by Emma Davies
Clara was first out of the car, waving at Maddie. She lifted a hand in reply, although if she could have semaphored the sign for danger she would have done. Mindful of what Clara had said, the last thing Seth needed right now was Agatha shouting in his face.
It probably didn’t matter at this juncture whether she got to Seth first or not. Her fate was pretty much sealed. She’d already heard the scrape of the kitchen chair across the floor as Agatha rose from it, and as she took a tentative step outside, Agatha’s tall, thin figure pushed past her. For a moment, Agatha blocked Maddie’s view of the car, but as she trailed behind, Maddie was astonished to see that Clara had one arm around Seth. She had obviously helped him from her car, and was now supporting him as he walked slowly to the gate.
He looked dreadful. His face was almost white from pain, his eyes and the black stubble of his beard stark in contrast. Even the dogs had stopped their greeting dance and walked slowly by his side.
‘Maddie, could you get Seth’s bag from the car?’ Clara held out the car keys with her free hand.
Maddie did as she was asked, her eyes resting on Seth as she moved past them, but his stayed resolutely on the floor. It was Clara who held her look, a slight shake of the head warning Maddie not to say anything. She fetched the bag, dropping the boot closed and re-locking the car before bringing up the rear.
She could see Agatha wavering with indecision. Seth’s appearance had rather taken the wind out of her sails, but she had important news to impart and would not be deterred. She opened her mouth to speak, just as Clara cut across her.
‘Agatha, whatever it is, it can wait. Not today.’
But Agatha clearly didn’t take direction from the gardener.
‘I’ll wait until you’re inside,’ she said to Seth, ignoring Clara. ‘This won’t take long, but I’m afraid it really can’t wait.’
From behind, Maddie couldn’t see Seth’s response, but his slow shuffle halted momentarily before he moved off again, slightly faster than before. It seemed to take an age before they reached the threshold of the house, Agatha hovering just ahead of them. She would have entered the house first had Seth not put out an arm to stop her. Even in his diminished state he was determined not to let her have the upper hand. It almost made Maddie smile. Almost.
Whether it was deliberate or not, it seemed an age before Seth reached the kitchen table, lowering himself gently onto a chair, in obvious pain, and clearly favouring one side. Agatha was itching to speak but the air almost crackled with an unspoken dare to break the silence and suffer the consequences. The look on Seth’s face was fair warning. Maddie moved a fraction closer. There was nothing she could do and she knew her face was a combination of abject apology and utter helplessness.
Seth raised his head and stared directly at her for perhaps a couple of seconds. It was enough to turn her insides to liquid. Then he looked at Agatha.
‘Right then,’ he said. ‘I can see you’re dying to get something off your chest, Agatha, but as Clara has already mentioned, now is not a good time. I’d like you to leave.’
It wasn’t what Agatha was expecting, Maddie could see that. Her mouth opened and then closed abruptly.
‘Then I’ll be brief,’ she said. ‘I’m terminating Miss Porter’s employment with immediate effect. It’s come to my attention that she gained this position by falsifying her references, and that far from being the blue-eyed girl in her last company, she was actually dismissed for gross misconduct for stealing a colleague’s ideas and passing them off as her own.’
There was a sharp intake of breath from Clara and Maddie felt a wave of nausea pass over her. Her stomach contracted violently and for a moment she thought she might actually be sick. She closed her eyes, trying to drag air into her lungs.
‘I see,’ said Seth quietly. ‘I believe I asked you to leave, Agatha.’
‘Didn’t you hear what I said?’ she retorted, her voice shrill with indignation. ‘The girl lied to us.’
There was no point trying to defend herself. No one had believed her then – not colleagues she had worked with for years, not people she had thought respected her, not even those she considered friends who had dumped her at the first sign of trouble. There was no way people she barely knew were going to believe her. And Agatha’s accusation was as damning as it was succinct. She had finally lost.
‘Get out of my house,’ said Seth in a quiet voice, hard with steel.
Maddie could hardly contain the choking sob that was rising in her throat. She was about to turn and run for the door when she felt a soft hand on her arm, a gentle but protective restraint. It was Clara.
‘He doesn’t mean you,’ she said, and now that Maddie dared to look she could see that Seth’s eyes were fixed on Agatha.
‘Well, honestly! Are you really just going to sit there and—’
‘It would certainly seem so. Now, do I need to say it again? Or are you leaving?’
Agatha looked between Seth and Clara, and back again, finally turning her glare on Maddie with a noise that sounded like a hiss. The front door slammed as she left, the kitchen windows rattling farewell.
Maddie felt as if she needed a pin to burst the tight bubble around them and release some of the tension from the air. She stood quietly, trembling, her heart beating in anticipation of what would come next. She knew she ought to explain herself, just as she knew she would soon be asked to leave, but she couldn’t bear to go leaving Seth and Clara with such a poor opinion of herself. It was hard to know where to begin.
‘I’m so sorry, Seth,’ she began. ‘Agatha just barged her way in here. I couldn’t stop her, but I didn’t want you to find out like this, and I—’
Seth visibly slumped against the table, his head resting on his arms. One hand however was turned, palm uppermost, his fingers splayed as if warding off a blow. He stayed that way for several seconds, before dragging himself upright.
‘I’m sure I have a million questions, just as you, presumably have a million answers, but I can’t do this now, Maddie, not this afternoon, not this evening, not today. I’m sorry.’ He gave her what might have been a smile. ‘Clara, could you help me upstairs please.’
* * *
Half an hour later Maddie was still sitting at the kitchen table, the tissues clutched in her hands almost shredded. Clara had reappeared, eventually, looking pained and anxious herself. Maddie had crossed the kitchen to fill the kettle and make a drink for them both, but now she was sitting hunched, hands wrapped around her mug, hoping the warmth would provide the comfort she desperately seemed to need. Neither of them knew what to say.
Maddie wanted to cry. She wanted to tell Clara how wrong Agatha had got things, how her accusations weren’t the whole truth of what had happened at all. She wanted to beg Clara not to think poorly of her, and to seek from her some crumb of comfort that might mean that things were not as bad as they appeared. But she couldn’t say any of those things, because Clara was lost in her own world of hurt and anxiety and to do so would seem to suggest that Maddie’s problems should take priority. She bit back her tears.
‘Is Seth okay?’ she began. ‘I mean, I can see he’s not okay… and I know that you don’t want to tell me the details and that’s okay too, I just…’ Her distress was making her garble. ‘… Wondered how he was…’
Clara gave her a wan smile. ‘Yeah, he’s okay, well, he will be.’ She made an exasperated noise. ‘God, he’s so bloody stubborn, it makes me mad. He’s so determined that he doesn’t want anyone to know about this that he refuses all offers of help.’
She threw Maddie a fierce look. ‘And he would have been fine if he’d listened to medical advice. He was supposed to get a taxi from the hospital to the station, but because it was a little late and traffic was heavy, he decided to walk. Now his back is killing him, stupid bugger.’
‘He did look like he was in a lot of pain.’
‘Yes, and it will take him a lot longer to recover now as a result. I love him dearly, but honestly, som
etimes I could kill him myself!’ She put her mug down on the table, its contents slopping dangerously close to the rim. She swivelled in her chair to see behind her. ‘Are there any biscuits?’ she asked. ‘I need something sweet.’
Maddie got up to fetch the tin from the side. ‘A few, I think.’ She pushed it towards Clara, the thought of eating anything at all making her feel slightly sick.
Clara prised the lid off the tin, pulling out two of the homemade cookies that Trixie had somehow found the time to bake. She ate them both without stopping, so quickly that Maddie doubted she had even tasted them. Then she slumped back in her chair as if consumed by lethargy.
‘He’s always been the same, ever since I’ve known him,’ she said. ‘Absolutely consumed by things. Once he’s got hold of something, he’s like a dog with a bone, he won’t let go until he’s finished it.’ She shrugged. ‘It’s one of the things I most admire about him actually… but every now and again it’s the most irritating thing ever. It’s a coping mechanism of course, we all have them, don’t we? And in Seth’s case I totally understand it, but…’
Clara wasn’t helping. Maddie knew that she was simply offloading, giving voice to her frustrations in order to lessen them, but for Maddie all this achieved was to make her feel even more isolated. Clara and Seth shared a history she knew nothing about, and the more she heard about it, the less she felt as if she belonged at Joy’s Acre at all. In fact she wasn’t even going to be here soon. Her predicament came rushing back at her with force, and she gave an involuntary shudder.
‘Oh God, Maddie, I’m sorry.’ Clara’s response was immediate. ‘Here’s me rambling on and you’ve been… well…’
‘Fired?’
Clara flinched. ‘I’m sure Agatha didn’t mean it. She’d obviously got a bee in her bonnet about something, but I’m sure it’s just a case of crossed wires. As soon as Seth is up and about again, he’ll sort it out, I’m sure. Besides, what would we do without you now? You’re part of the team here.’
Maddie gave a sad smile. ‘That’s kind of you to say, Clara, but we both know that’s not true. Agatha has got her wires crossed but it won’t make a jot of difference. She’s my boss, not Seth, and there won’t be a thing he can do about it, even if he did want to. It’s been an interesting few weeks, but this is where it ends I’m afraid.’
She looked up at Clara, wondering whether to continue. It would sound all wrong, she knew that, but she was hurt too.
‘Whatever is going on with Seth, he’s lucky he has you, but he obviously doesn’t trust me enough to let me be a part of things properly, so perhaps it’s for the best.’
As expected, Clara sighed. ‘Maddie, please don’t take this personally, Seth is like this with everyone—’
‘But, Tom knows!’
Maddie knew she was being difficult but she was almost past caring. She was also shocked by how much the sight of Seth in so much pain had affected her, and she was finding the thoughts she was having about him hard to admit to. The fact that this might prove to be the biggest irony of them all was not lost on her.
‘Yes, Tom does know, but that’s different… circumstances.’ Clara broke off, reaching out a hand towards Maddie. ‘Look, things can be a little complicated around Seth sometimes, it’s partly the reason why we’re all here, the things we all have in common, but I can’t tell you what that is, Maddie, it wouldn’t be fair. Seth will tell you, one day, I’m sure of it.’
‘But he’s not going to get the chance, is he? I’ve been sacked, remember.’ She held Clara’s look defiantly until she dropped her eyes.
‘No, possibly not. I am sorry, Maddie. I really like you, I want you to be a part of things here. I think you’re good for Seth, and you—’ She broke off abruptly. ‘No, it doesn’t matter. I’ll talk to him, I promise. I said I would. But in the meantime, you have to let me handle it. I’ve already told you how stubborn Seth can be, and the one thing I’ve learned is that if you push him in the wrong direction he just digs his heels in even further.’ She took hold of Maddie’s hand and gave it a squeeze. ‘Please.’
Maddie left her hand wrapped in Clara’s for a few moments to show her agreement. It wasn’t what she wanted to hear but she had no choice, not if she wanted to stay, and Clara had been a good friend so far. She had no reason not to believe her.
‘I’m sure we’ll think of something, Maddie, but… what will you do if we can’t? Do you have somewhere you can go?’
‘A friend’s,’ she replied. ‘That’s what’s so ironic. Not that long ago I would have gone there quite cheerfully without a moment’s hesitation. Now that I’m being forced to go, it’s the last thing I want. And I’ve no idea what I’d do either. My friend lives in Yorkshire, in a tiny village where she’s a primary school teacher. I can’t see there being any call for what I do. It’s in the middle of nowhere.’
‘A good place to lick your wounds perhaps, until you’re ready to go back to London?’
‘Yes, but I can never go back, not to my old life anyway. Those bridges have been well and truly burned.’
Clara prised the lid off the biscuit tin once more. ‘Trixie will probably shoot me ’cause I won’t eat any tea at this rate, but sometimes… needs must.’ She moved the tin to Maddie’s half of the table. ‘Come on,’ she said. ‘Chocolate chips make everything seem better.’
Maddie smiled and took one this time.
‘Was your old life so good that there’s no alternative to wanting it back?’ asked Clara gently. ‘Isn’t there room for a new start?’
‘Perhaps. Not in London though. The business I work in is very incestuous. Everybody knows everybody else, and believe me, after they’d finished with me there are no new doors left to open. And I don’t have experience in any other fields. I’d end up in some dead-end admin job, and no disrespect to anyone who does that, but I couldn’t go back to London under those circumstances, it would break my heart. There’s too many reminders of what I had, too many so-called friends who when it came to it weren’t friends at all.’
‘So go someplace else to start over. You could go anywhere.’
Maddie pursed her lips. ‘I thought that’s what I had done,’ she said.
‘Oh God,’ said Clara, her lip trembling. ‘I’m so sorry, Maddie.’ They were back to square one and they both knew it.
Maddie shrugged, lifting her shoulders and biting into her biscuit. ‘Never mind, I guess I’ll just have to do it all over again.’
Clara was silent for a moment. ‘I will speak to Seth,’ she repeated. ‘And I’m not going to allow him to let you slip through his fingers. I mean that, Maddie. I don’t want to know what happened in your last job, because Seth should be the one to hear that first, but I can see what it’s done to you, and I know that after you’ve spoken to him, when you’re ready, you’ll tell me one day too.’
She gave Maddie a warm smile. ‘I just want you to know that I trust you, Maddie…’ She took a deep breath. ‘And that’s why I’m going to tell you how I met Seth and what all this bloody secrecy is about.’
‘Clara, you can’t do that!’ shot back Maddie. ‘It’s my fault; I’ve backed you into a corner, and made you feel like you should tell me, but you made a promise to Seth. Don’t break that just because of me.’
‘I’m not. I’ve already said that sometimes Seth is far too stubborn for his own good, and this is one of those times. I think you deserve to know, and if Seth stops to think about it logically he’ll think so too.’
‘If?’
‘Leave it to me,’ she said. ‘I’ll make sure he does.’ She fished the last two biscuits out of the tin. ‘Come on, let’s go for broke.’
‘Seth’s going to kill you when he finds out.’
Clara stared at her for a moment, and then burst out laughing. ‘Oh, that’s so funny.’
It was probably the stress of the situation that was making Clara find the comment so amusing, because it really wasn’t that funny, but she was caught up in a fit of giggles which didn
’t want to stop.
‘What?’ demanded Maddie. ‘What have I said now?’
‘Only that killing me is the last thing he’d do, not after the lengths he’s gone to to keep me alive.’
Clara suddenly sobered as the reality of what she’d just said sunk in.
Maddie’s eyes widened. ‘Do you mean that?’ she asked. ‘Has Seth really saved your life?’
There was a small nod. ‘Four years ago I was dying from acute myeloid leukaemia… and now I’m not.’
‘Leukaemia?’ And suddenly it all made sense. The trips to London, the operation, the pain in his back… ‘Seth’s a bone marrow donor?’ she whispered into the hushed room.
Clara nodded. ‘Yes,’ she said simply. ‘He donated stem cells to me and without them I would have died. I have to have regular check-ups and take certain medicines for the rest of my life, but I have a life, and without Seth I would not. At the time, we didn’t even know each other. He was an anonymous donor on the bone marrow register and we scored a match. The rest, as they say, is history.’
Maddie’s thoughts utterly deserted her. Her brain was searching frantically through her bank of stock phrases, searching for anything she could say that didn’t sound trite, or bland, or wholly uncomprehending of the enormous generosity that Seth had shown to a total stranger. In the end she said nothing.
Clara smiled. ‘Bit of a conversation stopper, isn’t it? Don’t worry, there’s not a lot you can say, but the look on your face tells me you get it.’
‘Bloody hell…’
‘Yep, that just about sums it up.’
The two women stared at one another for a moment. ‘I had no idea, but… blimey, I think I’d walk over hot coals for him too.’
‘Well, I wouldn’t go that far, but yes, it makes for an interesting relationship. I will always be indebted to him, and now that Joy’s Acre provides my employment, and soon my home also, even more so.’