“That was only my first demand, Zeus.”
“Double damn. What’s the second?”
“Who cares? You wouldn’t agree to the first one, so why bother?”
“Fine, I agree. You’ve got me over a barrel. I guess I’m lucky you didn’t ask for something bigger. I’m ready, what’s the second thing.”
“You go from my temple right now and you never come back.”
“What?”
“Do you want your freedom or not? I didn’t say any of these were negotiable. They’re not.”
“What about explainable?”
“No.”
“Why not?” He was obviously displeased with her answer, but he was displeased about everything that related to the situation.
“Because I just said they weren’t explainable.” It was like arguing with a child, or a brick wall that knew how to ask why.
“Why aren’t they explainable?” he asked again, as if she were the one who didn’t understand the question instead of it being him who didn’t understand the answer.
“If I went into that, I’d have to go into the reasons I don’t want to explain. So, take it or leave it, Zeus.”
“I’ll leave it.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“Nope. I want to know why more than I want any of those other things right now.”
“Why?” she asked tiredly.
“Well, Abilicious, then I’d have to go into reasons I don’t want to explain.”
Professional cocksucker. Asshole. Bastard.
“Sucks, doesn’t it?” he quipped.
Now he thought he had the upper hand? Oh no, not by a long shot. She could always take all of her toys and go home. Not this home, but a new home. The great thing about being Abstinence was that she didn’t have a bunch of stuff to move. She could take herself and go whenever she felt like it. Property value be damned.
“It doesn’t have to. I’ll miss Hera, but I can move.”
The curtain jerked open and Zeus stepped out of the shower in all of his round glory, water sluicing off his body and making a great mess on her floor.
“You don’t make any sense, Abi. First, you want to help me, you say this is all to help me and now you can’t get far enough away from me, but you still offer to feed me with your energy. I don’t understand. Make me understand.”
She pushed her fingers through her hair in an exasperated motion. “If you don’t understand, I can’t explain it to you.”
“You mean you won’t explain it to me.”
“No, this really is something that if you don’t get, you just don’t and no one can explain it to you. You’re dangerous to me, Zeus.”
“Why? I promised not to kiss you again.” He looked genuinely confused.
“Because, you great ass, I want you to kiss me.”
“Oh.”
“And I think I can have sexual relations if I’m in love, but I don’t want to love you. You’re a bastard. I’m not one of those chicks who are into the fixer-upper types. I don’t even usually like the bad boys and for all your blond goodness, football player shoulders and GQ looks, you’re bad to the core.”
“You must not have thought I was all bad if you decided I was worth all of this lesson learning.”
“That’s just it, Zeus. You’re not ready to learn these lessons.”
“I want to be.”
“You are so full of Kraken crap, Zeus. It’s another line to get into another pair of knickers.”
“What if I swore on my godhood not to touch you that way?”
She snorted. “That would suck, as you so eloquently put it.”
“What about if I swore not to touch another female as long as you’ll have me?”
Abstinence narrowed her eyes. “What about other males? Hera told me about your “special massages”.” She made finger quotes in the air.
“Abi, I have to eat.”
“Yeah, you’re like an addict, only you’re addicted to your food. I have enough on my plate to deal with.”
He couldn’t meet her eyes any longer. “Don’t leave me, Abi.”
“Co-dependant much?” She realized how harsh it sounded after she’d spoken and Abstinence didn’t mean to be cruel, she didn’t want to hurt him, but she’d been mistaken to think any sort of interaction with Zeus could be anything but bad for her health.
Sure, he’d shown some moments where it looked like redemption was on the horizon, but she couldn’t spend her existence waiting for a moment that might never come. It would be bad for both of them.
“Label me with whatever you want. It doesn’t change the fact that you’re the only one who’s ever thought I was worth this. And you know what? It feels… I don’t know how to explain it, but I don’t want it to stop.”
“You don’t want. You do want. You need. What about me, Zeus?”
“I don’t know. I figured you got something out of it to keep doing it.”
She sighed heavily. “I don’t. All I’m going to get is pain.”
“Please, Abi. Don’t give up on me. I’ll bear your curse or blessing; just don’t take yourself away from me.
Zeus, the King of the Gods, fell to his knees naked and vulnerable before the fledgling goddess and begged her to stay.
She closed her eyes against the onslaught of emotion rising inside of her. If anything was gluttony, this surely was. His need for her was intoxicating.
“Zeus, promise me about Hera and Hades and I’ll stay.” What happened to go away and leave me alone? You idiot.
“Whatever you want, Abi. I promise.”
“Get back in the shower. You’re naked,” she said and tried to break the tension.
“You’ll be here when I get out, right?”
“I said I would. I won’t leave.” Why had she agreed to this? It was madness, pure and simple. Abstinence was sure she’d regret it. Especially when he spoke again.
“You won’t regret this, Abi. I swear it.”
Of course she would. In her experience, whenever a person promised you wouldn’t regret something you’d agreed to against your better judgment, the explosion of the crash and burn was always nuclear.
22
PERSEPHONE
P ersephone hadn’t seen hide or hair of any of the people who were supposed to be her support system. Her mother was uncharacteristically absent and at first, Persephone had been thrilled. She didn’t know what had changed, but the fact Demeter was leaving her to her own devices had her jazzed. Until she needed some motherly guidance and she was nowhere to be found.
Eros wasn’t answering his phone either, so she assumed they were together and she couldn’t begrudge either of them spending all their time together. They’d both been alone for so long and Eros had loved her mother since she could remember him speaking of such things.
Thanatos wasn’t answering his phone and neither was Hades. Was it a conspiracy to take away everyone who meant something to her?
She already knew why Hades was pissed and she knew she deserved it. But Thanatos? Persephone still didn’t know what she’d done to make him so angry. She thought she’d been doing what he wanted when she’d offered him her virginity, but he didn’t want it.
Why did no one want it? Was there something wrong with her? Persephone had always been told she was beautiful, but maybe they were wrong. Maybe Hades hadn’t denied himself because of her maidenly fears but because maybe she was malformed somehow?
The thought almost sent her into another round of tears. No, Thanatos had seemed to want her, but it stung he’d rather jerk off than be with her in that way. It was almost as if he was afraid of her.
But from what Eros has told her, it was the females who had such fears and fell in love from intimate contact, not males.
Persephone decided she wanted an answer. Thought she deserved one, really. It was rude to appear in a goddess’s bedchamber and then leave. It was her understanding that the “wham and bam” came with a “thank you, ma’am.”
/> She hadn’t gotten the bam, so it stood to reason she wasn’t due for the thank you either.
And Persephone wasn’t going to stand for it. He’d made her cry.
Bullshit.
Persephone was determined to go see him and find out why exactly he wasn’t answering his phone. If he didn’t want to talk to her, well, too bad. He’d promised to help her and he was going to follow through whether he liked it or not. It was said among the mortals that one couldn’t cheat Death. Well, Death was cheating her and that was unacceptable.
She wasn’t going to teleport though because she had no idea what she was going to say. Maybe if she took the long way and walked she’d be able to think of something between her temple and his.
Or Nyx’s. He stayed there when he was on Olympus. Since his mother was a titan, he governed death not only for the Greek Pantheon but for all of the others as well. It was like Death was a Fortune 500 company and Thanatos was the CEO. He had a board of directors who assisted him and only the really big events required Thanatos in person. The death of a god, for instance. She didn’t know why she’d thought of that—feeling morbid she supposed.
Persephone wandered down Ambrosia Lane and the grass grew bright where she walked, the plants perked as if her face were the sun and her breath the rain. She walked slowly so her power touched each and every bloom or vine that reached for it. That gave her a sense of accomplishment. She couldn’t bring the Elysian Fields to full bloom on her own like her mother could, but these little bits of nurturing she could share made her happy.
She smiled as she blew a kiss to the ivy that covered the alley wall of Pomegranate Pizza and the Cyclops inside waved to her. They were very kind; she didn’t know why they had such a bad reputation. Probably all the human eating they’d done in the early days before they’d been taught better.
Persephone could see Death’s pale horse from all the way down the Lane. She still didn’t know what she was going to say to him. Maybe just showing up would be enough. She’d show and he’d talk.
The reality of it was more like she’d show and not talk and neither would he. They’d just breathe at each other like a couple of dorks who were too afraid to speak to each other. Which was stupid, Persephone had known Thanatos for all of her life and she’d called him a friend as long as she could remember.
That’s what she was going to tell him! He’d said he didn’t want to take her virginity because she should love the person she was with. Well, she did love Thanatos because he was her friend. Even though she had limited personal experience, she’d seen firsthand that friends always stayed longer than lovers. What better than to have her first time be with someone who was her friend?
It made perfect sense to Persephone.
A feminine laugh startled her from her reverie and she looked over her shoulder to see Hera and… no. It couldn’t be.
But it was. Hades, in all of his dark splendor and he had his arm around Hera. Persephone’s brain immediately jumped to all of the reasons he could have his arm around her, why she’d be looking up at him with stars in her eyes and her heart on her lips.
Persephone couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t walk, she couldn’t be. The candle of her existence flickered as Hades bent down and kissed Hera with all of the passion he’d held in check when he’d been with Persephone. Hera consumed it eagerly, she was like a fire and his mouth was only kindling.
It was no comfort he didn’t love Hera, that his heart had been torn from his chest. It would have been easier to take had he loved her—then Persephone’s pain would have had a purpose. This was for nothing. Her love, her plans, everything she’d dreamed about was nothing.
She imagined now she knew what he’d felt the day he’d let her go. Nothing could hurt more than this; it was as if her soul was on fire and burning to ash while it was still in her body. Persephone understood how this pain could drive someone to fall into the merciful darkness of oblivion.
Persephone wanted to howl her pain, to scream into the endless sea of the heavens and she didn’t want to be in her own skin. If she could have torn it from her bones, she would have. It was sheer agony watching them, but she couldn’t look away.
The tears burned down her cheeks like acid and she didn’t think anything would ever be as horrible. Until Hades paused and put a hand on Hera’s back to still her and he looked up into her gaze where her anguish was bare for him to see.
It was the pity etched on his face that almost did her in. He didn’t love Hera, but he didn’t love Persephone anymore either. His pity was a sad, faded memory of what his love could have been.
And Hera.
How she wanted to hate her. The need to hate scorched her, but she couldn’t summon the emotion itself. Because there was no pity on Hera’s face, yet she was sorry for Persephone’s pain. Hera had her own demons.
It would be easier if she could hate her, then there’d be a focus, a bullseye for all the despair and pain she felt; someone to blame other than herself.
Hera let go of Hades, almost as if she were nudging him to go to Persephone. Her feet were frozen to the spot, literally. Ice had formed around her feet, it crawled up her legs and swept over her arms and the tears that fell from her eyes became snowflakes. They dusted her lashes, her cheeks and fell softly on her bottom lip. It was now winter in her heart.
“Persephone,” he spoke.
“No,” she begged.
“You’re free, why are you upset? Tell me,” he asked kindly as if she were a child.
His kindly concern seemed almost fatherly and it made her sick to her stomach. She wanted to vomit her pain all over him, to make him feel something other than whatever this was. “I didn’t want to be free,” she managed.
“You’ll see, Persephone. In time, you’ll understand and thank me for it. I don’t understand this, though. I thought you were with Thanatos.”
She didn’t want to admit she’d only done it to make him jealous, a stupid little game by a stupid little godling. Persephone wondered if her heart was going to crack right out of her chest.
“Oh,” he said quietly, as if he knew exactly what she’d done. “You’re going to make yourself sick, little one. You have to stop this.”
He gathered her against him in a tender hug that was all the more brutal for its softness. Being pressed into his arms, she remembered his kiss, the scent of Bay and Sandalwood washed over her. His sheets smelled the same way.
Now they smelled like Hera. A goddess who’d given him her body completely, a goddess who wasn’t afraid to take what she wanted and leave silly little Persephone out in the cold all alone.
“I’m not worth this, Persephone. It was never right between us. Centuries you held your body away from me. Think about this when you’ve calmed down. Right now, you want me because I’m familiar and your world has shifted.”
“You don’t know anything about what I want!” she cried.
Persephone’s pride demanded she tell him to let go of her, but she couldn’t bear to say the words because it meant he’d never hold her again. That’s what he was saying. She clung to him desperately and dug her nails into his back as if that would anchor him there with her.
“Gods, please, Hades. Don’t do this to me. Please, please don’t…”
“Persephone,” he sounded shocked. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You already have and it’s okay. I did it to you for centuries.”
“Everyone on the Lane can see you, little one. You need to stop this and let go,” he said firmly.
“Never,” Persephone swore. Letting go of him now was akin to letting go of him in all other aspects too and she wouldn’t do it.
He gently pried himself away from her and that was when a frigid wind blew across them both and chilled Persephone to the bone.
“You’re turning into your mother,” Hades warned.
“It wasn’t me,” she sniffed.
“No, it wasn’t Perserphone.” Thanatos said as he materialized. The cold radia
ted from him like he was made of ice and his black trench coat billowed out behind him like raven’s wings. His dark sunglasses were down over his eyes and there was a radiance to him that wasn’t bright, it was almost like anti-light. His knee-high cyberpunk boots weren’t even touching the lane. He drifted in shadow and the chilled dark.
Persephone knew if he were to raise those glasses she’d see the end of all things in his eyes. She shivered, but didn’t move closer to Hades. She felt like a mouse caught in the gaze of a cobra, she was drawn to Thanatos then. If he held out his hand to her, she would have taken it.
All of that icy numbness that radiated from him filled her hollow places and the fountain of pain she’d felt slowed to the trickle of a half-thawed creek in early spring. She wondered if in that moment, his touch would freeze her solid and the idea appealed to her.
Hera joined the gathering. “What’s going on?” She put a proprietary hand on Hades and Persephone’s ice cracked.
“Persephone would rather die than be without you, Hades.”
“You’re here to take her?” Hera cried.
“Yes,” he stated as if his answer didn’t matter.
“This is ridiculous,” Hades snapped.
“No more ridiculous than you tearing your heart out of your chest,” Thanatos answered.
“This is a tantrum by a spoiled godling who didn’t get what she wanted,” he returned sharply.
“Gently,” Hera growled at him.
“Hades, let her come back to you. Or she’s going to die,” Thanatos said, ever stoic.
“I don’t—,”
Thanatos pushed the glasses up on the crown of his head so Hades could see into the long, dark gaze of Death. “For me.”
“Of course he will,” Hera said before Hades could answer.
The blue electric snap of his power crackled and Hera slapped his arm. “Don’t raise your power to me, Hades. You don’t have a heart, so you can’t be trusted to make the right choice here. Deal with it.”
“As my Queen demands,” he drawled.
“Damn right,” Hera shot back.
This played out in front of Persephone as if she were watching a play instead of living her life. She was numb and cold throughout. She found it ironic and humiliating at the same time it was Hera who’d stood up for her, Hera who had no problem with her going back to Hades. She was so confident in herself and what she had with him that Persephone’s presence didn’t matter.
Ambrosia Lane 1-3: Saranna DeWylde Page 20