companionship. If you want her card, I can get it for you.”
“Thank you, I think I’d like that.” She stood up, shakily.
“You okay?”
“Yeah, my Xanax kicked in, so things are a little wobbly is all.”
“You are not going near that water, high,” I insisted. “You sit right back down and hydrate. Watch your girl from here. I’m sure Tim has it under control. Look at them, they are just fine.”
“Eh, it’s probably better I don’t anyhow. I’d just attract the sharks this week anyway.” She laughed weakly, crossing her legs.
“Oh, wow. Talk about commitment to the cause.” I joked. You need anything for pain? I think I got some Percocet in my bag.”
“I’m good, but thank you. Why don’t you go and join them? I’ll be good here with my Kindle and this umbrella.”
“Alright, when I get back let’s say you and I go and scope the food carts, up top, for lunch?”
“Sounds like a plan.”
“SO WHAT WERE YOU AND CC talking about?” Tim asked as Glory paddled in his arms. She was taking to the water like a mermaid, giggling and splashing about.
“Puppies, actually, not much else appropriate for small ears.”
“Puppies! I like puppies! Like Sampson?”
“Yes, like Sampson,” I answered.
“Mommy! Am I getting a puppy?” She started flailing, trying to get to her mom. We grabbed her, pulling her back with a laugh.
Caitlin picked up her head, hearing her daughter, but not understanding the words. Which was good cuz I’d be in trouble, I’m sure, for bringing it up before she did.
She looked out to us, but I waved her off and she just waved back, then went back to her book, or rather her Kindle. Phew, dodged that one.
“We were just talking about where I got my puppy, baby.”
“Oh, phooey.”
“Listen to the vocabulary on this kid.” I laughed, as we bounced her between us.
“I think this is gonna be good for everybody, I’m thankful you came dude.”
“You are welcome, I’m having fun. Thanks for inviting me.”
“Just don’t go falling in love with my sister, okay bro.”
I looked back to the woman on the beach, as she looked around cautiously, then took off her T-shirt to let the sun work on her lightly tanned skin. Something told me that may already be a problem.
“Dude?”
“Don’t worry, I’m not looking to date. I’m too busy for it right now. What with working for the old man and getting my curriculum for next semester ready, my hands are pretty full.”
“Yeah, so you like teaching?”
“It’s not bad, and it lets me keep my benefits and work toward my pension. The younger guys get a reality check when they see me too, so it’s something of a novel approach in today’s Corp. I don’t have to go overseas anymore, which is a plus, unless I want to go. Which I don’t, there’s no real point anymore, now is there? All the damage has been done.”
“I hear ya, man. I would have thought you would have retired after, is all. I mean, didn’t you get a settlement and all?”
“Yeah, but I don’t wanna burn through it either. This lets me keep it. I bought a few nice things and stashed the bulk of it. I’m not a kid anymore. I need to be responsible.”
Tim nodded, looking out at Caitlin. “I should have stayed in; the money could have helped her. Instead, I’m just a lowly mechanic, towing trucks for twelve fifty an hour.
“Hey, it’s a good job. Especially around here.”
“I guess; I just want to do right by her.”
“She’s not your responsibility. She needs to stand on her own and if you don’t let her, she never will.”
“Where’s mommy going?” Glory broke our too serious conversation. Our heads jerked in the direction of the beach to see Caitlin heading off toward the bathrooms. I remembered her remark about sharks and laughed.
“Just the bathroom probably, honey. She’ll be right back, I’m sure.”
“I’m hungry.”
“You want food?” I asked her with a smile. She nodded fast.
“Hot Dogs, and maybe a pretzel?”
I laughed. “I’ll see what I can do, what about you?”
“Whatever dude, hot dogs, burgers, fish n’ chips, all of the above. Caitlin’s got my wallet.”
“I got lunch. Since you guys took care of breakfast and the gas this morning, least I can do.”
“Cool, dude. We’ll be right here getting pruned, right, my babe?”
“Yup, my babe.” Glory kissed Tim on the nose, then hugged me tight.
“See ya, Tin Man!”
WAITING OUTSIDE THE bathroom was probably not the hottest idea as I scared the piss out of Caitlin when I said her name. Getting me punched right in the chest. Girl packs a wallop too.
“Ouch!”
“Don’t sneak up on me! For fuck’s sake! What are you doing up here? Stalking the women’s bathrooms?”
“I was waiting on you. We’ve got a hungry little kid on our hands. She’s demanding hot dogs and pretzels. And your brother wants the kitchen sink apparently.”
She laughed, reaching out to where she’d hit me. Giving it a gentle pat. “Sorry about that. I didn’t mean to bruise you.”
“It’s okay. I’ll be alright. I think...” I coughed playfully. “No permanent damage.”
“We
ll, let’s go and see what we can find food wise I guess.”
“I was looking to score a lobster roll or maybe some whole belly clams. Do you like those?”
“So long as they are smothered in cocktail sauce, I’m all over them.”
“I like the way you think. The vendors are up the dock, this way.” I put out my hand and it found the small of her back. She jerked forward slightly, but then settled, letting me lead her through the busy crowds She walked confidently, she wasn't timid. Crowds didn't freak her out. I took these as good signs It seemed it was being alone, especially in that hotel room. Given the situation, I don’t blame her. Tim didn’t give me the particulars the other night, he certainly hadn’t made it sound like she’d been assaulted by multiple people, but she made that pretty clear. The thought that such a kind woman was so misused made my blood boil. No man should ever treat a woman like that, for any reason. I was resolved. If I could help her in any way, I was going to.
For starters, I was going to make this weekend memorable for her. It was time she replaced those bad memories with some good ones.
Chapter 12 Caitlin
His hand at the base of my back was weird and sort of soothing at the same time. My dad used to do the same thing with me and my mom when he led us into rooms. It was like his way of steering us around. By golly, it worked well too. I was on auto pilot as we walked the dock, until I smelled the crab cakes at the vendor.
“Oh my gosh! I have to have me some of that!” I was practically drooling as we reached the cart. It boasted Maryland Style Crab Cakes, and they looked divine. We got five, four to take back and one to split right away. We stood over by the railing as he cut it in half with a Spork and the flaky goodness spilled out.
“Oh, that is gonna be so good!”
He smirked, handing me the Spork and the little red and white carton, taking the paper and his half. He watched as I shoveled the sweet and savory concoction into my mouth.