“It’s been so long,” she confessed without shame. “And you’re too good, Hades. You know just how to touch me.
Hades was above her again and brushed her mouth with a kiss. “I’ve dreamt about having you at my mercy like this for so long, now that I have you naked and wanting, all I can think about is spending inside you.”
The images his words painted were only the same things she wanted; only the same fantasies she’d touched herself to in her cold bed all alone. “Shall I tell you about my lonely nights spent bringing myself off fantasizing about this moment?”
He groaned and shed his boots and breaches in a way only a god could, by the force of his will. Hades entered her sure and fast, just as he had with his fingers, but it was exactly what she craved. Hera dug her nails into his back and bucked to meet his thrust and he buried himself to the hilt in her slick heat.
She cried out and he drove into her again and again. His fingers marked half moons into the tender flesh of her hips and she answered by digging her nails deeper into his back. At the twinge of pain, Hades growled against her throat.
“You’re mine now, Hera. Say it,” he demanded.
“I’m yours, Hades,” she said through clenched teeth.
“Until the stars burn to nothing and the earth is dust and ash. Mine.”
He continued to thrust in to her with a barely restrained violence that tempted her to see how far she could push him—because it was a tender brutality. Hades had put his mark on her now, branded her.
She clenched again, her inner channel spasming around his cock and Hera tried to fight it. She wasn’t ready to come, for this first time to be over. She arched involuntarily as bliss took her over the edge as quickly as it had approached.
“More,” he rasped.
Hera knew what he wanted and dug her nails deeper until she was sure she’d broken skin—marked him in her way—and he spilled his seed inside of her. They rode the waves of pleasure together until he was spent and Hades reclined beside her.
Her body was still spasming, aftershocks radiated from her clit all the way to her toes, like little electric jolts. When they were over, things would change. Because they had for her. Hera thought she could do this—that she could accept what she’d had with Zeus with Hades because he’d be faithful. That it was okay if he couldn’t love her.
But it wasn’t.
She wanted everything from this god. Hera wanted forever and when she’d told him she belonged to him, it was because she did. She closed her eyes and begged for sleep. If she could have called Nyx without him seeing, she would have. The Goddess of the Night could have laid a blanket of silent stars over them and allowed Hera to hide and regroup—find her strength. If only for a little while.
He gathered her to him carefully, as if that would break her when fucking her hadn’t. Something tremulous welled inside of her and Hera realized he’d be right. This soft touching, this mockery of affection, this was what she couldn’t handle.
“You don’t have to.”
“Don’t I?” he asked cautiously.
She hated it when he answered her with a question. No, he didn’t need to hold her. In fact, she’d prefer it if he didn’t. Or she’d shatter right there in the sanctuary of his arms.
“I don’t want to be held.”
“I see.” He stiffened against her.
But he didn’t see. “No, I don’t…” I don’t want anything that isn’t real. Hera remembered her earlier conversation with him—why he’d turned Persephone away. She understood and with that understanding came a little death. In a dimly lit corner of her heart, hope died alone and unshriven. She understood why he’d let Persephone go more than she wanted to. “Not if you don’t feel it, Hades. And it’s okay if you don’t. I had my big goddess panties on when I propositioned you. I knew what I was signing up for.”
She just didn’t know it would hurt so much.
12
ABSTINENCE
Z eus had come over again. He’d brought another season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and had opted for the musical episode: Once More, With Feeling. This was the one where in the end Spike plants a knicker-twisting kiss on Buffy and she lets him. It was one of her favorite episodes and Abstinence wondered if Zeus had used some kind of god-mojo on her to pick her brain. As if vampire/slayer make-out sessions would be enough to break down the walls she’d erected against him and god-whore/goddess make-out sessions would ensue.
“This is my favorite episode,” he said.
Liar. It was not. Was it? Only because he thought it would get him laid.
On the outside, this looked like every girl’s dream date. (If one had to stay home for said date.) There was a guilty pleasure on the television, milk chocolate fig truffles, pizza, and ambrosia wine all served up by the hottest male in existence that enjoyed each guilty pleasure in turn himself.
It wasn’t fair. She’d repeated that to herself so many times Abstinence was sure the next step would be to hold her breath and kick her feet. That had the same effect on the situation as complaining it wasn’t fair. Abstinence turned to study him again while he was watching the screen.
He’d sat on the opposite end of the futon, but his massive body took up more than half. He was huge by any standard. Abstinence could feel the heat from his body without even touching him.
She hadn’t expected him to look so good. All of the legends had painted him past middle-aged with long, white hair. Nothing could be further from the truth. He looked like a man in his prime. Although, she’d noticed he’d aged oddly in these few days. When she’d first met him, he’d been so young, like a college frat boy. Now he looked like he had a few lines around his eyes and damn him, it just made him sexier.
“Are you going to take a bite of this truffle, or do I have to eat it all by myself?”
“Definitely all by yourself.” She nodded emphatically.
“Just a bite. It’s so good. If you don’t eat the whole thing—,”
“It’s abstaining,” she finished for him with a shake of her head. “But when is it indulging?”
He looked serious for a moment. “I don’t know.”
“Exactly.”
“It won’t hurt…”
“But it will, Zeus. It will kill me. Is that what you want?”
“No.” He hung his head like a child who’d been denied a lolly. Then he perked. “Do you trust me?”
“Hell no.”
“That wasn’t the right answer.” He looked as if he’d actually expected a different answer.
“Then ask another question.”
“What if I could promise you nothing would happen to you if you indulge only with me?”
“Wish in one hand and shi—,” she started.
She was cut off by his kiss.
He hadn’t even gotten his arm around her, like Hera had warned, and she was already fucked. Fucked face down like an ugly whore because he tasted of milk chocolate and figs. Abstinence wanted to fight him—she did, but there was something about him, like a spider that injected his prey with venom, but instead of fangs it was his kiss. It paralyzed her and she had no doubt he was going to consume her exactly as such a predator would.
But it was okay, because his venom was sweet like chocolate and figs. Her logical mind knew she was dying, knew she had to fight to keep her sister and her nieces safe, they were at the forefront of her awareness, but her pleasure centers were on overload and she melted into liquid ecstasy. It was like drowning.
The world faded and all she knew was his mouth and his hands. Her breath faded too and soon she was breathing only him, his scent and the life he gave her from his own body. Awareness slipped from her like a silken gown and pooled somewhere in the darkness that waited to welcome her with open arms.
His strong hand kneaded her breast and she was vaguely aware when he pulled her into his lap to straddle him. Sweet bliss slammed into her again and it knocked the tenuous hold of existence out of her grasp.
Zeus was a ti
de that pulled her out to the deep waters of a shoreless sea where she’d drift until it swallowed her whole—there were stars exploding in her veins and the veil of the eternal dark had fallen over her eyes.
“Abstinence!” His voice shattered the silence that had been screaming in her ears as her heart thudded to a halt.
That shoreless sea wasn’t water at all, but the pools of his eyes. They were trained on her with concern as her vision returned to her in pixels of gray and blue. His hand slid down her spine to steady her and she swayed.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t…” he said helplessly.
Abstinence couldn’t say he didn’t know, because he did. She’d told him. One more than one occasion. He was going to kill her to get what she wanted and it wasn’t the death that Abstinence feared, but it was what it would do to her family. She couldn’t fight him, not when he had power like that.
Tears gathered and slipped down her face. Abstinence didn’t know if it was from the pleasure he’d given her or the fact even though her life and those of those she loved depended on her denial, she wouldn’t be able to refuse him.
“You didn’t what? Know? I told you.”
“I didn’t believe you, Abstinence. I’m sorry.” He was stricken.
“Please let go of me.” She couldn’t tolerate his hands on her another moment, but she wasn’t sure if she could stand on her own.
“You’ll fall on your face, Abi.” He clucked like a mother hen, a mannerism not at home on the King of the Gods. “I did this. Let me try to make it right.”
“You can make it right by leaving. You want me to trust you and then you do this? You could have killed me.”
“I don’t want to leave,” Zeus said, as if he were surprised by it himself.
“Then you’ve decided?” Abstinence tried to keep the tremor out of her voice. She’d seen what his wrath had wrought on the world. Her death wouldn’t matter to him, or anyone else, only to the next woman who had to bear Abstinence.
A cold gust of wind blew the door to her temple open with such force the handle was imbedded into the wall. The sharp sound startled them both and they turned to see an unwelcome visitor. Death, in his pale glory, had come to call.
Abstinence instinctively knew he was the twilight of all things, this man who stood with a kind smile on his face. She could see the depths of eternity in his eyes, they were bright with the swirling mist of souls, alternately like darkest midnight and then threaded with the purples and oranges of the dawn.
Hera had said all the gods were golden but Hades. This one wasn’t either, he was pale, his skin blue-veined ice and his lashes were like snowflakes. He was unmistakably male, but beautiful and terrible like she’d always imagined the elemental gods to be.
He held out his hand to her, the dark blue of his nail beds strangely comforting to her. Abstinence reached out to take his hand as if in a trance and Zeus snatched her hand away. “Stop that.”
“I have to go,” she whispered.
“What did you do, Zeus, that I’ve been called to do my job here on Olympus?” Death demanded in a voice that brooked no argument or deflection.
“I…” he trailed off.
“Zeus!” he demanded again, but this time when he spoke, the wine on the table turned a brackish color, the fig truffles wasted away and the very walls of the temple shook, for Death would eventually own all things.
“I kissed her,” he replied softly.
“And she must pay the price for your lust with the light in her eyes?”
“I’m the King of Gods, damn it.”
Death continued to hold out his hand for Abstinence. “Regardless of who you are, you’ve brought her time about.”
“No.”
Death sighed. “Don’t make this more difficult than it must be. Can’t you see she’s afraid? You’ve done this to her, don’t make it worse.”
“I’m…” Zeus looked to be searching for the word. “Sorry.”
“I know,” Death returned quietly. “So does she.”
“No, you don’t understand. I. Am. Sorry. I feel it here,” he said and splayed his hand on his stomach.
“Sorry doesn’t erase the fact you took what she had.”
“Can I give it back?”
Death sighed and frost covered the windows. “Yes, but it will hurt.”
“Nothing could hurt more than this… regret. How do mortals stand it? It’s like food poisoning.” Zeus still looked startled.
“Yes, my King. Regret is a poison.” Death nodded.
Abstinence had stood on her own and moved like a wraith toward Death. She felt so light, as if she floated. When she’d been lost to the pleasure and the sensation, it felt like two forces bearing down on her and lifting her simultaneously. This was simply as if she’d become a part of the air.
“Don’t be frightened, Merry. It doesn’t hurt. There is no sorrow or pain. Only this.”
“As your King, I command you to go and leave this goddess,” Zeus stood, his voice also shaking the temple walls.
“You are the King of Gods, Zeus. But no being has power over Death, but Fate.”
“Then choose. Choose to leave her with me.”
“Why should I, Zeus? What have you done for me or any other being that I should risk the consequences of denying my purpose?”
“Because it’s not her fault. It’s mine. She doesn’t deserve to pay for my actions.”
“My actions were my own,” Abstinence said as she found her voice. “Those who don’t deserve to pay are those who will bear the mantle of Abstinence after I’ve gone.”
“A deal with Death does not come easy,” he warned. “Every day I see love for fellow beings burn in the hearts of those who would trade themselves to spare others and I do not make these bargains. Why should I make yours?”
Zeus looked defeated. “I don’t know.”
Death smiled. “That’s the right answer. I’ll do this for you. This one time, but there are conditions.”
Zeus scowled. “I figured. What are they?”
“You give back what you took.”
“As soon as I figure out how.”
“The same way you took it,” Death explained as if Zeus were a schoolboy asking how to return a piece of candy he’d stolen.
“What are you talking about?” She still wasn’t sure what he’d taken. At first, she thought he’d been talking about the fey idea of her life, but it seemed to be they were talking about something more tangible he’d taken from her; something physical he could put in his hand and walk away with.
“Later, Abi.” He brushed her off as if this conversation had nothing to do with her. “What’s the second?”
“You owe me.”
“I know that too, Thanatos.”
“No, Zeus. You owe me. A boon. And when I ask for it, no matter what it is, you must grant it. Swear it on your godhood.” Death looked pleased with himself.
“I don’t swear anything on my godhood. What if it’s something I can’t grant?”
“No, what you mean is, what if it’s something you won’t grant, something you’re not willing to sacrifice. And my answer to that is tough shit.”
Death’s aura of power was thinning—Abstinence could tell he hadn’t lost anything, but he’d pulled his strength back inside of him and while he was still all of the things he’d appeared when she’d first seen him, he wasn’t as horrible. He was a person—more real—than the dark ideal of his office.
She found it funny. Abstinence had thought something was more real than death. It didn’t get much more real or in your face than the end of all things. She giggled.
“I don’t see why you’re laughing.” Zeus’ face was dark as a thundercloud.
Abstinence found this even funnier. He’d been so nonchalant about the whole thing, it was only her existence. He’d wanted to play and laugh and now, he was serious as… well… death. She laughed some more.
“Laugh or cry,” Thanatos shrugged.
“Stop it, Abi.
You could have died.”
What did he care? Had someone just miracled him a soul? He’d come to her house with every intention of seducing her, knowing what it would do to her. Then when it happened, he was upset about it. Maybe it was because he’d only gotten a kiss and not the whole enchilada.
“You knew I could have died when you came over and decided to tempt me with wine and chocolate.”
“I said I was sorry.”
“Yeah, sure. You’re sorry. My nieces or my sister would have been doomed to this loveless, pleasureless, misery and you’re sorry.”
“I’d love to leave you two to battle this out, but I need my answer, Zeus. Yes or no. It’s up to you.”
“You don’t need his answer, Death. I’ll go with you. I don’t want anything from him.”
“What about your family?” Thanatos asked.
“Ah, you need something from this too.” Abstinence was disappointed. For a second, she’d thought Death was different.
“I do, but I’m asking because I agreed to make this deal because of your selflessness.”
She sagged, although she was relieved to see her instincts had been correct. “If Abstinence passes to them, I know my sister wouldn’t last a day. Is there a goddess of excess? She’d be prime to fill that role. Living as Abstinence would do her in and she wouldn’t suffer long. Neither would my nieces.”
“So, Zeus. Do I take her?”
“It’s actually not up to him, Death. If Fate says I’m to go, I’ll go,” Abstinence answered for him.
“There are things at work here bigger than any of us. So yes, this does hinge on what the god-king has to say.” His eyes flashed and she fell into a dark future where not just her family suffered, but the whole of the world was draped in misery.
“I don’t understand,” Zeus said.
“You aren’t meant to. Not yet.”
“Then yes.”
“Yes, what, my King?” Thanatos prodded.
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