by Sybil Nelson
***
For three days all I saw in my head was Marco's metal shape floating away from me. And there was nothing I could do. Why wasn't I strong enough to save him? Why couldn't I break the tethers on my own so that he didn't have to come out and help me? It was all my fault. Marco was dead and it was all my fault.
"It's not your fault,” my mother said as if she read my mind. She probably did read my mind. I had to keep remembering that she had her powers back. It was going to take some getting used to.
She sat on the edge of my hospital bed and grabbed my hand. I tensed a little. The last time my mother had touched me, she was trying to kill me. I had to remind myself that she was back to normal...well, normal for her.
"It's not your fault, Prissy. You did everything you could. You did your best." She stroked my hair softly.
I turned over and looked at her. "That doesn't make me feel better, Mom. It just lets me know that my best isn't good enough."
My mother had tears in her eyes. "What have I done to you? I've put too much pressure on you. This isn't your fight. You never should have been involved."
She stood up and walked over to the window.
"I'm just glad it's over now,” she said, hugging herself. "We can go back to being a family."
"Where are Dad and the boys and Katya and Tai?” I asked, sitting up in the hospital bed.
"The boys are in Missouri,” she said. "Josh was still pretty incapacitated after using his powers. The doctors never would've been able to figure out what was wrong with him. He's been resting at home since. Tai is back in River's Bend. Katya went to New Zealand for a while to visit with Ian."
I groaned at the sound of his name. I was just happy he was half a world away.
"I understand you and Ian didn't get along too well," she said with a smirk.
I nodded, not wanting to waste my breath explaining what a jerk he'd been since the second I saw his naked butt hiding behind a frying pan.
"Well, he saved your life."
"Whoa. Wait. What?"
"You heard me. If it wasn't for him, you wouldn't be alive. He fished you out of the ocean and then revived you with CPR."
I know I should have been immediately grateful, but my first thought was, ew gross. His lips were actually on mine.
"Um, wow. I guess I should probably thank him or something."
My mother took a deep breath and closed her eyes. For a moment I just focused on her eyeballs dancing around under her lids. What in the world was she doing?
"He says you're welcome,” she said after opening her eyes and exhaling.
I smiled a little inside. My mother had her powers back. At least one thing was back to normal. Well, if you consider someone being able to talk to someone in New Zealand in their mind normal.
I looked down at the needle sticking out of my hand and followed the tube up to a bag hanging over my head." What's that?” I asked.
"Mostly nutrients. You haven't eaten or drunken anything in three days. There are also a few chemicals to neutralize your powers."
I sat up again. "So the doctors here know? Won't they ask too many questions? I thought we had to keep everything a secret. You shouldn't have brought me to a hospital."
She turned and smiled at me. "It's good to have friends in high places, I guess."
"What are you talking about?"
"Elizabeth Gonzalez, the president's daughter. Katya brought back her memories of how you saved her. Her father pulled some strings for us. Let's just say, we're here, but we're not really here if you know what I mean."
My head hurt too much to try to figure out what she was getting at. I just assumed that somehow after I left this hospital no one would ever figure out that I was ever here or that I was any different from any other thirteen-year-old.
"Elizabeth was also able to help us make sure that Colonel Selliwood went away for a long time. He'll never bother us again."
"Wait. They caught him?"
My mother nodded. "When Specimen W came to, he and Tai were able to hack into his private computer system and reveal all the evidence against Selliwood for his past offenses including kidnapping Elizabeth. They even tracked his escape pod and the National Guard caught him off the New England coast. Selliwood faces a sentence of life in prison in a maximum security facility. It's over, sweetie."
Over? It was really over? I had to admit, I was a little upset that I wasn't the one to capture him. I really wanted just one chance to wrap my fingers around his neck and make him beg for mercy. Did that make me evil? I wasn't sure. I just knew that somehow, I still didn't feel complete. Something was missing. Or I guess that something could've been Marco.
I couldn't cry. It was like crying would make me have to accept Marco's death. If I didn't cry and I wasn't sad, then maybe I could convince myself that it wasn't true. If I just kept telling myself that Marco wasn't dead and that he was at the safe house trying to find a puzzle piece that I had hidden from him then maybe it would come true.
"I think we should talk,” my mother said on the flight back to Missouri.
"About what?” I said, crossing my arms. I hadn't said much since I'd woken up from my little coma. I didn't have much to say. I certainly didn't want to talk about what happened at Crang. It just reminded me of Marco. Everything reminded me of him.
"I'm sorry about what I did...to you and to your father,” she said, looking straight ahead into the night.
"I know." And I did know. I knew my mother loved me. I knew she loved my father. And I knew that under normal circumstances, she would not have tried to kill either one of us.
"I just feel so awful about what I did to you and what happened to -"
"Mom!” I said, interrupting her before she brought up Marco. "I don't want to talk about this right now." I didn't think I'd ever be able to talk about it.
Chapter 29: The Worst Superhero Ever
I came home to a hero's welcome. There was a banner hanging in the living room, confetti flying in my face, flowers everywhere, and my dad had even baked a cake.
"You guys didn't have to do all this,” I said when I walked in. Although it did make me feel really good inside that they went through all this trouble. I felt a little like a celebrity in my own home.
"Of course we did,” my dad said sweeping me into a giant bear hug. "We're so proud of you, Prissy."
"Welcome back, Prissy!” Charlie and Chester yelled while attacking my legs with hugs.
My father set me down then looked at my mother. "Quin,” he said with a nod.
"Greg,” she replied.
I looked back and forth between them. What was up with the cold greeting? Usually they were all over each other, especially if my mother was away for a few days because of a mission.
"We have another surprise for you,” my dad said turning his attention back to me.
"Really? What?” Even though I was still depressed about Marco, I was started to get a little excited. I mean who doesn't get happy inside at the mention of a surprise?
My dad stood behind me and covered my eyes. Even on the carpet, I could hear feet moving. Someone was coming into the living room. When my dad moved his hands, Elizabeth Gonzalez stood in front of me.
"Elizabeth!” I yelled.
"Priss!” she screamed as we hugged each other.
"It's so good to see you,” I said. That was totally true. A few months ago when I saved her from Selliwood, we only got to hang out for a couple of hours. But in that short time we totally clicked. I knew she was a cool chick.
"Big ditto, Girl. I'm so happy I was able to help your family after you, you know, saved my life and all."
***
"So how are you really doing?" Elizabeth said as we hung out by the swing set in our backyard.
"What do you mean? I'm fine." I sat down in one of the swings and gently rocked back and forth.
Out of the corner of my eye I could see Elizabeth shake her head as she sat next to me.
"Marco's dead," she said
matter-of-factly. "I saw the way you looked at him the day you saved my life. I know you're not fine."
I didn't respond.
We sat in silence for a while as we rocked back and forth and stared at the sunset.
"When I was ten, my uncle died while fighting in Iraq."
I stopped rocking in the swing and stared at her.
"I was devastated," she continued. "I remembered the first Christmas without him. I waited by the window still expecting him to walk up our driveway with a bag of my favorite chocolate candy."
"How did you get over it?" I asked.
She shrugged. "I didn't. You never do. Every day you wake and you figure out a way to make it through. Some days it's easy. Other days you're in the candy aisle of the grocery story bawling over a bag of Rollo’s."
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. I really appreciated how she was trying to make me feel better, but I couldn't help but feel like she didn't really understand. I mean, she wasn't in Iraq when her uncle died. She didn't have the power to save him and yet fail miserably. Her uncle's death wasn't her fault. Marco's death was totally my fault. I was the worst superhero ever.
"I know what you're thinking and it's not your fault."
I snapped my head up and looked at her. "How did you know what I was thinking?" I searched my brain for a second to make sure she wasn't in there. For a moment I thought she had some psychic powers or something.
She smiled a little. "No, I didn't read your mind. It's just written all over your face. You blame yourself for Marco's death and you shouldn't. You've saved so many people. Myself included. You're amazing, Priss. Don't ever forget that."
She stood up and wrapped her arm around me. One of her Secret Service agents took a protective step forward.
"Would you chill?" she called out to him. "I'm just trying to hug her."
I hugged her back and said, "You're pretty amazing yourself." She really had succeeded at making me feel better. I couldn't believe that the actual daughter of the President had traveled all the way to Middle-of-Nowhere, Missouri just to make me feel better. There had to be a way to show her how much I appreciated her help. Then I remembered the last time we were together. She desperately wanted to be a part of "Super kid club" or whatever and to not have her memory erased. There really wasn't a club or anything, but for all she'd done, I figured I could create one for her. So I said. "It was pretty amazing how you were able to get us set up in that military hospital no questions asked. You could be totally useful for us. How about we make you an honorary Super Kid?"
She pulled away. "Really?! Shut-up! Really? No way."
"Yes way."
"Can I have a secret code name too, like La Escondida or La Comandita.?"
"Yeah, sure, whatever you want," I said, trying to keep myself from giggling at her excitement.
"This is so cool. Do you guys have a secret handshake or something?"
"Um, yeah sure," I said, taking her hand and making up a spontaneous series of hand movements. It ended up looking like a cross between throwing gang signs and a sign language version of a bird call. It wasn't that bad though. I'd have to remember to teach it to Tai.
Chapter 30: The Truth About Josh
I was so busy having fun with Elizabeth and making up secrets code names and phrases that I almost didn't notice how Josh hadn't said a word to me all day. I just came out of a three day coma and my own brother hadn't even said 'welcome home' or 'good to see you' or anything. It was strange.
Was he avoiding me? I mean every time I entered a room he'd find an excuse to leave. I thought maybe he was embarrassed that he couldn't help me at Crang. Maybe he felt he should've been the one to get me out of the ocean and revive me. I thought that had to be the reason. But then the next day when Katya came back from New Zealand I figured it all out.
Josh and Katya hugged for like ten minutes straight. He buried his head in her hair and took deep breaths as if he was addicted to nicotine and she was a fresh cigarette.
That's when it hit me. I knew exactly why he was avoiding me. It all made perfect sense now.
I waited until that night before I confronted him. The twins were asleep. Peter, Ryan and Katya were in the safe house. Mom and Dad were in their bedroom arguing. I'll talk about that later.
From the kitchen doorway, I crossed my arms and stared at my older brother. We didn't always agree on things, but we had always been able to understand each other. Whenever we fought we always quickly forgave each other. I didn't know if I could ever forgive him for this.
Josh had gotten into the habit of watching a blank television screen for hours on end. He said it helped clear his head and lead to more visions. I wondered if this was the same place where he got the vision that was about to drive a wedge between us.
"You knew didn't you?” I asked Josh after staring at him for like ten minutes.
"I knew what?” he asked, picking up the remote. I could tell he was nervous the way he pointed the wrong end of it toward the TV.
"Marco. You knew he was going to die on that mission, didn't you?"
Josh gave up on the remote and set it down on the coffee table. He clasped his hands together and stared at his fingers. "Yeah, I knew."
"God, Josh! Why didn't you tell me?” I stomped into the living room and kicked the coffee table breaking it in half. Josh closed his eyes and turned his head.
"I wasn't sure, okay? My visions have been off lately."
"But you could have warned me. Why didn't you say something? Anything. How could you do this to me?"
"What would you have done differently, Priss? Can you honestly say that it would have changed anything?"
"Yes! No! I don't know. But I would have done something differently. There's no way I would have -”
"What? Would you have not gone? Would you have left Mom and Peter and Katya under Selliwood's control?” Josh stood up and towered over me. It was hard to believe that he was so much bigger than me but I would still be able to knock him out cold in a matter of seconds if need be.
"Katya, huh,” I said, crossing my arms and staring up at him. "That's what this is really about, isn't?"
"What are you talking about?"
"You know exactly what I'm talking about." I continued to glare at him. The fire in my eyes burned through him to the truth. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore and he turned away. I was right. He didn't tell me because he was afraid I wouldn't have gone and saved Katya. "Do you know what you've done, Josh? You sacrificed my boyfriend for your girlfriend."
"You know that's not true. Marco was my friend, too. I'm hurting too, you know?"
"You've been manipulating me the whole time. Making me think this was my mission and that I was in charge. You knew what was going to happen the whole time. You probably just wanted me to blame myself for what happened to Marco!"
"Come on, Priss. Calm down. That's not true!"
Josh reached out to hug me but I slapped his hands away.
"You are not my brother. I hate you, Josh,” I said before storming off to my room.
Chapter 31: Another Break up
My father never liked hospitals. He didn't like all the questions they had to ask. What's your name? Where do you live? How did you get that stab wound in your chest? So when Dad rushed Mom to the hospital in the middle of the night a few weeks after Crang, I knew it had to be serious. I new baby Patricia had to be in trouble.
When I found out she died, I put her memorial right next to where I built one for Marco. I visited it every day and left a flower or a poem for them. It was my secret way of dealing with my grief. I thought about making one for Dr. Witherall as well. I mean, technically, he was my grandfather and he had saved me from Colonel Selliwood. But I still couldn't get over all the other things he had done. Not yet anyway. My mother had no idea he was her biological father all this time, though now it made sense why he had refused to kill her on so many occasions. He just couldn't bring himself to harm his own child.
Everyone probably
thought I was the strong super hero I was supposed to be as I hid away all my emotions. Josh and I weren't speaking. The twins were too young to talk to about serious stuff like this. And my parents were going through too many problems of their own to worry about me. I felt so alone.
I hoped my parents would try again and make another baby. I was so used to the idea of having a sister that I couldn't get over the fact that she was gone.
I was being selfish. True, I had lost a sister and it really hurt, but my parents had lost a child. Unfortunately, I also think they lost a piece of each other. They would go days without talking and then when they were forced to say something to each other, it always turned into a fight.