by Olivia Gates
She had orgasmed. Before he got her naked, before he took her, just from him emulating the act of possession. She lay beneath him, boneless, the sight and scent of her satisfaction maddening him more. Her eyes told him release had only left her hungrier, readier for his invasion.
But he’d already been jarred out of his fugue. And what he realized he’d been about to do horrified him. He would have taken her without preliminaries. Without protection. He had none here. He’d never had a woman in this house, let alone this bed, had never intended to have one here.
He could pleasure her again, but he was in too precarious a condition. If he’d lost his mind from one touch, if he continued touching her, he’d get her naked, would end up buried inside her, would ride her until she climaxed around him, wouldn’t be able to stop until he spilled deep inside her womb. It would be an irretrievable step that would spoil everything.
Among all the inhuman tests he’d been exposed to and had always passed with flying colors, raising himself off her now, ending this, was the hardest thing he’d ever done.
Her hands clung weakly to him, trying to coax him back to her. He’d never resisted anything so overwhelming.
But he managed to. Rising from the bed, keeping his eyes off her so he wouldn’t launch himself back at her, he strode to his dressing room and replaced the shirt he’d shredded before he strode back out to her.
His heart almost stopped when he found the bed empty. Exploding into a run, he only slowed down when he found her in the foyer, retrieving the purse she’d left on a table there.
“Liliana...”
His voice sounded as if it issued through gravel, which he felt filled his throat. Slowly, she turned to him, her face for the very first time totally unreadable. She said nothing.
“I’m sorry I pounced on you like that. It wasn’t why I invited you here.”
“I know. I’m the one who invited it.”
Her exoneration was yet another unexpected blow that ratcheted his upheaval.
Feeling that anything he said now would make the situation worse somehow, he exhaled in frustration. “Maybe it’s better if I take you home now.”
Her eyes the darkest he’d seen them, she shook her head. “It’s better if you don’t. I’ll call a cab.”
He needed to argue, to convince her to let him see her home. Maybe he’d find something sane to say on the way to right the course of events that had devolved into this stilted mess. But he knew in his condition he’d only compound his mistakes.
Deciding to let her go, and to stay away from her until he got his act together, he exhaled. “I’ll get Paolo to take you home.” At her nod of consent, he reached for the intercom. “He lives on the premises, so he’ll bring the car to the front door in a couple of minutes.”
Without meeting his eyes, she again nodded, turned away and walked to the door. In seconds, she was gone.
He didn’t know how long he remained rooted, staring at the door through which she’d disappeared. All he could see was how she’d looked as she’d walked away. Steady yet subdued, the energy and fire he’d always seen and felt in her every step now gone, as if something had been extinguished inside her.
Collapsing on the nearest seat, he pitched forward, burying his face in shaking hands.
What had he done?
* * *
“Won’t you finally tell me what you did?”
Lili winced as Brian walked into her lab. His mood was so bright, she felt like closing her eyes to avoid its glare.
“I’ve been letting you get away with not telling me long enough,” he said, “but after this morning, I can’t wait any longer.”
Yeah. Because this morning Antonio had sent a decree down his chain of command that everyone in the lab had their choice of project, whether it was one of his, their original ones or a new endeavor. Not only that, but if anyone saw fit to work on several projects simultaneously, they would be given all logistical and financial support. For scientists, who were always tied up in endless financial red tape, to be given such free rein was a dream.
“For God’s sake, Lili, you have to tell me,” Brian urged. “The only things I don’t tell you are things you certainly don’t want to hear.”
She returned her eyes to her laptop to escape his merriment and curiosity. But she no longer saw the data she’d just inputted, what she believed was her first breakthrough, which had caused the first lift in her spirit in the last two weeks. The two weeks since she’d last seen Antonio.
“For the last time, Brian,” she mumbled. “I didn’t do anything. The man just reconsidered.”
“After you gave him all of your mind, not just a piece of it.” Brian perched his hip on her desk. “But I thought that only made him give you back your research. Judging from today’s developments, you must have done more.”
“Unless I’ve developed some sort of long-distance mind control, I can’t see how I could have. I haven’t seen the man since the day I came back to work.”
The day after her magical time with Antonio came to a disastrous end.
Brian regarded her as if he was deciding whether she was telling the truth. Then his grin widened even more. “Seems you didn’t have to do more. That initial dose you gave him worked like a vaccine. Its effect intensified as time went by, until he developed full immunity, or in this case, empathy with your own views.”
“Botched scientific metaphor aside, it’s so nice to be likened to attenuated or dead microorganisms.”
“I’m likening you to the tiny busters who save lives, like you’ve saved ours.”
Slumping back in her chair, she exhaled. “Don’t exaggerate. I didn’t do anything. And what lives? You were all gung ho about joining his projects.”
“I myself would have worked on anything that kept me employed and serving the cause of science. But this? This is what I became a scientist hoping to do one day. This is the beginning of a life I never thought I’d be able to live. And whatever you say, I know I have you to thank for it.”
“Fine. Believe whatever you want and leave me in my own version of reality, where everything is the absolute opposite of what you insinuate about my effect on Antonio Balducci.”
Brain sobered when he realized she was barely reining in her agitation. “Have I put my foot in it?”
“Down to the knee joint.”
Dismay flared in his eyes. “Don’t tell me you’ve...”
“Fallen for him” went unspoken. And “been rebuffed” was also concluded.
“Man, Lili! Granted, the guy is a god, and all the women and half the men around here are swooning over him, but you of all women... I thought you’d be immune.”
“Well, you thought wrong.”
His gaze switched from disconcerted to solicitous in a heartbeat. “You know the last thing I want to do is step on your toes, but I know how you bottle stuff up, and how you always feel better when you talk to me about it.”
“Not this time, Brian, so just drop it, okay?” His persistence had helped her once before, after her mother’s death, when he’d finally gotten her to unburden herself. But knowing it wouldn’t help this time, she changed the subject. “But since you’re so eager to listen to me, do you have an hour? I think I’m onto something big here and I want your opinion.”
Her diversion tactic worked, since scientific curiosity was the only thing that could take Brian’s mind off just about anything. And for the next two hours she showed him her latest findings and he corroborated her every hope. By the time he left her, they were both certain she’d just broken through to the next level in her research.
Though this was huge, and she was beyond thrilled, that excitement didn’t carry to the rest of her being. Most of her remained a prisoner to the memory of that night with Antonio.
That night, after his driver ha
d taken her home, she’d collapsed in bed, shaking like a leaf with both mortification and arousal.
Instead of dreaming of him, she’d stayed awake all night, her mind filled with memories of the mindless minutes when she’d offered herself to him, when he’d almost taken her. His every touch and look and breath had replayed over and over, burning her with their vividness and her humiliation. She’d been so on fire for him, it had only taken him a few thrusts through their clothes for her to climax.
While it had stunned her, since she’d never reached release so easily, so violently, it had shocked him more. Maybe even alarmed or disgusted him. For what kind of woman would go off like that from just a few kisses and grinds? He must have figured he’d terribly miscalculated, and the iceberg he’d thought he’d enjoy melting had turned out to be a powder keg that would end up blowing up in his face.
She couldn’t blame him that he hadn’t wanted to be anywhere near her after that. He’d torn his gaze away from her pleading eyes and himself from her clinging arms, rushing to put clothes on to show her there’d be no further intimacies. Not that she’d been about to wait for him to come back to tell her that. She’d tried to run out of his mansion without seeing him again. But he’d caught up with her before she could, and though he’d tried to be considerate, what he’d said, how he’d looked at her, had been an even worse blow. Besides his obvious dismay and regret, it had seemed as if he’d...pitied her.
She hadn’t closed her eyes till morning after that night, agonizing over whether to continue her earlier plan of leaving California, or going back to the lab he’d promised she could return to on her terms.
She’d ended up going back to work. A major part of her decision had been the hope that she’d see him again. She’d kept envisioning scenarios of how he’d come and what she’d say, in apology, or at least in an attempt to excuse or explain her actions. Anything to take them back to where they’d been before she’d touched him and spoiled everything.
That first day back in the lab, she’d kept expecting Antonio to walk in at any moment, kept jumping at any movement or sound, imagining she’d heard his voice or caught a glimpse of him.
But he hadn’t come. Not that day, not since.
With each passing day, she’d been torn more among shame, longing and despondency. Antonio had disappeared from her life as she’d known he would, only sooner and under far worse circumstances. She’d been right. All he’d needed was her capitulation. Once he’d had it, and so resoundingly, he’d lost interest. He must have even been horrified by her extreme reaction. He might have even feared he could have set himself up for a Fatal Attraction scenario.
It mortified her that she wouldn’t be able to tell him he had nothing to worry about from her, or that she would always cherish whatever time she’d had with him. If that sounded pathetic, as it probably was, she didn’t care. It was true. Being with him had been the most intense experience of her life. It pained her that what would always be a precious memory to her would be a distasteful one to him.
It also dismayed her that he’d disappeared before she could thank him. For going above and beyond in giving her everything she’d thought she’d never have, and thereby enabling her to reach the next level in her research. And he’d done that even after her accusations and suspicions and nastiness, then her reversal into a sex-starved maniac.
If she let him know through his deputies what she hoped to do, she feared he’d assign her some unsavory motivation. Even knowing she’d never see him again, the thought of losing his admiration, his respect, hurt the most.
“Are you busy?”
That voice. His voice.
In the split second before she looked up, she was certain she’d find nothing there. She’d jumped at too many phantom sounds and images of him before.
But this time, her gaze didn’t land on nothingness. It collided with the too-real, too-magnificent sight of Antonio Balducci.
He was really there. Peeking around her lab’s door, only his head and part of his shoulders visible. As if he was ready to retreat if she said yes, she was busy.
The world dimmed, and for the first time she knew how it was possible to faint with a brutal surge of emotions. Shock, elation, trepidation and a dozen other contradictory things.
Had he come to see her? Or was he here inspecting the status of her research, thanks to his generosity? Oh, and, by the way, to put things straight with her?
“I can come back later if you prefer.”
His baritone reverberated in her very being, shaking her out of her paralysis. She rose unsteadily. “No. Actually you’re just the person I wanted to see.”
“I am?”
“Yes, yes, I...wanted to tell you a couple of things.”
Walking in and closing the door behind him, he straightened to his daunting height, this carefulness of the last time he’d faced her, almost a wariness, still permeating his body language.
Man, she’d really managed to scare him. Was he worried she might jump his bones or something?
Circling him as far away as possible, she linked her hands behind her back. “I was going to make a formal proposal and send it to you up the chain, but since you’re here...”
“You don’t need to do that when you need more funds or resources for your research.”
“It isn’t for my research.” She inhaled a bolstering breath. “I’ve taken a comprehensive look at your...folder, and I owe you an apology. The research you wanted me to helm is right up my alley and I find it very ambitious and exciting. If I reorganize my schedule to make a timetable that would have me working on both projects simultaneously, it is completely doable, with your resources and support in place. So if you’d still like me on the project, count me in.”
“Actually, I no longer want you on it.”
Her heart plummeted yet again with the validation of her worst fears, that her value to him had been negated by that foolish episode. It felt like a physical blow that almost rocked her on her feet.
Struggling not to choke on the lump that expanded in her throat, she waved her hand in dismissal. “Never mind, then. It was just an idea.” Then an even worse thought detonated in her mind. “If...if you don’t want me here at all, I understand. You still have my resignation, and you can approve it any time you—”
“Stop.” His admonition was exasperated, almost pained. “Stop jumping to conclusions about me and what I mean. I don’t want you on my project because I don’t want your efforts and focus divided. I want them on your own work, where you’re making remarkable progress.”
He did? And he knew that? How?
“But when you conclude your work successfully, if you’re still interested in any of my projects, there’s nothing I want more than to have the benefit of your vision and expertise.” He paused, exhaled, the searing blue of his eyes suddenly darkening. “But I’m not here to talk about work.”
The heart that had been expanding with his every word felt as if it shriveled again. He was here to clear that personal land mine that now existed between him and an employee he wanted to keep.
She nodded. “I understand.”
“I doubt you do.”
“You must want to talk about that night two weeks ago. That’s the other thing I’d hoped to talk to you about. I want you to forget that embarrassing episode ever happened, and be sure nothing like that will ever happen again. Just chalk it up to pathetic inexperience and let it go at that, okay?
As if he hadn’t heard a word she’d said, his gaze focused on her eyes with such intensity, she felt them misting.
“Do you know why I’ve stayed away these two weeks?” he asked quietly.
She forced everything in her to go still, refusing to jump to more conclusions, especially ones laden with false hopes. She’d already accepted that he’d streak through her life like a meteor, affording
her a brief blaze of splendor before he disappeared. She should be thankful he’d hurtled on before he’d done more damage. She should cling to the shield of resignation, even if every cell in her body still popped with the electricity of anticipation.
When she said nothing, Antonio answered his own question. “I retreated to give you space, to reassess the damages I caused when I pursued you, besieged you, forced you out of your comfort zone and into what you might come to regret.”
That was why he’d stayed away? Not for the horrible, degrading reasons she’d been torturing herself with?
“But there was another reason, too.”
Her heart hit Pause, dreading his next words.
“I had to rethink everything I’d intended for this lab, to make decisions that would benefit everyone the most, by letting them resume their work or make their own choices, with my adjustments.” He started walking closer, the gaze fixed on her filling with so much she couldn’t bring herself to believe. “I had to prove to you, and to myself, that I can do what you can approve of, can be someone you can truly value and admire. You made me reconsider everything I do, professionally and personally.”
By the time he was close enough for her to reach out and touch him again, she was ready to collapse at his feet. And that was before he made his closing statement.
“And that’s why I’m here now. To tell you I want to hit a restart button with you. At your pace, on your terms.”
* * *
Antonio had never dreaded anything in his life, a life filled with horrors and dangers and catastrophes. Not really.
But he dreaded Liliana’s answer. He didn’t know what he’d do if she rejected him.
Could he just walk away? How, when the thought of losing her sent him straight out of his ordered, controlled mind?
For two weeks he’d forced himself to stay away, until he could provide her with tangible proof of what she meant to him, how she’d changed him. That time apart from her had been almost more than he could bear. He’d spent every moment struggling not to charge after her, to carry her back to his bed and keep her there until he’d branded her, made her unable to walk away from him ever again.