by Jolene Perry
“Yep.” I breathe in again.
She leans back and angles her body toward me. “Okay, I’ll let you get away with the first, but I’m calling you on the second.”
“The second what?” My chest sinks. I so hope she didn’t hear me.
“The second time you breathed in next to me like that. Do I smell good?” One corner of her mouth pulls up in a smirk that wrinkles around her eyes.
It’s all about honesty, right? “Very.”
She glances at the table. It’s the first time I’ve seen anything like modesty or embarrassment from her. “Math?”
“Matrices. No problem.” I’m glad she changed the topic, but at the same time, I want to be close to her…and math doesn’t seem like the best way to do it. At least we’re sitting next to each other at the table.
“Well, I’m glad it’s not a problem for one of us.” She laughs.
Sky and I start the first problem, sorting columns and rows for matrices. It’s hard to concentrate on math…and not on her. The lights come on in the backyard as the sun goes down. She catches on fast as I walk her through problem after problem. I feel smart and useful, and hopefully she doesn’t think I’m too much of a nerd for knowing this stuff.
“You’re a good tutor.” She slides her homework into her textbook.
“Thanks.” I’m staring at her lips again.
“Walk me home?” She stands up.
I nearly knock my chair over trying to keep up with her.
We make it to the front door when I hear Mom’s voice.
“Nice to meet you, Sky. You’re welcome anytime,” Mom says leaning out of her room at the end of the hall.
“Thanks.” Sky waves as we step out the door.
I ignore the wide-eyed look Mom gives me on our way out.
“It was nice seeing you today.” What a lame thing to say, but I really can’t think of anything else.
“You are still seeing me.” She bumps my leg with her hip.
I realize, just now, how tall she is. She’s taller than Mom, taller than probably most girls I know. “Guess I am.” I stare at the sidewalk. “You’re tall.”
“You just noticed?”
“I…” Once again, I don’t know what to say.
“My mom is Native American. My dad’s a tall, skinny white guy.” She chuckles. “I’ve met him, spent a little time with him, but I don’t really know him.”
“And you’re staying with his parents?” It seems bizarre, or maybe just hard.
“I’ve met them before, but we’re still getting used to each other.” Her voice is quiet and smooth. Maybe she’s resigned, or maybe she really does glide through life the way it seems.
“Oh.” I remember I held her hand last time we walked together. I reach for it again.
“Still working toward that kiss?” She doesn’t laugh, but there’s laughter on the edges of her words.
Remember, it’s all about honesty. “Yep.”
“Good.”
That one simple word hits me like something warm and soft as it slowly spreads through me. Without much conscious thought, I squeeze her hand.
“If you’re still working toward that, maybe you could take me out this Friday.” Her face is relaxed, but she isn’t looking at me.
“Take you out?” Crap. Why did I have to repeat that? And why am I staring?
“Yeah, Jay. Take me out.” Her voice oozes sarcasm as she glances my way. “It’s my birthday.”
“Wow, no pressure.” I chuckle.
“I’m turning nineteen.” She bumps my arm with her shoulder. I’m relieved at her age. I thought she was older.
I bump her arm back, just to feel it again. “I’ll pick you up around six o’clock?”
“What should I wear?”
How the hell do I answer that question?
She laughs. “Tell you what. I’m going to wear something comfortable on my feet; probably a skirt and I’ll bring a hoodie since it’s still cold in the evenings. I’ve only been here since January, so I want you to show me Vegas.”
“That I can do.” I’m already running through my head where I want to take her. “Are you opposed to being out all night?”
“Wow, Jay. That’s forward.”
I’m sure I redden. Hopefully the darkness of my skin helps a bit. “What I meant was, I’m up for most of the night on the weekends and things don’t really slow down on the strip until like three or four in the morning.”
“Okay.”
We’re in her driveway now. We stop, but I don’t move away.
“Are you still thinking you might get that kiss tonight?” She folds her arms.
“Maybe.” Definitely.
“You need to recover from the other girl first.” Her deep brown eyes watch mine carefully.
For the first time all day, I can breathe easy. It feels impossible—that talking about Sarah to Sky could help me to breathe, but Sky’s here, making me feel…warm. I really, really want to kiss her again.
“It’ll happen. You just rub really hard, right here.” She laughs putting both of her hands on my chest. She rubs them up and down in short spurts and the warmth of her spreads through my body. She’s becoming addictive. Fast.
I rest my hands on top of hers and she stops. Her eyes have these dark ridges in them that I stare at and take in. She leans away from me. Am I leaning in? “Smooth, but the answer is still no.” She breaks eye contact and starts to move away.
“I’d like a hug.” I let my head tilt to the side as I watch her reaction.
“A hug?” She bites her bottom lip. “Actually, a hug would be nice but…” She puts a finger up between us. “Don’t try anything.”
I step into her and wrap my arms around her before I chicken out. She already knows I like the way she smells, so I breathe in deeply. Her arms tighten around me, and I really have zero motivation to move.
“How you don’t have three girlfriends calling you at all hours is beyond me.” She steps away and walks to her front door. The loss of her warmth makes me break out in goose bumps.
“How do you know I don’t?” I tease.
“You don’t.”
“Night, Sky.” That sounds cool, like the end of a poem, or maybe the beginning. I’m a complete puff for thinking this. I know, I know—puff? Just turn on the BBC.
Sky pauses in her doorway and something passes across her face. Sorrow? Thoughtfulness? Something. And it’s significant. The warmth of her spreads through my chest again.
“Night, Jay.”
SIX
“Hey, Jameson?” Sarah asks while pulling into my driveway.
“Yeah?” Why does this feel awkward…just talking to her? Did she follow me from swim practice?
“How’ve you been?” she asks.
“Good. You?” I answer. This sucks. It doesn’t feel like I can relax and just talk to her anymore. Is it because of Eric…or is it because of how I feel about her? I grab my bag off the backseat. We didn’t speak to each other at all during swim practice. Not that we needed to…the girls have a different coach, and are kind of separate…kind of.
“Can I come in for a few?” Her brow is creased with worry.
Like I’d say no. Have I ever told her no? This shouldn’t be weird at all since Sarah usually spends as much waking time at my house as she does at her own…or she used to. “Yeah, sure,” I mutter.
She follows me through the side gate into the backyard stepping into my room behind me. “Wow, Jamesy, I can actually see the floor!”
“Mom and Dad were arguing yesterday.” I shrug.
“So you decided to clean?”
“Yep.” My pack drops to the bare floor.
“That seems to be happening more often.”
“Does it?” Only I know my parents are fighting more, but this is what Sarah and I do. We walk around the facts, the important stuff. Acknowledging its existence, but otherwise leaving it alone. Honesty—is it there between Sarah and I? I guess it is. Just in a different form.
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“It’s nice to be here.” She sits on my bed and crosses her legs, like always. Her blue eyes look right into me, just like every time she looks at me.
“It’s been a while,” I agree. I take one of the two chairs by my computer and swing around to look at her.
“It feels weird because usually I’m here almost every day,” she says, pulling her legs up. “I don’t think Eric likes that we’re friends.”
“He knew we were friends.” When you got together…but I can’t get that last part out. Why should it matter? He already has Sarah in the way I want Sarah, and now he wants to take away our friendship, too?
“Yeah, but…” She’s not sure what to say. I’m not sure if she’ll even continue. Instead of urging her on, I wait. “Did you know that like, everyone thought you and I would get together?” she asks wrinkling her brow. Guess we’re onto a topic I’m not sure I want to touch.
“It’s just because we spend a lot of time together.” But now my chest is tight and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to breathe. I lean back in my chair, trying to look relaxed.
“Kaylee said you like me.”
Wow. Honesty. Will things come out in the open between Sarah and me?
“When did she say that?” I can’t believe how normal and relaxed my voice sounds. And my attempt at honesty is gone, just like that.
“On Monday, you know, when Eric and I…”
Eric and I… soon it’ll be…we. Because that’s what’s next, right? Since Sarah and Eric are now an entity. But am I ready to let go of the idea that Sarah and Jameson could be that same kind of entity? I’m not sure.
“You okay?”
“Just surprised, that’s all.” I look up and chuckle even though part of me wants to scream, “Yes, they’re right! We should be together! We’re perfect for each other!”
“Oh, good,” she says with a sigh of relief. “It’s been bothering me since the group got together on Sunday afternoon.”
A group got together on Sunday? But I don’t ask. I don’t say anything. Is this how things are going to be between us? But there’s always been something between us…because I’ve liked her as more than a friend, for way too long. So, yes…this is how things are going to be.
“You’re being weird, Jameson.” Sarah scoots back until she’s resting against my headboard.
“Sorry.” I use my legs to swing my office chair back and forth. “It’s just different, now that you’re with…Eric.” I really don’t like saying his name.
“We were fine when you were dating Jen,” she points out.
I nod.
“And Miranda.” She folds her arms.
“Both short-lived things.” Because I knew they wouldn’t last, since I couldn’t have the girl I actually wanted. Girls don’t stick around when they feel like they’re not the most important person in their boyfriend’s world. And for me, Jen and Miranda weren’t. No wonder neither relationship lasted long.
“I don’t want Eric and I to be a short thing.” Sarah says with a smile, leaning her arms on her legs.
“I know.” I want to scream, but I don’t.
Her phone beeps and she immediately begins to grin. “I gotta run.”
“What’s up?” Although, I’m not sure why I bother to ask.
“Eric’s done with his stuff. We’re gonna hang out,” she says, as her eyes light up.
I swallow. Her excitement is burning a hole in my chest. I should be happy for her or something. Instead I mostly feel sorry for myself. “I’ll walk you out,” I offer.
She stands up and makes a face. “How long has it been since you felt the need to walk me out?”
“Whatever, Sarah.” I reach over and rough up her hair.
“Hey!” she yells, before carefully smoothing it out. Something she never would’ve done a year ago. She wouldn’t even have done it a few months ago. She would have tackled me back.
We step onto the driveway and I walk her to her car.
“So, I guess I’ll see you at school tomorrow,” she says, opening the driver’s side door.
I start to answer, but catch Sky out of the corner of my eye, just off the edge of my driveway. She’s in my sweatshirt. I love it.
“Hey, Sky.” I wave and smile.
“Hey, Jay.” She waves back. “Nana wanted her dog out,” Sky says, rolling her eyes.
“I don’t know if that qualifies as a dog.”
She’s walking something that looks like a brown pompom with legs.
She laughs.
I glance at Sarah, realizing that I’ve been checking Sky out right in front of her.
“Gonna introduce me?” Sarah asks with a hard stare.
“Oh, sorry.” I wave for Sky to come over. Now that they’re both in view, the problem is clear. Girl I’ve loved, girl I’m falling for. Let’s meet in my driveway and see if we can give Jameson his first heart attack.
I clear my throat twice before I find my voice. “Sarah, this is Sky. Sky, this is Sarah.”
They’re complete opposites. Sky is all tall, dark and angles. Sarah is smooth, short and full of soft curves. And now I know I’m a prick because I’ve checked them both out in less than ten seconds. What’s ironic here is that Sky knows who Sarah is and I’ve known her for days. Sarah doesn’t know who Sky is and I’ve known her for years. How did that happen? Their names are starting to get tangled in my head and on my tongue. I’m in deep shit.
I look at Sarah who’s still staring hard at Sky. Why do girls do this?
“Sky’s going to UNLV. She lives just over there with the Harpers.” But I can’t force an arm up to gesture.
“Oh.” Sarah’s eyes don’t leave Sky’s face.
“And you’re Sarah, the best friend.” Sky smiles this sweet, soft smile devoid of the smirk or mischievous grin that normally plays on her lips.
I’m staring at her lips.
“Yeah.” Sarah smiles her warm smile at me. “We’ve been close for years…me and Jamesy.”
Sky’s lips press together, and I know her just well enough to know she’s trying hard not to laugh. I’m sure to hear about that one.
“Well, I don’t want to keep Eric waiting.” I may not be smart about girls, but I do know that this feels as awkward as hell, and I’m ready for the situation to be over.
“Right,” I say. Sarah’s eyes catch mine one last time before she jumps in her car.
“She’s pretty,” Sky says, watching her drive away.
“Yep, but I miss her frizzy hair.” Why did I just say that to Sky?
“Story there?” Sky wraps the leash around her hand another time.
“She, uh…” I look down. Sarah isn’t really I want to talk about with Sky.
“Walk with me,” she says, starting up the street.
“Okay.” Moving my legs would probably be good. I suddenly feel frozen to the spot.
We walk at that pace that’s so slow it’s barely walking. Shuffling our shoes on the sidewalk.
“Tell me about her hair,” she says.
I stuff my hands in the pockets of my jeans. “It’s not just the hair.” I shake my head. “She’s on the swim team so her hair was always frizzy at the edges because it’s curly. Then one day, the frizz was gone.”
“And she got highlights to match the rest of your graduating class.”
I laugh. “Yeah…something like that.”
“Sorry, Jamesy.” She giggles. Something I’d never expect from Sky, but I did expect to be teased about Jamesy.
I shake my head. “It’s what she’s always called me.”
“She was trying to show me that she knows you better than I do.” Her voice is now smooth and serious.
“What?” That doesn’t make any sense.
“She feels protective of you, probably because she likes you.” Sky lets out a sigh. “Girls are stupid and they don’t know what they want—until they think they can’t have it anymore.”
“Sarah doesn’t feel that way.” I can say that easily after wat
ching her with Eric.
“How do you know? Ever ask her?” I know Sky’s eyes are on me, but I don’t look up.
“No, Sarah and I aren’t like that.” I motion between Sky and myself. “Not like us.” Us? Is there a Jameson and Sky?
“You didn’t ask to hold my hand.” Her voice is quiet. We stop at her driveway. She’s staring at her shoes and the Pomeranian by her feet.
“I…” I didn’t think of it. What a wasted opportunity.
“You wanna push our night out back a bit?” Her eyes finally come up to my face.
“Why would I want to do that?” I start to panic. My week has sort of revolved around the fact that I get to take out Sky on Friday night.
“Because you’re still pining over Sarah and planning ways to score points in order to kiss me again. It’s gonna get confusing.” Her mouth pulls down.
“I realized this afternoon that you’re easy to be around.” Spill it, Jay. “I like being honest.”
“No, you don’t.” Her lips push together. “It makes you uncomfortable.”
“You can like things that make you uncomfortable,” I point out. “Besides, it’s probably good for me.”
We stand in silence with her looking up at me. “Okay, see you Friday,” she says, starting up the steps to her door.
I follow close behind. “Two days.”
“You’re counting. That’s sweet.” She turns and rests her back against the door.
I hold my lips together to keep from smiling. I know I’m not doing a good job of hiding my embarrassment over the fact that I’m counting days.
“Don’t be embarrassed. I’m glad you’re looking forward to it. So am I.”
Then she’s gone, disappearing into the house. And I’m alone on the porch not having any idea what to do with myself.
SEVEN
On Thursday, Mom is still closing cupboards with too much force. We’re going on nearly five days of built-up tension. She’s up early, and I’m just about to take off for school.
“Everything, okay?” I ask. Even though part of me knows this situation is a little different and things probably aren’t going to be okay. I don’t know why, but I can’t shake the idea that things are somehow different.