by Gemma Weir
“I should go,” Valentine says, standing from the bed and making his way to the window.
“Okay.” Maybe I should invite him to come hang out with the others, but Zeke’s right, Valentine did some horrible things and although I’m starting to, I haven’t forgiven him yet and neither have they.
“I need to apologize to them too, don’t I?”
I flash him a wry smile. “Do you think you need to apologize to them?”
“Fuck,” he growls running his hands through his hair in agitation. “I haven’t apologized to a single person in years and now sorry is every other word out of my mouth.”
I can’t help it, I giggle; then I giggle more when he narrows his eyes at me. Stalking toward me, he curls an arm around my back and yanks me into his chest, crashing his lips against mine in a kiss so volatile I swear my skin might set on fire. Then he pulls away and moves to the window as I stand stock still, shell-shocked, my fingers pressed to my ravished lips.
“Night, Princess.”
“Night, Valentine,” I whisper, as he climbs back out of the window and disappears from view.
The next day, I lower myself into the couch in Dot’s office and sigh.
“Is something bothering you, Nova?”
“I’m going to have to go back to school, aren’t I?” I say.
“What’s made you bring this up?”
“I found out who set-up the video; it wasn’t Valentine.”
“And who was it?”
“A friend, or someone I thought was a friend. She set the whole thing up so she could humiliate me then become popular or something.”
“How do you feel about that? About someone you considered a friend doing that.”
“Sad,” I admit. “Really sad and honestly, a little confused.”
“Nova, you’ve admitted yourself that you’re popular at your school, but that you didn’t choose that. You’ve told me about the pressure you’ve felt to act a certain way to fulfil a role you think people expect you to play and how unhappy that makes you. If you return to school, what do you think is going to happen?”
I pull my knees up to my chest and hug them tightly. “I’m hoping that Brit will have taken my place. That when I’m not popular I’ll be able to fade into the background and just be a face in the crowd.”
“Is that what you want to happen?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, so when you think about going back to school how do you feel?”
“Before I found out about Brit, I was panicked, but if she’s who everyone is looking at, then maybe I can sneak in unnoticed? I mean, I know that people will talk and stare, but that won’t last long when I’m not the queen bee or whatever they used to call me before.”
Dot nods slowly, but she seems a little skeptical. “Let’s see how the rest of the week goes, then we can reassess.”
The rest of the week passes in the blink of an eye. I’ve spent time with my family and my friends, I’ve done schoolwork and met with Dot each day, and Valentine either sneaks through my window or calls and texts me every afternoon. I know he’s tried to speak to Zeke and Griffin too, but they’ve ignored him, completely unwilling to speak to him or accept his apologies. We haven’t talked about his mom or the girl from his past he said I reminded him of again; instead we’ve kissed—a lot. I think we both realize that lust isn’t dealing with the pile of unresolved issues that stand between us, but at the moment we’re too wrapped up in the rush of desire we’re feeling for each other to care.
Today’s Monday again. This time last week the idea of stepping foot inside Archer’s Creek high school sent me into an anxiety-induced panic. Right now, my mind is swirling. The thoughts bombarding my head are screaming at me at a hundred miles an hour, but I refuse to cower from my own issues anymore.
Dill and Leo rode the bus to school, so we’ve all decided to come together in Zeke’s car. For the first time in years, we don’t park in our spot outside the entrance. We’re not advertising our presence. His car is in the back of the lot, inconspicuous amongst the rest of the vehicles that line the spaces.
My breathing becomes shallow, but I try to focus on each breath, inhaling then holding for a moment, before exhaling slowly. My panic gradually subsides and by the time it’s almost back to normal I feel as ready as I’ll ever be.
Emmy’s stood to my right, the boys on either side of us, and as a single unit we move toward the entrance door. Shocked gasps and audible murmurs follow us the closer we get to the doors, but I try hard to ignore them, focusing on putting one foot in front of the other and keeping my breathing steady.
I don’t lower my head, I stare straight ahead, the arched doorway that leads into the hallway becoming ominously large the closer we get. When we climb the first step, Valentine falls in line with us, his hand reaching for mine. Zeke growls, but he makes space for him and I’m grateful for the silent support he’s offering me, when I’m not willing to admit how much I need it.
When we finally cross into the hallway, it falls silent and every set of eyes in the place seems to stop and stare at us. My mind begins to whir. I feel the anxiety settle over me like a familiar, but unwelcome friend.
Run.
Run.
Run.
My mind chants and for a second I squeeze my eyes tightly closed and try to push away the thoughts that are rearing their ugly heads.
“Breathe,” Zeke whispers, only audible to me and Valentine.
I nod, inhaling through my nose and trying to exhale slowly. It doesn’t work and instead of calming me, my chest feels tight and my heart beats so quickly I feel lightheaded. “I need to leave,” I gasp, my voice ragged.
“Shit,” Zeke hisses.
I stop, my feet unwilling to move any further into the building and away from freedom.
“Nova,” Emmy says. Her voice sounds too far away, even though she’s only inches from me stood at my side.
“Don’t punch me,” Valentine says, then he sweeps me into his chest and kisses me.
His lips push against mine and for a second I’m breathless, literally unable to breathe, my lungs empty of air and my vision fading. A warm arm snakes around my back and his fingers brush along the bare skin at the base of my spine. Like the feeling of his flesh against mine flicks a switch, I inhale against his mouth, filling my lungs with precious oxygen and my entire body sags against his.
I kiss him back and the world shrinks until it’s only us, just me and him and this kiss. It’s all that matters, nothing else exists, and it’s a perfect, blissful peace.
When he reluctantly pulls his lips from mine, I follow him, unwilling to return to the real world, but the moment we part, the school and everything else crashes back to life.
“Better?” he whispers.
I nod, prying my eyes open to find his staring back at me, full of concern and lust. He touches my cheek with his knuckles then slides his arm across my shoulders, turning me so I’m pressed against his side.
“You good?” Zeke asks.
I nod, the panic from only a minute ago is still there but dulled enough that the urge to run has gone. As a group we move forward again, not stopping until we reach mine and Emmy’s lockers. The sea of kids parts and I try to ignore the prying looks and open gawks. No one speaks to us, but that’s not unusual. The boys are stood around us like guards and as I glance at Valentine it surprises me how easily he slid back into our group today to make sure I was okay. I open my locker, place my books inside, then close it again, turning around and pulling my purse up onto my shoulder.
When I see her, she’s staring straight at me, her lips twisted into an angry line, her eyes hard. She looks nothing like the girl I’ve called my friend for most of my life. Her hair is blonder, her clothes tighter and more revealing, but more than that, the air surrounding her is harder, like she’s built a force-field of hostility around her and it’s visible.
My hand lifts almost unconsciously to wave at her, but I force it back down. She’s not
my friend; I’m not sure if she ever was. Valentine hurt me, manipulated me, but what he did was nothing in comparison with her betrayal, and for what, popularity? She’ll figure out soon enough that being at the top of the totem pole only means it’s a longer way to fall and the ground hurts more when you hit it.
“Nova.”
A small voice from my right-hand side draws my attention and I turn away from Brit, the standoff broken. I look to see who called my name, and find a tiny, familiar looking brunette stood beside me.
“Hi, Mia,” I say cautiously.
The boys hearing my voice close in on us and Mia’s eyes widen imperceptibly.
“I’m sorry,” she says quietly, her eyes darting between the intimidating figures of Zeke, Valentine, and Griffin who are surrounding us. “It’s just, well, after what happened the other day. Well, I just wanted to say that I’m sorry that happened to you and that I hope you’re okay.”
She doesn’t wait for a response from me, she just smiles a small, unsure smile, then scurries away, her purse clutched to her chest.
I stare after her.
“That was kind,” Emmy says from behind me.
I nod, a knot of emotion clogging my throat.
“I should get to class; will you be okay? I can ditch and stay with you? I’m fairly sure Principal Gerard will let me do whatever I want after the whole plagiarism incident,” she says with a grin. “Thanks for that, by the way,” she throws in Valentine’s direction, sarcasm clear in her tone.
“I’ll be fine,” I say, reaching out and squeezing her arm reassuringly.
She pulls me into a hug, her tiny body pressed against mine for a moment before she releases me and walks away.
“I should go too,” Griffin says, pulling me in for a hug.
“See you at lunch,” I say, suddenly not so confident now that both Emmy and Griffin are gone.
“You ready?” Zeke asks. “We can ditch if you need to, Principal Gerard won’t say shit.”
“No, I need to do this, I can’t hide at home forever and once we face everyone they’ll forget about me.”
“Sure they will, Sis,” Zeke says derisively.
Valentine holds his hand out for me and when I touch my fingers against his, he pulls me carefully toward him, tucking me into his side. Zeke takes up position on my other side and again we move as one; me, my brother, and my…
What is he? He’s not my boyfriend, but we kiss like he is. He’s not my friend, but he doesn’t feel like my enemy anymore either.
The walk to our homeroom ends before I’m ready. My heart’s hammering behind my chest and I have to force myself forward with each step.
Valentine pauses, halting our group just outside the door. He turns me so our chests are pressed together. “Breathe. In and out.”
I nod, mimicking his inhale, moving my chest up and down in time with his breathing.
“You’ve got this, Sis,” Zeke says, ruffling my hair.
I swat him away, and the familiarity of the movement soothes me. “Okay, let’s get this over with.”
Zeke opens the door and steps inside first. Valentine pulls me into his side again and leads us in behind my brother. The entire room falls silent when people realize who just walked through the door, but I don’t look away. I focus my eyes above their head and allow Valentine to guide me down the line of seats until he finally drops his arm from my shoulder.
I slide into my seat as Zeke takes his next to me. Valentine sits behind me, grabbing the back of my desk and pulling the whole thing backward until he can wrap his arms around me from behind. The gesture is sweet and possessive, and I try hard not to think too deeply about why he’s acting like the loving beau.
Noise slowly fills the awkward silence that followed our entrance. The other kids all go back to whatever they were doing before we walked in, having realized I’m not about to fall to the floor and offer them up another free ticket to the crazy show.
“Hey Nova, where’s the straightjacket?” Andy Wilson calls.
In a movement so fast, I barely see it. Valentine lets go of me and is across the room, pulling Andy out of his chair by his shirt and punching him clean in the face. Both Zeke and I scramble out of our seats and race toward him.
“Valentine, no.”
“Princess, I’m not gonna be okay with people talking shit about you.”
I expect Zeke to pull Valentine off Andy, but instead he pauses next to them, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring. He looks so much like our dad in this instance that I swear Andy pales.
“You think it’s bad having him in your face?” He growls at Andy. “You say another word about my sister, and I’ll decimate you. Then I’ll let my dad and my uncles know about the little asshole who was badmouthing our Princess and all hell will rain down on you and your family. The Sinners act like good little citizens, but this whole town knows what we’re capable of when we’re provoked.”
Andy nods, his head bobbing up and down like a doll. I look away and find several other faces all nodding their assent too. Grabbing Valentine and Zeke by the arms, I pull them away and when Valentine releases him, Andy stumbles backward, landing awkwardly on a desk.
The boys let me tow them back to our seats and I sit down, glaring at them to follow suit. “What the hell was that? Firstly, I appreciate it, but I don’t need you guys to fight my battles for me. Secondly, Valentine are you trying to get expelled? If Mrs. Andrews had walked in and seen you hitting him, you’d get kicked out of school.”
Valentine grumbles behind me and I twist in my seat so I can see him better. “I get that you think you’re protecting me or whatever.”
“Princess,” he says interrupting me. “I’m not the guy who is gonna sit here and listen to some douchebag talk shit about my girl. Anyway, if I hadn’t have punched him, Zeke would have done it.”
I look to my brother and find him nodding, then he holds out a fist to Valentine and they bump. My brow furrows and my lips part in surprise. I’m glad they’re not fighting each other, but do I want them to bond over beating up the people who say mean things to me? “What if someone tells one of the teachers what happened? I don’t want you to get expelled because of me.”
“No one will say anything,” Zeke growls, loud enough that the entire room hears.
Valentine chuckles, then straightens his expression when he sees me glaring. “Princess, they’re not gonna kick me out. Firstly, I’m new; secondly, I was defending you; and thirdly, I have a perfect 4.0 grade average from every school I’ve ever attended. I have an IQ in the 150’s. I’m probably smarter than 90% of the teachers here. There’s no way they’ll expel me, so calm down.”
“Dude, you have an IQ in the 150’s; isn’t that like genius level?” Zeke says, the shock clear in his tone.
“No, not genius, I don’t think; just really fucking smart.”
A moment later Mrs. Andrews bustles into the room, her arms balancing a pile of books and with a thermal mug hanging from the edge of one finger. Behind her follows Brit. The boys must see her at the same moment I do, because Valentine’s arms wrap around my shoulders again and I feel his soft lips against the side of my head.
Unconsciously, my eyes move to the empty desk beside me; the desk she’s sat at since the first day of high school when we excitedly rushed into our homeroom for the first time. I watch with a dull sense of loss as the girl I once considered one of my best friends lifts her chin into the air and strides toward her seat. She adds a little extra sway into her step, strutting like a model on a catwalk down the length of the classroom, finally stopping, lowering her purse to her feet and sliding into the plastic chair beside me.
Valentine’s arms ground me, but I don’t feel that overwhelming sense that everyone in the room is watching me. I hope that now Brit has taken my place in the upper echelons, no one will be bothered by me and I think that maybe it’s true.
Her eyes stay firmly fixed on the front of the class and for the first time I start to get angry wi
th her. Before now I’ve been shocked and sad, disappointed that she would ruin a lifelong friendship for the sake of popularity. But as I watch her dismissing me like I’m nothing, like we haven’t shared a million secrets, like we haven’t giggled and cried and grown up together I grow angrier and angrier.
Brit was never my best friend. She’s not Emmy, not my sister in everything except blood. But she was my friend, and she dropped years of history for the sake of more boys liking her and sitting at a particular table. Anger and bitterness have me turning to look at her, my mouth open ready to call her out.
“Nova, it’s lovely to have you back; you too, Zeke. We’ve all missed you this last week,” Mrs. Andrews calls from the front of the class distracting me.
“Aw shucks, Miss, we knew you’d be lost without us.” Zeke answers, eliciting a ripple of giggles from every girl in the room; all except Brit, who is still stone-faced and expressionless.
For a moment our teacher demands all of our attention and I allow myself to be distracted by mindless notifications and information, but really, I want to turn to the girl next to me and ask her why. Why she would do this? Why she chose to torpedo our friendship.
Valentine planted the seed of doubt, but she didn’t have to believe it. He started this, but she’s the one who decided to escalate everything and create a divide between us that can never be healed.
Mrs. Andrews drones on and on right up until the bell sounds, signaling the end of the period. The classroom starts to empty; all of the kids eager to get to their next class, or at least eager to get away from homeroom. But Brit doesn’t move and for some reason neither do I.
When the classroom is almost empty, she stands from her chair and turns to face me, bracing her hands on the edge of her desk. “The princess is dead, long live the queen. The school’s mine now, bitch; if you try to take it from me, that video will be nothing compared to what I’ll do next.”