by Lois Richer
“No!” He touched her arm, his eyes hard. “When they find the source, I want the evidence. Just put everything back where it belongs and go to bed. I’m sending Glynis Barnes to stay with you tonight. You remember her?”
“Of course.” The presence of the quiet police officer who’d stayed when this ugliness first began brought a wave of relief. Kelly felt the tears well up and had to swallow hard. “Thank you, Zach. I’m sorry I’m weepy. It’s all been a little bit much, I guess.”
He slung an arm around her shoulder, hugged her. “That’s an understatement if I ever heard of it. I’m amazed you’ve been so strong.” Zach glanced at Ross. “This woman is one of the most courageous I’ve ever seen.”
Kelly saw Ross nod. “I know it,” he whispered, his gaze resting on her.
“You need me for anything, anything at all, you call. Anytime. No excuses. The three of us are going to figure out what’s going on and we’re going to put a stop to it.”
“Yes.” She was beginning to feel better. “A man is coming to change the locks tomorrow morning. He was supposed to come earlier, but—”
“Have you thought about having a security system installed?” Zach frowned when she shook her head. “They’re not impervious to breakins but they sure slow the perps down.”
“Okay, I’ll look into that tomorrow. Thanks.”
“You take care of yourself.” Zach left shortly after, promising that Glynis would be over within the hour. Until then he ordered Ross to stay.
“You don’t have to stay,” Kelly said when he’d left. “I’ll be fine.”
“You think I’m disobeying him?” Ross shook his head, eyes dancing. “I’m not that dumb.”
“Well then, let’s go sit down by the fire while we wait for Glynis.” Once they were seated across from each other, Kelly began to feel the impact of the night. She had trouble swallowing her tears. “I just can’t believe someone would put arsenic in my food.”
“There are all kinds of kooks in the world, believe me. I’ve seen it.”
“You always get that look in your eyes when you talk about your past,” she said quietly, watching him. “Is it so hard for you to let go of it?”
He blinked as if he were surprised she’d figured that out. “I guess it is.”
“Why?”
He shrugged, looked away. “Regrets, I suppose. Things I should have done and didn’t.”
“Like what?” There was something hidden under that facade of capability and Kelly had a feeling she was getting closer to understanding how it affected Ross even today. “You were a cop, you did your job, what more could you do?”
“Stayed there, kept trying.”
The despair in his words made her sit up straight.
“Ross, you said—or at least hinted—that you were burned out. How could you do anyone any good in that condition? You had to get away to preserve your own peace of mind.”
“What about the kids that are still there, still getting sucked into the misery of that place? Who’s going to help them?” He shook his head, his jaw hardened. “I hated the waste and stench of evil that clung to those streets, but I knew them better than most of the guys. Maybe I could have done something more, helped one more kid.”
“At the risk of losing yourself?” Kelly moved to sit beside him, took his hand. “Second-guessing yourself is a sure way to go crazy and believe me, I do know whereof I speak. In that moment, at that time, you were maxed out. You had to get away for the sake of self-preservation. No one blames you for that. Besides, no matter how hard you tried, you could never save them all.”
“No.” His fingers threaded through hers. “But what I do now—sometimes it seems pointless. Telling some poor woman her husband is cheating on her—what kind of a job is that?”
“Then why do you do it?” she asked, loving the feel of his strong fingers around hers.
“Because I don’t have to get involved. I can follow the guy, take pictures, record who he sees and when, but it doesn’t involve me.” He turned his head, stared at her. “I’m running away.” His eyes went wide with surprise.
“Sometimes you have to,” Kelly agreed. “I tried to do it when you told me Sandra was my mother. I pushed the knowledge away as hard as I could.”
“Why? She’s a nice person.”
“It wasn’t about her, it was about me. I hate disorder, I hate not having all the ends neatly tied up. Not knowing what to expect drives me nuts.” She slid her feet out of her slippers, lifted them to the sofa and snuggled her toes between the chenille cushions.
“Comfortable?” Ross teased, then he lifted his arm and wrapped it around her shoulders, drawing her against his side.
“Now I am. Thanks.” Kelly glanced at him, smiled. “You’re a good friend.”
She saw the surprise flare in his eyes and changed topics quickly.
“I was talking to Sandra about it and she said that my need for control really means I don’t trust God. I’ve been thinking about that. Maybe she’s right.”
“Well that doesn’t apply to me,” he murmured, his breath feathering over her hair. “God had nothing to do with my decision.”
“How do you know? Maybe He wanted you to get away, to take a second look at your life, to do something different. Maybe it was God that sent you to help Sandra find me.”
“God?” He sounded skeptical.
“He’s not just judgment and condemnation, Ross. He lovingly created us, we’re His children. He wants us to include Him in our daily lives.”
“Why would God care about me?” he asked in disbelief.
“Because He loves you. He wants to see you succeed, to press ahead to the things He’s planned. He wants to teach you. That’s what I didn’t understand.” She cleared her throat, tried to clarify her thoughts. “I was so afraid that I almost missed my opportunity.”
“You’re saying that you’re ready to accept Sandra as your mother?”
“I’m ready to get to know her. Thinking of her as my mother is difficult because it feels like I’m trying to replace the mother I had. Sandra told me she doesn’t want that. She helped me realize that ours is a completely new relationship, it has nothing to do with my past.”
“That’s good.”
“Yes, it is. But the same thing applies to you. You saw the misery, the problems, the death and drugs. Maybe what you have to do now is figure out how you can use that to help other kids.”
“I don’t think I can go back there, Kelly.”
“Maybe not today, maybe not next week. But I think you will someday, and I think you’ll say, ‘This is where I tried to do some good. Sometimes I helped, sometimes I didn’t. But I didn’t give up, I moved on.’”
Ross was silent for several moments, then his fingers tightened against her shoulder. “Do you have faith in everybody you meet?” he asked brusquely, staring down at her.
Kelly returned his scrutiny, kept her voice soft. “I have faith in you, Ross. I believe that you have what it takes to make a difference. Don’t stop asking God questions. He has the answers, He wants you to hear them. It just might take a while to learn how to trust Him.”
He reached up to touch her cheek with his other hand. “Thanks for believing in me.”
“My pleasure.” An electric current sent tiny darts of delight from his palm to her cheek. They lit up a path of joy all through her body. “I’d like to be your friend, Ross.”
“Sweet Kelly.” He bent his head. “I think I’m interested in more than friendship,” he whispered a second before his lips touched hers.
Kelly leaned into his kiss, delighting in the way he made her heart race. Her hands lifted to touch his face, to draw him closer, trying to shut out the ringing.
“It’s the doorbell,” Ross murmured as he drew away. “Glynis must be here.”
“Her timing stinks,” Kelly muttered as she lifted her legs off the sofa and felt with her toes for her slippers. She glanced at Ross, saw his shoulders shaking with laughter.
“Hush.” She bumped him with her shoulder, smiling as she walked beside him to the door. Sometimes life was funny.
“Hi, Glynis. Come on in.” They chatted for a few minutes, then Glynis asked if she could put her things in a bedroom. Kelly pointed to the stairs, told her which room and Glynis disappeared.
“It’s late. I’d better go.” Ross grabbed his jacket, shrugged into it. “You’ll be all right with her here?”
“Yes. Thank you.” She stood in place, peering up at him. “Ross, please think about what I’ve said. I know it’s hard to understand why things happen the way they do, but the only person who can truly answer your questions is God. If you keep asking Him for answers, I know you’ll find them.”
“It’s that important to you?”
“No.” She shook her head, stood on tiptoe and brushed her lips against his cheek. “It’s that important to you,” she whispered, then took a step back before things could go any further. “Good night.”
He stared at her for several moments, then nodded and pulled open the door. “Lock this,” he ordered.
“I will.” She watched him walk toward his car, waited till he’d climbed inside and driven away before she closed the door, locked it, then slid the dead bolt home just to be sure.
“Everything okay?” Glynis stood at the top of the stairs.
“Everything’s locked up,” Kelly told her quietly.
She didn’t know if everything would ever be okay again.
The banging woke her.
Kelly forced her eyelids up, stared at the clock. 8:10. She’d slept in and then some. A rap on her bedroom door scared her until she remembered Glynis had stayed overnight.
“Coming,” she called, dragging a housecoat over her gown. She opened the door. “Who is banging?”
“It’s the front door. That P.I. that was here last night won’t let up. I didn’t want to allow him in without asking you.”
“Ross?” Kelly raced down the stairs. “For Ross to make a noise like that something has to be wrong.” She unbolted the door, yanked it open. “What’s wrong?”
“Sandra. Someone attacked her last night.”
“Oh, no!” She stepped back as he moved inside, shocked by his haggard face and the words he’d just said. “Is she all right?”
“Don’t know yet. I found her about an hour ago. She was still unconscious when I left the hospital. I thought you’d like to know.”
“I want to see her.” The words burst out of her without conscious thought. Kelly looked at him. “Can you take me? My car’s not back yet.”
“That’s why I’m here. I brought this.” He held out two cardboard cups, megasize, which sent the fragrant aroma of coffee straight to her nose. “One’s for Glynis.”
“Thanks for the thought but I don’t drink coffee.” Glynis stood on the bottom step, her blue uniform shirt untucked, her hair mussed. It was the worst dressed that Kelly had ever seen the officer. “You go ahead and have it, Mr. Van Zandt.”
“Okay, I will. Thanks.” He glanced at Kelly. “You going like that?”
“No.” She lifted the lid, took a sip, then set the cup down on the hall table. “I’ll change. Give me five minutes.”
Kelly dragged on a pair of jeans and a sweater, brushed her hair as smooth as she could get it after washing her face. She spared a minute to phone Tiny Blessings and tell them she wouldn’t be in till later, then hurried down the stairs. Glynis was waiting.
“I’ve contacted Zach. He asked me to stay here until further notice. Is that all right with you?”
“Of course. Make yourself at home.” Kelly blinked as the memory of last night returned. “But the food—what will you have for breakfast?”
“My partner is bringing something over. Don’t worry about me.”
“Thanks for doing this.” Kelly dragged her boots out of the closet and pulled them on, snatched her jacket from a hanger and looked at Ross. “I’m ready.”
He said nothing, merely held the door open, then followed her out.
Kelly’s heart ached for the silent, taciturn man seated beside her. In the short time he’d been in Chestnut Grove, Sandra had become his closest friend. He’d said she was the mother he never had.
“How bad is she?”
“Coma. It looked like someone had broken into her place, hit her with something.”
“Wouldn’t she have heard them?” Kelly couldn’t imagine tiny little Sandra trying to defend herself against an attacker.
“She takes pills sometimes, to help her sleep. If she had one of those in her system…” He let the sentence trail away. “What I don’t understand is why? There’s been some crime in the area, sure, but petty stuff. No assaults.” He glanced at her sideways. “Suddenly the two women I know are victims.”
“It’s not your fault. Sometimes things happen. We just have to believe it will work out.” It sounded too pat. Kelly was having trouble believing that herself.
“Yeah.” Anger simmered under the surface of that one word.
They pulled into the hospital parking lot. The ground was slippery with the mix of sleet and rain that was falling. Kelly stumbled as they walked, then gladly accepted Ross’s outstretched hand as they hurried toward the entrance.
Zach was leaving when they arrived.
“She’s stable but still out,” he said before Ross could ask. “I’m going over to her place now, but from what I’ve been told she was hit from behind with a brass lamp. Lucky they didn’t kill her.”
“Luck didn’t have anything to do with it, Zach,” Kelly corrected.
“No, you’re right. It didn’t. And I know it.” Zach peered into her face. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. I just want to see Sandra. Will they let me?”
“I think so.” He stopped a passing nurse, spoke to her. “Wanda will take you up, Kelly. Ross, can I talk to you for a minute?”
“Sure.” Ross looked down at her, a question in his eyes. “Will you be okay?”
“I’m fine.” She squeezed his hand, then let go. “See you later.”
“I’ll bring you some more coffee and something to eat.”
“Thanks.”
Kelly followed Wanda until she stood in the doorway of Sandra’s room, then her attention focused on the woman lying unconscious in the bed. Her heart lodged in her throat—this woman had given her life, and someone had tried to take hers.
“Why did it happen to her, God?” she whispered as she slid her hand underneath the lifeless fingers. The question reminded her of Ross’s need for answers about his own life experiences.
“Wouldn’t it be easy if we knew all the reasons behind things?” Reverend Fraser stepped out of the shadows and patted Kelly’s shoulder. “But then we wouldn’t have to learn how to trust.”
“Hi, pastor.” She received his hug, sat down on the chair he offered. “I don’t understand what you’re saying. Surely it would be easier to trust if we understood why things happen the way they do.”
“Would it?” He smiled, his eyes twinkling. “What kind of faith would that be, Kelly? Adam and Eve were in the garden, they had everything their hearts could desire and yet still they wanted more. I think humans are like that. A little knowledge isn’t enough. Soon we’d want to be like God, we’d be telling Him how to work it out.”
“You’re teasing me.”
“Maybe just a little,” he chuckled. “But I am serious about the faith issue. We can choose to believe God is still in control even though we don’t understand why things happen. That takes some pretty strong faith, a lot of grit and determination not to be swayed.”
“Yes.”
“Or we can fuss and worry about how He’s going to handle it and what it will do to our plans and schemes and whether or not we’ll be called upon to get out of our comfort zone. But that’s not faith, that’s worry.”
“All well and good,” a voice said, “bu
t surely if God loves His children as much as Kelly tells me, He wouldn’t want one of them hurt.” Ross stood in the doorway, his face masklike. “Sandra is supposed to be one of His.”
“He would never want to see Sandra hurt,” Reverend Fraser stated clearly. “But God didn’t do this to her. People did. People who have a choice, who can decide for themselves whether they’re going to use their lives to make a difference or to bring grief and pain. If God stepped in and stopped them, what good would free will be, Ross?”
“You know who I am?”
“Oh, yes. Sandra had spoken of you often. She loves you like a son, my boy.”
Ross stared at the pale face surrounded by swaths of gauze. “She’s like the mother I never had,” he whispered.
“Then you must know how much she trusts her Lord.” Pastor Fraser waited for Ross to nod. “Can’t you trust Him to do what is best for her?”
“But—” Ross’s voice dropped so low it could barely be heard. “What if she dies?”
“Then she goes to live with God. What could be better than that?” John Fraser waited a few moments before he moved beside the bed, bowed his head and closed his eyes. “Father, I come to You in Jesus’ name to ask You to be with Sandra. Bless her and keep her safe in the palm of Your mighty hand, we pray. Amen.” He smiled at them. “I’ve got to go. I want to make sure everything’s running smoothly at the diner. Sandra would want that.”
“Thank you for thinking of it, pastor.” Kelly took his hand squeezed it. “Will you get the prayer line going?”
“It’s already working, my dear.” He turned from her to Ross. “Think about what I said, young man. And remember, trusting God doesn’t mean that He’ll give you everything you ask for. Trusting Him—real faith in God—means He’s God, not you. You don’t get to tell Him what to do. You have to turn everything over to His control.”
The pastor left quickly, his long stride quickly eating up the distance in a rhythmic tapping that gradually faded down the hall.
Ross watched him leave, his face pensive. Finally he seemed to become aware of Kelly’s scrutiny.
“I almost forgot.” He held out a brown bag and a cup. “Zach asked me to go to Sandra’s right away, see if I’d notice if anything was missing. Can I leave you here for a bit?”